AUTHOR'S NOTE: One-shot, a little tickle from my brain for seekers of non-yaoi Hikaru no Go fanfics though whether everyone will like how this turns out has yet to be decided. Still, a change from the usual is nice, no?
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He's late.
Still, she waits.
Disappointed and a little sad, she sits on a park bench, a small bag of candy perched on her lap, and shivers in the cold. Her breath wafts out on a sigh, twists and curls in the air, but her eyes gaze higher up at the sky, the stars, the moon and reflects upon the shifts and changes of twinkling and glowing lights and thinks how very like they are to the transitions of a human heart. Nature's lights are ever shifting, ever changing, after all.
Feelings and emotions, she thinks, aren't so very different.
A glance at her watch shows only five minutes have passed since the last time she checked. She's been waiting for forty-five minutes total and she came five minutes late.
She thinks now that it's unlikely that he'll come, even though he promised.
No doubt he's forgotten all about her again.
The hurt isn't quite as painful as it once would have been. This has happened too often by now and that it's happening again when it's possibly the most important time, the last time she swore she'd ask, doesn't seem to make much difference to him. And perhaps it's better this way because it cements the decision she's made over many day, weeks, and months of thinking and because having even that faintest of hope that still lingered vanquished with another broken promise means that she can truly, fully move on. There shouldn't be regret because it's the right thing to do and, really, she has only herself to blame for the way everything's turned out.
It's her fault for aiming too high in the first place.
"Hikaru," she sighs.
He's a light that's like the moon that hangs in the sky. He's become too big, too bright, too far away for her to reach. The world he walks in has become too different and she watches him step towards his goal, which only takes him further down a path of adults where he doesn't have to worry as she does about tests and papers and teachers and what high school to choose or what career she wants in the future. And she's proud because all she's ever wanted is for him to be happy and she's glad that he's taken to something when he never has before and she takes joy in his successes and can't begrudge him for finally finding his perfect niche.
She's glad for him but…she's also sad. She hardly sees him anymore except from afar when his picture makes it into the newspaper or a clip of him flashes across the television screen and whatever relationship they'd grown into since they were little children playing in the sandbox is unraveling at the seams. If they're growing apart, and she can't deny that they are or that they already have, then it can't be helped because relationships of any kind really can't last if the people in them are no longer there to keep it working the way it should. Give and take is the way the dynamics work and she's only been giving and he's only been taking and she's the only one trying to make things between them work, though she's kind enough to think that he doesn't even realize the one-sided unfairness that's going on.
It doesn't matter. She's grown tired of doing it alone.
A glance at her watch shows only five minutes have passed since the last time she checked. She's been waiting for fifty minutes total and she came five minutes late.
She decides she'll wait five more minutes to make it an hour total.
Most likely, it won't make a difference. But she's already waited so long, waited on so many different levels. She can wait just a little longer. Whether he comes or not, nothing will really change – she still has things she wants to talk to him about, things to say, and no matter what he thinks or she feels or what outcome will come about, she'll still smile and support him and watch him from afar in the background to his spotlight. She'll still rejoice in his triumphs and be sad at his falls and worry over his troubles because she cares for him.
Always has, always will. It's a simple truth or fact or whatever that will never change no matter how often he stands her up or how many promises he breaks.
Like now.
Time is up and she uncrosses her legs, adjusts her jacket against the cold. She shifts and moves to stand but startles and freezes at a weight that suddenly lands on her shoulder from behind.
"Hey," a familiar voice says. "You should be out by yourself this late."
She turns and finally sees her speaker. "Mitani-kun!"
A dark brow wings upwards.
"Ah, um." She blushes. "Yuuki-kun."
His lips curve and her shoulder is squeezed. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"
Her blush only deepens.
"So…did you tell him?"
"No." She shakes her head. "Hikaru never showed."
"Never- But wasn't he supposed to come an hour ago?"
"Well, supposed to, yes…"
"Have you been waiting here all this time?"
She avoids his gaze. She knows what that tone means.
"You- Why do you always do stupid things like this? It's cold out!"
"I-It's not so bad," she says. Though his opinion of her actions rather irks her, she knows it's just the beginning and prefers to placate his temper instead of facing what would surely come next. "An hour's not so long and-"
A light touch on her cheek and the words freeze on her tongue. Well, maybe not just a touch but more like-
Poke. Poke.
"Hey! Stop that!" Annoyed at him, she stares. "What was that for?"
"Temperature check." His expression is as bland as his tone. "Your skin is really cold."
"Yeah, well…"
It's the truth; she can't really deny it and it's never been in her taste to lie. Especially not when her teeth feel just moments from chattering away. Just thinking about the cold makes her shiver again and she jumps a little when an arm slides around her shoulders and drags her close until she's pressed against a warmer, slightly taller form. Blushing, eyes wide, she looks up at her embracer in surprise.
"Mi- I mean, Yuuki-kun?"
"It's no big deal." His voice is gruff, there's a faint dust of pink painting his cheeks and his gaze is focused far away. "If you don't keep warm, you'll get sick."
That makes her smile. "Thank you."
"Don't get all mushy. Like I said – it's no big deal. Now, come on. I'll walk you home."
"Thank you," she says again. Then she tilts her head. "By the way, what brings you this way? Isn't your home in the other direction?"
He tries to get her to move. "Doesn't matter. Let's just go. Now."
"Yuuki-kun!" she squeals when she understands. "You came all the way out here just to check on me, didn't you?"
"It's late," is all he says. "Your parents will worry if you're not back soon."
He doesn't deny her accusation though. And she's known him long enough by now to read between the lines, remembers once upon a time how he claimed no interest in being in Go club when he really did, and it's one of the nicest things anyone who wasn't family has ever done for her. It gives her the courage to overcome her inherent shyness just enough to impulsively rise on tiptoe and press her lips to his. It was quick and over almost before it began. Even so, it still doesn't change the fact that –
It's their first kiss.
His face is all shock when she draws back and hers is…redder than red. Face hot, her gaze is on her feet rather than him.
"Thank you," is all she can manage to say again and he…
He doesn't say anything.
A quick peek in the silence that falls shows he's still in shock and his skin's a shade to rival his hair. His eyes are wide and his expression shifting to a mix somewhere between surprised and pleased. She thinks it's cute but that's something she knows better than to say. And it makes her proud and relaxes her lingering insecurities to know that she can affect him in such a way, to know that he cares enough to not be indifferent.
Once he recovers, he doesn't comment on what occurred. She doesn't mind, even expects it, and she's rather relieved because her stomach's still fluttering and she has no idea what she would say if he asks. But she's not so far gone that she lets herself be led when he tugs on her arm to draw her away to walking. She digs in her heels and he stops to look at her with an irritated gaze.
"What?"
"It's just…Hikaru."
He stills. Stares.
"It's not like that." She fidgets. It's just- If he does come…"
"He's over an hour late! And you still think he'll come?"
"Well-"
"It's always about him, isn't it?"
"No! You're-"
"Who am I kidding? It's so obvious."
"It's not-"
"It'll always be about him. Even after everything he's done to you, all the promises he's broken, I can't believe you still believe in him that much!" The words are angry and spoken as if he isn't even talking to her anymore. "I don't know why I let you- Why I let myself-"
"Yuuki-kun-"
"Shindo always gets everything while I try and still-"
"YUUKI-KUN!"
He grinds to an instant halt, probably from shock over the sheer volume of her cry when she hardly ever raises her voice. She doesn't really care for the reasons why, only that he has. But now that she finally has his attention, she's at a loss as to what she wants to say. All she knows is that she wants to wipe away the mix of hurt and anger she sees hiding behind the shock in his eyes.
"Why are you-" She struggles to find the words. "Are you jealous of Hikaru?"
"No." He twitches. "Maybe. But only a little."
"But…why? There's no reason to be."
"No reason?" The look he gives her is much too bitter for someone of their age. "How about this? Why don't you give me a reason to not doubt that you're with the person you should be? Or want to be? Why should I believe that it's really me you want to be with instead of Shindo?"
"Because," her mouth moves before she thinks, "I've never kissed him."
That sets them both to blushing again.
His angry edge fades but he demands more. "Go on."
"Go on?"
"Yeah. Explain to me, give me more of a reason why I shouldn't be so uneasy when you're cold and it's dark and you still want to wait even longer in the hopes that he'll show-"
"I never said I wanted to wait."
"-when he's over an hour late and- What did you say?"
"That I never said I wanted to wait?"
"Yes, you did. You think he'll still come so-"
"I don't think he's still coming."
Irritation flared in his eyes again. "Then why did you say you wanted to wait!"
"Because I didn't!" Annoyance flares in her gaze. "I don't want to wait because it's late and I don't really think he's coming anymore. I just objected to you dragging me away so soon."
He shakes his head, confused now. "Why?"
"Because…" She blushes, shuffles her feet. "I just wanted…to do something."
"Like what?"
She doesn't answer with words. It's action that explains as she reaches into the small bag she still clutches and rummages around. Withdrawing her hand, she bends down to the park bench on which she'd sat and uncurls her fingers over the wooden seat. Several objects clatter onto the wood and then she stands and faces him with an embarrassed shrug.
"That's it?" he asks in disbelief. "You just wanted to drop a few pieces of candy on a bench?"
She blushes and nods.
"Why?"
She shifts uncomfortably. "I guess it's just a…girl thing. I mean, I don't expect Hikaru to show up and I'm not going to wait any longer. But on the off chance that he does…I guess I just wanted to leave some sort of sign that I was here."
"By leaving candy on a bench?"
It sounds stupid the way he says it. Maybe it would sound smarter if she says how it's Hikaru's favorite candy that can only be found in a few specialty shops but, somehow, she doesn't think it'll make the situation any better so she stays silent and leaves him to whatever opinions he forms. So she just shrugs again and smiles and is completely surprised again at the blush in his cheeks as he scratches his chin and looks away.
"So," he says awkwardly, "I, uh, guess I over-reacted then, huh?"
She suppresses a smile and the urge to tease. "Only a little."
"So…can I walk you home now?"
It's as close to an apology as he'll come, she knows. It's fine; at least he tries. And as a reward and an answer, she steps up and slips an arm through his and snuggles in close. A shy peek through her eyelashes shows his skin is pink from more than just the cold and there's a faint curl to his lips that she'd like to see there more often.
Nature's lights are ever shifting, ever changing, and feelings and emotions aren't so very different. She can't pinpoint the exact moment when her emotions began to shift, only knows that they have and that she's the happier for it. He's somehow become the new light in her life, one she can touch and reach out to and know that he'll be there and maybe it's too simple and isn't really all that much.
But it's enough for her and maybe that's really all that matters.
oOoOoOo
The moon and stars stare down and footsteps on concrete echo in the night. Down the street and into the park they go, one step echoing after another, and they don't stop as a voice breaks the silence of the dark.
"Akari! I'm late I know. I'm sorry and- Hey, where are you?"
Footsteps slow as curious eyes search the emptiness around; footsteps stop beside an old bench and eyes peer down at several foil-wrapped objects that glint on paint-worn wood, small glimmers in the dark shimmering like the faint light of the moon and stars above hanging in the night, easy to see but so very far out of reach.
And a single voice and a single name echo in the hollowness of the empty dark.
"Akari?"