Hi. This first one is just carter. The italicized is her thoughts, regular is her words, and bold is author notes. Enjoy.
Nine years old...
I could do it. It would be so easy. And then i would be free, no more waiting, no more pain stakingly slow years with no parents, only having an aunt who has to be gone half the time.
"So simple." Stood in her room, a rope in her hands, a stool under her feet, carter wanted to hang.
But what if he did come, what if they both did? What if i just waited a few years...
Eleven years old...
Just one more step carter. You can do this, just one more step and it all ends, all the pain, all the waiting.
"Just one more step, easy." Standing on the tallest building on 7C iantiae a planet shes known her whole life, carter wanted to jump.
But if he was to come, and find that i was dead, he would have more on his shoulders. No, i will wait a few more.
Thirteen years old...
It's so near, an end to my living hell. Just a quick flick of the wrist, one swift, clean little movement and its done, no more living hell, no more war torn planet, no more waiting for someone who wont show.
Why would someone do this to me? Coz i'm wrong? Coz i wasnt planned? Coz i wasnt perfect? No. It wasnt coz of any of those. It was greif. I'm just a blip. A meaningless nothing. A imperfection forgotten in an endlesss timeline.
"Just a blip in time, left in his wake. One little movement, And i'm not even that anymore." There carter stood, in her kitchen, a knife in her hand, brought up against her neck, and carter wanted to slit her throat.
But what if i'm not? Then the wait would mean nothing. I'll just wait a few more...just a few...
Fifteen years old...
I'll do it this time! Nothing to stop me! Nobody to do anything about it! Nobody...to care...
Aunt Kaitla is missing, assumed dead. Everyone is assumed dead! EVERYONE, EVERYONE SHE LOVES! I cant take it anymore.
"Cant take it. Just cant take it anymore.." she whispered, tears streaming down her face. Just as she went to lay down in the center of the road, a blonde girl pushed down into the grass on her back.
"No! You cant do that! He might come back!" And then the girl vanished like she'd never been there at all. She could wait a few more...just a couple...
Seventeen years old...
Just do it carter. Just pull the trigger. He's not comin'! He's never comin'! I don't need to live! I have no point! I'm a waste of space! A waste of air!
"I…I am no coward! I'm gonna pull the trigger." There Carter stood, in the shooting range, a plain glock in her hand, pressed to her temple.
"One."
"T...two."
"Three."
And then he was there. The gun dropped from her hand.