"Can I punt it?"
"No you can't, Veronica. Now, what did I tell you?"
Veronica's face saddened "That severed heads are not made for punting, Matt"
She was of course referring to a head, freshly ripped off from the body of a legionary from Caesar's legion that just happened to "walk" right into Veronica's power gloved fist. Quite the unlucky fellow.
Our favorite goody two shoes courier, who just happened to be called Matt sighed in exasperation. But relented, "Okay, okay. But, only for this once, alright?"
"Yeah, of course!" She nodded vigorously, handing Matt the 'ball'. "Get ready, cause this is gonna be one huuuge kick!"
"Sigh, why do you both have to act like children?" said a certain 1st recon sniper, whose tone always sounded like he personally saw a puppy die. "I swear, the only other mature person besides me here is Cass, and that's only when she's sober"
"Oh gee thanks, Boone" Cass replied sarcastically, "Glad to see that one of us has that special someone to hold on to instead of booze…oh wait a sec."
"…that was a cheap shot and you know it"
"Well, someone here has to prove that he or she's got the balls in the group. Hint, hint, it's not you" The former caravaneer said, smirking all the while.
The "group" was in the middle of a Caesar's legion's camp, or that's what it used to be before The Courier and his merry band of misfits arrived and razed the camp to the ground. The Legionnaires stationed at the camp tried, in vain, to defend it in the glorious name of Caesar. But… machetes, spears, and small powered guns could only do so much against a raging ex military sniper, a drunken water merchant with a shotgun, a BOS scribe with an ungodly talent for punching, and a Courier with A LOT of guns. Suffice to say, the legionnaires didn't last for very long.
Cass and Boone's little spat was interrupted by a legionary head sailing right over the both of them, travelling a good kilometer before disappearing over the horizon. Followed by an excited Veronica and Courier shouting "Itsss goooooood!"
Boone sighed yet again, "Courier, why the hell did you bring me and Cass along? You could've easily taken down this camp with Veronica."
"Pfft, and have you guys miss out on slaughtering some of Caesar's boy toys?" Matt laughed, "I wouldn't hear the end of it from either of you, haha"
"Huh, the boy does have a point" Cass said thoughtfully. "That's… surprising."
"I know right!" Veronica added, "He's actually not dumb as a starfish, who knew?"
"Hey, uh, guys? You know what would make making fun of someone better? When that someone isn't fucking in front of you!" Matt angrily shouted, face red with embarrassment. Which made the girls collapse in a fit of hysterics. Even Boone cracked a smile, although that could do with the fact that he just murdered dozens of legionnaires in a matter of seconds. It's a 50/50 really.
"Alright, enough with the jokes about my embarrassingly low IQ count" Matt exclaimed, although still emotionally dying inside. "I've got to head back to the NCR outpost, mission accomplished and all, you guys can head back to the lucky 38."
"Whoa, whoa hold on there" Boone quickly interjected, "You sure you can handle getting there by yourself?"
"Wha-? Hell yeah I can!" The Courier yelled out, although he could see where Boone was coming from. The last time they left him alone, they found him trying to eat an active landmine, mistaking it for a pancake, good thing there was an auto-doc around cause they would never get the blood stains off of their clothes.
"One time, man! One time!" Matt shouted, trying to come up with something witty and ended up thinking of pie.
"Oh really? Like that time you swan dived off of the Hoover dam? What about the time you blew up one of the casinos on the strip because you were bored? Or how about when you tried to befriend a deathclaw!"
"… Randy" Matt sniffed tearfully, "I cry myself to sleep every night without him…"
Boone face palmed, "Know what? Fuck this! Go on ahead, you brain dead dick head!"
"Hehe, hey that rhymed" Our brainless hero giggled.
Throwing his arms up in exasperation, and possibly blood lust, Boone soon left for the Lucky 38, with Veronica and Cass hurrying along to catch up with him. Meanwhile, our mildly retarded protagonist, realizing that he was finally alone, decided to happily skip all the way to the NCR outpost. And yes, he actually skipped.
The outpost was anything but a sight to behold. A simple 3 story building that was about 4 small rooms wide, its already ugly brown paint job made more so by its aged look. It housed the most bored NCR soldiers in history, or at least that's what they say. The fact that it was pretty much in the middle of nowhere where the only form of entertainment you can get is watching other people watch paint dry reinforces the rumor. Not that our attentive hero was paying attention, he was actually trying to catch a butterfly on the way into the building, duh.
"Nobody move!" He screamed bursting through the door. "If anyone has seen a pretty butterfly then warn me immediately, for it must DIE… hello? Anyone there?"
No one or thing answered him back, the building stayed eerily quiet. No lights, no sound, no life. Just complete and utter silence. It was seriously annoying The Courier.
Okayyyy, last time I was here the place was packed. He thought, now it's just… dead. Hmm, my common sense is tingling. Better go scope things out.
And so he did, he checked out most of the right wing, which was mostly empty and uneventful, except for the ominous blood splattered all over the walls. But The Courier mostly just glanced at them with a shrug, saying "oh, that's new, wonder who their new interior decorator is?"… our protagonist, ladies and gentlemen. He then sweeped the left wing and was thoroughly surprised. It wasn't that was even more blood on the walls, or that there was a huge pile of NCR bodies on stacked up against a wall. It was the fact that one of those bodies was still breathing.
"So… you think it was a good idea leaving him by himself?" Veronica asked out loud. Walking along with her arms behind her head with Boone and Cass.
"Pfft, please. The worst thing that can happen is that he'll get gang-raped by the sex depraved NCR soldiers over there." Boone gruffly replied. Still pissed at their leader's inherent lack of brains.
"… will he get gang-raped by sex depraved NCR soldiers?"
Cass casually shrugged, "Is it a Wednesday?"
"Uhh, yeah…" Veronica replied.
"Well there you go then" Cass said nonchalantly.
And the whole group happily couldn't care less.
To the Courier, the mortally wounded, barely alive woman that he found in a closet might have been the most beautiful creature that his eyes have ever laid upon. It was love at first sight for him, in a really creepy way, considering the circumstances.
"Hey… you" she said weakly, coughing up blood. "You're the one... who promised to take down that Ceasar's legion camp… righ-?"
"Oh my god, my heart feels like there are butterflies inside of it right now." Matt excitedly, and rudely, interrupted her. "I... I must paint you"
"… what?"
"It's just that, everything about you is just so gorgeous right now, except for the machete that's lodged in your stomach of course" he said happily, blissfully unaware. "But hey, no one is perfect. How'd that machete end up there anyway?"
She grunted in pain, barely mustering the strength to speak. "Legionary assassins… came looking for you just before you arrived… ugh, five of them… took down a whole garrison in minutes…"
"Wow, you look like you're in a lot of pain" The courier surprisingly observed as he injected her with a stimpak and handing her a dozen more. "Here, I've got a lot of em'. How'd you survive?"
"I… was on med-x when they attacked" she said, embarrassment in her tone. "When one stabbed me, I played dead, and managed to dragged myself to this closet while they weren't looking and passed out for a little while. Of course, until you arrived"
"Damn, that must've one hell of a wake up call, huh?"
"Well yeah, getting stabbed in the stomach tends to be uncomfortable" she joked. Despite the situation that they were both in, they laughed. Quietly, of course.
"So, I'm guessing that they're still here, right, umm, I'm sorry, what's your name?"
The soldier smiled up at him, "It's Grace, and yeah they were prowling around the place when I dragged myself in here, they still should be"
The Courier nodded and un-holstered the assault carbine that was strapped to his back. "Then I guess I'd better go finish them off. Oh and mine's Matt"
"Okay, then I'm coming with you, Matt" Grace said, trying to get up.
"No, Grace, you're wounded" he said firmly, "I've dealt with these guys before, you stay here"
"No! I want to repay you for saving my life!" she said, growing frustrated.
"Then stay here and passionately make out with me before I go" he said, smiling and filled with hope.
"… not a chance."
"Eh, worth a try" he said, before disappearing out the door and into the darkened halls of the building.