Kallen is not soft. She does not have a pretty face or a gorgeous smile; she does not have curves in the right places and her hair isn't long enough for someone to run their hands through it. She is not kind.
She is harsh, instead— all sharp bones and scrawny muscle, with a hard smile and tough eyes, because she has to be. Resilience is preferable to frailty. She has to be able to pick herself up again and again, even when there are more scars on her than there were before. She has to be able to dust herself off and come back at them with a smile that says 'try this, fuckers'. Fighting gives her something to do; it gives her hope, for a tomorrow that's better than today, and it lets her dwell on something other than the internal scabbing.
She does not have time for love. It's what she tells herself when she sees his smile. Love will only get in the way of things. It will only turn her into a slobbering mess and she doesn't need that; she doesn't need affection and gentle touches. She might want them, but she's in control of herself, and her hormones don't get to her. Even when their lips up close enough to touch, even when her hands miserably twitch to tangle themselves in his dark hair, she repeats it like a mantra: Love is not for you. Love is not enough.
But if he would call her beautiful, she would... She doesn't know what she would do. Her Mother always told her that it's in the eye of the beholder, but he has eyes that are different than anyone else's. Do they find beauty in her? Kallen isn't sure if she would like that better than if he didn't find her attractive, because that would mean that she's just another pawn, used for her fighting skills and her loyalty. Expendable, even though she would gladly die for him without the charming words.
And that is why she walks away, breaking on the inside, each step a twist of her heel into her heart. She will snivel and she will crawl and she will cry. She will swindle and cheat and smile falsely for him, and she will die for him, and she will hate herself for being so weak.
Love will get you killed.
a/n: So, I'm not impressed with this whatsoever. I think I wrote Kallen too OOC; I've gotten too comfortable with my own original characters who I can do whatever I wish with. XD But, oh well. Despite me considering this worthless characterization-wise, I think it was intentional, considering I wanted to write something comely for what I consider a character with a personality like a serrated edge... I'm also worried since this is my first foray into this fandom, and it is the first time I've wrote any characters from it, but that doesn't mean to go easy on me. Anyway— thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? I'd love to hear 'em all, since I'm shaking in my boots at the thought of posting this. (Okay, seriously. Please go easy on me.)
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Code Geass, or any related merchandise, except... Wait, no. Never mind.
Feedback appreciated very much!