Ed Edd 'n' Eddy Class of 71
Spring Break Eds #3
By: Lindsay
As we drove through Las Vegas, Eddy kept telling us about how his brother was a black jack dealer at one of the casinos here. I just said, "A chip off the old block, huh?"
We found a motel and got out of the car. It was late at night but all the lights made it look almost like daylight. Eddy looked quite content and satisfied.
"Yeah," he said. "My brother was a poker champ...before he was sent off to Vietnam."
"He's in 'Nam?" I asked. I wondered where he's been all this time.
"Uh-huh. He's been there since 1968. We don't even know if he's dead or alive."
"I don't want to hear about that terrible war," Penny said. "So let's change the subject. Where should we go?"
"Let's go to a casino!" Eddy burst out.
"Eddy," Double D inquired. "You have to be over 21 to gamble, we're not old enough."
"Says who?"
"The state of law, Eddy. We can't gamble."
"Yeah," I said. "But we can look around inside. They have other stuff besides gambling."
We went inside the casino. It was very crowded and smelled like cigarette smoke and liquor. Eddy wasn't disappointed the least. But a few minutes later, I didn't see him anywhere. Aw well, I decided not to interfere with it. If he was gambling (which he probably was) it wasn't my problem.
"This is boring," Double D said. "There's nothing to do here. And we can't gamble or drink, not that I'd ever want to."
"Good idea," I said. "We'd better find Eddy and split."
It took me a minute to find Eddy. But when I found him, he pulled down the mechanical arm of a slot machine. He watched it anxiously and then, a light flashed and a bunch of quarters came out. Eddy looked proud but then a guy came up to him and said, "Are you over 21?"
Eddy talked back like his brother. "Are you?"
"All right, then. Let's see some ID."
Eddy nervously paused for a moment, but then he pulled a pen from his pocket, ran to a bar, and called, "I'll be right back!"
A minute later he returned with an ID, or at least what I thought was an ID. He handed whatever-it-was to the guy. But he didn't look impressed. "Sir, this is not an ID. This is a fake ID drawn on a cocktail napkin...and Nevada is spelled wrong!"
"Well, I uh..." Eddy stammered.
"Sir, without an authorized ID, I'm afraid you'll have to leave. That goes for the rest of your friends, too."
"Come on," I told Eddy. "Let's just go. There's plenty to do besides gamble your do-re-me." I grabbed Eddy's arm, found the others, and left.
"I'm tried," Kate yawned. "It's past midnight. Can't we tour around here part of tomorrow?"
I found she was right. "All right. I'm tired, too. Let's make another plan. How about we wake up early tomorrow and leave after lunch?"
"Sounds groovy, Ed-Boy," Rolf said, yawning.
"Okay. Well then, let's hit the hay."
The next morning, I woke up with a stiff neck. The curtains in the motel room were all shut so it was very dark in there, but it was eight o'clock. I knew that because I noticed Double D's pocket watch. At that given moment, the rest of the gang woke up. Rolf opened the curtains and the room became very bright.
"Ugh," Penny groaned. "It's so bright in here!"
"The early goat catches the grass!" Rolf chanted, and Victor baa-ed.
"Rolf," Double D said. "That doesn't make much sense. You can't exactly catch grass. It doesn't go anywhere."
"Oh." Rolf sounded disappointed.
Once we were all dressed and ready to hit the town, we went outside and walked around.
"So," said Kate. "What shall we do first? I've got my charge plates!" She pulled out several charge plates from her purse.
"How'd you get those?" Eddy asked in admiration.
"Well, my mom got me permission to use them, even though I'm not even eighteen yet. You see, your parents write a signed note to let the clerk know it's okay."
Eddy looked thoughtful. I poked him. "Don't even think about it."
"What?" He asked like he didn't know.
"All right, then," I said. "Onward!"
The first thing we did on our day in Las Vegas was that Penny and Kate literally dragged us in a Bloomingdale's department store. They went absolutely crazy grabbing stuff off the racks and locking themselves in dressing rooms. It seemed like hours, but it was really about twenty minutes. But the worst thing about it was that they were always trying to get us to try on some of the most terrible outfits. Penny even tried to buy me a barf orange leisure suit. I said no thank you; the last person I want is to look like is Mike Brady!
After we left Bloomingdale's, we went to see Elvis perform. Nowadays he's doing a lot of shows here. I remember a few years ago when he did that comeback special. It was really something. He looked more like Jim Morrison than himself. And he looked the same way at the concert, wearing a tight black leather suit. He also reminded me of Eddy's brother, Charlie. He was the biggest rebel-rouser I knew.
Early that afternoon we had a picnic in a small but nice park. All the restaurants were too expensive here so we went into a grocery store and bought some sandwich stuff-the usual, bread, cheese, cold cuts, and even a big bag of potato chips.
"This vacation is better than perfect!" Eddy exclaimed. "It's like we're seeing the world!"
"You mean just across the country," corrected Double D.
"World, country, they're all the same."
Double D said nothing and shook his head. Stuff like that gets on to him. He thinks that everyone should know everything the way it is. I personally think that's boring, but Eddy was just kidding around. I know he's not that stupid.
We were going to do some more touring here but I just realized that we agreed to leave after lunch. I said, "Hey, last night, we agreed to leave after lunch, which is right now. So we'd better go."
"Aw, now?" Eddy whined.
"Now," I replied.
"Darn it," Eddy replied. "It seems like we just got here!"
"Time flies when you're having fun. Now get in the station wagon, we have to get to our next destination."
"What is it?" Kate asked.
I was thoughtful for a moment, but I just thought of something.
"Well?"
"New York City," I announced.
"What?" Double D asked.
"Yeah, I want to revisit it while we're on a trip. I lived there the first twelve years of my life, and I want to see how it's going."
"New York? That's on the other side of the country!"
"We'll go to other places on the way but New York's our main destination. Keep that in mind."
After that, we all hopped in the station wagon. Before we got out of Las Vegas we had to sit through a traffic jam for more than an hour. So during that, to kill time, we played a little guessing game. How we played it was that we'd say something like rock band and you'd have a certain music group in mind. Like, let's say, Led Zeppelin...I think you know what I mean by now. It lasted a while, too. And before we knew it we were driving through the country.
The rest of the day was rather quiet except for the Tony Orlando 8-track which Double D bought. By then we were in the middle of nowhere and it was nothing but trees, hills, and mountains. And the only place we stopped for the rest of the day was a gas station with a small convenience shop. When I finished pumping the gas, we went inside the shop to buy snacks. And Eddy didn't even pay attention to the liquor (I think he learned his lesson). I got a package of Twinkes, some potato chips, and a Coke. Everyone else got the exact same thing. That was our dinner all together. That night we stayed at a small hotel in New Mexico someplace. I think it was near Santa Fe but I was too tired to care, everyone else was, too.
We got a lot of miles behind us for a day and a half. We had a flat tire once and Rolf volunteered to fix it. When he jacked the car up high enough where I couldn't reach it I told him it was quite all right but I'd do it myself. And by the end of the second day of driving we made it Florida. We checked in a hotel in a small town. The first thing we did was that we got Eddy to bring some Chinese take-out. When Eddy came in with the food, Kate fixed the tea while Penny opened the containers-first the rice, then the noodles, and finally the chow mien. But when Penny saw the chow mien she screamed and put the lid back on its container.
"What...what is it...what's the matter?" We all asked simultaneously.
"A cockroach..." Penny said. "A cockroach right on top of the chow mien!"
"Let me see that," Eddy said. He opened the container. "Oh, man! Look at that!" He held the container up for all of us to see.
"Close it up," I said. "Close it up before it gets out."
"I'm taking it back," Eddy said. "I'm taking it back and telling them what I think of their restaurant!"
"No, don't," I said, opening the phone book. "We'll have pizza instead."
"That's not the point," Eddy said, as his face turned more and more red. "We can't let them get away with this. Just because we're only in high school doesn't mean they can't put a cockroach in our chow mien and get away with it!"
Eddy stormed out the door, carrying the container of chow mien.
The rest of the guys called after him but I said, "Let him go...let him handle it himself."
"Ed-boy," Rolf said.
"What?" I replied.
"Does it mean something special if you find a cockroach in your chow mien?"
"Yeah..."
"What?"
"It means the chow mien comes from a very dirty restaurant!"
By the time Eddy got back from the restaurant the pizza came. We opened the box and examined it. No roaches. We all dug in. It was real good. We ordered extra cheese. I can't stand pepperoni. It's so greasy that when I eat my face breaks out like you've never seen. After dinner we all sat around the room, watching TV. There wasn't much on. Just boring stuff like Love, American Style and Petticoat Junction, and bubblegum stuff Sarah and Jimmy watch like The Partridge Family and The Brady Bunch.
"Forget TV," Kate said, switching off The Brady Bunch. "Let's play a game."
"What kind of a game, Lovey?" Double D asked.
"I told you not to call me that in public! Anyhow, I was thinking of doing a Slam Book."
"What's that?" Eddy asked.
Kate told all of us, "Slam Books are great fun. You'll see." She took out a small notebook and started writing something. We all sat around and waited.
In a minute she held up the piece of paper and said, "This is a sample list. All of us fill it in about each other. It's the only way to find out what your friends really think about you!"
I looked at the sample list. It said: Name, Hair, Face, Body, Brain, Best Thing, Worst Thing, and In general.
"You see," Kate explained. "We'd never be brave enough to just sit around and tell each other the truth about ourselves. That would be too embarrassing. But since everybody wants to know what people really think of them, this is an easy way to find out. You can start with me. I'll stand in the bathroom and you fill out the list. Later, when we've all had our chance, we get to read about ourselves in private." Kate walked to the bathroom door. "Remember," she told us. "You've got to be honest or it won't do any of us any good." She opened the door and stepped into the bathroom.
"Well," I said. "Who wants to go first?"
"You start, Ed," Eddy said. "It's your trip."
"Okay, give me the book."
Before I had a chance to begin, the bathroom door opened and Kate poked her head in. "I forgot to tell you...when you're done filling it in, you fold the page over so nobody can see what you wrote."
"All right...all right..." I said.
"I just thought you should know," Kate told me, closing the door again.
I filled in the list one-two-three. I wrote:
Name: Kate Azabeth Morrison
Hair: Mary Tyler Moore couldn't have done it better
Face: Cheeks a bit like a chipmunk's
Body: *no comment*
Brain: Pretty good
Best Thing: Can do anything
Worst Thing: Knows it!
In General: Double D's girlfriend and pretty groovy
I folded my part of the page over so the others couldn't see it and passed it to Double D. When he was done he passed it to Penny. Just before Penny filled it out Kate told us that only three people should do one questionnaire, that way it wouldn't be so confusing. After that we called Kate back into the room and Eddy went out.
When Rolf, Kate, and I finished writing about Eddy it was my turn to go into the bathroom. I knew I didn't have to worry about what my friends think of me, because I'm always careful to keep my bad points to myself.
Rolf was later the last one to stand out in the bathroom, and when we were through writing about him he came back in. Then Kate tore out a page for each of us to read privately. She said we should sit by ourselves and face the wall in case we didn't want anyone to see our expression.
We all laughed at that but did it anyway. I sat on one of the beds with my back to the others. I unfolded my paper so I could see all three opinions of me at once.
Name: Ed Krofft Ed Krofft Ed Krofft
Hair: parted crooked * too long * the color of orange Kool-Aid
Face: too many zits * nasty eyebrow * gruesome!
Body: lots of muscles * ugly feet * abnormal!
Brain: thinks it knows it all * a mental * OVERUSED!
Best thing: picks neat friends * has a groovy car * ?
Worst thing: CHICKEN * bossy * acts real tuff!
In general: an interesting guy * not bad * there's hope...
Who did they think they were? Why did I ever invite them on my trip? They didn't deserve it! I read about myself six times, but I didn't turn away from the wall.
After a little while I noticed the room was very quiet. I wondered what the others were thinking. That's when Eddy jumped up and boy did he look mad. "I hate you!" he yelled. "Every single one of you! You think I'm a rebel-rousing waif! Penny said so!"
"Well, you are!" Penny said. "And you should do something about it. Anyway, somebody said some pretty bad things about me, too. Like I'm a pothead and am really screwed up in the brain!"
"So?" Kate said. "I don't think it was fair of you to make fun of my hair and saying it looked like Mary Tyler Moore's!"
"I didn't make fun of your hair!" Penny hollered.
"Somebody did!"
"Well, it wasn't me!" Penny yelled back.
I didn't say anything because I was the one who wrote about Kate's hair. But I never thought it would bother her so much.
"And another thing," Kate said. "I don't think any of you have the right to tell me my voice sounds like Edith Bunker's!"
"What's so bad about that?" Eddy asked. "How do you think I feel that two of you wrote I'm a fathead!"
"You are a fathead!" Kate shouted. "I don't see what business is it of yours that my knees stick out."
"I didn't write that!" Eddy said. "I wrote about your ears."
"Well, that's just as dumb!"
"I am the one who wrote about your knees," Rolf said. "And they do stick out! So there!"
"Just shut up, Rolf," Double D said. "Kate's knees don't stick out!"
"You shut up!" Kate said. "You wrote that I wasn't as smart as you!"
"Well, I..." Double D stammered. "You said to be honest or it wouldn't do any of us any good!"
"All of you shut up!" I hollered. "And I want to know which one of you wrote that my body is abnormal! My body is as normal as any of yours. And who says I have ugly feet? Your feet are just as ugly!"
"I wrote about your feet," Eddy said. "Because your big toes are funny-looking. I think there's something wrong with them!"
"How dare you say that about my feet!" I yelled. "You rebel-rousing waif!"
"That's it!" Eddy shouted. "I don't have to stay here and listen to this. I'm sleeping in the car with Victor!"
"That's right!" I hollered. "Be chicken!"
Soon enough, we were all yelling and half-crying about the terrible things we wrote about each other. That's when we heard the door open and somebody said, "What is the meaning of all this infernal racket!?" It turned out to be the manager of the hotel and you could tell he was mad. "You've woken up all of our guests. Now, because of your yelling and carrying on, you'll have to leave."
"What?" Kate asked. "But this is the only hotel in town and there's not another one for hours!"
"That's too bad," the manager said. "You're all young adults. You should know better than to act like that. Now take you things and leave..."
We all said nothing, gathered our luggage, and got in the station wagon outside. When we drove off, Eddy shouted, "This is all Kate's fault! She's the one who thought up that Slam Book!"
"Me?" Kate said. "You're the one who got upset first."
"Guys," I sighed. "It's all of our faults. Let's not blame each other like that. Now let's sleep in the car. We can pull up right here."
I pulled up right near a stream. It was peaceful and even better than that stuffy hotel room since we opened the windows. All the guys feel asleep in seconds flat. But just before Penny did, she smiled and said, "I have a boyfriend that thinks he knows it all..." I could also tell from Penny's expression that she was the one who wrote that about me. But I didn't care. Because she wrote that I was an interesting person and I like that idea a lot. Even Kate and Rolf said in general that I'm okay. And that's what really counts. So what if they think I'm bossy sometimes? It's only because I know more than they do (er, Rolf at least). So what if I have a nasty eyebrow and funny toes? Not that I agree, because I don't see what's so weird about having one eyebrow and my toes look like everybody else's toes. But to be an interesting person! Well, not everyone can be that! That's something really special!