Thanks she-wolf-vixen for badgering me to get in gear and write some more fanfiction! This is the product of one looooong sugar filled day spent with my mom, and ending with me making fun of her soaps...
note: I do not own any of the Star Wars charactors, places, objects... well you get the picture
Jedi masters Adi Gallia and Qui-Gon Jinn were on their way to Master Yoda's quarters in seek of advice about the growing relationship between their padawans. While friendship was encouraged by the Jedi, they feared Obi-Wan and Siri's friendship was changing into something much deeper. To add to their dilemma, both master-padawan teams were often paired together on larger missions, because of their phenomenal success rate. If their suspicions were right, and Adi had a bad feeling they were, they would have to do something before Siri or Obi-Wan jeopardized a mission because they were distracted by their emotions. Adi also cared for Siri like a daughter, and didn't want to see her young padawan get hurt. She knew Qui-Gon felt the same about Obi-Wan, and so they had come to a consensus that they should confide in Master Yoda and seek his advise on how to handle the situation.
They had just reached the ancient master's quarters when they detected a faint weeping sound from within. Worried that something had gone horribly wrong, Adi and Qui-Gon burst into the room. Adi was completely unprepared for the sight that greeted them.
Master Yoda sat, weeping softly into the fuzzy, pink bathrobe he wore. His eyes were trained on a holovid currently playing. "No, too horrible this is," he whispered in despair.
Visions of horror and destruction played through Adi's mind as she scanned the room for danger. "What is it Master Yoda?"
"Getting a divorce, Christene is!"
"No!!!" Adi jumped, unprepared for Qui-Gon's sudden exclamation and watched, stunned, as Qui-Gon rushed to the holovid.
"She and Kal're are soul mates, they are perfect for each other, they can't get divorced! If they do, what will happen to little Cha'rad???"
"Says cheating he his. Saw him kiss other woman she claims," Yoda replied sadly shaking his head.
"She's obviously lying!" Qui-Gon exclaimed.
Yoda suddenly looked furious and whacked Qui-Gon on the head with his gimer stick, a feat only manageable because Qui-Gon had sat down on the coach next to Yoda "Lie Christene would not! Kal're's fault this obviously is."
Adi watched in fascination, Siri and Obi-Wan completely forgotten, as Yoda and Qui-Gon continued to argue about whose fault the divorce was. She grew worried as their gestures became more, and more violent and winced as Yoda continued whacking Qui-Gon with his stick. She idly wondered if Qui-Gon would challenge Yoda to a duel, even though they had been outlawed by the Jedi years before. By the loud cracking sounds made by Yoda's gimer stick, Adi was unsure that the Jedi Master would even remind Qui-Gon of this. Things could get ugly fast if she didn't do something!
Just as Adi began preparing to put her life at risk by separating the two soap obsessed Jedi, Master Mace Windu walked into the room. "What in the Force is going on in here?" He bellowed. Adi sighed with relief, she was saved! Finally someone rational…
Yoda stopped in mid-whack and Qui-Gon froze, and then quickly released his hold of Yoda's long ear. "Christene is getting divorced and Yoda mistakenly thinks its Kal're's fault because she claims he was cheating on her," he said quickly in one breath, as if he wanted Mace to hear his side of the story first.
Adi rolled her eyes, amazed at how Qui-Gon sounded just like a child in the creche and looked over at Master Windu, expecting him to be as bewildered at the two Jedi's strong reactions as she was. Instead, she noted with alarm, Mace appeared to be actually taking them seriously. He stroked his non-existent beard and replied, "It's neither of their faults. Kal're was probably unknowingly kissing Christene's evil twin, Christina."
Qui-Gon jumped out of his seat, "Of course!" He exclaimed, "Christina is jealous of Christene and Kal're! Only she would do something as evil as this to get custody of her nephew, Cha'rad!"
"But killed Christina was. Dead, unable to kiss the living they are."
"She must have faked her death!" Mace put in eagerly. "She wanted them to believe she was dead so that they would be unaware of her plans to attack their relationship again, causing them to hate each other and get a divorce and then make them seem unfit parents for Cha'rad, and then gain custody of him, and then kidnap him, and hold him for ransom, and demand a huge sum of credits for his safe return!"
Adi slowly backed out of the room as the three Jedi masters continued to discuss Christina whats-her-face's motives. Mace's face was purple from giving his long tirade in one breath, and Yoda was holding his precious gimer stick as if to whack either of them at any moment. Reaching the door, Adi rushed out of the room and quickly walked away from Yoda's quarters. She wanted to get as far away as possible so that she would truthfully be able to say she had no idea who murdered who, when questioned by the council. Who would have thought that Qui-Gon, Yoda and Mace, of all Jedi would be so passionate about their soaps?