A/N: Yay for another Torchwood fic! :D Just had to write this one, even though I have another million essays I probably should have been writing -shrugs- meh! :P This fic is inspired by Taylor Swift's "Fearless" - I don't mean to be writing songfics at the moment, but I just couldn't rid myself of this scenario! Set during 2x10 "From Out Of The Rain". Loved this episode, and all its Ianto! Speaking of Ianto... (when am I not!) I bought "The Sin Eaters" audio book, the one that Gareth David-Lloyd reads? and OMG. Seriously THE hottest accent I have ever heard. And he does Jack's accent too! And - okay, I really should stop gushing now, but... go buy it :D Right, on with the story - enjoy!
Fearless
There's somethin' 'bout the way the street looks when it's just rained
There's a glow off the pavement, you walk me to the car
And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot, yeah
Somehow, Ianto had just known that it would be the little boy that they had managed to save. Some instinct had just shocked him with it, as he followed Jack and the nurse down the hospital corridor. It wasn't surprising, really. After all, the rest of the case had seemed to cling to the shadows of his own childhood, so why not hit him even harder?
This certainty hadn't made it any less difficult to enter the room, and see the little boy lying there, still empty of life, next to his dead sibling. All alone. Ianto's legs had refused to allow him any closer to the boy, so all he could do was watch as Jack lifted him into a sitting position, with the nurse's help.
Jack had held the flask to the boy's lips. A moment of silence – twisted with grief for the boy's family, overridden with the suspense... and the anticipation.
And then, with a gasping breath worthy of Jack coming back to life, the boy's eyes had blinked open and found Jack grinning broadly at him.
"It worked," the words had fallen from Ianto's mouth, hoarse. The little boy was alive – but, he was all alone. The rest of his family had been killed by those things. And they hadn't saved them – Ianto hadn't saved them.
The room had begun to blur, and Ianto had suddenly realised that tears were on the brink of slipping down his cheeks. He was being attacked with noise, and with silence; with the present, and with the past.
With the memories he had forced down, lost in the world of Torchwood.
And so that was why Ianto was currently where he was now – slumped against the wall of the corridor, just outside the boy's room. He couldn't have stayed in there a moment longer – he'd had no choice but to abruptly turn away, from where Jack was talking quietly with the nurse, and flee from the room.
It was all too much.
Ianto sucked in a few deep breaths, and then pressed his lips firmly together. Damn it, he needed to replace his mask before anyone saw him – before Jack came out. Jack had looked so happy that they'd finally been able to save someone. Ianto couldn't bear to ruin this rare shining moment for him.
He was just being silly, anyway. The last time he'd slept was well over 30 hours ago – must be making him delusional and over-emotional.
But he was just so damn tired.
Sudden footsteps from the boy's room made Ianto forcibly straighten his shoulders, and push his back harder against the wall, so he would stay upright. Luckily he'd been able to keep the tears at bay for now, but hadn't quite managed to wipe the anguish that he knew was creasing his face. He quickly turned his head in the opposite direction. Jack couldn't see.
"Ianto?"
Of course.
Ianto felt a warm hand touch his shoulder, could feel Jack's body presence beside him. He swallowed heavily, but couldn't bring himself to face Jack.
"Ianto. Hey."
Jack's voice was much softer this time, and his thumb smoothed over Ianto's jacket in a soothing rhythm. Ianto cursed inwardly and caught his lip between his teeth securely, just in case, before slowly turning his head around.
Jack's blue gaze pierced Ianto, spilling over with unvoiced questions and concern.
"Is there any... clean up work for me to do, sir?" Ianto got out.
Jack shook his head, a slight smile of disbelief.
"It's being handled."
"And... the – the boy?" Ianto couldn't stop a shudder running through him, and Jack's hand on his shoulder tightened imperceptibly. A flash of matching tension flew over Jack's face, but quickly vanished.
"They'll try and find a foster home for him."
Ianto felt himself nodding, and the motion sent his vision even more out of focus. His body slipped slightly down the wall, but Jack's hand moved down to rest strongly under his arm. Supporting him.
"Ianto," Jack said again, and this time Ianto's eyes darted to meet Jack's. Jack looked like he desperately wanted to gather Ianto up tightly in his arms – but he didn't. Instead, Jack just said, "Not here. C'mon," and slid his arm around Ianto's waist. And Ianto was grateful that Jack hadn't pulled him into a real embrace – because he would have lost it. Completely and utterly. The fact that Jack knew this, and was helping him escape to a more private place before he broke – and unfortunately, Ianto knew he would – was beyond anything anyone could have done. Ianto's heart swelled almost painfully, and it was all he could do to let Jack lead him down the corridor, and towards the exit to the hospital.
It looked like it had begun to rain again, while they were in the hospital, as the ground was freshly wet. However, it had slowed to only a light shower, the occasional splash on the concrete of the car park. The late afternoon sun was peeking out from behind the full clouds, barely visible. Jack's lips brushed against Ianto's ear.
"Come on, nearly there."
Ianto half smiled, his lips trembling, and reached for Jack's free hand. He entwined their fingers, giving them a squeeze, which Jack returned. They reached the SUV, where Jack had to let go of Ianto's hand to open the passenger door. Before taking his arm away though, Jack gently brushed his fingers through Ianto's hair, and pressed his lips to Ianto's forehead. Ianto briefly closed his eyes at the touch. He had to open them again though – he had to wait a while longer before succumbing.
"In you get," Jack whispered, and helped Ianto into the seat. Ianto managed to roll his eyes at Jack's care, but Jack didn't seem to pay any attention.
"Jack?" Ianto said suddenly, as Jack went to close the door. "The foster home... it can't just be any foster home. It... it should be a good one."
Jack held his gaze evenly, and gave a nod of his head.
"It will be. I'll make sure of it."
There was something so pure on his face – something so ancient – that Ianto gripped his nails into the SUV – never mind the leather seats this time – and resisted the urge to throw his arms around Jack. Whether he wanted to sob into his coat, or snog the hell out of him, he wasn't fully decided upon. But Ianto stopped himself. Not yet.
Jack shut the door, and walked around to get into the driver's seat. Ianto looked out of the window, as the rain appeared to gain strength again, and Jack drove the SUV of the hospital car park. At first, Ianto didn't pay much attention to Jack's driving, but then he realised they weren't taking the route to the Hub.
"Where are we going?" Jack gave Ianto a small grin, and tapped his fingers lightly on the steering wheel.
"Just a little stop before we go back. I've sent the others home to get sleep anyway, so we don't need to be at the Hub straight away."
Ianto eyed Jack warily for a few more seconds, but he clearly wasn't going to get a more elaborate answer. Sighing silently, Ianto turned back to the window and allowed his brain to gratefully slip into a numbing lethargy.
We're drivin' down the road, I wonder if you know
I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool, run your hands through your hair
Absent-mindedly makin' me want you
So baby drive slow 'til we run out of road
In this one horse town, I wanna stay right here
In this passenger seat, you put your eyes on me
In this moment, now capture it, remember it
Jack finally drew the SUV to a halt in an underground parking lot. Flashed an easy grin at Ianto's raised eyebrow, and was out of the car and opening Ianto's door before Ianto could even undo his seatbelt.
"Thank you, sir," Ianto attempted to tease Jack, the drive almost letting him forget the boy – forget everything. However, Ianto was sure it didn't meet his eyes, and Jack didn't carry the mood; he simply took Ianto's hand with a tenderness that shocked a slight shine of tears into Ianto's eyes.
They didn't speak as Jack led them to the entrance doors of the building. They were locked, unsurprisingly. Ianto raised an eyebrow once more at Jack, but Jack merely pushed a few buttons on his wristband, and pushed the doors open. Ianto shook his head in amused exasperation, but followed Jack inside.
Ianto began to realise why they were there when Jack crossed the room to the elevator, and pressed the button for the top floor. Still silent, with Jack now stroking Ianto's knuckles with his thumb, they got out of the elevator and climbed some stairs – to exit out onto the roof of the building.
The rain had stopped again, and some clouds had cleared to expose a darkening sky, the sun now dipping lower and lower. Jack and Ianto went right to the edge of the roof, where there was a concrete railing to rest against.
Ianto wasn't really afraid of heights, but he twitched his fingers to grasp Jack's more firmly. They could see the whole city from here, the beginnings of street lights and office lights flicking on. This was the tallest building of the vicinity, which Ianto suspected Jack knew full well.
"It helps to clear your head," Jack spoke quietly, voice near to Ianto's ear. He shivered, shrinking slightly into his suit jacket, and was surprised as something slid onto his shoulders – Jack's coat. Ianto took a deep breath of Jack's scent, and closed his eyes, leaning into Jack.
"I lied to you," Ianto began, receiving a gentle squeeze from Jack's hand. "When I said my dad was a master tailor – he wasn't." Ianto cleared his throat, finally letting the memories come back to him.
"The master tailor – Mr Bateman – was our neighbour when I was young. He always said hello whenever we saw him around. I used to stop by his shop every day on my way home from school. He was so cheerful, sometimes gave me a biscuit, or whatever."
Ianto gave a short chuckle, but it was accompanied with a small gasping breath. He kept his eyes closed, remembering, Jack's hand and body warmth the only anchors to the present.
"My friends, they all used to arrive at school on Monday talking about what film they had seen on the Saturday, at the Electro. I had never been allowed to go, but desperately wanted to. I was talking about it to Mr Bateman, and he offered to take me the next weekend. And god, did I want to!"
Ianto clenched his jaw.
"But... I was stupid. I told my dad, when he got home from work, and... god, I never knew how loudly he could yell. He was yelling about interfering busy-bodies, about how he wasn't going to let anyone else was going to raise his kids. Not that he was doing a good job of it himself. Made my sister bawl just with the noise." Ianto took a shuddering breath, feeling Jack's hand tighten even more around his.
"He gave me a good smack and forbade me from going. Also told me not to go to see the Mr Bateman again. But... he couldn't stop me, because he was at work – and he would never find out, I reckoned. So I kept visiting Mr Bateman, and told him that I... I was allowed to go with him."
"I don't think I slept a wink on the Friday night," Ianto choked on another chuckle. "I was so excited – but mostly scared. How was I going to sneak out? Somehow, I managed it – I think I left before anyone else had woken up. I didn't think about the consequences – you don't, at that age. Didn't think about what might happen if I was found to be missing."
Ianto then stiffened, and ripped his eyes open, gazing unseeingly over the city. He could feel Jack's eyes trained, unmoving, on him, but didn't turn his head.
"I was so happy. The film had just started, Mr Bateman had bought me some popcorn, because he knew I don't like ice-cream. And then... my dad storms in – in front of everyone, some of my friends from school... he drags me out by the ear, and takes me straight home. I ran inside and tried to hide in my room, but – he just starts hitting me, across the back, the head... I fell over and cut my forehead on the corner of my desk, but he didn't care."
Ianto was shaking with the effort of keeping the tears from falling, and Jack reached over and cupped his chin, tilting his head to look into his eyes.
"I was bleeding all over my carpet, and all he says is 'Don't leave a stain.' Who... who does that?"
The anguish in Jack's eyes was all it took for Ianto to finally shatter. He fell into a crushing embrace, clinging to Jack's waistcoat, and buried his face in Jack's neck. Jack held him so tightly he could barely breathe, smoothing one hand up and down Ianto's shaking form. Ianto could feel that his trembling was making Jack tremble as well – but then Jack started kissing the side of Ianto's head, and Ianto realised that tears from Jack were sliding over his skin.
He was making Jack cry too.
Ianto tried to apologise, but only managed another sob, and so gave up. Surrendered himself to the past which he had evaded for so long – forcibly buried all those years ago.
Eventually, Ianto felt a calm start to spread through him. He took deep breaths, eyes still screwed shut against Jack's neck, taking in the soothing smell of Jack. The rain had returned, heavier than before, but Ianto didn't care. Jack slowly moved his head back, allowing Ianto to look into his own red-rimmed eyes.
Jack kissed him then, moulding their lips together in a sign of comfort, of sorrow – but of hope, at the same time. The salt from their tears mingled, merged. "I'm so sorry, Ianto," Jack mumbled into Ianto's lips, and Ianto gave Jack a smile – a small smile, but it was genuine.
Beyond them, the sun was slipping away below the horizon, splashing its last rays across the cloud-patched sky. The rain began to gather speed yet again – one drop fell right on Jack's nose – but neither noticed. All Ianto could think about, at that moment, was Jack. The way their bodies stood, melting together so that they could hardly tell where the other began – the way Jack's arm fitted perfectly around his waist.
Ianto wouldn't have traded that moment for the world.
Well, you stood there with me in the doorway
My hands shake, I'm not usually this way
But you pull me in and I'm a little more brave
It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really somethin'
It's fearless
"Aren't you cold?" Ianto spoke finally, eyes still locked with Jack's, still in his warm embrace. Jack smiled and shook his head.
"I can think of a few ways we can warm up though, if you're cold."
Ianto laughed, startling himself, and kissed the rain off Jack's nose.
"Let's go," he agreed.
The drive back to the Hub seemed to take no time at all; a contributing factor was probably the pleasant tingling that Jack created with a wandering hand over Ianto's thigh. They entered the Hub, Ianto hanging Jack's coat up tenderly on its hook. He followed Jack up the spiral staircase, their hands linked all the way.
"You know," Jack said conversationally, as they reached the door of Jack's office, twirling their fingers between each other. "I think you'll have to take me to a normal cinema, to see an actual movie. Just so I can see what all the fuss is about."
Ianto couldn't resist any longer. He spun Jack around to catch him against the doorframe – the sheer enormity of feeling causing him to pause, his heart beating loudly in his ears – before capturing Jack in a kiss that made both men moan into the other. Jack pulled Ianto even closer, if that was possible.
"I love you."
Ianto moved his lips back a fraction, and looked into Jack's eyes. The words had fallen from his mouth without a thought, but Ianto didn't regret them. How could he, with Jack looking at him, with that look on his face? He could only guess the same emotion mirrored in his own.
"And I love you," Jack replied softly. They stood there, in the doorway to Jack's office, foreheads resting together, breathing in sync, and Ianto knew then – there was no way he was letting Jack go.
"You want to know what I think?" Ianto smiled. Jack quirked an eyebrow. "I think that you need to find your old circus outfit... I reckon I deserve a private showing."
Jack's laughter filled Ianto's ears and heart, and drew Ianto into another deep kiss.
"I think that can certainly be arranged."
'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress, fearless.
-End. Hope you liked it! I have a few more ideas brewing, so will hopefully update again soon! Oh, and question - I really would love to write a story about Jack and Ianto's whole relationship, keeping it as canon as I can - but I'm not quite sure how to go about it. For instance, would I write about every episode? Would I just write about the parts that the show doesn't depict? And the big question - would I go as far as CoE? I don't think I could bear finishing a fic with Ianto's death... Any help would be appreciated! :) Thanks!