Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing!

Title: Basic Rules of Hellsing, Iscariot, and Millenium Organizations
Summary: A list of simple rules learned the hard way by a certain Maid....
Pairing(s): None
Rating: T

You walk down a random hallway of the Hellsing Mansion. Today is your first day of being a butler/maid (depends on your gender, reader) for the Hellsing Mansion. Oh joy! You enter the room you were assigned to by Walter for the REST-OF-YOUR LIFE....just kidding....but anyway, you find several sheets of paper on the dresser that were left behind from the last servant that worked here. You sit down on your bed and began reading them:

For those who do not know me, I am Matthew Wingates. I worked as a previous Maid here in Hell.....GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!

Enough of me....there are several things you should know about the three top Organizations that nearly RULE the entire country of England. They are:

Hellsing
Iscariot
Millennium

It seems that even though these are three powerful organizations, they all came in rules I had to strictly fallow.....I have listed them for you to go by. Use them well an you might just survive working at your new job.

Your Pal,

~Matthew Wingates,
Head of Household Maid

Order 1: Hellsing List

1. Obey Integra

2. Do NOT try to take Alucard on walks at night when he's in his Hellhound form

3. When the Wild Geese demand for their morning coffee, give it to them

4. Do NOT EVER ask Integra if she is gender confused. To answer your question, she is a GIRL

5. ....don't even ask for proof unless you want Alucard to personally kick your ass

6. Pip enjoys hot baths, do NOT flush any toilets on the same floor he is in since it will result in showering him in cold, freezing waters

7. Whenever you run into Seras in the hallway, make sure you don't smoosh her boobs unless you really want to feel them

8. ...if you screw up on #7, just say it was an "accident"

9. Do NOT sneak up on Alucard and scream "ANDERSON!"

10. Make sure that Alucard's llamas are happy and content

11. Do NOT throw tea parties and invite Iscariot and Millennium over

12. NEVER attempt to set Integra up a blind date with Enrico Maxwell or Herr Major

13. If you catch Pip or Alucard sleeping in the living room, do NOT try to copy Jigglypuff from Pokemon and draw on their faces with Sharpie marker

14. Do NOT mock Alucard's Control Art Restriction Voice Commands, you might end up activating them by accident

15. NEVER screw around with Walter's "Dental Floss of Doom"

16. Do NOT take any of Pip's Barbie dolls hostage

17. Make sure, when doing the laundry, to NOT mix Alucard's red coat with Pip's white underwear and shirts

18. Always share the tv with Pip when he wants to watch foot-ball....which is actually soccer in France

19. Never call Pip the "French Version of Sanji"

20. Never mention ot Integra that she needs an heir

21. Do NOT even attempt to hand pick a..."partner" for Integra

22. Never point at Integra and call her Deidara

23. Be sure to fallow Walter's grocery list

24. Check off this list

25. Make sure to give Integra her Happy Pills to keep her anger management at a low profile

Let the chaos begin....

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