If I Let You Fly
By: Calypso
Disclaimer: I don't own pretender blah blah blah.
Summary: Miss. Parker must decide if Jarod's freedom is worth her own. Set at end of Island of the Haunted, alternate ending. MPJR. (Edited)
Authors note: Well, this is actually inspired by a Stargate SG-1 music video set to Kate Winslet's 'What If' It's really a very beautiful song that fits the relationship between Jarod and Ms. Parker quiet well. This is a stream of thoughts as Ms. Parker and Jarod sit in the car at the end of the movie. I have to remark that this is nothing like my usual style of writing so call it an experiment if you will. Please review?
I love him.
When and how I found out I don't really care to know.
I don't care what the rest of the world thinks; somehow I don't even care if he loves me.
But then why does it hurt so much?
Why do I hurt if I claim not to care? Why do I feel this soul shattering pain, this belief that I've somehow betrayed him?
He sits there quietly across the way. Pleading with me for his life. Begging me for his freedom.
I suddenly want to offer him that much. After everything that's been taken from him perhaps I won't take his freedom from him.
Perhaps. but somehow I don't think I can.
I've changed more than I can say in these past five years, there were always so many choices, so many paths. And whichever one I choose, always seemed to be wrong.
God, if I had only walked away all those years ago.
If only he'd escaped sooner.
If only he'd come back for me.
Yet I doubt it would've made a difference. I doubt I would've let him stand with me.
I've always stood alone. In my heart; there was never a moment where I wasn't alone.
But there was. Once. When she was alive.
God, what would mother think of me now?
She would say I've lost my way. That I ought to take a different path.
But can I take the chance of changing it all. Could I?
I would've once.
I think so often of what things might have been like, when I look at Sydney, I sometimes imagine how different things might've been if he were my father. God what I doing? How can I even think like this?
Damn these tears. I hate it when I cry.
No, that's not rue, Daddy hates it when I cry. Somehow, he seems unwilling to remember that I'm a woman like any other.
A human being like any other.
Suddenly I feel Jarod's hands on mine. His eyes offering comfort where before they were pleading for freedom.
The freedom to fly.
If he goes, I know I'll never see him again.
If he goes, I know he won't come back.
After all, why would an angel come to watch the flames of Hell?
Why would any bird want to stay within a confined withering garden when they could soar through the clear blue sky?
I love him.
I knew he was there that day he sent flowers to my mother's grave.
I knew that he watched me as I held the card he left closely.
I love him, and so I have no choice but to let him fly.
No choice but to let him out of a cage so that I might step into it.
"Go." I uncuff his wrists, letting my tears fall onto his hands.
He stares.
"I said go." I won't look him
I can't.
Damnit. Why do I always betray myself. Why do I have to cry?
"Go Jarod, and don't ever turn back."
So it seems I've set him free.
So now as I burn in the fires of the hell,
I know he can fly free.
And I know that I love him.
~Fini~
By: Calypso
Disclaimer: I don't own pretender blah blah blah.
Summary: Miss. Parker must decide if Jarod's freedom is worth her own. Set at end of Island of the Haunted, alternate ending. MPJR. (Edited)
Authors note: Well, this is actually inspired by a Stargate SG-1 music video set to Kate Winslet's 'What If' It's really a very beautiful song that fits the relationship between Jarod and Ms. Parker quiet well. This is a stream of thoughts as Ms. Parker and Jarod sit in the car at the end of the movie. I have to remark that this is nothing like my usual style of writing so call it an experiment if you will. Please review?
I love him.
When and how I found out I don't really care to know.
I don't care what the rest of the world thinks; somehow I don't even care if he loves me.
But then why does it hurt so much?
Why do I hurt if I claim not to care? Why do I feel this soul shattering pain, this belief that I've somehow betrayed him?
He sits there quietly across the way. Pleading with me for his life. Begging me for his freedom.
I suddenly want to offer him that much. After everything that's been taken from him perhaps I won't take his freedom from him.
Perhaps. but somehow I don't think I can.
I've changed more than I can say in these past five years, there were always so many choices, so many paths. And whichever one I choose, always seemed to be wrong.
God, if I had only walked away all those years ago.
If only he'd escaped sooner.
If only he'd come back for me.
Yet I doubt it would've made a difference. I doubt I would've let him stand with me.
I've always stood alone. In my heart; there was never a moment where I wasn't alone.
But there was. Once. When she was alive.
God, what would mother think of me now?
She would say I've lost my way. That I ought to take a different path.
But can I take the chance of changing it all. Could I?
I would've once.
I think so often of what things might have been like, when I look at Sydney, I sometimes imagine how different things might've been if he were my father. God what I doing? How can I even think like this?
Damn these tears. I hate it when I cry.
No, that's not rue, Daddy hates it when I cry. Somehow, he seems unwilling to remember that I'm a woman like any other.
A human being like any other.
Suddenly I feel Jarod's hands on mine. His eyes offering comfort where before they were pleading for freedom.
The freedom to fly.
If he goes, I know I'll never see him again.
If he goes, I know he won't come back.
After all, why would an angel come to watch the flames of Hell?
Why would any bird want to stay within a confined withering garden when they could soar through the clear blue sky?
I love him.
I knew he was there that day he sent flowers to my mother's grave.
I knew that he watched me as I held the card he left closely.
I love him, and so I have no choice but to let him fly.
No choice but to let him out of a cage so that I might step into it.
"Go." I uncuff his wrists, letting my tears fall onto his hands.
He stares.
"I said go." I won't look him
I can't.
Damnit. Why do I always betray myself. Why do I have to cry?
"Go Jarod, and don't ever turn back."
So it seems I've set him free.
So now as I burn in the fires of the hell,
I know he can fly free.
And I know that I love him.
~Fini~