A dwsecretsanta gift for Chocolatequeen. Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy this story, darling!
My most sincere thanks to my wonderful betas: hellostarlight20, and MrsBertucci . You are both brilliant, and I am grateful beyond belief for your outpouring of positive, constructive support. ((((hugs))))
Please don't let the title fool you. This is a bit of an angst-fest, although it will eventually end on a suitably positive and fluffy note.
Any recognizable dialogue comes from the Doctor Who episodes Doomsday and The Runaway Bride; and one line is borrowed from The Stone Rose, by Jaqueline Rayner.
Please note: This chapter has been updated (May 7th, 2017) to accommodate continuity errors in later chapters.
Home for the Holidays: Chapter 1
Early August, 2006 (One month after the Battle of Canary Wharf)
The Doctor had tried to send her away. It had been consuming Rose's thoughts for the last month. He had tried to send her away… again. She might have been able to buy the fact that he had just been thinking of her safety, but really, she figured it had more to do with making it easy for himself. With her safely locked away in another universe, he could strut all over space and time, congratulating himself that he had been a martyr, sacrificing his own happiness, so she could have a full and happy life with her family. What it really came down to was the fact that if he sent her away, he would never have to watch her "wither and die".
He was a coward.
There had always been an undeniable attraction between them, ever since the word "run". Even after his regeneration, it hadn't taken long for Rose to admit to herself that she was still just as drawn to him, still just as hopelessly in love as she had been to the man with the icy blue eyes and the leather jacket. And this pinstriped version of him was much more tactile, much more flirty, never hesitating to touch her or enfold her in an enthusiastic hug.
But while there was a definite attraction between them, it was only in the aftermath of Krop Tor, when she had confessed to him that she couldn't sleep with the words of the Devil still churning in her mind, and he had admitted the same, that their friendly familiarity and flirting and had begun to develop into something more. They had clung to one another all that night, bodies entwined in a chaste but loving embrace. From that time on, neither had spent the night alone, and although Rose had been more than a little frustrated that the physical aspect of their relationship had never seemed to progress, and no verbal declarations of his feelings had ever been made, she had always felt cherished and loved.
Only a few short weeks before the Cybermen and the Daleks and Battle of Canary Wharf, she had promised to stay with him forever, and he had seemed delighted, if the brilliant, silly grin on his face had been anything to go by. He had been jubilant and had bounced around the TARDIS with an energy she hadn't seen since before the chilling events on Krop Tor.
And he had kissed her.
At first, it had reminded her of their kiss in ancient Rome, a complete surprise to both of them; a kiss born of gratitude and joy and unspeakable pleasure at being alive. And just like that kiss, he had pulled away to look at her, gazing into her tear-filled eyes. But this time he hadn't changed the subject and moved on as though the kiss had never happened. This time, he had closed the distance between them again, pressing his soft lips against hers, deepening the kiss in response to her moan of wonder and pleasure. Hands had wandered, touches becoming increasingly passionate, as they gave themselves over to the feelings of yearning they had both supressed for too long. And in the moment of their mutual release, filled with desperation and hope, his hands had cupped her face, his eyes searching hers, securing her there in a silent plea that she never leave him. And so she had wrapped her arms around his neck, stroking the silky strands of his hair, reassuring him that she would always be there. Forever.
For weeks they had indulged in the pleasures of togetherness, savouring their newfound intimacy, and Rose had thought her heart might burst with love for this ridiculous, wonderful man. She thought it would never end.
But then had come the army of ghosts. Then had come Torchwood and the War. And that's when it had all started to go wrong.
One Month Earlier (Early July, 2006: The Battle of Canary Wharf)
It had been a grueling day, full of shocks and terrors and the stuff of nightmares. With the world on the brink of complete subjugation, the small group of humans were all gathered in the lever room at the top of Torchwood Tower, listening to the Doctor as he had explained Void particles and his scheme to rid the Earth of all the Daleks and Cybermen. "The breach itself is soaked in Void stuff. In the end, it'll close itself. And that's it. Kaput."
"But you stay on this side?" Rose felt her heart clenching as realization sank in.
"But you'll get pulled in!" Mickey argued.
"That's why I got these: magnaclamps." He hoisted the clamps into the air, before setting them down again. "I'll just have to hold on tight. I've been doing it all my life."
Rose felt hot, indignant tears burn her eyes. He might have been willing to give up on their forever together, but she was not. She huffed at him. "I'm supposed to go?"
"Yeah." He maintained an impassive expression.
"To another world, and then it gets sealed off?"
"Yeah."
"That's not goin' to 'appen."
The building shook, an ominous reminder of the need to hurry, and Pete lost his patience. "We haven't got time to argue! The plan works. We're going. You too." He nodded at Rose. "All of us."
"No! I'm not leaving 'ere!" Rose dug her heels in. This was her world. Living a life, trapped in another world, without the Doctor, was not an option.
"I'm not goin' without 'er!" Jackie insisted.
Rose groaned inwardly at her mother's protest, and apparently Pete felt the same frustration. "Oh, my God! We're going!" he barked.
Jackie, ever feisty, snapped right back. "I've 'ad twenty years without you, so button it! I'm not leaving 'er."
"You've got to!" Rose knew she couldn't allow Jackie to give up her one chance for happiness. She would be alright without Rose. After all, everyone left home in the end. It was just that Rose's home was going to be a universe away from her mum's.
"Well, that's tough."
"Mum!"
"Nope. I'm staying." Jackie removed the yellow dimension hopper, from around her neck, shoving it into Pete's hands, and folded her arms defiantly in front of her.
From the background, the taunting drone of the computer interrupted them, letting them know they would soon be able to reopen the passage to the Void. "Reboot in one minute."
"Jacks! What if something goes wrong?" The fear and urgency in Pete's voice was unmistakable.
"Well, I'll jus' 'ave to make sure that doesn't 'appen. I ain't leavin' 'er."
Rose watched in silent approval as Pete raised the medallion above Jackie's head, ready to slip it on, when she caught his gaze flickering to a point behind her. To the Doctor, she realized, in a burst of panic.
He wouldn't dare!
Alarmed, she wheeled around to find him right behind her, another dimension hopper poised over her head. "Oh no, you don't. You're not doin' that to me again!" She snatched the device from him. "W'at the 'ell are you playin' at?"
His mouth had opened and closed uselessly around words that never fully formed.
Rose glanced over to Jackie, who had similarly disarmed Pete.
The Doctor finally found his voice, his eyes flashing with supressed anger. "We have no time for this. You'll be safe in Pete's World. Both of you. Here, you're in danger."
Rose tipped her chin up, lips pressed together, recalcitrant. "First, my mum's safe. You said so yourself, a few minutes ago. She has no Void stuff; never travelled to the parallel world. W'at about the TARDIS? Is she safe?"
"What d'you mean?"
"Won't she be pulled in too? She's been across the Void."
"Oh? NO! No, no, no, no! Her dimensional shielding should compensate for that. She's not going anywhere."
"Well then, bring 'er up 'ere, and we'll all pile in."
"What?"
"That remote recall setting you made for the sonic after Krop Tor. Use it! Bring 'er up 'ere!"
"Oh, you are brilliant, Rose Tyler!" He picked her up, swinging her around. "Alrighty then. Let's get this show on the road. Pete, Jake, Mickaaaay… sorry to be so abrupt, but you lot better be off. Time to say 'so-long', farewell, Auf Wiedersehen…" he gave a chipper, little wave, "…goodbye."
"I'm staying," Pete announced.
"What?"
"I'm staying." He turned a loving gaze on Jackie. "Jacks, I lost you once already, and made a right mess of our marriage. If you'll 'ave me, I want a chance to do better… this time."
"Oh, Pete! Are you sure? I'm still in the same ol' flat. It ain't posh. Not what you're used to."
"Doesn't matter. Will you have me?
"Of course, you plum." Jackie wrapped her arms around him and laid her head against his shoulder.
The Doctor ran a dubious gaze over the happy couple and shook his head. "And what about you, Mickety-Mick?"
"I still have my Gran… back there. She needs me. And don't you worry, Pete. Me and Jakey, we'll take care of Torchwood for you. Make sure it's runnin' proper." Mickey turned to Rose, who rushed to hug him. "I'll miss you, babe, but my Gran needs me. I need to look after her. She deserves that."
Rose backed out of the hug, nodding her understanding and forcing back tears, offering her life-long friend a small wave and a sad smile.
Returning her smile, Mickey pressed the yellow button of his dimension hopper, and he and Jake vanished.
"Systems rebooted," the computer announced. "Open access."
The TARDIS materialized behind Rose. "There we go," announced the Doctor, tucking his sonic screwdriver back into his jacket pocket. "Right then, just a few things to set in motion. Rose, go to that workstation, over there. The coordinates: set them all at six. And hurry up!"
Rose complied, discarding the dimension hopper next to the workstation. After setting the coordinates, she glanced at the monitor, checking the security camera feed. "We've got Cybermen on the way up," she warned.
"How many floors down?"
"Just one."
The computer spoke again: "Levers operational."
"Allons-y!" The Doctor handed Rose one of the magnaclamps, instructing her on where and how to place it. "Now, you and Pete get back to the TARDIS. Not you, Jackie. You're the key to this working, because you can't be pulled in."
"Me? Blimey! What am I to do?"
"I'm going to set one of the levers to the on position. But I'll need you to switch the other one."
"You sure I'm not goin' to be pulled in?"
"I'm sure, Jackie. Just… just please… We need to hurry!"
"S'pose I'll jus' have to trust you… Show me."
"Rose, you and Pete, into the TARDIS. Now!"
"W'at about you?" Fear crawled up Rose's throat, choking her.
"I'm going to hang on tight to that magnaclamp you set there. Now, go… into the TARDIS!"
Rose didn't waste any time. She grabbed Pete's hand. "C'mon, let's go! Those Cybermen will be 'ere any second." Together, they rushed into the TARDIS. Rose peeked out and gave her mum what she hoped was a supportive thumbs-up, and a tight smile, before closing the doors behind her.
-oOo-
Everything had gone to plan, the Daleks and Cybermen alike being sucked into the Void. The only mishap had been a Dalek striking one of the levers as it had flown past, toward the Void. Jackie had easily managed to reset the lever, and the Void had eventually closed in on itself, sealing off the parallel universe forever. The Doctor had managed to hold on to his magnaclamp and had even exclaimed afterward what a wild ride it had been.
"Oh, you should have been there, Rose!" he enthused as they gathered in the TARDIS console room. "It was brilliant! And your mum… weeell… she was good too! You should have seen her, pushing the lever back into place! I thought we'd be lost for sure. But in came Jackie Tyler to the rescue, looking almost like she knew exactly what she was doing! She saved the day! Brilliant!"
"Oh, pish-posh, it was no…" Jackie waved dismissively, her cheeks pinking. Then her bright expression faded. "Oi! Wait, was that a compliment or not? Rose, was that supposed to be a compliment?"
Rose shrugged, chuckling. "Just go with it, Mum."
Jackie gave the Doctor a skeptical look, lips pursed and eyes narrowed. She looked ready to launch a full scale Jackie Tyler verbal assault at him, when Pete stepped up from behind to rub her arms affectionately. Jackie's mouth snapped shut as she turned to Pete with a smile on her lips. Rose breathed a sigh of relief: after their recent adventure, she wasn't sure she was up to refereeing a row between her mum and the Doctor.
Pete craned his neck around the console room. "Any chance of getting a cuppa 'round here. Blimey, I could use a good cuppa. Or something stronger..."
"Oh, no doubt, this one only drinks weird Martian tea," Jackie piped up.
"Mum…" Rose warned.
The Doctor nodded at her with a tight smile. "Why don't you show your mum and Pete to the galley? I'll get us settled into the vortex and meet you there in a mo'."
-oOo-
The next few days had been a blur of activity as Rose and the Doctor rushed around the Earth, trying to offer help where it was most needed. Jackie and Pete joined them, and Rose watched wistfully as they grew closer and even more in love as they got to know one another all over again.
But at night, as she lay awake, lying in the dark, alone with her recollections, Rose's thoughts turned caustic. Back in Torchwood Tower, he had tried to send her away again, despite promising that he would never leave her behind, despite the fact that he had accepted her promise of forever.
She was furious. She felt betrayed and deeply hurt. Once again, he had taken the solution closest to hand, instead of thinking things through and finding a way to keep her with him. Even on those nights when he stayed with her, holding her through the night instead of tinkering with the TARDIS, Rose couldn't help but think he really must not want her there if he could have dismissed her so easily. Maybe he didn't care for her as much as she had originally thought. Maybe he had realized he had made a mistake in allowing her into his affections. Maybe a lot of things…
Despite her misgivings about his attempt to send her away, she could not berate him for how well he had treated her mum and Pete. Once he decided the Earth would have to take care of itself again, he had been able to take advantage of the wide scale chaos surrounding the invasion, and had made short work of setting up Jackie and Pete Tyler in a new home in a good part of the city. Not posh, but in a good, safe neighborhood.
Jackie had been beside herself with joy, and had presented the Doctor with many well-meaning but ill-received sloppy kisses. She had even been able to rent a chair at a nearby hairdresser, and earn a steady income. The Doctor had enlisted Pete to take over the running of Torchwood, pressing him with the need to transform it into a much more reputable institution. Pete had been more than willing to take on the challenge.
Finally, the Doctor had used his pull with UNIT to provide Pete with a new identity. There were only a handful of close family members left who would remember this universe's Pete, from when Rose was a baby, and they were very gently let in on the secret of Pete's true origins. The rest of the world would just accept that Pete Tyler was alive and well and always had been.
Pete and Jackie were settling nicely into their new roles, and had even set a proper wedding date for the following June, despite the fact that they were already technically married, according to forged legal documents. But their "renewal of vows" would not seem out of place in a world that had so recently been nearly overthrown at the hands of the Daleks and Cybermen. Many couples were hurrying to marry or renew vows, with the recent reminders of their mortality fresh in their minds.
All in all, Pete and Jackie were content, and as far as they knew, Rose and the Doctor were happily gallivanting around space and time the way they always had.
Except, they were not.
As happy as Rose was for her mum, watching Jackie's relationship with Pete blossom into a genuine romance just added salt to her wounds. For every step toward love that Jackie and Pete made, it felt as though she and the Doctor took a step back. It was clear the Doctor sensed something was wrong, as he watched her with wary eyes; as he tensed almost imperceptibly when she refused to hold his hand; as he hid his disappointment when she insisted she was tired and retired to her own bed instead of joining him in his bedroom.
She missed their easy camaraderie, her mad life, running hand in hand with the alien to whom she had given her heart. She knew she should speak to him, confront him about trying to send her away, but he was ever the master of evasion, able to change the subject as effortlessly as breathing. And she never really pushed him, assuming if he was truly invested in their relationship, he would have made a greater effort to sit down with her and talk things out.
By the end of a month, her anger had festered into a deep hollow feeling and a sense of intense distrust. She was perpetually waiting for the inevitable time when he would try to leave her behind again. He had become uncommunicative and distant, no longer bothering to attempt to seek from her either companionship or sex. They still saved civilizations and helped people throughout space and time, but they were no longer mistaken for a couple. They were like two strangers, working to get a job done, all the joy gone from their lives. It was no way to live.
It had to stop.
Her mind made up, she went in search of him. She was more than a bit frightened about what his response would be, but she would have to insist he listen to her this one, last time. It had to be done, and sooner rather than later. He needed to know how she felt so they could both move on with their lives.
Eventually, she cornered him in the galley as he made himself a cup of tea. He raised he eyes warily as she leaned in the doorway, blocking his only route of escape. She watched him with an impassive expression for a few moments, knowing full well it would unnerve him further.
"Erm…" he began. "I'm making a cuppa. Do you…?" He pulled her mug from the cupboard above him, waggling it in the air.
"Yeah, ta." She stood silently as he prepared their mugs: hers with a splash of milk; his with milk and six sugars. "Doctor, we need to talk."
"Right. What do you want to talk about, Rose Tyler?" he chirped, as he handed her the mug of tea, affecting cheerfulness, but refusing to meet her eyes. "There's a brilliant planet I could take you to. A spa planet where you could relax for the day…"
"Doctor."
"No? Or we could go to the see the hills of Huthtrybor in the Gamma Quadrant, year 76432. Brilliant views! And a great place for me to barter for spare parts."
"Doctor."
He raised his eyes to meet hers, his sudden silence speaking volumes.
"Doctor, I can't do this anymore… travellin' with you."
The blood drained from his face.
"I'm… I'm all packed," she stammered, swallowing thickly and fighting back tears. She gestured with her thumb toward the hallway. "I jus' need you to drop me off home."
"Oh…" He sniffed, the vulnerability in his eyes transforming to something dark and dangerous.
"You shouldn't 'ave any trouble doin' that." She couldn't help herself snarking. "Seems to be a specialty of yours."
"Right then." He jammed his hands into his pockets, and brushed past her as he strode out the galley door toward the console room. "Let's not waste any time."
Rose was left standing in the doorway, stunned. She had expected to feel victorious, having put the Time Lord in his place, but instead she just felt empty and sad. She had played the scene over in her mind countless times, preparing herself for his various possible reactions to her announcement. She had expected him at least to protest, to be angry; hell, in one scenario she had even imagined him begging her to stay with him. She had never imagined this cold resignation.
Tears prickling her eyes, Rose followed the Doctor to the console room on leaden feet.