WHEN THE WORLD ENDS
I can't quite believe I'm doing this again. I mean, I thought I'd learned after Nina. CTU and romance just doesn't go together.
Not that Michelle is anything like Nina of course. She's sweet and beautiful, determined to do the right thing, no matter what the cost to her. And try as I might, I just couldn't stop thinking about her. I can't stop thinking about her. Even in the middle of a terrorist threat, I still found myself daydreaming about her, about her eyes, and her smile.
God, she's beautiful when she smiles. What will she be like if I could make her laugh?
Maybe that's why I'm bouncing around my apartment, music blasting from the stereo, singing along at the top of my lungs. Feeling like a teenager on his first date.
So I'm standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, coating my jaw with shaving foam. Steam still filling the bathroom from the shower. When you've just had the day we've had, nothing beats a long hot shower.
I stop with the razor on my cheek.
Shit. I have a hard enough time controlling myself when we're together in work.
Maybe I should have had a cold shower instead. *
I'm so nervous.
It's difficult for me to admit that. I've always been in control. Always been professional. But it's different with Tony. I don't have to be strong. He makes me feel like I can fall apart, and it wont be the end of the world. That he'll be there to help me pick up the pieces.
I'm so nervous.
I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be nervous, that I should be looking forward to this. I mean, I know Tony. I like him.
I like him a lot.
I just can't help it. I've never been good at things like this, relationships. Dating. I've always kind of let things pass me by. I wonder did Mason see the way I looked at Tony. Was that why he told me what he did.
Either way, I've spent the last few hours trying to get ready. I think I've tried on nearly every dress I own and some of them twice. And I think I'm finally ready. God I hope he likes me. *
I'm gonna rock you like a baby when the cities fall
We will rise as the building's crumble
Midst the burning we'll be churning
Love will be our wings
Passion rises from the ashes
When the world ends
*
I've been here for about ten minutes and I'm starting to get freaked out.
She's not here.
I know I'm overreacting, and worrying over nothing. She wouldn't just stand me up. She'd have called, told me that she didn't think that this, us, was a good idea. She wouldn't just leave me hanging here.
Would she?
Maybe the day had been too much for her. Maybe she had waited until now, when she knew I wouldn't be there, and then phoned. Just so she wouldn't have to speak to me. Maybe I'd get back home and there'd be a flashing light on my answering machine...
Oh for fucks sake, Almeida! Get a grip of yourself.
I fight the urge to look at my watch for the tenth time in as many minutes. I win that fight for at least, oh thirty seconds or so.
The waiter comes back. Again. "Is sir ready to order?" He's got that odd smile on his face. They all seem to. I wonder if they've opened a book on me getting stood up. I saw that on a TV show once. I don't think it would be as funny in real life.
"No I'll just wait on my...on her." My throat is suddenly very dry. This is getting more embarrassing by the minute. "Could I have another beer please?"
"Very good sir." The waiter hasn't stopped smiling. As he walks off to get my drink, I wonder what time he got in the kitchen sweep stakes.
I try not to look at my fellow dinners. I think the whole restaurant knows that I am waiting on someone.
And she's late.
*
I'm late.
It seems like this cab has taken an eternity to get to the restaurant. It's lucky that the driver seems content to talk enough for the both of us. My throat's so dry, I don't think I could talk to him, even if I wanted to. I'm torn between wanting to check if my hair is okay, and not wanting to touch it in case I ruin it. It took me hours to get it right.
Okay, calm down, Michelle. Relax. I force my hand down, close my eyes, take deep breaths. I can smell my perfume. It's my favorite. My mom sent it down for my birthday. I hope he likes it. I hope he likes my dress. I bought it a while ago, but this is the first time I've worn it. I guess I was just saving it for a special occasion. I take another breath, hoping that I haven't put too much perfume on.
My perfume.
Oh God. What if he's allergic to my perfume?
I'm nearly panicking, looking through my bag. Even though I know the only perfume I've brought is the perfume I'm wearing.
I close my bag, and move it away from me. Try to control my breathing. Then it occurs to me that we've stopped.
I'm here. *
Oh when the world ends
We'll be burning one Ah
When the world ends
We'll be sweet makin love
Oh you know when the world ends
I'm gonna take you aside and say
Let's watch it fade away fade away
*
I'm at the stage where I'm about to give up and go home when...I see the waiter coming my way. And she's with him. She smiles when she sees me sitting there, and I cant help myself: I have to smile back.
I think that's what attracts me to her the most: despite all the shit we see during a day, all the evil in the world, she still can make me smile.
Somehow I remember my manners and stand up as she approaches the table. She's still smiling when she sits down, her hand coming up to play with one of her curls, before she forces her hand back onto the table.
"You look beautiful." Oh my, she did. *
"You look beautiful." And just like that, I'm embarrassed. He keeps me off balance so easily. I can feel my face colouring.
"Thanks. You look pretty good yourself." At least I had the satisfaction of seeing him flush. "Have you been here long?" I hope I haven't kept him waiting. I wanted tonight to be perfect. After the past couple of days, I needed tonight to be perfect. *
"Have you been here long?"
What else could I do? I lied through my teeth. At least none of the bastard waiters had won any money on me.
"No, I got here just before you did." I picked up the menu with a flourish and handed one to her. "I'm starving though." *
I'm sure the food was delicious, but I don't remembered what anything tasted like. I was more concerned with making sure I chewed with my mouth closed and didn't spray my food everywhere.
But somehow, as the evening went on, I relaxed.
Nothing to do with the wine we drank, but another one of his gifts. I remembered the way he'd eased Paula into working at CTU, the way he'd reassured her, the way he'd reassured me, when everything seemed to be going wrong. The way he'd taken over whenever Mason had died.
Paula. Mason. Both dead. I had to bite my lip to stop myself crying. I didn't want to cry. Not tonight. *
I saw her drifting away, her eyes welling up and I just started talking. I knew I was talking shit and I didn't care. I don't know what I said and I didn't care. Anything to make her smile. My worst memory of the day is Michelle crying and I wouldn't let that happen again.
And so I talked, saying anything that came into my head. And then, before my brain caught up with my body, I reached across the table and touched her cheek gently.
* His touch on my face shocked me from my thoughts. I titled my head, trying to keep his hand against my cheek. God I loved the feeling of his skin on mine.
He kept talking, but I had long since stopped listening, just staring at him. There were going to be a lot of jealous women at CTU. *
I walked her home, walking hand in hand through the Los Angeles night. We both slowed down as we approached her house, stopping on the porch. *
"Well, thank you. I had a lovely time." That was the thing. I had had a lovely time. And all I wanted him to do now was kiss me. *
The last time I'd felt like this had been my senior prom. I'd chickened out then. I couldn't miss out again. I gathered my courage in both hands, put my arms around her and kissed her. *
I put my arms around him, and held him tight against me. I knew I'd have to let him go eventually. But for now, I just wanted to feel his arms around me, his lips on mine.
Tonight was enough.
I'm gonna love you
I'm gonna love you
When the world ends
I'm gonna hold you
When the world is over
We'll just be beg...
I can't quite believe I'm doing this again. I mean, I thought I'd learned after Nina. CTU and romance just doesn't go together.
Not that Michelle is anything like Nina of course. She's sweet and beautiful, determined to do the right thing, no matter what the cost to her. And try as I might, I just couldn't stop thinking about her. I can't stop thinking about her. Even in the middle of a terrorist threat, I still found myself daydreaming about her, about her eyes, and her smile.
God, she's beautiful when she smiles. What will she be like if I could make her laugh?
Maybe that's why I'm bouncing around my apartment, music blasting from the stereo, singing along at the top of my lungs. Feeling like a teenager on his first date.
So I'm standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, coating my jaw with shaving foam. Steam still filling the bathroom from the shower. When you've just had the day we've had, nothing beats a long hot shower.
I stop with the razor on my cheek.
Shit. I have a hard enough time controlling myself when we're together in work.
Maybe I should have had a cold shower instead. *
I'm so nervous.
It's difficult for me to admit that. I've always been in control. Always been professional. But it's different with Tony. I don't have to be strong. He makes me feel like I can fall apart, and it wont be the end of the world. That he'll be there to help me pick up the pieces.
I'm so nervous.
I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be nervous, that I should be looking forward to this. I mean, I know Tony. I like him.
I like him a lot.
I just can't help it. I've never been good at things like this, relationships. Dating. I've always kind of let things pass me by. I wonder did Mason see the way I looked at Tony. Was that why he told me what he did.
Either way, I've spent the last few hours trying to get ready. I think I've tried on nearly every dress I own and some of them twice. And I think I'm finally ready. God I hope he likes me. *
I'm gonna rock you like a baby when the cities fall
We will rise as the building's crumble
Midst the burning we'll be churning
Love will be our wings
Passion rises from the ashes
When the world ends
*
I've been here for about ten minutes and I'm starting to get freaked out.
She's not here.
I know I'm overreacting, and worrying over nothing. She wouldn't just stand me up. She'd have called, told me that she didn't think that this, us, was a good idea. She wouldn't just leave me hanging here.
Would she?
Maybe the day had been too much for her. Maybe she had waited until now, when she knew I wouldn't be there, and then phoned. Just so she wouldn't have to speak to me. Maybe I'd get back home and there'd be a flashing light on my answering machine...
Oh for fucks sake, Almeida! Get a grip of yourself.
I fight the urge to look at my watch for the tenth time in as many minutes. I win that fight for at least, oh thirty seconds or so.
The waiter comes back. Again. "Is sir ready to order?" He's got that odd smile on his face. They all seem to. I wonder if they've opened a book on me getting stood up. I saw that on a TV show once. I don't think it would be as funny in real life.
"No I'll just wait on my...on her." My throat is suddenly very dry. This is getting more embarrassing by the minute. "Could I have another beer please?"
"Very good sir." The waiter hasn't stopped smiling. As he walks off to get my drink, I wonder what time he got in the kitchen sweep stakes.
I try not to look at my fellow dinners. I think the whole restaurant knows that I am waiting on someone.
And she's late.
*
I'm late.
It seems like this cab has taken an eternity to get to the restaurant. It's lucky that the driver seems content to talk enough for the both of us. My throat's so dry, I don't think I could talk to him, even if I wanted to. I'm torn between wanting to check if my hair is okay, and not wanting to touch it in case I ruin it. It took me hours to get it right.
Okay, calm down, Michelle. Relax. I force my hand down, close my eyes, take deep breaths. I can smell my perfume. It's my favorite. My mom sent it down for my birthday. I hope he likes it. I hope he likes my dress. I bought it a while ago, but this is the first time I've worn it. I guess I was just saving it for a special occasion. I take another breath, hoping that I haven't put too much perfume on.
My perfume.
Oh God. What if he's allergic to my perfume?
I'm nearly panicking, looking through my bag. Even though I know the only perfume I've brought is the perfume I'm wearing.
I close my bag, and move it away from me. Try to control my breathing. Then it occurs to me that we've stopped.
I'm here. *
Oh when the world ends
We'll be burning one Ah
When the world ends
We'll be sweet makin love
Oh you know when the world ends
I'm gonna take you aside and say
Let's watch it fade away fade away
*
I'm at the stage where I'm about to give up and go home when...I see the waiter coming my way. And she's with him. She smiles when she sees me sitting there, and I cant help myself: I have to smile back.
I think that's what attracts me to her the most: despite all the shit we see during a day, all the evil in the world, she still can make me smile.
Somehow I remember my manners and stand up as she approaches the table. She's still smiling when she sits down, her hand coming up to play with one of her curls, before she forces her hand back onto the table.
"You look beautiful." Oh my, she did. *
"You look beautiful." And just like that, I'm embarrassed. He keeps me off balance so easily. I can feel my face colouring.
"Thanks. You look pretty good yourself." At least I had the satisfaction of seeing him flush. "Have you been here long?" I hope I haven't kept him waiting. I wanted tonight to be perfect. After the past couple of days, I needed tonight to be perfect. *
"Have you been here long?"
What else could I do? I lied through my teeth. At least none of the bastard waiters had won any money on me.
"No, I got here just before you did." I picked up the menu with a flourish and handed one to her. "I'm starving though." *
I'm sure the food was delicious, but I don't remembered what anything tasted like. I was more concerned with making sure I chewed with my mouth closed and didn't spray my food everywhere.
But somehow, as the evening went on, I relaxed.
Nothing to do with the wine we drank, but another one of his gifts. I remembered the way he'd eased Paula into working at CTU, the way he'd reassured her, the way he'd reassured me, when everything seemed to be going wrong. The way he'd taken over whenever Mason had died.
Paula. Mason. Both dead. I had to bite my lip to stop myself crying. I didn't want to cry. Not tonight. *
I saw her drifting away, her eyes welling up and I just started talking. I knew I was talking shit and I didn't care. I don't know what I said and I didn't care. Anything to make her smile. My worst memory of the day is Michelle crying and I wouldn't let that happen again.
And so I talked, saying anything that came into my head. And then, before my brain caught up with my body, I reached across the table and touched her cheek gently.
* His touch on my face shocked me from my thoughts. I titled my head, trying to keep his hand against my cheek. God I loved the feeling of his skin on mine.
He kept talking, but I had long since stopped listening, just staring at him. There were going to be a lot of jealous women at CTU. *
I walked her home, walking hand in hand through the Los Angeles night. We both slowed down as we approached her house, stopping on the porch. *
"Well, thank you. I had a lovely time." That was the thing. I had had a lovely time. And all I wanted him to do now was kiss me. *
The last time I'd felt like this had been my senior prom. I'd chickened out then. I couldn't miss out again. I gathered my courage in both hands, put my arms around her and kissed her. *
I put my arms around him, and held him tight against me. I knew I'd have to let him go eventually. But for now, I just wanted to feel his arms around me, his lips on mine.
Tonight was enough.
I'm gonna love you
I'm gonna love you
When the world ends
I'm gonna hold you
When the world is over
We'll just be beg...