Yep. Still in denial. But whatever.
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or its characters. I just like to mend my wounds with fic…
…
When Cassian invited her for a drink in his quarters, she couldn't think of any reason to say no.
Actually, she could think of several reasons why she should say no. Like the fact that in less than a day they were going on a bona fide suicide mission. Like the fact that the man had been on a mission to kill her father. Like the fact that her father died in her arms only hours before.
Plenty of reasons, now that she thought about it. But none of them were enough, compelling enough.
Plus, there was that hesitant smile on his face when he asked that made her heart melt a little bit.
So, she said yes and followed him.
Those they passed regarded her with suspicion and pity. They regarded Cassian with respect and awe. If the mission was a success, maybe they'd look at her like they looked at Cassian.
When they reached the door to Cassian's quarters, Jyn couldn't help but feel like a child in the middle of doing something she shouldn't do. There was that excitement and nervousness.
Even though it was only drinks. Definitely only drinks.
The room was dark when the door slid open.
"Lights, 75 percent," Cassian said as he stepped inside. Jyn hesitated for half a second before stepping in behind him.
Jyn wasn't sure what to expect what a captain's quarters would look like. There was a bed and a desk and a small dresser. The bed was made, but the desk and the top of the dresser were covered in flimsi and knick-knacks and dust. A mix of clean and messy.
"Sit down wherever," Cassian said.
If he looked or sounded nervous, Jyn wasn't going to comment on it. She just nodded and sat at the head of the bed.
Cassian rummaged through the bottom drawer in his dresser, procuring a couple of glasses and a bottle. The bottle was three-thirds of the way full and the label was torn up a bit.
"Here we are. Got it from—well—pirates."
Jyn arched a brow. "Pirates?"
"It's a long story," Cassian muttered, waving a hand. "Let's just say the Empire's loss in the Weequay pirates' friendship was the Rebellion's gain."
"And yours, apparently," Jyn said, accepting a glass from him.
It had a thin layer of film on the outside, but she didn't comment on it. She drank and ate out of dirtier dishes before.
Cassian sat down on the other end of the bed, keeping enough distance between the two of them to at least have the semblance of propriety.
He poured some of…whatever into his glass. Jyn held out her glass and did the same to her. She could smell it already and could imagine what kind of hole it would burn in her esophagus.
Cassian raised his glass.
"To the Rebellion."
The not-so-subtle reminder that they were the suckers likely to die tomorrow turned her stomach, but she raised her glass anyway.
"To the Rebellion," she echoed.
They clicked their glasses together. It didn't sound like a death knell, but it might as well have been.
To the Rebellion. They would lay down their lives for the Rebellion.
She knocked her glass back and immediately regretted it.
Jyn coughed at the burn. "This is awful."
Cassian didn't look much better. His face was pinched. "It was better when I first got it."
Highly likely.
"The Rebel captain got swindled by pirates," Jyn teased.
The silence wasn't awkward, but it wasn't truly companionable either.
It was like they were both waiting for something to happen.
She moved closer to the other end of the bed and, by extension, closer to Cassian. It was to get at the bottle Cassian set at his feet. That was entirely her intention. Because, okay, the aftertaste wasn't that bad.
But she made the mistake of looking at Cassian's eyes around halfway through. Then there was a fire in her belly that was entirely unrelated to the alcohol.
Everything seemed to stop for a moment.
Now, a rational person would've put a respectable amount of space between them because for the Force's sake they were going on mission tomorrow. They couldn't do this.
She told herself that as she inched closer and closer to where Cassian sat. He watched her, unflinchingly.
He had an out. She had an out. Either one could back away from this at any moment. It wasn't like they were pouncing on each other, even though that idea was becoming better and better by the second.
Dammit, they were going to die tomorrow.
She should've expected that this was going to happen the moment she accepted Cassian's offer for a drink. It still felt unexpected.
Jyn's eyes flickered shut as Cassian closed the increasingly small distance. She was relieved that he did, before the moment could pass.
Cassian's lips were soft and warm and his short beard tickled her face. The kiss was sweet and slow and felt surreal in a way.
He reached out and cupped her face and Jyn grabbed handfuls of his shirt as they pulled each other closer until she could feel the heat radiating off of him.
She couldn't deny that she was attracted to him in a purely visceral way. And having her hands on him was the fulfillment of that.
They were going to die tomorrow.
She wasn't sure who deepened the kiss, but it was hot and wet and tasted like that damn alcohol. He was good at kissing, nipping at her bottom lip and immediately soothing it with his tongue.
She also wasn't sure when she climbed into Cassian's lap, but there she was.
His hands moved her hips and pulled at the hem of her shirt, as if asking for permission. Jyn nudged his hands away and pulled her shirt over her head.
Damn him, he was too much of a gentleman.
She unhooked her bra and discarded it.
Cassian pressed a kiss to her sternum as he skimmed his calloused hands over the plane of her back. He could probably feel the pucker of scars. There were a few on her front too.
A blaster bolt here. A vibroblade there.
Jyn undid the buttons on the front of Cassian's shirt, but it was hard to do with a greedy mouth pressing kisses and bites on her collarbone and breasts, leaving tiny pink marks as he went.
She eased off of him, crawling backwards towards the head of the bed. Cassian followed, resting between her spread legs.
He was hard against her and she was wet and he could probably smell her.
They were going to die tomorrow.
Cassian made quick work of the rest of her clothes. Jyn's instinct was to close her legs and hide from him, but he gripped her thighs and spread her open for him.
He slid down her body and rested between her legs. He ran one finger over her slit and pressed it inside her.
"You're tight," Cassian breathed, sounding amazed.
He curled his finger and rubbed his thumb over her clit. Then he replaced his fingers with his tongue, licking hot over her and closing over her clit and sucking.
Jyn squeaked at the sensation, moaning as he stroked two fingers into her. He scissored her open, sneaking his tongue in to taste her.
"Gods, Cassian," she hissed.
She sat up a little to thread her fingers through his hair.
He went down on her like he had been doing this forever. Like they had already learned each other's bodies.
Cassian pulled his mouth off for a moment, fucking his fingers harder into her. He shifted and she was positive he was grinding against the mattress.
At least she knew he was just as affected as she was.
"You're beautiful," Cassian whispered.
His lips returned to her clit before she could think to come up with a witty response or think to be flustered by that.
Beautiful. Why did he have to call her beautiful?
They were going to die tomorrow.
His hands and his mouth were so good she couldn't bring herself to give a damn. Not yet. She'll replay that little phrase in her mind later.
Now, he got her right to the edge and showed no sign of slowing down.
His free arm braced over her hips, holding her down as he fucked her with his fingers and mouth.
"Cassian! Cassian, fuck!" she cried out as she came.
She bowed off the bed and threaded her fingers through his hair, pulling and pressing his mouth closer to where she needed him.
His touches were gentle now, teasing. He muttered nonsense into her skin as she came down from her high. His beard brushed over her inner thighs as he pecked kisses there. It tickled and scratched in a way that should've been uncomfortable but wasn't.
Jyn returned her hand to his hair and gently pulled.
"Get up here," she whispered.
He moved and trailed his lips up her stomach, between the valley of her breasts, to latch onto her throat.
Jyn shoved an arm between them, fumbling with the front of Cassian's pants. He was hard and bobbed against his stomach when Cassian pushed his pants down over his hips. She wrapped her hand around his erection, stroking him quickly and sloppily.
Lips turned to teeth as Cassian pumped his hips into her hand.
"Jyn," Cassian hissed against her throat.
She nudged his shoulder.
"On your back."
Jyn wanted to ride him, dammit. And Cassian obliged. He rolled onto his back and he looked like pure sex underneath her and he was all hers.
"Are you-?" he asked, cutting off in a gasp as Jyn straddled him, her heat against his erection.
"I've got an implant," Jyn answered, rocking against him. She was already wrecked for him and he wasn't even inside on her yet.
She reached back and lined his cock up. She rubbed the head over her slit, as a tease for both of them (mostly him). Cassian tilted his hips into it, holding her in a bruising grip.
"Please."
Jyn almost came at the sound of it. Instead, she sank down until she was fully seated. Cassian groaned, bucking up into her almost in reflex.
She rested her hands on his chest and breathed through the stretch.
Cassian was average size, but while he did a good job at preparing her, it had been a while since she did this and she was still tight and fuck.
She shifted and grinded in little twitches as she adjusted and it was definitely affecting Cassian. His lower lip was caught between his teeth and his pupils were blown wide and he almost looked like he was in pain.
"Good?" Jyn asked.
She rocked down, punching a groan out of Cassian's mouth.
"Good."
She rolled her hips and Cassian's hands tightened on her hips. She sighed. Yeah, that was good.
She lifted up until only the head was inside and sank back down. She bounced on his cock, finding a nice and constant rhythm. Cassian thrust up in time with her and the sound of skin slapping together filled the small room.
Cassian cupped the back of her neck and pulled her down for a kiss. His feet pressed against the mattress and he thrust up into her.
Jyn kissed him messily, her hands alternating between bracing on his chest and pulling at his hair.
"Cassian, please."
While being on top was great, it wasn't enough.
"Want me to-?" Cassian asked, rocking up into her in a torturously slow roll that had Jyn's toes curling.
"Yeah, yeah, Cassian, fuck, please," she babbled.
He pulled her close and flipped them.
The angle changed and his weigh was bearing down on her and Jyn whined into his shoulder. Her legs came up to wrap around his hips. She dug her heels into his back.
Jyn wouldn't dare admit that she was feeling particularly needy and possessive. But Cassian seemed to read her mind anyway. He gripped her hips and set the pace, something hard and fast.
His hands didn't stay in one place. They cupped her ass and played with her breasts and fisted her hair and ran over her abdomen.
"Touch yourself," Cassian groaned.
She rubbed over her clit obediently and licked into his mouth.
Cassian shifted forward, one arm planted next to her head and the other hooking around her leg. The next thrust felt so deep and hit all the right places and fuck.
"Right there," she moaned.
He found the right angle and stuck to it with an efficiency and accuracy that should've felt almost clinical but didn't. It just left Jyn clinging to him and kissing him.
Because Force, they were likely going to die tomorrow. Because it was increasingly obvious that both of them were starved for this. Because she needed to come again and Cassian was obviously set on getting her there.
His fingers replaced hers on her clit and she shook apart. She dug her teeth into his shoulder and almost sobbed because it was so good.
She tightened around him and bucked underneath him as his thrusts became more erratic.
"Jyn. Fuck!" Cassian muttered.
He moaned and panted into her mouth as he thrust once, twice. His hands were bruising on her and she sighed as he pressed his hips flush against hers. He came with a grunt, rocking into her over and over.
Slowly, the rocking stopped.
Jyn kissed him and he kissed her back, slow and languid. He pulled out and they both shivered at the sensation.
He flopped over next to her with a groan.
His side was pressed against hers, but that was the extent of the contact. She was half-disappointed. If he draped an arm over her abdomen, pressed a kiss to her shoulder or collarbone, she wouldn't have protested.
Jyn closed her eyes and allowed herself to bask in the afterglow.
It was good. The best sex she had in a long time, maybe ever.
One last time, before her likely-inevitable death. And with a man she actually kind of liked and respected. Rather than a nameless body from a shady bar.
She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, sitting up. Cassian's come leaked out between her legs.
She should go back to whatever broom closet the Rebellion assigned her. She shouldn't stay here in Cassian's quarters. She should wash up. She should try to sleep.
Cassian caught her arm before she could get far.
"Stay," he whispered.
His hand moved away from her arm and he trailed a finger over her back.
Jyn hesitated around a shiver, resisting the urge to lean into the touch. He was making it very hard to leave, even though his only weapons were a word and a couple touches.
Damn it.
She didn't have to worry about somehow changing her mind about the mission. Her father lived and died so that the Death Star could be destroyed. They had to do this. She had to do this.
Jyn couldn't afford to waver.
And yet…
Damn it.
"Got a refresher?" she asked, relenting, turning to look down at him.
Cassian pointed at the back of the room with a lazy half-smile.
"It should work."
"That's reassuring."
Jyn stole one of his shirts—she already stole his blaster so he should be used to this by now—on her way. There was a soft, resigned sigh behind her, which made her smile.
It was a rickety-looking refresher, clearly not used often.
She was unsurprised. Cassian didn't seem to be like one to stay in one spot for long periods of time. He probably never stayed at the base for more than a few days.
Jyn showered and toweled off quickly. Her pilfered button-up shirt barely covered her ass and it smelled like Cassian.
It felt so domestic, it turned her stomach.
Cassian was reading a datapad when she reentered his room, but his eyes immediately snapped to her. There was heat in his gaze as he brushed past her on his way to the refresher.
The room still smelled of sweat and sex, mingling with the sharp scent of soap.
Jyn burrowed under the covers, leaving enough room for Cassian, and dozed as the fresher ran. She tried to focus on the pleasant ache and not on the ghost of the mission.
A suicide mission. But it was a culmination of work and sacrifice. Her father suffered and died for this. Jyn refused to cry more tears over him. After the mission was done, she would allow herself to cry and cry, provided she survived.
She started when Cassian returned, lying down next to her.
He smelled like the same soap she used.
It wasn't love. She didn't fool herself into believing that. They didn't know each other that well. Maybe if this was cultivated for a while, perhaps it would be love.
Companionship. Affection. She liked what was there so far.
Jyn looked over to see his back was to her. His breath wasn't quite even yet, so he was still awake.
She smiled to herself as she turned to her side and draped one arm over his abdomen.
Cassian exhaled in something like a laugh or a sigh.
Neither of them slept that well, but that was to be expected.
And if Chirrut's unseeing-allseeing eyes looked at the two of them with some sort of smugness, nobody brought it up.
…
Let's pretend this happened and the mission was a success with no deaths or sadness. Cool? Cool.
All feedback is appreciated!
Feel free to say hi on Tumblr. I'm tiaraofsapphires
Cheers!
~Tiara of Sapphires