DISCLAIMER: We don't own the characters of UC UNDERCOVER. We only borrow then for a while. I make up all other characters. If they are names of actual persons this was not done intentionally. We do use our friends' names occasionally.
Written by: Jville and Sweetangeldoball
HAUNTING MEMORIES FLASHBACK
Frank was just getting home from a late night meeting. He, Cody and Monica in the van while Jake and Alex met with their target for the case they were working. It was very late and he knew that Elaina would be asleep by now. He walked past their bedroom and Derek's room to check on Sarah. He found her sleeping peacefully holding her teddy bear. He reached down and pulled her blanket up over her and tucked her in as he always did.
As he walked back he noticed that the light in Derek's room had turned on. He knocked on the door.
"Come on in Dad," Derek said.
"What are you doing up this late?" Frank asked walking to the bed to sit down.
"I heard you come in. I have been wanting to talk to you but you are always gone before I get up."
"Well, here I am," Frank said, fanning his arms out. "What do you want to talk about?"
"I asked Maria if she could get me the entrance exam for Quantico. She did and I took it."
"How did you do that you aren't 18 yet? You didn't have our permission to take it," Frank said, looking him straight in the eyes.
"I took it but not to actually enter I just wanted to see if I could pass it and I did. Maria said I scored better than she did," Derek said proudly.
"That doesn't mean you will later because they change the questions every so often." Frank put his hands on Derek's shoulder.
"Maria told me that too but I am going to do this Dad. I want to become an agent. I know they would rather have college graduates but they do take people right out of high school too."
"Yes they do. We really need to discuss this with your mother. I'm not saying you can or can't do it without hearing what she has to say." Frank said getting off the bed.
"I realize that you both have reservations about me following in your footsteps but I have set my mind to it and I plan to go to Quantico for training after I turn 18."
"We can talk about this tomorrow sometime, you get some sleep," Frank told him walking out.
*****************
"Hey there sweetheart I see you're finally awake," Frank said looking at his beautiful wife.
"How's the baby?" Elaina asked, still groggy.
"She's doing fine. The nurses asked me if we had a name picked out for her. I told them I would ask you what you had settled on."
"I like the name Sarah." Elaina tried to sit up a little. "Ouch!"
"Don't move around yet, just lay still," Frank told her.
"Frank, it was too soon for me to have her. Are you sure she's alright?"
"She's small but she's very strong and stubborn like her mother," Frank told her.
"I get the feeling that you're keeping something from me. Don't do that to me. I want to know everything that's going on," Elaina insisted.
"They want to start chemo treatments on you as soon as possible," Frank told her, as he did, his heart sank.
"No! I want to have more children." Elaina started to cry. "I …I can't believe this is happening to us."
"Its ok Lady. I'll help you get through this I promise. I'll be here every step of the way," Frank said, hugging her.
"I don't want to have the chemo it will ruin any chance of my having another child. I want them to be able to remove my eggs, like the doctor suggested."
"Lady." Tears formed in Frank's eyes, he couldn't look directly at her as he told her the news. "You can't have anymore children. They had to perform a partial hysterectomy on you."
**************
Elaina woke from her dream and sat up. Actually, it was real it was the memory of what had happened to her when Sarah was born. She's had that memory a lot lately, since Sabrina had lost her baby. It had brought back her feelings of hopelessness and emptiness.
Frank came in and could see her sitting up in bed with the moonlight coming in the window. "Did I wake you?"
"No. I woke myself up." Elaina tried to conceal that she had been crying but couldn't when he turned the light on.
"You've been crying again. Did you have the same dream?" Frank held her as she cried more. "It's over, you and Sarah are fine. There's no reason to be dwelling on the sad times. We've had many happy moments together, think about those now and the ones yet to come." He wiped her tears away and gave her a soft kiss.
"I know. I think learning Sabrina lost her baby, caused all this to surface again. There's a reason for it I just have to figure out what it is." Elaina returned his kiss.
"I'm sure you'll find the reason if there is one." Frank said as the phone rang. "Who could that be at this time of night?"
"I'll get it." Elaina answered the phone. "Hello."
"Elaina. I'm so sorry to be calling you this late, but it's about Jake." The person at the other end was Father Mike.
"Father Mike, slow down. What about Jake?" Elaina said to him as she held Frank's arm.
"He's been shot he's at St Augustine's. Can you and Frank get here as soon as you can? Allison is very worried and needs a friend."
"Of course we'll be there as quickly as we can. Thank you for calling." Elaina hung up and caught her breath. "Jake's been shot we need to go to St Augustine's."
"Get dressed. I'll go tell Derek we're leaving," Frank said as he started for the door.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes." Elaina grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and put them on as Frank was going out the door. She quickly put on her socks and tennis shoes and was tying them as Frank walked back in with her.
"Damn, you are fast when you have to be, aren't you?" Frank joked.
"Yes. Especially when I don't care how I look." Elaina smiled and walked out of the room with him.
Elaina called the other members of the team on the way to the hospital. When they arrived Monica was the first to arrive, as they did. The three of them walked in together and was spotted by Father Mike who was in the hallway watching for them. Allison was talking to a nurse as they entered the waiting room.
Allison hugged Elaina. Frank and Monica sat down with Father Mike as he told them what happened. "Allison said that Jake had called her and wanted to talk, she had just gotten home from the sanitarium so she told him to come on over," Father Mike explained. "She told me that she watched out the window for him to arrive. When he did, she waved to him and went to unlock the front door. She heard the shots and when she opened the door Jake was laying face down on the porch bleeding."
"Did she see anyone running or driving away?" Frank asked watching the two women together.
"She didn't look. She called for an ambulance, and then she called me to be with her and to call you," Father Mike told him.
"Thank you for helping her. Excuse me." Frank walked over to Allison and Elaina. "Allison, do you want or need anything?"
"Nothing right now, but thank you for asking," Allison answered, as Frank gave her a consoling hug.
"We saw you talking to a nurse was it about Jake's condition?" Frank asked.
"She said they were taking him to surgery. One of the bullets was very close to his spinal cord. It'll be a long surgery.' Allison stopped to compose herself more. "He was shot twice."
"Take your time there's no hurry." Frank held her hand.
"One shot went through his shoulder. The other in front over to the left, he has a lot of bleeding and they had trouble stabilizing him for surgery. That's all I know right now." Allison leaned her head on Elaina's shoulder.
"Elaina, did you call Maria?" Monica asked coming over to them.
"Yes, she said she'd be here as soon as she could," Elaina answered.
Cody and Alex arrived together. Cody came over to talk to Allison as Frank went over to talk to Alex. "How are you doing, Allison?" Cody asked sitting down next to her.
"I'm ok, Cody. How is Sabrina?" Allison saw by his expression that Sabrina was still depressed.
"The same; she sits and doesn't talk much. Koby tries to get her to play with him but she just walks away from him. I shouldn't be telling you our problems. You should concentrate on Jake right now." Cody started to get up but Allison stopped him.
"If I didn't want to hear it, I wouldn't have asked. I'm very concerned about her and you. There are feelings she has to deal with sooner or later. I want you both to know that I'll help you through it when you're ready," Allison held his hand as she spoke comforting Cody.
"Thank you, Allison. I just wish I knew when she'd deal with it. I feel her getting further and further away from me. I don't know how to handle this situation," Cody said, sadly.
"With love Cody," Elaina said.
"She's right. Just be there for her and love her," Allison agreed.
"She won't let me touch her when she's crying. I'm just watching from the sidelines as she goes through this."
"Just tell her you love her and are there for her," Allison told him. "As we are for you. Have you told her how you feel?"
"No, I do tell her I love her she doesn't react to me saying that to her why would she react to how I feel? She never smiles or laughs. Her Mom talks to her every night on the phone but she barely says anything to her," Cody recalled.
"When I called her, she wouldn't talk to me either," Allison said.
Cody looked at Elaina. "You haven't talked to her, have you?"
"Not since she left the hospital. I've been a little selfish. I've been dealing with some memories haunting me. I wouldn't know what to say to her, if I did talk to her." Elaina felt uncomfortable. She got up and walked over to Frank. "I need to go outside for a few minutes."
"I'll go with you Elaina," Alex said, "I need a cigarette."
"Ok but stand down wind remember I don't like cigarette smoke," Elaina told her.
"I remember. I have been trying to quit but times like this, I just have the need," Alex said as they walked out of the waiting room.
******
"Is there something else upsetting Elaina other than Jake being shot?" Monica sat down next to Frank.
"She has something from the past bothering her." Frank sighed and looked worried too.
"Would it be interfering if I asked, what it was?" Monica wondered.
"She has been remembering when I told her she wouldn't have anymore children. I thought she'd handle it better coming from me than the doctor but I was wrong. She didn't want the chemo thinking she'd still have a chance of having another child but I had to tell her about the surgery they performed to save her."
"That must've been a very difficult time for both of you. I can't imagine how I'd react to news like that."
"She handled it better than I thought, but it was still hard for her. She wanted, we both wanted more children. When the doctor told me the news, I didn't react at all. I stood there listening to him, knowing I wanted to be the one to tell her," Frank paused for a minute thinking back. "Then when the time came to tell her, I started to fall apart. I couldn't look her in the eye. I held her hand and looked at it while I told her."
"I don't think I could have told anyone news like that and looked them in the eye." Monica smiled at him.
"I wish I hadn't been the one to tell her in some ways but in others I know she needed me to tell her," Frank said getting up and walking out into the hall.
******
Alex was standing away from Elaina as she smoked. They saw Maria coming from the parking lot. Elaina saw that she was still crying.
"Maria I thought you would've been here sooner, are you ok?" Alex asked before Elaina could.
"I had to talk myself into coming. I couldn't stop crying after you called. I had to call a friend to bring me here," Maria explained as she hugged Elaina.
"You could've called me, I'd have picked you up," Elaina told her.
"I didn't want to bother you. How is Allison doing?" Maria asked.
"She's holding together pretty well. Cody and Monica were with her when we came out. Father Mike and Frank are there, too."
"Where is Sabrina? Isn't she here for Allison, I know they're very close?"
"Sabrina is at home. She's still dealing with her own crisis. Cody said she really isn't dealing with it, she just sits around mostly."
"She shouldn't be alone either," Maria said.
"I don't like her being alone but Cody said she didn't want to come with him."
"Maybe, you should go see her," Maria suggested.
"No. I don't think I should. I can't say anything to her, that will help her right now."
"You always know what to say Lainie. You're good at that sort of thing." Maria looked at Elaina mystified that she wasn't helping her friend.
"Not in this case. I've never experienced what she did." Elaina was becoming very defensive for some reason. "I honestly have no idea what she's going through. I can't help her. She has her mother now she can call her, when she's ready to deal with what happened."
"How can you be that way with her, you're her best friend? She needs you right now more than ever. This is very strange. I can't see you being like this. You act as if you've never had a tragedy in your life to draw from; you have. Use it to help her," Maria told her.
"What tragedy are you talking about? I've never experienced anything like hers," Elaina said, a bit angry.
"When you found out you couldn't have children that was a tragedy. It's similar don't you think?" Alex said, joining the conversation.
"I don't see, where that is anything like hers," Elaina said. "She can still have children. I never will."
"Alex is right. You losing your ability to have children was a great loss too. Can't you talk to her about how you dealt with that and help her a little, at least."
"You both are under the assumption that I want to talk with her about this. Did the thought occur to either of you, that I don't!" Elaina went to go back in.
"Lainie wait!" Maria took her by the arm. "I know it must bring back bad memories but I think it would help you and Sabrina to talk. She really needs someone now, you know that in your heart." Maria was determined.
"I've been thinking about what happened with Sarah. I've had dreams about it every night since Sab miscarried. I just can't deal with all this coming back. How the hell do you want me to help her, when I can't figure out my own feelings."
"You selfish bitch." Maria was hoping to make her angry enough to change her mind.
"What did you say?" Elaina got in her face.
"You heard me. You're only thinking of yourself; you don't care about Sabrina or what happened to her. You'd rather feel sorry for yourself, than to help a friend in need," Maria argued.
"MARIA! Leave her alone," Alex yelled.
"It's ok Alex. She's right. I am feeling sorry for myself." Elaina said to her. She waked right up into Maria's face. "I have problems, too. I'm human just like you are. I can't be there sometimes for others sometimes I have to be here for myself."
"Fine I'll go talk to her if you won't," Maria said.
"No. You won't either. You aren't that close to her, and you'd somehow turn the conversation into an argument with her. I won't have you doing that to her. I'll go see her," Elaina said, giving in to her. "Could you tell Frank where I'm going and call me when there's news about Jake?"
"You know we will. I'm sorry, Lainie but making you mad was the only way, I could get you to see I was right."
"It wasn't the only way. It's just your way. You're lucky I have my anger in control or things could've been different. Don't ever call me a selfish bitch again, ok?" Elaina was very serious.
"I won't." Maria hugged her and walked in with Alex as Elaina went to the car to leave.
"Just what are you going to do, Lady?" Elaina asked herself, out loud as she started the car and pulled away from the hospital.
******
Alex and Maria went inside. Maria went to sit next to Allison and Monica; Alex went over to talk to Frank and Cody.
"Where's Elaina?" Frank asked.
"She's going over to see Sab. Maria kind of taunted her into it," Alex informed them.
"She lived through it? That's interesting," Frank chuckled.
"She'll never get in Sab, won't answer the buzzer this time of morning," Cody said.
"You're forgetting, she knows how to get in your apartment," Frank reminded him.
"Oh yeah, I guess she does. I hope Sab doesn't think she's a burglar and hurt her." Cody looked worried.
"Elaina will handle her, don't worry," Frank assured him.
****************
"Oh great! Cody is out there, he can't see me in my dress," Sab said seeing Cody on the swing set with Derek and Becky.
"I'll handle it," Elaina said, dialing her phone.
"Love, will you do me a little favor?" Elaina said sweetly. "Have Cody get his ass in the building. We're here and Sab's not getting out with him in eye shot of her." Elaina hung up. They watch Frank and Jake come out to get Cody.
"Angel, we aren't having a baby. You miscarried." Cody figured he had to say it out right or he'd never be able to do it.
"I…I miscarried?" Sab questioned what she heard.
***************
Sab woke for the dream was lying on the couch; she heard the buzzer but ignored it. If it was Cody he'd use his key; if it were anyone else she didn't care it was too early and she didn't want to see anyone either. Having the memories as company was bad enough.
Elaina used the buzzer but got no answer. She used the same code she used the night of the wedding shower and entered the building. "I should never have come here. I really don't want to do this. And talking to myself isn't going to help Sab or me," Elaina said, debating with herself.
She got on the elevator, she was tired and for a brief moment she closed her eyes. She saw flashes of Sab with Dom before the wedding as he pulled her away from them. Leaving them with the bomb to diffuse. Elaina was jolted back to the present as the elevator stopped.
Elaina used the key she'd been given and entered the apartment. Koby heard the door lock and ran over barking at the person coming in. "Quiet Koby, it's just me." Elaina grabbed him as he tried to jump on her. "I'm getting faster than you, so stay down."
"What are you doing here? Cody told you to come over, didn't he?" Sab sounded angry. Koby went over and sat next to her on the couch.
"Actually it was Maria." Elaina waited for her reaction.
"What? Why the hell would she send you over here?"
"She, like the rest of your friends, was worried about you."
"She's definitely not my friend." Sab got off the couch and went to the kitchen. "I don't want to talk to anyone."
"That makes two of us," Elaina said, sitting down in a chair.
"Then why are you here, bugging me so early in the morning?"
"Well, it's like this. You don't want to talk but everyone that knows us, thinks I'm the one to make you talk. So I figured, if you didn't want to talk to me and I don't want to talk to you, we might as well make everyone happy and not talk to each other here. That way our friends and family will think we talked and we didn't," Elaina explained.
"Nice theory," Sab said, coming back with a glass of OJ.
"I take it you're not serving your company anything to drink?"
"You know where the kitchen is. Get it yourself," Sab said, bitterly, gesturing to the kitchen.
"No thanks. I think I'll just sit here, close my eyes and get some sleep," Elaina leaned back into the chair.
"Go right ahead." Sab drank her OJ and stared at Elaina.
"I can't sleep with you staring at me," Elaina said with her eyes still closed.
"I'm not staring at you. Besides, you barged in my home unannounced. I have a right to stare, if I was."
"For someone who didn't want to talk you sure are gabby."
"I can say the same for you too."
"You're just trying to get the last word in, for once," Elaina, teased her.
"No! I'm not," Sab told her.
"Yes, you are."
"Damn it Elaina, shut up and sleep or leave," Sab snapped at her.
Elaina started to laugh. "Sorry, I promise to be quiet." Elaina curled up in the chair to try and sleep.
"Thank you." Sab moved Koby over so she could lay down better.
Elaina waited for Sab to almost dose off before she said anything else. "You know, I've been thinking. Maybe we should talk about what happened."
"No! I don't want to talk to you. So shut the hell up or leave," Sab told her again.
"Make me," Elaina said.
"Why are you doing this? Why do I have to talk about what happened? I lived through it; it was bad enough. I don't need to relive it for you or anyone else," Sab said as Elaina got up to leave.
"Sorry I barged in. If and when you want to talk, let me know." Elaina kissed her goodbye and left.
Sab walked to the doorway wondering why Elaina was acting so strangely. One minute she was trying to talk to her then she walks out on her. She watched Elaina walk to the elevator. Sab saw her lean against the wall near the elevator and start crying. She sighed and walked to where she was. "Something is bothering you, isn't it?"
"I'll be fine. You don't need to know my problems. I'll talk to Frank about it. I'll be fine, honest." Elaina wiped the tears from her face.
"Come on back in, we'll talk." Sab took her hand as they walked back to the apartment. "So tell me what has got you so upset?" Sab asked as they entered the apartment. "If you're worried about me, don't be. I'll be ok. I just have a lot of thinking to do and I just don't want to talk to anyone right now."
"Well, in a way it does concern you. You know how you started to have dreams of your father hitting you after I almost did?" Sab shook her head. "Well, I've been having memories of when I was told I couldn't have any other children."
"My miscarriage brought them back to you?"
"Yeah. I remember up to the point that Frank tells me I won't be having any more children and I wake myself up. Why am I remembering that much and then waking up? That's what's driving me crazy. I know what happened after that."
"Tell me what happened," Sab urged her.
"You know I had chemo what more is there to tell?" Elaina asked.
"I mean what did you say to Frank, when he told you about not having more kids?"
"I just said that it had to happen for a reason and I'd find one." Elaina stopped and laughed.
"You find something funny about not being able to have children?" Sab asked, confused.
"No, of course not. It's just that I said those exact words earlier, when I was talking to Frank. I told him there had to be a reason for me having the memories and I'd figure it out."
"Did you ever figure out the true reason for not having any more children?" Sabrina was curious.
"I'm still searching actually. I know our family the way it is now, is very close for my having gone through it."
"We may not have become close friends, if you hadn't gone through it. That's my own selfish reason."
"We had already met so who knows how close we would've become," Elaina told her.
"That's true but if you hadn't gone through the whole cancer thing, Frank would never have moved here to take over the team."
"True, he quit being a hostage negotiator to stay at home with me and the kids."
"I'd never have become close to Cody, either. You and Frank are the ones that put me on the team full time."
"Cody told me you wouldn't let him touch you. Can you tell me why?" Elaina asked, trying to get Sab to talk about her problems.
"I just don't feel I deserve his love right now. I lost our child. I'm not sure we should even be living together right now."
"Yes, you should be. You shouldn't feel responsible for the miscarriage. It wasn't your fault. Cody loves you he needs you more than you think. And even though you don't think it's true you need his arms around you now more than ever."
"If I hadn't made the decision to go with Dom, I wouldn't have lost the baby. So it's my fault."
"No it isn't; it was that son of a bitch that forced you to go with him. He knows how much you care about your friends and he played on that emotion to get you to go. You really had no choice. I don't want you to ever blame yourself again for what happened." Elaina hugged her. Sab tried to pull away but Elaina wouldn't let her.