35
August Full Moon
My first full moon with Jacob that didn't involve sneaking into the forest to a clearing or sneaking into my backyard started nicely enough. Jacob and I went in his car to the rez. And out near First Beach was the fire circle. We brought pulled-pork sandwiches and dessert. Both of the Quileute packs were there, as was Carlisle, Sue Clearwater Swan and Emily. The girlfriends weren't allowed at this meeting this time. Sam wanted Kolohe and I there to help with explanations. Kolohe had given the Generations' book to Sam and Jacob to read. They felt as the pack leaders that their pack members needed to know everything about themselves. And that meant everything. So after we ate and the Quileute origin story was re-told. Then the story of Ephraim Black making the peace treaty with Carlisle Cullen. Then the story of how the Kai and the Quileute found each other.
Sam looked uncomfortable but finally turned the meeting over to Kolohe. "Pack members of the Quileute I've been asked to talk to you about sex," he started. The boys laughed. Kolohe just smiled, "I know. I know, but sex is important. And you all need to understand how you are different and what that will mean to you. Think about the stories you just heard. The Black pack of 4 wolves is now what, the 25 of you. How did that happen?" Kolohe let them sit with that thought for a while. "I'm not saying that anyone did anything wrong but the 4 carriers of the wolf genes spread them among your people so well that there are lots of you from an initial pack of 4. You need to understand how this happened. You need to understand that all of you are related. And you all need to be careful." Then there was quiet.
"It's basic biology boys," he continued. "The males carry the wolf genes. Since none of your fathers was fazing at that time your mothers aren't aspected to your fathers. The fuzzy genes just got passed to you. The genes just sat in you waiting for vampire smell to set them off. Then you grew, then you got sick, then you fazed. Without the vampire smell the genes just move into the next generation . . . so if any of your fathers had other kids with Quileute or Makah women or with anyone else there is a chance, a pretty good one really, that there are other wolves out there who don't know that they are wolves yet. We, Kai, maintain family records and try to keep them updated because we need to know where to look for our people."
"Didn't you miss Ramon and Gabriel?" Seth asked.
"Yeah, we did. They were grandchildren not kids but yes, we did miss them. It was somewhat unusual that Akini didn't sire any kids that were pack before me. Akini's first wife wasn't pack related in any way going back 2 generations, but his family was pack going back 10 generations."
"You keep records that detailed?" A question from Carlisle.
"We have to. You'll understand in a minute or 2 Carlisle," I said.
"So, back to sex," Kolohe chuckled. "We keep track so no one closer that second cousins will marry. It's not the having sex that's the problem so much, it's the getting pregnant." Kolohe just stopped. He was getting embarrassed. So I took over.
"Ok. I know that all of you think that it's pretty cool to imprint. And you think that it's great that Jacob and I are aspected. I'll explain that and maybe you'll understand. If the incident at the farm never happened I would have probably gotten Jacob's aspect anyway. The blood transfusion just made it happen sooner. If we'd decided to get married and start a family, we'd know whether or not I'd get his aspect when I got pregnant. If I'd be carrying a child that could faze when I was pregnant somewhere about the 6th or 7th month I'd get sick. Just like you guys did. When the sickness was over, the baby would be born about a month later. And I'd have Jacob's aspect but I wouldn't have grown like I did like from the blood transfusion. It's that simple. So if you're fooling around and someone gets pregnant then there is a responsibility to her and the baby and to your pack. You maybe bringing her into your pack life when all you were looking for was some fun." Then things got quiet.
"So, I might get Sam's aspect?" That question came from Emily, "And be like you but 'bound' to Sam."
"If or rather when you get pregnant, yup. You probably will. You're his imprint, it usually happens to imprints about 90% of the time. You two are meant to be together."
"What happens if that doesn't happen?" Sam asking this time.
"Then the couple decides what they will do," Kolohe added sounding somber. "Sometimes the pack member decided to retire from his pack. To give up fazing to be with his wife. Those ex-pack members usually help with raising the next generation of the pack members. But the couple usually keeps trying. Sometimes it isn't the first child that is the pack member. I was my mothers' second male child with my father. Her third kid," Kolohe added chuckling.
"They've even tried what happened to me. To give the woman a blood transfusion from her husband or from what they believe to be a compatible donor to 'give' her an aspect. But like I said before, sometimes she dies. Shifter blood kills," I added. "So no blood drive donations guys."
"But it didn't kill you. I didn't mean for it to sound like that but . . ." Jared apologized.
"I know what you meant. No offense taken. I'm not the rule here. I was lucky. Our family, the Honshiro's, are an exception to most of the rules," as Kolohe and I sat laughing out loud.
"Let me see if I understand," Carlisle started. "A non-fazing man is just a man. Although he can pass the ability to 'faze' to the next generation. While he is fazing he can pass his ability to stop aging to any women who becomes pregnant by him and is carrying a pack member to come. His imprint usually gets this ability from him but not in all cases. He can return to 'normal human' if he chooses to stop fazing. And his partner will lose her 'aspect ability' when he does."
Kolohe and I nodded as this clarified information was accepted by the pack members.
"So, we should expose all of the young men here on the rez to the vampire smell so we can locate all of the boys who we should watch from now on," Old Quil added.
"I think that is a good idea," Kolohe said. "We have genealogists, people who keep track of our family trees because being Polynesian means children were given to couples that didn't have kids as a gift. So we keep track of who is really related to whom."
"So what about you, Leilei? The 'Seers' I mean. What's up with you guys? Oh, you know what I mean," Emily asked.
"Oh. That's another situation entirely. We are psychic women mostly. And we pass this ability to some of our daughters. Not all of them. Some of the girls are chosen to serve our council, like me. Our partners don't acquire an aspect from us. They just have to put up with the fact we know things that most people don't. But the seer women do imprint. So it is possible that I could have imprinted on Seth while Jacob imprinted on me. That stuff happens. There isn't any turning off the seer power. It fades with age. So if a seer has an aspect, then she's around for a while and so is her ability," I said taking Jacob's hand. There were nods that I took to mean they understood that we would be together for a long time and that we were lucky to have found each other without any problems.
"So think about it. The girl you like could be your best friends imprint. Your sisters could be the imprint for another pack member that you don't like. In the pack mind link you'll see things you didn't want to see. And know things that you didn't want to know. You'll need to learn to keep that part of yourselves private. When we work in unity it's a powerful thing to see. But it is also our greatest weakness. Questions?" Kolohe finished.
"You don't have an imprint yet do you Kolohe?"
"Nope. Not yet," he paused. Then decided to go ahead with it, "Harkoni, Leilei's father had 2 families before he decided not to raise any additional kids. Watching them grow old and die was too hard on him. As soon as he decided that he would never do that to himself and to the families that he created, he met Nona. And here we all are. I've decided to wait until I've met my imprint and see what happens. Maybe she'll acquire my aspect and we'll raise a few pack members. Maybe she won't and then we'll have to decide what to do. Do I give up fazing for her? Do we try finding her a donor so she'll acquire an aspect? How will I like it knowing that she's aspected with someone else? These are things to be considered but later," Kolohe finished.
"This may be too soon I'm sorry, but Talia didn't die when Ululani did," Jacob said and apologized to me for bringing it up.
"I know. She had another man's aspect, not Ululani's. If she'd died when he did then we'd known that something was up and acted sooner. That's why in the Grandmother War children were given to the grandmothers and the aspected pack members, husbands and wives who were going to fight stayed together. And died together . . . since they would die together anyway," I said.
"You've taken all the fun out of being a werewolf Kolohe," Embry said sounding despondent.
"Sorry man," Kolohe responded shaking his head. "I just wanted to warn you about what might happen if you're running around with your pants unzipped. This is part of what I learned in the run where I grew up. You could end up fighting with your pack members over females. We try to avoid that."
"No. Kolohe didn't take all the fun out of being a werewolf. You still have the forest and your pack members. It's when you're human that things get complicated. More complicated I mean. What you do in the forest is pure and true. I'll never be able to do that. I'm still jealous."
"You didn't mention anything about Leah. So what's up with her?"
"That's for her to know. Not you. What she is doesn't affect you. And that's her business," I interjected.
"If we're going to be all 'pack' with each other and be truthful and stuff, then why not tell us about her?"
"Some things always remain private and personal," I said hoping that Leah would remain out of the topics of conversation. "We don't talk about the pack members' ages or the number of kids some of the men father. There are things that just don't get talked about. This is one of them, please."
"I don't have anything to say about female shifters either," Kolohe added. "There aren't any in any of the pack nation that I know of. Leah is the first female that I've ever met that could faze. If there is anything that you want or need to know about her, wait until she gets back from New Zealand and ask her."
"If you ask the wrong questions, she just might get angry," Seth added. "You know Leah," he said laughing.
"But, Leilei you have to know something. Aren't you an adult among your people?"
"Yup, I am," I said. "And because I'm an adult, there are things that I know we don't talk about. Leah is one of them. Especially since I don't have her permission. She could tear me limb from limb if she was angry about what I did. Let it go."
"Any other questions? Anyone?" Sam said taking Emily's hand. She was pregnant. About 4 months along. I'd held her hand long enough to feel that the baby was a pack member to be.
"If there are any additional questions you don't want to ask in public, come and see me at the farm," Kolohe stated. "I'll be taking the windows out of the farm house. So if anyone needs new windows for their house let me know. I'll be taking them out carefully so if you want them let me know. I'll even show you how to put them in."
"So there are potentially 24 girls that might become aspected?" Carlisle said knowing that this was something that needed to be spoken aloud. "When do the girls find out about this?"
"They should know about going furry before the engagement. That's not something you just spring on someone."
"Have girls left their imprints because of something like this?" Carlisle again.
"Yes. It has happened," Kolohe answered.
Then there was a long period of quiet.
"There isn't any guarntee that your imprint will love you or even like you. Her family may not approve of you. Or they may not approve of what you are if you tell them. She may not like the furriness. There is jealously. The 'not aging thing' is a big one. If none of your kids is pack, then you won't age and she will. Problem. If she gets your aspect and the both of you don't age with your one son that doesn't age, what happens to your other kids? Problem. It can be really really fucked up. Think about it. Seriously – think about it."
"That's why some of the couples risk her death trying to get an aspect. But mostly it's the pack member that stops fazing to be human again. Life together as a human couple ends like any other normal human life."
"Aspected pack members usually decide to stay pack for say 50 yrs or so. That way they can watch all of their children grow up and become adults. Watch the grandchildren too. Even some of the great-grand then, he stops fazing and the couple grow old together. My grandfather was killed trying to save some kids caught in a rip tide during a storm. He was over 150 years old I've been told. His imprint died at the same time. He and his imprint weren't married to each other. Keoke had 2 families. One with his imprint and another with the woman he loved before he met his imprint, Akini's mother."
"So it was doing pack duties that took your grandfather from your father and that's why he hates the pack thing so much," Seth added.
"Yup. That's it in a puka shell. Other pack members told me, they still tell me, that they miss my grandfather. When I was born it dragged Akini back into the shit. And he didn't like that at all. But now it's his grandkids that have dragged him back into it. The pack council and he have had a long long talk. All of his grandchildren have been identified and questioned about themselves and their children."
"How do they do that?" from Carlisle again.
"We claim it's a health thing. Looking for a kidney or bone marrow donor. People are usually glad to help with that. Blood samples are taken and one of the seers will assist if someone isn't what they seem to be. A couple of pack members will be present too. Just in case."
"Just in case of what?" Sam asked.
"Trouble. Just in case the man they're interviewing doesn't want to be found out. It happens. We, Polynesians have stories of shape shifters. We can't and don't catch everyone. If he's not causing any problems, then no harm no foul."
"Damn. Why did you have to tell us this? It's . . . like . . ." Jared said.
"We've stolen your life," Kolohe said, "I get that. Yeah, you don't belong to yourself any more. That's why there are so many of us. The pull, the call to be normal and not having to worry about this shit anymore is really strong but you are strong for a reason. You were called to this. If you want out – stop fazing for a month. And don't tell anyone what you know. But like I said – your sons might have to make this choice for themselves. Your grandsons too."
"That's why the boys are trained together. They get to decide to do what they want to do. They understand what their choices are. There are times when they decide to leave the pack. What you need to remember is that the Volturi know you are here. They will be back some day. They have time on their side. They can just wait. In 50 years or so maybe half of you will stop fazing and maybe most of your sons will decide that those were just stories. Then they may return then to kill you all, men and women included. Just to be sure that they never have to worry about you again."
"It's time for a break, I think. I've got apple fritters. I'll warm them if you want me to," I said trying to break the tension. I knew that there were probably questions that needed to be asked without being asked aloud. Maybe some of the boys were nervous about asking about condoms in front of me. Jacob and I weren't having sex yet but maybe they thought we were so they might ask him. "Carlisle can you help me please?" I asked.
"What's going on?" He wondered aloud as we walked back to the Rabbit to get the cooler.
"They probably thought it was all fun and games and Kolohe just put a damper on their perception of their world. It's serious business being a shifter." I used the word 'shifter' because our pack members usually called themselves 'defenders'. Jacob thought that maybe changing the word would be a good thing. "I don't know what Seth is going to do. I don't have any information about Nessie. Do you know if she'll be able to have children?"
"All of this is new territory for me. I just hope that they will be able to find a way between your world and mine. For both of their sakes," Carlisle said hopefully.
I think Carlisle misunderstood my apprehension. If Nessie didn't want Seth when she was mature, that could hurt him to his core. Because she grew up with him she might consider him to be a great friend, just another uncle not a lover. The same with Quil and Claire. As we returned to the council fire we could hear the voices arguing.
"It's their fault. We were fine until she started all of this trouble."
"So, what did we miss?" I asked Jacob.
"They're angry. They're blaming Bella. If she and I weren't 'involved' then we wouldn't have changed and we wouldn't be talking about this shit now. We'd all be normal if it wasn't for her."
"That's not true," Carlisle ventured, trying to be heard over the voices that were getting louder by the minute. "I don't see how you can blame . . ."
"Quiet, you," the shout went out from a group of Sam's pack that was standing together.
Carlisle opened his mouth to say something and I grabbed his arm and screamed, "No!"
"No, you can't blame your ancestors for being what they were. You can fix what you 'see' as your problem by stop fazing," Kolohe shouted back.
"Just stop and think. Who fazed first?" I called loud enough to be heard.
"I did," Sam said.
"So, how long did you hang out with Bella or any of the Cullens before you started to faze?" I asked moving back to my place around the fire.
"I didn't," Sam's truthful answer. They all knew it was the truth. The Quileute avoided the hospital and the Cullens if they saw them.
"So, you fazed before Bella started coming to the rez. How did that happen? The Cullen scent was in the air. You picked up their scent in the air and it caused you to change first. Who was next? Did any of you guys hang out with Bella or any of the Cullens?"
There was grumbling and mumbling but no one said anything. "That's my point. You guys would have changed if a nomad set up a camp in the woods somewhere near here to hunt. You might have changed if you were exposed to some of the clothes that the Cullens donated to the local thrift shops. There are lots of reasons why it happened to you. It would have happened because Ululani brought 'kill remnants' with him. We always do. They were going to establish the farm as a run."
Kolohe said, "It's not Bella's fault you are what you are. Explaining what you are and why you are what you are is the job of your council and your pack leaders. Deciding to be 'what you are' is your job. Was it you Quil who told me that being what you are isn't fair? Nothing is fair. You make the best of what have – that's life."
"Calm, everyone please," Sam started as he seemed to be winding up this meeting. The feeling in the air was the shit and the fan had just hit and hard. "I understand that all of this information is probably a shock to hear. Let's everyone just calm down. We needed to hear this information at any rate. I know it seems like a long time ago when Leilei and Jacob were going thru everything that they were going thru. We decided that this was the time to discuss this, before school starts. The Kai have been doing this for a long time. I thought we could learn from their examples. There are lessons here. I think Jacob and I should meet with our packs to discuss what was said here tomorrow night. Give it some time to soak in. Kolohe, will you stand by to answer questions if the packs want or need additional information?"
"I am ready at any time to help in any way I can," Kolohe answered
"Fine. Then let's divide up whatever is left of the food and go home," Sam finished. He seemed to want to get us females out of the way. I helped clean up the fire circle with Jacob's pack. Sam and his boys seemed to want some space from us.
"Another family meeting is in our future," I sent to Jacob.
"Yup. And this might be a long one," he answered. "Carlisle, see you back at the house. We're gonna help cleaning up here before we come back home."
Carlisle nodded and headed back to his car and away he went.
"Well that wasn't any fun," I said as we repacked the car.
"I didn't think it was going to be. We should have had that talk before," was the answer from Jacob.
"Are you heading back home?" That was from Seth as he walked toward us. "I was going to go home with mom but I think there is a family meeting I should be listening in on that's gonna happen tonight."
"You've got that right. Come on. Are you gonna be ok?" I asked Seth.
"Why ask me that?"
"Well, you're imprinted on Nessie. The Cullens seen to be happy without kids, will you be?"
"I didn't want to think about that."
"I'm thinking about your bloodline," I said.
"Well, there is Leah," Seth said.
"So what? When she marries she'll change her name right? The name Clearwater could be lost in the Quileute people, that's all I'm saying. Remember, Jacob's father was worried about me taking his son away from the Quileute. Part of that was he's the only Black in the Quileute right now. There is 1 Honshiro potential shifter, Yutan. And there is 1 Thompson shifter, Kolohe, Akini's son. Our family thinks about things like that. I'm not saying that you have to but mothers love grandchildren."
"I almost forgot about mom. Yeah, she'd like grandkids. Just like Esme and Rosalie with Nessie . . . God, this is just a mess."
"No it isn't. It just needs to be worked out," the calmest of us said, Jacob. I've gotta love him. He's grown since he's spent so much time with Kolohe. He takes things slower and it helps keep things calm.
The rest of the ride back to the Cullen house was quiet. Jacob and I weren't talking or sending. I called Kolohe on my cell. I thought he'd come to the house for the meeting but he said he had another engagement. Whatever that meant. I was hoping that it wasn't trouble.
I knew Jacob was feeling picked on because of him and Bella. She and I weren't the best of friends yet. I didn't like the fact she kept trying to stick her nose into our business. What my family does for Jacob is between him and me. If he tells her then fine but back the fuck off. I'm not spilling my family secrets to you. Or the Cullens for that matter. We've not gonna live with you and the rest of the Cullens after my 2 years is up, so back off.
Since Carlisle left first, he got home first. From the reaction we heard when we entered the house he'd told them everything and the house was in an uproar again. Like that hadn't happened before: Jacob and I playing in the mud. Jasper almost breaking my leg while we were playing tag. Kolohe and Emmett wrestling in the house and all of that damage. What was one more time?
"Take 10 minutes or so and then we'll get the meeting started," Carlisle called.
I headed to the bathroom. The boys headed to the kitchen. Then back into the dining room.
"So what is wrong NOW? You people just get on my nerves," Guess who?
"I'm sorry," I said as we sat in our usual places. I learned to challenge Rosalie every time I could. But I always made it sound like an apology so that it seemed she was too stupid to understand that there might be a problem. "The boys didn't realize that there would be major changes to their lives as shifters allied with you Cullens."
"Problems? What kinds of problems did we cause the Quileute?" Her again.
"I'm sorry. Well, let's see: they wouldn't have fazed if it weren't for you. They wouldn't be in the Volturi crosshairs for annihilation if it weren't for you. You know, little things like that. And now finding out that the warm fuzzy happy endings with their imprints may not happen the way they might want it to be. That was probably one thing too much."
"Ladies . . . please," Carlisle interrupted. "Leilei is correct. The Quileute wolf packs will need some time to adjust to the new reality of their lives. Just as each of us did when we became what we are. And we did spotlight the Quileute to the Volturi. We will need to be vigilant in their protection because we placed them in this danger."
"Until we feel confident in being able to take care of ourselves," Jacob corrected Carlisle, "We're just young. Not helpless."
"Carlisle is being overprotective. He'll get with the program when the mixed pack comes for war games. You guys learn fast and you're motivated."
"I still don't understand," Rosalie continued.
"Tonight we talked about sex. How Nessie may not even want me for her husband when she's mature. It was really hard to listen to," Seth said looking down. It was probably the hardest thing he ever had to say. That his life was fucked up because of what he was and no matter how strong he was he couldn't fix it by himself. He was beginning to mourn the loss of his human life.
"I'm in the same situation as Quil. Both of us are in relationships with our imprints and they may never understand what they mean to us. Nessie could decide to be someone else's mate. And what would happen to me then?" He got up left the room.
"Let him go . . . He needs to think this thru," I sent.
"But . . ." Jacob sent.
"There isn't anything you can do. He needs to understand that that may happen and make peace with it." Jacob sat back down.
"That won't happen," Bella said. "Seth is wonderful. She'll love him."
"Can you guarantee that Nessie will want to be his lover and not think of him just as Uncle Seth?" Carlisle said. Maybe he was learning to read minds. Maybe it was because he spent so much time with humans he really could understand how messed up it was.
"Think about it, in a few years she'll be going to school with the rest of you. Who's to say she won't want someone other that Seth to be her boyfriend. You can't make her love him the way he wants to be loved. You can't force her into anything," Carlisle paused. He let his kids think. They were all teenagers. He understood how hard it was to be rational with them. "Everyday I see that your lives aren't as easy as it seems on the surface. So, there'll be more pack meetings tomorrow night?" Carlisle asked turning back to Jacob.
"Yes, there are things that we need to discuss among ourselves. Like, I mean how do I tell some 17 yr old girl her boyfriend's a werewolf? Sam has been handling that," Jacob said shaking his head.
"You start with that he's a pack member. A member of an ancient tribal society and you as on of the leaders have been assigned to let her know that. That what goes on with him is secret and he, the boy, would like to her to join him in his life with that society," I said. That part of the speech I'd heard before. The actual 'doggie' part I hadn't heard yet.
"Is it true that the packs are blaming Bella for being werewolves?" Jasper asked.
"Well, yes. But not really. Since Sam changed first and he didn't have anything to do with Bella before he changed, so . . . they are pretty much blaming all of you," I said truthfully.
"What? That's not fair," Alice charged.
"My people, sorry. Our people don't change until they smell you. If Carlisle didn't return here after he made the treaty with Ephraim, then none of this probably wouldn't have happened until my people got here," I said. "So what's not fair? Were there any werewolves running in the forest before you returned here?"
"Be that as it may," Carlisle said firmly. Maybe he knew I was correct. "The pack members are reacting like newbies, new vampires now. They are regretting what happened to them and how that may play over time I don't know. They are reacting with a great deal of anger. Can I say that?" Jacob and I nodded. "So we should respect their processing and their choices. Some may choose to stop fazing, to return to being human."
"As is their right," Jacob said. "I'm hoping that they all will stay as they are for now. This problem with the Volturi will need as many of us as possible. And since the Volturi know we are here, we should expect them to retaliate at some time. When is the problem. We'll need numbers to successfully repel an attack from them."
"Can't you just call the Kai?" Jasper asked.
"I can ask for assistance but I can't just keep them on speed dial for all of our emergencies? At some point we're going to have to get organized like Leilei's people or we'll all get slaughtered."
"How can you say that? We'll be here to help." That was the first thing Esme said.
"To help? What are you going to do? Move on the rez and stay there waiting for the Volturi to show up? What kind of lives will you have? How can I call myself a tribal chief if we can't protect ourselves? Or provide for our own defense. There's going to have to be some kind of showdown or we'll have to move all of the Quileute somewhere else to keep ourselves safe. That can't and won't happen. This is our land," he finished.
Now this is the man that I love. He'd been listening to Kolohe and understood why we always acted like we were at war. We never knew when it was coming and the Cullens showed the enemy where the Quileute were.
Jacob got up. His cell phone was ringing and he walked out of the room to answer.
I just sat there looking at them. I've been living there with them for about month now. Since the July full moon and things were still uncertain. I wasn't one of them and nothing could make me one of them. Bella and I had had a few little girlie fights. No one hit anyone but I can scream really loud and she's heard more that a mouthful from me. Alice and I had more that a few girlie fights. I was always primed for more.
When I was declared an adult, my parents gave me access to some money they had been saving for me since I was born. So I had my own spending money. Kolohe paid me for working on the farm and helping him clean up. Being like half-werewolf comes in handy when working. I can get a lot done without getting as tired as I used to. Bella took it upon herself to let me know the Cullens let Alice handle their money and offered to give her my banking info. So Bella and I had a nice chat where I told her I wasn't a Cullen and my money was mine. That if I wanted Alice's opinion about what to do with my money I'd ask her. And she didn't like that. She went running to Jacob and Carlisle about it. All I heard from Jacob was, "OMG." Carlisle never said anything to me.
"He's maturing into such a wonderful man," Esme said.
"I know. I'm so happy for him," I said. "I just love seeing him step up into that role. My parents are so impressed. And Billy loves the change too. His people need him to be the man and now he can see himself being that man."
"He acts a lot like Kolohe," Emmett said. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He and Kolohe had a wrestling match that ended taking out a few walls in the house. Esme and Kolohe fixed the walls just fine, but I wasn't sure if there were any hard feelings about it. Boys are different than girls. I'd hold a grudge.
"I know, that maybe why I like him so much. I'm used to my brother running things without looking like he is running things. Jacob has picked that up from him. Sam has a different leadership style. That gives all of the newbies a choice of pack leader."
As Jacob walked back into the dining room I asked, "Problem?"
"Nope. Everything's fine. Tomorrow's pack meetings will be a little detailed."
"Fine. I'll go spend some time with Emily then." My answer was met with a smile. The Cullens didn't have any clue. 'Fine' was our code word for 'Trouble'. I'd spend the night with Emily cooking some food and listening for the fights.
"Anything else?" Jacob asked watching me yawn. I wanted to know what the call had been about and I wouldn't ask while we were sitting there. Sending was out of the question. It's really hard to follow 2 conversations at the same time. We learned to focus on what's in front of us and chat and send later. The Cullens could hear the chatting but our sending was just for us. Seth or Kolohe were included if they were there and I was touching them.
"So beside blaming us for totally screwing up their lives what else happened at the meeting?" Alice asked.
"They don't blame all of you entirely, it's just that the way they have to live if they stay pack has changed. They didn't think it would change their lives too much, but it will. They can get ready to adjust to the changes now or decide to become human again and forget all of this. It's the loosing friends and relatives that hurts," Jacob said trying to be diplomatic, I guess.
"So what does that matter? In like 50 yrs or so, they won't even care. Really," Rosalie continued.
"God, she is clueless," I sent.
Carlisle winced. But he knew that we understood his kids a bit better now. Since I'd been living with them we'd see that they are pretty much straight line in their ability to think. Friends, outside non vamp friends, didn't mean much to them. For Jacob this concept was new. Carlisle and I had a few conversations about why I never went to school. I was brought up outside 'normal' life so I wouldn't miss what I didn't know. He understood, I think.
"You see, that's it. In 50 yrs Jared or Quil could be burying their sons who aren't pack. Or their wives that don't have their aspect. How many families can you create and watch age and die," Jacob said.
"My father did that twice. Then he decided never again. But then later he met his imprint, my mom. Now they plan what they do and seeing their grandchildren is important to them. After that then they may decide to let their lives run their natural course and die. We don't have the ability to turn all of our loved ones like you do. Some can be aspected and others can't. So we live with that loss. Parents and grandparents are normal human losses. Watching your grandchildren and great-grandchildren die isn't. I don't know how he did it. I know Harkoni is happy with how things are now. Maybe that makes up for all of the pain in his past."
"Is there anything else, Carlisle?" Jacob asked.
"Anyone?" Carlisle asked. "I guess not. Thank you for explaining it to us."
We all got up to leave. Jacob placed our chairs back into the small alcove where we left them for all the family meetings. "I've got . . ." Jacob started.
"Go. I'm sure Seth needs you right now. I'll wait up." He showed his dimples with that great smile then one quick kiss and he was off. I walked back into the kitchen to get some of the fritters I made for the council meeting and popped them into the microwave to warm.
"It's just one thing after another with you people isn't it?" Guess who again. Rosalie.
"I'm sorry. When you're a living thing, things change. The weather, your appetite, hair color. Everything, you know. I'm sorry. You don't change, do you?" I know I was way out of line with that last crack but she doesn't know when to stop. Her inability to change drives me crazy and sometimes I just can't stop myself either.
"Rose, baby . . . let's go for a drive. The night is beautiful. Let's go." Emmett was getting used to grabbing her by the arm and getting me out of harms way by now. We went nose to nose frequently and since I had Esme's golden aura of protection she wouldn't touch me but that didn't mean she wouldn't hesitate to get in my face about everything and anything. This was just another incident. Then they left. She was scowling but she let Emmett drag her away from tearing me into pieces. Again.
"You shouldn't push her too much you know," Esme started in all 'mom' on me again.
"I know, but the meeting ended on a kum by yah moment. And she decided to press the issue. When your family is free of the obligation that Carlisle and you accepted and the Volturi have been dealt with one way or another, us dead or them. Then everyone will be free."
"I think she just doesn't think about being human anymore and it's a painful place for her to go. She didn't ask to be turned. Neither did I but I accepted it better than she did. She's lost what she wanted most. What you have, the opportunity to have children and a family. She's jealous."
"So because of that she can't see that Seth is in pain right now and just respect that. She can't, doesn't, won't remember that there was an adjustment period for her when she got changed. Until we got here with the hard truth, it was just kinda all fun and games for them. Now it's the soul crushing responsibility and loss. They have to grow up knowing about the loss. You have the luxury of hiding from the world. We have to live in it."
"That's not entirely true. We don't hide. We just . . . don't get to know many people. Well, Carlisle does," she admitted.
"Do you know anyone in town? Other than the check out girl at the market?"
"I see," she said after a moment or two. She really didn't know anyone in town beside Charlie.
"At some point Seth will accept his life. What that looks like . . . I don't know. I know Jacob wants him to stay pack. But that still is Seth's decision."
We bid each other a good night and I went into my room. After taking a shower I sat on the steps listening to the forest trying to hear thundering footfalls coming back my way. I've gotten used to smelling that smell. I lived with it. I envied the humans who couldn't smell it, it invaded my quiet. It was my friend, Bella.
"Is he still out there?" she asked.
"Yup."
"When's he coming home? I need to know how he feels. I mean, it's all my fault."
Why was she worried about his feelings? When she lied to him about how she felt about him and Edward, she wasn't that worried about his feelings. She'd been a Cullen for like almost 5 yrs now. And only since I showed up was she so overly concerned about him and his feelings and his happiness. Act more like Rosalie and get over yourself. He doesn't want you anymore. But I'll be nice, this time, "It isn't your fault. If you stayed with your mother and not come here, everything that happened would have happened pretty much the same way it did." You just don't want Jacob to blame you.
"No, you don't understand."
"Then explain it to me. The Cullens were here before you got here. Just remove yourself from what happened here, what like 7 yrs ago. They were going to school. They turned over their old clothes to the Goodwill. Sam got a few good whiffs and he fazed. The nomads came thru. Maybe there wouldn't have been a problem with them. Maybe they would have decided to stay in town and hunt. Maybe they would have gone to the rez to hunt. No way to tell now. Carlisle and the pack council would have gotten together to discuss the problem. A few dead on each side most likely. Problem solved. My people show up and we see lots of really big tall boys that are too strong for their own good. Ululani and Talia would have gone to the Quileute to talk. End of story." Let it go. You probably aren't that important in the whole stream of things.
"But . . ."
"What? I think Rosalie is a little too hard hearted about this and you're exactly the opposite. Maybe Esme is the balance between you two."
"What?"
"Rosalie can't feel Seth's pain at what he may lose. She just wants him his old happy self. It keeps her from feeling her loss. You on the other hand want to make it all your fault so no one will have to deal with their own shit. That doesn't work either. Jacob and I will deal with what we have to when we have to. We will make our decisions based on what's best for us. No one else, just us. Seth will have to do that and so will Leah and Quil and Embry and all the rest. Just like all my people do. You Cullens make your decisions based on what best for all of you, don't you? Do you consider anyone else other than yourselves? Do you care about anyone else other than yourselves? You move from house to house. You hunt. You shop. You go to school. What else do you do?" And you do fuck a lot, but I won't say that out loud.
"I didn't think of it, things, like that. We do just take care our ourselves," Edward said as he joined us. "I can see how Seth watching his mother die could crush him. But that is normal for humans. And the rest of the pack and we'll be here for him when that happens. It's the way things are. I can see how all of this might be blamed on us, but it's like you said, decisions must me made now about the future. Bella, honey let's go home." Then he took her by the hand while carrying Nessie and they headed home.
When I was almost asleep still sitting on the porch I heard this little voice in my head, "I'll be home in the morning. Go to bed you. Love you."
"Love you too. Night babe."
.
.
.
"So what happened at the meetings?" I asked Jacob while we were eating breakfast. Esme decided to leave us alone this morning.
"Well, they started early. Like right after midnight," Jacob said looking away for a moment. "Kolohe was there with answers and he helped to clarify things." He paused to finish his honey bun. "So you're the other half of my soul and we'll go to heaven together."
"That's how I learned the story. You and me," I gave him a quick hug. "Together forever here and there for as long as you want to be." It wasn't bothering him as much. Me dying with him.
"So what do you have planned for today?" he asked. He looked tired. I knew he'd go to bed. He'd been up most of the night and returned to the house about 6:30 am.
"I think I'll go over to the farm and see if the rest of the tomatoes need to be weeded. Then out to see Emily. I think there are things she and Sue want to talk about. But not in front of you guys."
"Women keeping secrets . . . shame on you," he said smiling.
"It's no more than the secrets that you guys are keeping. And by the way, Esme said we're going on a camping trip before . . . before . . ." I hesitated in saying it.
"Say it. You're a big girl. Come on now . . ." I could even see his dimples.
"Before . . . school starts. Just before Labor Day. So I'm going back to s-c-h-o-o-l shopping soon," I spelled that word instead of saying it the second time.
"Are you going to LA with Alice?"
"Nope. I want to go to Vancouver. I like Canada and the prices are reasonable. $400.00 for a pr of jeans is way too expensive. We have a future to plan," I was hoping that Sue, Emily or Leah would want to go on the trip.
"We have a forever to plan and that takes more money than a future."
"You go to sleep. I'm going to work. Later boy," I gave him a big wet kiss and a quick hug before I turned to leave.
"See ya at Emily's later this afternoon."
"I know, about lunch time."
.
.
.
Moon in Virgo
"Yummy honey. You're getting this cooking thing down. I may have to get you an apron that says, 'Grill Cook'," I said to Jacob.
"Grill cook, really? I was thinking Grill Master, or Grill General. I know, Grill Chief." Oops, I went there again. I gave him ego fodder. You know sometime Jacob's almost too cute to be real. I'm so lucky. I may even tell him some day.
Our life here at the Cullens hasn't been too bad since the August full moon. I'd have to admit it but I'm getting used to their smell. Esme says she's looking for a bed for us both. Something big enough for all of his 6'7" spread. Us together make a queen size bed look like a twin.
Esme likes to cook breakfast which is fine with me. Since all of our people have bugged out and I'm not making breakfast for the pack any longer it's nice to just sleep in. Kolohe shows up here about 8 am for breakfast every morning and Esme just loves it.
Kolohe is taking his job as our counselor seriously. He and Jacob and Chaska had a sit down before Chaska and Tara went home. And they didn't tell me what they talked about but Tara is a seer like me and a pack leader's wife, so I have a few ideas.
"So, did Sue like Vancouver when you went shopping?" Jacob asked.
"Yup," then I started to giggle to myself.
"Why are you laughing silly girl?"
"The woman at the store, Tara recommended recognized my ink and put me on the mailing list. Sue almost died laughing," I finished. I took another bite, the man can grill some fish. "So Alice is still upset about that. My little trip to BC instead of LA for back to school clothes?"
"Yup."
"So, how many things does that make now?" I asked. I wasn't sure but maybe if he had a number we could celebrate how many times she and I went head to head over things that weren't any of her business.
"I lost count at about 100," he said. I hoped he was joking. "Maybe you should . . ."
"I should what? I can't afford to spend $400.00 on a pair of pants. Can you? Babe, is she going to buy all my clothes for the rest of my life? Is she saying that we're too poor to dress properly? Think about your people. What will they say about me wearing $400.00 pants while you're in gym shorts? It will look weird."
"Kolohe told me about appearances. I have to set an example. I think I get it. We, pack members can't stick out like sore thumbs. So you watch our budget missy. I though girls liked that kind of stuff, you know fancy."
"I like you more," I answered.
"Oops, let's clean up. It's late. There's a baseball game on tonight," Jacob said.
"Oh, not that again. When does baseball season end?"
"Why? Don't you hate all sports?"
"No, I don't have all sports. Just baseball. I like football," I said. I really do.
"So, it's ok watching Sunday football games at my my dad's. Kolohe said . . ."
"Gottcha." We put the fire out in the grill and wrapped the leftovers for late night snacking. And settled in the Cullen house for 'TV family time'. Some time during all of that excitement, I fell asleep. I guess he put me into bed. I know Jacob put me to bed. And as usual I woke up in the middle of the night just to look around. And everything was wrong. The French doors that we kept open were now sliding glass pocket doors and they are like 3 ft closer to our bed. There were sheer drapes blowing in the soft breeze. And the bed was too big. I had way too much room. Jacob was faking being asleep. I could tell. I got up and the floor wasn't wood, it was slate tiles covered with fur rugs. Real fur rugs. I walked outside thru the doors and I see we're up in a tree. There is a balcony outside our bedroom and we're 20ft up in a tree. And there are fireflies dancing up here. Looking down over the rail is a tiled patio, I can see paired wolves tiled on the ground. I turn around and Jacob is just watching me. Not saying anything but he is placing another small log on the fire in the fireplace in the wall opposite the foot of our bed. There is a flat screen TV over the fireplace. Damn! I walk past him back into our bedroom. There are doors that are closed that I have to check out. The door on the left side of the fireplace leads to a closet, his clothes. Most of them new too. The door on the right side of the fireplace is my closet. There's even a makeup table and mirror in there.
"Alice did it. I didn't have anything to do with it." Some soft quiet voice says in my head.
Then I see the opening and I follow it down stairs. It's a great room, our living/dining room. It's large and den like kinda, sort of. A couple low couches a dining table and chairs. And what looks like dog beds that I know are just big floor cushions. It's cool, like it was dug just below ground level just for us. I head out to the tiled patio that I saw from above. More pocket doors and I see more slate steps that lead to an outdoor shower and furo. Ok, Kolohe had something to do with this. He knows how much I miss my soaking tub. Collusion. So back inside to finish checking it out. There is a little galley kitchen. A 3 burner wood stove and a dorm size refrigerator. A pie safe and cabinets that have plates, bowls and glassware and silverware in them. Perfect. The whole thing looks like a hobbit hole. It's just like Esme. Perfect. Around the corner is the bathroom. Mr. Black has come downstairs to see if I like it I guess. I have to be quick. He's just standing outside on the patio trying not to look like he is looking at me. As I walk back outside I watch him . . . I wait just until he looks away. Then I take off. "ESME! . . . . ESME!" I scream as I head back to the Cullen house. I had a 3 step lead on him so I know he can catch me but I want to try to out run him for once. He lets me win the race to the house but I climb the trellis to Carlisle and Esme's room. He's too heavy to try it. "It's PERFECT. Ab-so-lut-ly PERFECT!" I scream. I know they've all heard me.
"I'm so glad dear," Esme said watching me grin like a monkey. "I was worried about so many things. Kolohe said you wanted the shower outside but there is a sliding roof on it if it's raining. I can change that if you'd like?"
"Don't change a thing. If you do I'll cry like a baby. Thank you so SO much," I gush.
"It seemed to be the right thing to do," Carlisle said as Jacob entered their bedroom thru the door. "All of our kids had a cottage of their own when they paired off. And you're ours, so we thought you'd like one too."
"Don't be too hard on Kolohe, Seth or Jacob. They wanted it to be a surprise," Esme continued.
"It is, was a great surprise," I said taking Jacob's hand. "So, I'm, we're gonna back out of the camping trip this weekend. Is that ok?" I asked knowing that it was fine. Jacob was telling me that the trip was a ruse to get me to focus on other stuff so they could finish our hobbit hole in peace.
"Let Esme know that you'll still need her. She likes that you know."
"It's fine. There wasn't a real trip planned anyway," Carlisle said smiling.
"So we'll see you Tuesday morning as you head out to school," Esme said sounding a little despondent.
"I'd like pancakes for breakfast on Tuesday. Will that be ok? Maybe with crispy bacon?" I added.
"Chocolate chip pancakes and bacon for breakfast," Esme repeated sounding happier.
"Coffee and juice too. I'll be taking our little princess to school every morning so it'll be breakfast for the two of us. Will that be a problem?" Jacob asked.
"No. No, not at all," Esme beamed. "So you'll be eating breakfast in the house all the time."
"Just on school days. I'm thinking writing papers and doing homework and cleaning up after Mr. Mechanic here and spending time at the farm and helping Emily at the rez and being Mrs. Pack Leader's wife sounds like a lot to handle. I can probably manage dinner for us maybe 2 nights a week but I don't think I'll be able to handle anything else while I'm still in school. But I think we'll be playing 'Mr. and Mrs. Black' just on the weekends."
"Fine then. Have a good weekend you two. I'll see you Tuesday morning about 7am for breakfast. Now scoot," Esme said happily.
Jacob picked me up, "Dirty feet on the carpet," he said. And carried be me back downstairs. On the back porch he relented and put me back down. We held hands walking back to our little house on the Cullen land. A nice long weekend ahead together. Just one of many.
"So how did you keep this secret?"
"It wasn't much of a secret. You knew something was up," he didn't sound totally deflated but he was happy that there was a real surprise.
"This is still a lot to keep secret. I thought you were like making a room out here somewhere. But not like a house."
"What are you doing?"
"Guestimating the distance. We're out of Jasper's feeling range and smell range too. Listening range?"
"It will help with the 'Household Harmony' for us all," he said. And then he didn't say anything else for quite a while. I like kissing him in our bed in our house. All quiet and un-smelly.
.
.
.
Tuesday after Labor Day
"Wakie . . . Wakie . . ." Jacob said none too quietly.
"Wakie . . . Wakie! Oh you have got to be kidding me," I sent.
"It's your first day of . . ." he began still teasing.
"Don't say it . . ." I start. Then pillow meets his head. I jump up and beat him to the bathroom. Ok, so he let me beat him there.
"What's the weather supposed to be like today?" I call from my clothes closet as I decide what to wear.
"Why?"
"Just because I don't feel the weather still means I have to dress right, to look 'normal'," I answer.
"CNN says mid 70's this afternoon with a chance of blah blah," he responds after turning on the TV.
So I dress in my little brown lace up shoes and yes they are flats. A pair of the Alice jeans with a matching belt, a crisp white shirt and a black leather vest without conchos. I grab my knapsack.
"Got your cell phone?"
"Yes, dear."
"Pencils, pens and notepaper?"
"Yes dear."
"Money for lunch?"
"You're not coming today?"
"Not today. I'm tearing apart an old diesel engine. I'd be too dirty to clean up by lunch to meet you. So you'll have to make nice with the other kids. Kolohe said he'd pick you up tonight, if I can't. Come on missy. There are pancakes waiting," he said taking me by my arm downstairs and out across the lawn.
Esme really really needs something to do. She made breakfast for us both and have a video camera ready for my first day at school. You'd thought I was her daughter for all of the fuss she was making.
Alice almost lost it because I got water marks on my new shoes. Mental note, I need another pair of boots, like my green wellies to wear from our house to the Cullen house to keep myself clean or Alice will kill me. The real death.
At 7:30 we got into the rabbit and away we went.
"I can go into the office with you if you want?" Jacob offered.
"They know you here right? From before?" Mr. Motorcycle Maniac I remember from his memories. All of those stand offs with Edward in the parking lot.
"So?" Mr. Innocent says.
"They can probably guess your age. They'll think you're a child molester. I'll be fine." 8 hours of stench free mandated time. Yeah ME!
So I get out of the car and I see Kolohe and Seth. Waiting. "Our little girl on her first day of school," they coo.
"Dead. Both of you. Dead," I vow.
They snapped pictures, for my mom I guess.
"Apple for the teacher?" Kolohe offered.
"Give me that apple and I'll . . ." I started.
"Don't be late," the man sent laughing.
"I'll get you too Mister," I said looking back at them as I head inside. "All of you, it's on."
So off to the office to get my schedule. English, History, Pre-Calc (really?) and French. I wanted to take Japanese, they didn't offer it. So then I asked about Quileute and they said it didn't qualify as a foreign language. Really? Gym, (what the fuck?) Biology and Civics? I'm civilized aren't I?
Apparently it isn't everyday when a 6' tall junior walks around Forks High School especially when she's a girl. The women's basketball team was looking for a center or a power forward. Well, all of their hopes got dashed when Mrs. Johnson, the coach and English teacher, hunted me down before my history class. She asked if I played sports and I said, "Yeah. Hula and Water polo." My school records that Jasper made said I went to school in Hawaii.
"No basketball or softball?"
"No ma'am." Well actually I don't.
"Volleyball maybe?"
"No ma'am." And away she walked disappointed. Oh well.
Lunch sucked. I'm bringing my own food from now on. How can they eat that stuff? I can handle this. I just won't tell Jacob that, just because.
Wednesday are short school days. I'll spend the afternoons at the farm getting caught up on my farm work. It's $50.00 cash a day plus all of the cooking I can do for Kolohe. He feeds the pack boys who come to work, either taking apart the farm house or picking veggies to sell in Port Angeles at the farmers market.
"So how was it?" Jacob asked when I got into the car at the end of my school day.
"It's weird being the only Kai by myself. And I'm definitely the tallest girl in school," I answer.
"Did you over dress?"
"Nope, but I got 3 compliments on my bracelet Mr. Man," I said. He showed his dimples again.
So one day down. How many more to go?