Author's Note: Everything from Season 1 applies up until the final episode, making this slightly AU. I don't even like Quinn and I ESPECIALLY don't like Quinn with Puck, but this just flowed from my fingertips in a way that I couldn't pass up. Also, I do not know how adoption proceedings go so I kind of took a stab in the dark with it. I'd love to hear thoughts.
And Then She Cried
She didn't cry when they finally decided on a couple that deserved their baby.
Quinn and Puck poured over hundreds of applications from couples wanting to adopt. Black couples, white couples, Jewish couples, Christian couples, old couples, young couples. The mismatched and the perfect, the childless, and the veterans ready to add one more to their brood. She liked some, he hated others. Day after day, they read the letters from hopeful parents, read about their stories and their heartache.
In the end, oddly enough, they ended up choosing a forty-something lesbian couple. Puck joked that they were going to end up the biological parents of Rachel Berry Part Two, but Quinn knew better. A parent that chose their baby would never throw them out on the street if they made a mistake. Stage parents or not, they were one better than the Fabray's in her opinion.
It was almost comforting to Quinn, though she would never admit it to anyone. She knew she would be crushed when she handed her baby to her new parents. It made her feel a little bit better to know that her daughter's new parents felt empty now. When she rubbed her swollen belly, she was anything but empty. She tried to savor the feeling while she had it. She knew soon it would be over.
She didn't cry when her baby took her first breath.
Quinn had gone into labor at around 12 pm in the McKinley High cafeteria. It wasn't dramatic and she didn't make a scene. Her back had been hurting her all day and then suddenly, as she was about to take a bite of her apple, she felt her first contraction. Luckily she had been sitting next to Puck at the time, because she instinctively reached for the nearest object and dug in her nails as the contraction washed over her belly.
'What the fuck, Quinn?' he had yelped in pain, peeling her hand off of his thigh. One look at her face and the Glee kids knew. Rachel, ever the overbearing leader, quickly herded Puck and Quinn into her car and drove them to the hospital. She ordered Puck to make the required phone calls after she realized that the entire time she was driving, he was sitting, unmoving, with a terrified expression on his face.
That had been 26 hours ago.
Quinn wanted to do things naturally, but after a few hours her labor had not been progressing. They broke her water. Her labor was still not progressing. Eventually she was given Pitocin to speed things up, but that made her dilating slow down while her contractions grew more frequent and more intense.
Hours later she was laying on her back, grunting and sweating and crying out that she just couldn't take it anymore. And then she didn't have to. The baby slid out and into the waiting hands of the doctor, and shouts of 'It's a girl!' were called out. Puck released her leg and came up by her head, clutching her hand. Time seemed to stand still for a moment as they held their breath and then they heard it. Their daughter began to cry.
She didn't cry the first time her baby latched on to her breast.
Quinn wouldn't soothe her baby when she was feeling colicky. She wouldn't rub her daughters swollen gums when her first teeth refuse to cut. She wouldn't hold those pudgy little fingers when she was taking her first steps. She wouldn't fix boo-boos and kiss bumps and bruises. She wouldn't heal broken hearts or help with homework. What she could do was give her baby the best start possible. So she tried, and then she tried some more. She let some strange woman massage her bare breast. She listened to her roommates unsolicited advice and actually tried the oddball old wives tales that the kooky woman suggested. She held her baby every which way possible but she refused to latch on.
The nurse seemed to pity her as she tried to show Quinn another way to hold the baby in hopes that the little one would soon take to nursing. Puck and Quinn had not wanted any visitors. Not her parents or his mother, not that her parents would have wanted to come even if they knew she had delivered. There was no one but a complete stranger to show Quinn how to breast feed but it was better than nothing. Eventually Quinn sighed and dismissed the poor woman, muttering an apology as the nurse walked out.
She held her little pink bundle and sang to her softly, trying not to wake a restless Puck tucked in the corner of her hospital room on an air mattress. She fixed herself to a more comfortable position and gently stroked her daughters cheek. Suddenly, without warning, the baby turned, found her nipple, and began to suck.
It hurt like hell. Quinn smiled.
She didn't cry when she signed the adoption papers, permanently changing herself from Mommy to Biological Mother.
Mrs. Rauss pulled the tray table over Quinn's lap and placed a pen in her hand. She went over the rules, the laws, the time limitations, everything else that is involved when you sign away your rights to your flesh and blood. She showed Quinn where X marked the spot, and told Quinn to sign.
So she did. Quinn signed paper after document after legally binding contract. She signed until her hand cramped. Then she handed the pen to Puck and gently took their daughter into her arms.
Puck signed the final document and that was it. They were no longer parents. Quinn pulled the baby to her a little tighter.
She didn't cry when she placed her baby in the arms of her new mother.
Quinn couldn't swallow, couldn't focus her eyes. She refused to talk to Puck and did nothing but clutch her daughter to her chest. She knew the choice she had made, and she was glad she made it. Time kept passing. In 10 minutes, her daughter's new parents would arrive.
The tentative knock at the door came to soon. A short, plump brunette and a short, thin blond entered Quinn's room holding hands. The blond was holding a bouquet of flowers that she awkwardly thrust at Quinn.
'I don't even know why we got you these,' she giggled nervously. 'Nothing we say or do or give could ever show you how thankful we are,' she blubbered at Quinn, never taking her eyes off of the slumbering infant. Quinn used one hand to push herself into a sitting position. She leaned forward, despite the fact that she was still incredibly sore, and she held out the baby. The flowers were forgotten as the new Mommy reached forward and carefully plucked the baby from Quinn's arms.
Mommy 1 and Mommy 2 hugged Quinn and Puck and tearfully thanked them for their miracle gift, again and again and again. Puck sulked. Quinn smiled and said all of the right things.
'We're just so glad she'll have a happy, stable home,' 'We just want her to have what we can't give her,' 'Always let her know how much we love her.'
Finally, Mommy 1 picked up the infant carrier that held her new daughter. Mommy 2 reached for Mommy 1's hand, and then they walked out of the room.
Quinn waited until she could no longer hear the squeak of their shoes on the pristine hospital floor. Then she threw up.
She didn't cry when Puck broke down.
When his mother silently showed up at the hospital 5 minutes before she was to be released, Quinn was shocked. Puck helped her pack up her things, helped her ease down into the wheelchair, and pushed her out to the car. He supported her as she climbed up into his mom's SUV, and pulled her close during the ride.
It occurred to Quinn when they were halfway to Puck's house that she wasn't sure if she was homeless again. Was she supposed to leave now that she was no longer pregnant with his baby?
But they soon pulled into the driveway, and he helped her out, and they went up to his room and laid together on his bed. He laced his fingers with hers. They stayed quiet.
'I'm sorry,' she whispered, almost afraid of what his reaction would be.
'Me too. But it was the right thing to do for her.'
A few minutes went by, and then Quinn heard a sharp intake of air in her ear. She turned her head towards Puck just as he was squeezing his eyes shut. A tear slipped out anyway, slowly rolling down his temple and onto the pillow supporting his head. She turned onto her side and watched his lip tremble. He rolled towards her and tucked his head under her chin, and then she felt him let out a sob. She rubbed his back and whispered comforting nothings into his mohawk as his body shook. She silently prayed that someday he would forgive her, or at least understand.
An hour later, Quinn quietly got out of bed, careful not to disturb Puck. She wasn't sure how long she would be staying in the Puckerman household, she wasn't even entirely sure she was welcome, but for now she was here and it was home. She gathered some sweats and her bag from the hospital and slowly shuffled into the bathroom, grimacing when her stitches pulled a bit when she turned around too quickly. She set her bag on the counter and started the shower, staring at her hollow face in the mirror until it was too fogged up to see herself clearly. She stripped off her clothes and studied her breasts, her belly. She was pregnant three days ago. Now she wasn't. Luckily she was young and athletic, it shouldn't take more than a month or two for her to get back to her original size. She didn't need a c-section like her doctor had warned her she might. No stretch marks, no scars. Pretty soon others would look at Quinn Fabray and once again see an energetic, blond cheerleader.
She pushed the shower curtain aside and was about to step in when she noticed her hospital bracelets. She rummaged in Puck's drawers for a minute until she found a pair of rusty old scissors. She snipped at her hospital bracelet, and then positioned the second bracelet between the blades of the scissors.
Baby Girl Fabray- Puckerman.
She didn't even know what they named her daughter. It was a closed adoption. She would never know her daughter's name. She sighed and sliced through the plastic ring. She held it, staring at the name. Her eyes filled with tears. She blinked them back.
She threw the bracelets into her hospital bag and then stepped into the shower. The hot water made her dizzy and she slid down the shower wall until she was huddled in a ball under the scorching water.
And then she cried.Author's Note 2: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think :)