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Disclaimer: I OWN BIRD WOMEN and AARON CARTER!

KuKuKachoo Kakaw

BPOV

I couldn't tell Edward my secret! If I did he wouldn't love me anymore. The thing was, was that I was part woman part bird, and when I was annoyed, I turned into a bird woman. But when I moved to Forks, I didn't turn into a bird that often, I was less angered all the time, because I had Edward. But I didn't expect to hurt Edward with this secret...

One day, Edward was picking me up from school, and he leaned in to kiss me in the parking lot. I was annoyed that day because I failed a math test and I didn't feel like being kissed. So suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt my beak growing in. Oh no! I thought as Edward stopped kissing me because my beak was poking his cheek. Suddenly I bit Edward's nose off, and he looked like Michael Jackson! Then he started speaking backwards in Italian! OH NO!

"Bella?" he asked. I grew wings and flew out of the car and went to my nest that I shared with Aaron Carter. This whole bird woman thing started when I was 2. One day I was playing with my friend Renee Swan at the park! We were best friends! I wonder whatever happened to that girl. Anyway, back to my story. I was playing 10 legged race with Renee because she had a trillion legs, and some guy with a beak and feathers came up to us.

"MY SPIDEY SENSES ARE TINGLING!" he said and he threw me onto his back and flew me to his nest. But it turned out to be Jesse McCartney who tried to give me a hickey, but ended up turning me into a bird woman. Only because he bit down to far.

"I love you Sam!" He said.

"BUT I'M BELLA!" I yelled as I threw a bucket at his head. That caused his to turn into Bam Margery and his girlfriend Sam. They ran off and got married leaving me alone in the nest.

That caused me to fly to Forks and who did I meet on the way? CAPTAIN PLANET!

"The power is yours!" he said and he handed me a magic ring. My power was that after the planetaries cleaned up the earth, I got screw it all up again! YAY! So then I continued my fly to Forks.

When I got there I went to high school, and everybody thinks they know the story from there, but actually Stephenie Meyer told the story wrong. I don't know what's with that insane suicidal retard.

So I met some dude named Jamie McBucklehaed but he preferred to be called, Edward Cullen. So basically this guy was the reincarnation of Marylin Manson. He bowed down to his brother who was named Herman McLoseryo, but Emmett Cullen. Those two were hitting on each other for sure. I knew it! But I loved the one that they all called Alice. Shh. Don't tell. She reminded of a sheep I had the hotts for in Pennsylvania. So Edward asked me out, and I agreed so that I could get closer to the one they called alice. But I called her my little sheep and I baaed at her quite often, but I don't think she liked it very much. So yea, and thats how we got to where we are now.

So then I started making out with Aaron Carter, because he is a bird man. So I was cheating on Edward this whole entire time. "WHAT'S YOUR BEEF?" Aaron asked the egg that I laid.

"Aaron stop yelling at my baby!" I cried. I sat on my egg and it hatched into Aunt Jemima and flew away. As my baby flew, she spread out pancakes to all the good little boys and girls and they grew to know her and love her as Santa Clause. But the Easter Bunny was jealous so he joined up with 50 cent, and shot her on valentines day. She died with a pancake in her mouth. Ugh the fatty.

A/N - DID YA LIKE IT? PLEASE REVIEW! I worked so hard on writing this. I love you all. MWA