Holy crap! I finally wrote something! Silly college... will someone please remind me why I decided I wanted to be a chemist? Other than the fact that I somehow manage to spill chemicals on my hands every week in lab and I turn funny colors... like purple and black! grins Anyway, I wrote some angst and stuff. Thanks to NinjaSquirls for the beta! glomps
And no, I don't own FFVII or any of its characters, as much as I would like to. Nor do I own "Rest Stop" by Matchbox 20. Fucking life.
Just three miles from the rest stop
And she slams on the breaks
The first thing Zack noticed when he glanced over at the sleeping man in the passenger's seat of his car was that Sephiroth's hair looked like liquid silver in the faint moonlight that was streaming in through the window. He worried his bottom lip with his teeth, debating whether or not he should actually go through with this and when the best time would be. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, a faint whisper penetrated his sleep-deprived thoughts, telling him that he shouldn't do this, that it could still work maybe if they both tried harder or if he was more flexible or something to repair what fucked up, shattered state they had descended into. That faint, miniscule voice was drowned out by the rest of his mind yelling at him, telling him to end it now, to get out before everything got even worse. Zack didn't even notice the tears streaming down his face until he pulled over to the side of the road, turned on the emergency lights, and rested his forehead against the steering wheel.
She said I tried to be but I'm not
And could you please collect your things
At first glance, Sephiroth looked a great deal calmer than Zack knew he was; Zack could pick out the tiny, almost invisible signs that the silver-haired man was on the verge of losing his hard earned self control, down to the small, random twitches of his hand.
I don't wanna be cold
I don't wanna be cruel
But I gotta find more
Than what's happening with you
Zack tried not to break down as he rambled on and on, trying, almost desperately, to explain his decision to the older man, to keep the panic out of his voice, refusing to meet Sephiroth's gaze as the other man stared at him with eerily blank green eyes that were stunningly bright in the dark.
If you'd - open up the door
Sephiroth could barely hear Zack's apology, but it didn't matter. He didn't know what to do; for once in his life, Sephiroth was frozen, his mind completely hollow. So he settled for staring at the dark-haired man. They sat there in silence, the faint clicking of the emergency lights doing nothing to mask the sound of Zack's ragged, shallow breathing as the younger man choked back the sobs threatening to escape his mouth.
She said - while you were sleeping
I was listening to the radioAnd wondering what you're dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn't care
Somehow, they both knew that it wouldn't last, that they shouldn't even try. Zack wanted to say that it was good while it lasted, but he didn't because they both knew that that was a lie. They tried, though, as much as they could, but somewhere, somehow something broke and although Zack looked as though he were about to lose it, he knew, deep down, that this relationship was doing more harm than good.
So I thought - hell if it's over
I had better end it quick
Or I could lose my nerve
Are you listening - can you hear me
Sephiroth hadn't moved in the five minutes since Zack had stopped the car; a part of him wanted to yell, to scream, to feel, but instead, he didn't, he couldn't, do anything. Zack whispered, barely loud enough for the older man to hear, that that was part of the problem.
Have you forgotten
In the beginning, they pretended like it would work, like they could help each other, and, for those first few precious weeks, they acted as though they were both wholly, truly happy. And they both hated living in a lie.
Just three miles from the rest stopAnd my mouth's too dry to rage
Sephiroth tried to say something, but he stopped himself just before any sound actually left his mouth. He felt as though everything he could say had already been said, he knew that anything he said would only make this situation worse.
The light was shining from the radio
I could barely see her face
The expression on Zack's face was unreadable as he pulled the car back out onto the highway, idly trying to find something to listen to on the radio just so that awkward, deafening silence wouldn't fill the car until they got back to Midgar.
But she knew all the words that I never had said
She knew the crumpled-up promise of this
Broken down man - and as I opened up the door
Sephiroth opted to stare out the window instead of going back to sleep. He tried to pinpoint the exact point where their relationship crumbled, and all of his flaws, his inexperience and awkward handling of the relationship came flooding back. Sephiroth resisted the urge to cry, to curl into a ball on the tiny seat, because he just couldn't let himself show any emotion; it was how he was raised. It was all he really knew, when it came down to the truth.
She said - while you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you're dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn't care
So I thought - hell if it's over
I had better end it quick
Or I could lose my nerveAre you listening - can you hear me
Have you forgotten
The rest of the drive was silent, save for the sound of the raindrops gently pounding against the car.