He watches Dean at the bar, flirting with a soft, pretty thing. Like he's done a thousand times before. Like he'll do countless more times.
Sam tries not to think about the future too much. Ever since Jess died there doesn't seem to be much point in it. Hunters don't exactly live to retirement age.
It's a sad, lonely life. Sure, they have each other, but a brother isn't really what you need to keep you warm at night. They watch each other's back, patch each other up, save each other's lives, walk together, crawl beside or carry each other every step of the way.
But no matter how they deny it, they both need more.
How do you bring someone into your life knowing you could die today, tomorrow, next week? How do you start a relationship with someone knowing you will be picking up and moving on to parts unknown at the drop of a hat, possibly never to return?
How do you get involved with someone knowing that by doing so you automatically endanger their life? The "bad guys" aren't shy about using loved ones against you. Hell, they use the brothers against each other quite enough thankyouverymuch.
Sam knows Dean needs someone to love him, to prove he's worthy of love, to stand beside him no matter what comes. Dean has given so much of his life, his soul, his heart, himself - and not just to Sam. He gives of himself on every job, to everyone they come in contact with. His young, muscular body a criss-crossed road map of scars, but that's nothing compared to the damage to his spirit. And despite it all, Dean keeps going. To the next job, and the next, and the next.
"Saving people, hunting things."
Sam remembers conversations, too many to count now, they alternate reassuring each other that "you can't save everyone", but he knows full well Dean wants to save everyone just as much as he does.
Dean will never settle down, never have a white picket fence with 2.5 kids and a dog, he's already raised his kid. Sam. Once in awhile Dean will even admit that, but not often. He never takes credit for anything.
Sure, he's all cocky swagger and sheer bravado, but there is no room in him for anything besides true humility. Even Sam used to think Dean was cocksure and unflappable - until he started really looking into his brother's eyes, that is.
If eyes are the windows to the soul, then the green stained glass of his brother's windows filter murky light into a post-apocalyptic landscape of loneliness, pain and fear.
Dean's been left behind far too many times. Now he does the loving and leaving, though he always treats them like spun glass - ever so careful and tender with the ones he "spends time" with. How does Sam know this? He's been propositioned by a few when they've been in a town more than a day or two, the ones who are inordinately excited by strangers passing through town. Eager to take both brothers for a test drive. He remembers the first one as clearly as though it just happened, though years had passed since then.
"Are you anything like your brother?" she purred when it became obvious Dean was not coming to the bar that night.
"What do you mean?" he played dumb. He and Dean had bickered, he came to the bar to cool off alone. (Looking back on it later he would admit he was being petty, though at the time he thought he was stewing in righteous fury.) He found himself curious to know what one of his brother's "conquests" would say about him afterward, wondered if he were being handed ammunition for their next fight.
She licked her generous bottom lip and when her eyes slid out of focus Sam knew she was no longer sitting at the bar with him.
"Raw, sharp edges on the outside, but sweet and tender underneath." She took a breath and shivered, he was grudgingly impressed that the thought of his big brother had induced a full-body flashback. "I expected to be used up and thrown away, I had braced myself for that." She was actually trembling now, he could see the tremors running through her. "I never expected to feel so much love from someone I was only spending one night with."
He had started laughing then. Dean "No Chick Flick Moments" Winchester: tender and passionate? Surely not. He had thought she was challenging him to "one-up" his brother, to take her home and treat her better than he thought she deserved.
But that was before, too. He spent a lifetime not really knowing his big brother, but he's been trying to make up for it. Not that Dean is an easy man to know, but Sam is patient and determined.
Sam came to realize that while he had looked down on that woman for trying to pick up a stranger in a bar, his brother had gone out of his way to make her feel special. Cared for. Loved for the few brief moments they had together.
Watching Dean flirt with the soft, pretty thing at the bar he has a revelation. Dean needs a woman who can stand by his side in all things, not someone who needs to be protected but someone who can protect his six. Or his eight if Sam is at his four.
She would need to be a Hunter, or at the very least someone who could take care of herself in a tough spot. His mind is wandering further, now, making a mental list of what criteria she would need to meet to not be a liability. She would have to be strong and independent, but still able to show Dean a soft, pretty side at the end of the day.
He thinks for a moment how strange it would be for them to travel with mates, considers the complications. As he watches his brother, though, he knows there's nothing too complicated for him to try to work through if it means Dean's happiness.
He's still mulling when Dean turns from the bar and heads his way.
"You ready to go, or are you gonna sit here and stare at my ass all night?" Dean's eyes are tired, worn down, but there's a sparkle of mischief there.
"I thought sure you'd be tossing me the keys on your way to her room, man."
Dean snorts and rolls his eyes, "You have a concussion. You're lucky I let you talk me into bringing you here for a beer. You are so not driving my baby."
Sam smiles, he knows damn well Dean didn't leave with her because he doesn't want to leave his "little" brother alone. It's been a rough 24 hours and they've done what they needed to do. Now it's just the recuperation period. He knows he'll be gently awakened every 2 hours throughout the night and Dean will get no sleep at all. Because that's what he does.
And that's why he deserves to be happy, because he never thinks of his own happiness first.
And if it's maybe a little strange that his baby brother is thinking about what he needs in a mate, it's no stranger than the rest of the crazy life they live...
Saving people. Hunting things.