A/N: It's been a few years since I've written anything and this just sort of popped into my head one night. Scary, right? Triggers: abuse. Strong, mature themes, drug use. Please read with care and as always, R/R!
It was a typical, gray day in South Park, Colorado. The streets, which were blanketed in a perfect layer of powder-fine snow, were quiet and nearly serene. Seventeen year-old Leopold "Butters" Stotch stared from his desk by the window, out into the blinding, peaceful abyss. He tapped his pen against his lip, his chin resting in his free hand as he sat deep in thought, which had been normal as of late. Only when the bell ring did his head snap up in attention, his aqua hues blinking as he slowly slipped back to reality. Pushing a stray strand of platinum hair from his face, he willed his limbs to move as he began to organize his folders and papers.
"Don't you faggots forget! 8'o clock!" Eric Cartman was at the front of the class, chatting amongst his closest peers. Kyle Broflovski was packing up his bag, hardly paying attention while Stan Marsh stood beside his Super Best Friend, patiently waiting. "And bring your own alcohol... I'm not working a charity here...However, some um...party favors... may be available at the right price, thanks to poor-boy, Kenneh."
Kenny McCormick gave a hefty sigh and pulled his parka hood up around his head before making his way towards Butter's desk. Craig Tucker, who had grown close to Kenny through their high school days, was not far behind. Butters snuck a glance at the somber looking raven-haired male, knowing very well that Tucker did not like him...that he only tolerated him because he just so happened to be his best friend's, best friend. Craig caught him looking and gave a soft roll of his deep blue hues before turning his attention to the fatboy who was still talking up front.
"And don't you forget my fucking presents either! I made a checklist, you guys! I will be making sure you've gotten me EVERYTHING I have asked for this year. I swear to God, Kenny, Kyle, and Butters..." He closed his eyes and let out a dramatic sigh. "Don't disappoint me..."
Butter's stomach tightened at the mention of his name and he stood, ignoring the feeling and gave Kenny a bright smile. "A-are you excited about Eric's p-party?" He stuttered, trying his best to seem cheerful. Craig gave a sarcastic sounding grumble and Kenny just shrugged.
"Yea...excited to get fucked up maybe..." the taller blond male stated as he lead his friends out of class and towards the exit of South Park High. Butter's bit at his inner lip.
"N-not me... I have a curfew and all... D-dad still checks on me through the night and early in the morning too. So, I-I couldn't even sneak back out if I wanted to..."
"That sucks, Butters..." Craig stated in his usual monotonous tone while Kenny wrapped a protective arm around the smaller blonde's shoulder.
"They just want to protect their precious little princess... Can't say that I blame 'em." The Stotch boy flushed at his best friend's words and squirmed from his grasp. Kenny just chuckled and pushed his hood from his head, revealing a messy blonde mop of hair. "Craig and I are going to pre-game if you wanna join, butterscotch. We could tell your folk's we're doing homework or whatever. I mean, they already know about fat-ass's birthday party. You could just say you're riding with us later."
"Uh, I-I dunno. My dad's been pretty sore at me since I came home h-high that one time. I just did get ungrounded and I'd say I'm pretty lucky I get to go to Eric's, even if it's only for an hour..." Kenny gave Butter's a sad look, but did not press the issue. He knew how psycho his friend's family could be and he'd heard horror stories about some of the punishments that they dished out.
"That's cool, butterscotch..." He ruffled the smaller male's hair. "We'll just meet up at the party. Don't get into any trouble between now and then, okay? I better see you there." Butter's just smiled and gave a nod.
"Yea, no problem... I-I'll just see you guys later." The three teens stopped as they reached the front of the school and nodded their goodbyes. Craig gave an awkward wave to Butters as they split at the street, heading towards their respective houses. Pulling his backpack to his chest, the platinum blonde let out a distressed sigh, slipping back into his own mind. The truth was, he really didn't want to go home... it was the last place in the world that he wanted to be. If he could go with Kenny and even Craig, despite the fact that he didn't care for any sort of "pre-gaming", he would in an instant. Things had been bad at his house... really bad. But that's not something you talk about... Home life, well, it stays at home.
As he made the short walk from the school to his house, he wallowed in his own self-pity, failing at keeping negative thoughts from entering his brain. "Please...Just let Dad be at work... please..." Taking a deep breath, he stopped at the end of his driveway and glanced over the house. Seemingly, perfect. White-picket fence and all. "But we're just a fucked up family disguising ourselves to get by." The thought was like a weight that dragged at Butter's shoulders, causing every step towards his house to grow heavier and heavier. He swallowed his fears as he reached the door, and slowly turned the knob to let himself in.
"Butters?!" Aqua hues grew wide as his father's voice rang out from the kitchen. Dread instantly filled his insides and he tried his best not to notice.
"Y-yeah, Dad! It's me!" Slipping off his shoes, he made a bee-line for the stairs but froze as his father appeared out of the kitchen, stopping him inches from the first step. Butters straightened himself up and forced his eyes to meet with his dad's, feeling the panic rise as he noticed that the man was already mad.
"Have you seen your Mother?" The question was simple, but Stephen was a tricky man who could turn a situation around on anyone, even if the situation was simply out of one's control. Butters just shook his head.
"C-can't say that I have..." He stated nervously, keeping an eye on his dad's features. Stephen Stotch scoffed. "M-maybe she went to the store?"
"The store..." Mr. Stotch thought this over momentarily before his voice went up in a rage. "She's probably left us, Butters! If you weren't such a horrible son, she might have stayed. But you... You just have to be YOU, don't ya? A whiny, spoiled rotten child that we've tried to raise with love and care... but you always have to be DIFFICULT, don't you? And what a shame you put on this family's name..." the teen adverted his eyes to the floor, trying his best to keep tears from spilling forth.
"Sorry, Dad..." it was all he could manage to say. He was worthless... His own father said so. His friends thought so. Hell, even his own mother had tried to kill him when he was a child.. Was his father really wrong? Did he deserve this? "Yes. I deserve this... If only I could be better.."
"And I know about your little...perversion too! And you think you can keep secrets.." Stephen had backed his son into a corner, watching his face for any sign of alarm. When Leopold looked to his father in terror, Stephen knew that he had won. "You like to cross-dress, Butters? You like to look like a fuckin girl?"
"Shit...no...no..no..." Butters stayed stoic, saying not a word in fear that he would only make things worse. It was true. Butters did like it...He loved pretty dresses and sparkles, make-up and cute things. He'd always been a bit on the feminine side and had no qualms about exploring this after he'd been locked in his room for months at a time. Bebe Stevens had even been making dresses for him in private, stating that his slender frame was perfect and that way, she could get the practice she needed to become a future designer. He was proud of this.. He looked beautiful and felt beautiful too and quite honestly, it was about the only time that he did feel... well, normal. But that was his secret and never in a million years would he want his father to know.
"Are you LISTENING, boy? What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Before the teen could react, his father's fist was connecting with the side of his head. His ears rang painfully and the world became dizzy. Butters dropped his backpack in his shock and instantly bent to pick it's contents up but not before getting a swift kick to the abdomen. He doubled over, coughing, the tears finally spilling from his eyes as his pain spread through his body. By some miracle, the sound of the front door opening turned Stephen's attention away from his crouching son and to his wife. "Thank you, God..." Taking this as a sign, he grabbed his things and ran straight up the stairs, two steps at a time. "BUTTERS! LEOPOLD, GET YOUR FAGGOT ASS BACK DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!"
It was too much... Far too much. Butter's pressed all of his weight against his door as he heard his parents bicker at the bottom of the stairs. Stephen was yelling and Linda was yelling and the world was so...loud. Covering his ears, he moved to his closet and slipped inside the comfort of the dark, tight space. His fingers fumbled to remove his phone from his pocket and he stared at it, contemplating on calling someone.. Kenny? Kyle? Stan? Would they even care? Sadly, his pessimist mind instantly decided no, that no one would. They all had their own problems and really, it was his own fault for not being normal..Never good enough. "What the f-fuck is wrong with me?" He whispered, dropping his phone in his lap, his hands splayed across his face. The sound of heavy footsteps climbing the stairs made his heart stop and Butters tried to brace himself for whatever was coming next.
"Butters?!" His father again... Couldn't he just leave him alone? The small male pushed himself into the corner of his closet as if that would protect him and let out a cry of surprise as his door flew open, hitting the wall behind it with a crash. "Leopold.. Why don't we show your Mother what kind of son we have? Come out here at once and tell your Mother that you'd rather be a girl..."
He was lost at what to do. If he came out, surely, his father would hit him again but if he stayed hidden, who knows what wrath would come his way. Shakily, he pulled himself to his feet and crawled out from the closet doors. His mother and father were standing in his doorway staring him down. Linda's face mirrored complete shock and his father wore a shit-eating grin. He had grown sick over years taking pleasure in watching his only son suffer for various reasons. But this...oh, he was LOVING this. Forcing his eyes to meet Stephen's, Butters' knees began to shake and for a moment, he thought he might get sick. His father smiled and moved around him, pushing the closet doors wide open and ripping a small trunk from the back that had been covered by a blanket. The teen's heart stopped.
"Linda... look at what a sick boy your son is." Stephen stated almost cooly as he opened the trunk and pulled out dress after dress, and finally, a single blond wig. Linda's face was pale. She said nothing as she turned around and made her way out of Butters' room and back down the stairs. A sob erupted from the depths of the blonde boy's soul and he fell to his knees, feeling so ashamed...
"Dad...I'm sorry..." He choked between breaths. Stephen said nothing as he stroked the fabric of one of Butter's dresses before finally tossing it to him. That same disgusting smile crossed his narrow face.
"Here. Put it on.."
Closing Note: So, this was a bit dark and it's only getting darker from here. Constructive criticism is always welcome! Let me know what you guys think so I can continue! Also, we'll be seeing more of Kenny and Craig and the rest of the gang in later chapters. Just going with the floooow.