Sauron PWNed!
Reuters: Today marks the one year anniversary of The Forum; your resident newspaper bringing you knowledge of events from across the dark worlds, white worlds, dwarven and elven – but that is not the only celebration in the air. Two hours ago, dark Lord Sauron was defeated in thorough contrast to what he said when he was interviewed before the battle. "I'll fuck you up." He stated when questioned, at which our reporter ran and still has yet to be found. The orcs outnumbered the free people's army 1115 to 1, but all that was for naught when the great Lord Sauron himself decided to engage in battle only to have his pinkie cut off and disappear. One anonymous source stated he was trying to make up for what he lacks in a different department – we have presented this notion to the leadership of the dark army and they have yet to comment, which only sheds light to the fact that Sauron indeed lacked something.
Celebrations were however short lived, as in all this commotion a dwarf was stepped on and squashed. Fingers are now being pointed at their Elven counterparts, and compensation has been asked for in the form of twelve elven damsels, or boys to be delivered to Erebor – regardless of priority as the dwarves care not for gender and stated on several occasions, they consider themselves to be a gender tolerant society as seen from the beards sported by both sexes. Further investigation in the matter had led our people to the deep Fangorn forests, but nothing is apparent as to what exactly could have squashed the dwarf as only trees reside in the area.
A joint coalition of Imladris and Gondor had today created an Elven inspector – comprising of a team of members who are now responsible for seeking out the Dark Lord's remains, as Islidur claimed "the battle ain't over till I say it's over!" and is now actively seeking him out so he can duel with him again.
In totally unrelated news, the one ring is still not destroyed.