This fanfic (my first) somewhat bridges the tv series and the tv movie Get Smart Again, completely ignoring The Nude Bomb. This story mostly coincides with Get Smart Again. I hope to write other stories that take place after the TV movie, this story being my bases.
Get Smart, Again. Episode 1.
By the time the twins, Zachary and Josephine, were a year old, Max and 99 found themselves retired agents since CONTROL dissolved in early 1970. They had mixed feelings about the change—premature retirement as they saw it. Max greatly missed Control, but 99 assured him that now they would have plenty of time to enjoy the family life.
Soon they adjusted and simply moved on. Max worked as a Protocol Officer for the State Department—not the job he wanted, but it would keep him busy. 99 spent her time—time not spent with the twins—helping political campaigns and finally starting her autobiography. As Max and 99 sat up house, they felt comfortable in domesticity. They moved to the Washington D.C. suburbs when the twins were old enough to begin school. 99 settled rather easily into her new life, but Max, though he wouldn't verbally admit it, missed fighting KAOS. 99 watched Max suffer and decided to recruit him into helping her with her book.
The book was off to a good start, and the two loved the sense of nostalgia it stirred, recalling the number of times they were nearly killed. Just as their work was progressing, the Smarts hit a bump in the road, when 99 fell ill. After what seemed like the flu, 99 finally consulted a doctor, at Max's urgency. However, the outcome was not what they had expected at all. It was enough to make Max's eyes roll. 99 had been fully aware of her symptoms, but at her age she suspected something entirely different.
"You're not happy?" 99 asked Max as they returned home, having silently ridden in the car.
"Are you?" He asked, ignoring the question, trying to gage 99's feelings.
"Well, it's a little unexpected, but it's our own fault."
"I told you we shouldn't have sent the twins to your mother's that weekend," Max sighed.
99 gave him a little smile before deflating onto the living room sofa. Max paced in front of her. "Max, sit down, you're making me nervous," she demanded, biting her thumb nail.
"What's she going to say about all this?"
"Who, Max?"
"Your mother. She never has really trusted me. She's always questioning me about the greeting card business. I mean the woman thinks I'm a spy."
"Max, you are a spy," 99 said, rolling her eyes.
"Ah, well, yes."
"What are you so worried about anyway? This isn't your first time."
"I'm only concerned about you, 99," he said, facing her.
"About me?" her voice rose at the end.
"Um…well, your age—"
"My age!" 99 shouted, insulted. "If my age had anything to do with it, I wouldn't be pregnant. I'm only 43," she added, pouting.
"43, 99?" He asked, shocked. "If you're 43, that makes me…well, you can do the math—"
"50, Max." she said.
Max whined, "That was a rhe—rhe—rhetor—"
"A rhetorical question?"
"Yes, 99" he hissed.
"Max, you're being awfully vain, and selfish, which is exactly how we got into this situation."
"I didn't hear you complaining," Max retorted like a child about a very adult matter.
"That's beside the point now. And don't you want another little Max running around here?" She pleaded with Max's ego.
"Well, actually no, 99."
"Why?" She asked as Max threw out his hand to stable himself on the end table, completely missing it. 99 closed her eyes until Max jumped back up.
"Oh, Max," 99 groaned.
"That's the reason I don't want a little Maxwell Smart running around, this house is dangerous."
99 stood up and placed her slender arms around Max's neck to comfort him. She walked him back to the sofa, his arm around her waist.
"I'm gonna be the oldest father at school."
"Well, do you want the new baby to call you Grandpa?" 99 asked facetiously.
"Is there only one in there?" Max asked, pointing to 99's abdomen.
"I don't know, Max."
Eight months later, in the middle of the night, 99 felt the first lurch of labor pains. After turning on the lamp she shook Max, "Max, I think it's time."
But he didn't stir, only snored louder. 99 rolled her eyes, then pinched Max's nose closed. He finally woke with a snort. "Max, I need to get to the hospital," 99 pleaded with Max, getting out of the bed.
Max rolled over, and stated in a dreamlike trance, "99, I'm going to have a baby."
"You're absolutely sure about that?" 99 was losing her patience.
"I'm gonna teach him how to play baseball."
"How do you know it's a boy," 99 inquired, rubbing her back.
Max continued, "Well, if it's a girl, I'll teach her how to…to…99, what do girls do?"
"Oh, Max. Please get up, or you're going to find if it's a boy or a girl right here."
99 spent 45 minutes getting herself dressed, calling her mother, getting Max dressed, then drove Max and herself to the hospital.
Around 5 a.m. 99 gave birth to a boy, they named Adam. He looked just like 99, as did the twins. Max was a little hurt that none of his children looked like him…until the fourth Smart child came along.
Two years later, in '79, 99 found herself in the same situation. However, this time she kept it a secret from Max as long as she possibly could, it was beginning to show and her clothes were getting tighter. She would have to tell him. She just didn't know how he would take it, after the last episode.
Max had grown accustom to Adam and they were quite great pals. 99 didn't know why Max felt so unsure about fatherhood, he was practically on the same level as the children. He and Adam made the same noises and he and the twins laughed at the same Peanuts comics. But he would soon find out, that day in the kitchen.
That morning Max let 99 sleep in, while he took care of the children, which pleased her. But then she couldn't sleep knowing that Max was in the kitchen—cooking, and with all the children in there. So she got up if only to check the smoke detectors and the fire extinguisher, things she had learned at Control and at her Safety First class she took to learn CPR after Max let Adam swallow several pennies. Though the CPR proved to be quite useful for Max too, who often forgot to chew before swallowing.
99 became truly concerned when she went downstairs and could hear the clanging of pots and pans coming from the kitchen. She stood behind the kitchen's swinging door before hearing the explosion, which knocked the door back into her face. Pushing through the door to see if there were any survivors, she nearly fell to the floor, slipping on a glob of oatmeal.
"Sorry about that, 99" Max shouted from the stove, pointing to it.
99 marched over, picking Adam up from the counter where Max had deployed him. "Oh, Max," 99 cried, watching Adam eat the oatmeal that covered his face. She looked all over the kitchen in despair, where there seemed to be oatmeal everywhere. The twins stood, draped in their breakfast, looking utterly perplexed at their father.
"Max what happened?" 99 asked, wiping oatmeal from Max's lapel with her index finger.
Max just looked at her with a smirk, "Would you believe?"
"No," she cut him off.
Then Max ate the oatmeal from 99's finger. "He's right, it's good," he laughed pointing at Adam.
99 was feeling over emotional and did not find the humor here.
"Mom," Josephine spoke up. "I don't think I want oatmeal anymore."
99 began to cry. Max turned to the twins, "Um…well, how about you two go wash up and we'll find you something else to eat."
"As long as you're not cooking it," Zach said.
Max ruffled Zach's oatmeal ridden hair, then wiped his hand on his shirt. He pushed Zachary and Josephine through the kitchen door, rolling his eyes, "Kids…"
99 was now sitting at the table, trying to clean Adam's face. Max could tell she wasn't happy. He began to plead with her, "Don't worry about the mess, I'll clean it up."
"Oh, Max, it's not the mess."
"Then what is it, 99?"
"I don't know. I'm just emotional, I guess."
Max took Adam from 99 and put him in his highchair. He put an arm around 99 and she responded warmly. After the tender moment, Max asked, "Is it because of your weight?"
"My weight!" She pushed away from him.
Max misunderstood her, and repeated, "Are you emotional because you've been putting on weight?"
"Max!"
"Well, I wasn't going to say anything."
"But you did."
Max just stared blankly at her.
99 finally confessed, "Max, I'm going to have a baby."
"Oh, well, in that case, 99, I don't care if you get fat."
"So, you're okay with it?"
"The baby, yes…this isn't my first time, 99," he said matter of factly. "My only question is, how did this happen?"
"Max, I think you know that."
"Well, as long as you're healthy and happy, I'm happy."
"And if I wasn't pregnant, would you still love me, if I were fat and unattractive?"
This question made Max uncomfortable. "Well, let's hope that doesn't happen," he answered.
99 rolled her eyes and stormed out of the kitchen.
1989. Get Smart Again Setting.
Max had a funeral assignment, filling in as a pall-bearer—one of his duties as protocol officer. So he offered to take his two youngest children to school that morning, or as he called them, his late in life children. Adam, now twelve, sat in the passenger seat, his head buried in a book. He was every bit like 99, tall and thin and always reading. His only likeness to Max was when he would take tumbles down the stairs.
In the back seat, sat the youngest Smart child, Amanda, who just turned ten last week. And she was every bit Maxwell Smart save her eyes—those were from 99. Where Adam was quite and reserved, Amanda made for with talkativeness. She talked so much, it made Max's eye cross. 99 agreed that Amanda was the most difficult of her children to raise only because she had so much energy and 99 was simply running out of it. Max and 99 loved all their children, but were relieved that school was back in session—they might have time to themselves, with the twins back at University, and Adam and Amanda in middle school.
With Max and the children away, 99 would have time to visit with her publisher. Nearly nineteen years of working on her autobiography, it was almost complete.
Max received a call from the United States Intelligence Agency during the funeral, concerning the return of KAOS. They struck a deal with Max stating he could be reactivated, and the old Control could reassemble, as long as he kept it a secret from 99, because of the dependent children rule.
At the restaurant where Max was to meet 99, he feared her asking about whether or not he was reactivated. To avoid the subject he ordered several meals from the menu and urged 99 to leave without him, "All right, Love," 99 said leaving the table and giving Max a kiss. "I'll the pick the children up on my way home, so you can clear your head."
99 reached the middle school where she was to pick up Adam and Amanda. As soon as she got out of the car, she was hounded my Lorna Harris, the pushy PTA president. 99 quickly averted Mrs. Harris. However, it was not in Mrs. Harris' nature to let someone ignore her. "Oh, Mrs. Smart!" Mrs. Harris shouted, catching up with 99 in the parking lot. 99 stopped, giving her a faint smile. "Mrs. Smart, I see you haven't signed up for career day. I'm sure everyone would love to hear about the greeting card business."
"I'll call to arrange a date," 99 lied to get around Mrs. Harris.
After midnight.
Max stumbled into the house with two KAOS agents trailing him, unbeknownst to him. He tried to be as quiet as possible, as not to wake 99, but at the end of the hall he tripped over the end table. Once he brushed himself off, he tiptoed into the bedroom and was glad that 99 was still asleep in bed. Perhaps 99 had grown accustomed to Max banging into everything and could sleep right through the noise. In the dark, he sat on the bed and unbuttoned his shirt, when 99 woke, "Max?"
"Go back to sleep, 99," Max said.
"I can't, you're sitting on me."
99 turned on the lamp to grill Max about getting home late, when Amanda appeared in the doorway. Max was rather relieved she did, maybe it would get him out of 99's interrogation. "What are doing out of bed?" 99 asked Amanda. "Max, won't you open the window it's a little stuffy in here."
Max went to the window and his eyes widened as he finally noticed the KAOS agents.
"Well, I heard dad crash into the table and I just wanted to tell him goodnight," Amanda said sleepily, scratching her unruly mess of dark curls.
Max smiled at Amanda, and went to ruffle her hair, in his usually goofy way. "How about a nice, hot cup of cocoa?"
99 intervened, "Max, remember what happened last time you tried to make cocoa?"
"Yes, well, the kitchen needed to be remodeled anyway."
Max started for the door, when Amanda followed. Max spun around, "How about I bring the cocoa to you."
"Be careful, Max," 99 warned as Amanda crawled into bed with her and Max smacked his forehead with the door.
In the living room Max ran into the KAOS agent, who tried to kill him. Max fought the agent, while trying not to disrupt the house, using pillows to cushion their falls. The KAOS agent had Max corned, who was holding a lamp and a potted plant, against the grandfather clock. The agent raised his gun, targeting Max, when 99 karate chopped the KAOS agent. The agent escaped through the front door.
"You've been reactivated," 99 cried at Max.
"A little help, 99," Max retorted, shaking the lamp.
"Right, Max," 99 pushed the grandfather clock from Max's back.
"Looks like he got away, 99."
Max sat down the plant and lamp, looked at 99, who was looking at her bewildered children, standing on the stairs.
"Right, well," Max began, rubbing his hands together. "Perhaps they deserve an explanation."
Adam and Amanda walked from the stairs to the living room, sitting on the sofa as instructed by their parents. "Go ahead, 99, tell them."
"Max."
"All right, 99, I'll tell them the truth," Max whined, as he began pacing in front of them.
He stopped pacing only after he bumped into 99, "Sorry about that. Where should I start?"
"How about the beginning?" Adam spoke up.
"Good. Very good," Max said. "It was 1965, when I met your mother and I thought she was a man—"
"Max," 99 said, rolling her eyes.
Adam started questioning, "Come to think of it, we don't know that much about your past, besides what grandma tells us. She thinks dad is a spy."
"I told you, 99," Max hurled at 99.
"So, it's true?" Adam asked.
"Yes," 99 said shyly.
Amanda decided to pipe up, "I'm confused. Mom used to be a man?"
Max placed a finger on his chin and said to 99, "You know, 99, I've never asked you about that."
99 often felt it was too much dealing with Max and his small spawn, but she took it in stride. "No, your father and I don't really work for a greeting card company."
"That certainly explains why you avoid Mrs. Harris," Amanda added.
"We're ex-agents of Control, which dissolved in 1970," 99 explained to her children. Turning to Max, "I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner that you've been reactivated."
"Well, 99, it tore me up lying to you. The Chief of USIA doesn't like married agents working together, who have dependent children."
"But two karate chops are better than one."
Adam interrupted, "Who was that man here? The one that tried to kill you?"
Max answered, "KAOS agent. Control's worst enemy. And he didn't even let me get my cocoa."
"Oh, Max," 99 sighed.
"They've tried to kill us thousands of times. The good old days, right 99?"
"Right," she agreed. "Except when we nearly drowned in that phone booth."
"Or when that motorcycle gang was going to tear me apart by my limbs. Maybe good was the operative word."
"The time they tried to stop our wedding," 99 said, reminiscing.
"And our honeymoon," Max added. "And the birth of the twins."
"But Max, you did drive us to the wrong hospital."
"How many times do I have to explain to you 99, my map got switched with Simon the Likable's."
"I still hate self-locking doors."
Adam interjected, "So, our whole life has been a lie?"
"Not exactly," 99 answered.
"Just the greeting card company part," Max explained. "And the part about your Mother being a man. And that time I lied about being 42. And about how your cat, Dennis, died of natural causes—I did not know he ran under the car that morning."
"Max," 99 said exhaustedly.
THE END.