A/N: This is very dramatic, I know that a lot of people will probably dislike this story but I just got the idea and started to write. I want this to be a really good story, I also want to finish all my other stories so I can start a whole bunch of new ones that I have in my head.

This is a story about mostly Bill and the lead girl Tammy. The other thing is that it's a story about how Bill's father didn't love him. His real dad not Gordon.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tokio Hotel, even if at times I wish I did at times, but I do own the story line ^.^

Now I feel like I need to do a shout out! This is to a fellow Tokio Hotel Fanfic writer:

Don't give up on your dreams without them life is boring. Don't lose your Imagination that is your best gift.

That damned man! He left me to pick up the pieces of his sons broken heart. He left, came back and only accepted Tom. He slammed his hearts door right in Bills face. He told him how he was a disgrace; he told him that he couldn't do anything for him to love him. He told him he hated him.

That wicked man made me feel sick every time I thought about him. Now in my hands I have a broken boy, well I guess you could say man, but I know his adolescence made him maybe only fifteen. And as his fiancée I would have to help him.

He was an emotional wreck. He started to become fake! He felt fake, his music became fake, he hid what he felt. They say he wrote about his true love, about wanting her to accept him. No it's not that at all, he sings of his father, the one who hates him, the one who made him fall apart. The one he hates. Yet still strives to gain acceptance.

Sometimes I feel as if I am his escape, only thing holding him together. Most would think that Tom would be the one that held him together the one he was close to. Sadly, this wasn't the case. Their father accepted Tom. You could say that Bill was jealous, but all he really wanted was the love of a father, the love of someone.

And now he had pulled me into his depression, with that we are both falling apart together. He said he loves me, he also said that he's happy. If one thing you say is a lie then why shouldn't the rest be too?

I bearded it with him most of the time letting him cry, let him just be him.

It's all changed now. He wears a mask, a mask that some people would blame on fame. No he's gone, that mask is cool and hard with a big fat fake smile on it.

If you could see the songs he writes, but never sings, if you could see beyond that horrible smile of his that tears me apart inside because its fake. You would see the real pain he feels, but now he hides it with synthesizers and not eating. It's terrible!

He is a beautiful vase that has shattered into a million pieces, then when you find all the pieces and try to put them all together there is just one piece missing and without that one piece it will just shatter once again, and break into even smaller pieces.

I feel like when he breaks more and more he is breaking me with him. That mask that I talk about is also a cruel and unforgiving one.

A person could see that it is very plausible that Tom Kaulitz would have a temper. But you have never seen a short fuse like Bill's. He use to never have it, he was happy, kind hearted, never hurt a fly. He has never hit me, yet. Although he hasn't hurt me that way it's the way he sometimes talks to me. He calls me what he can't say to himself or to his father.

Worthless, he had called me I was. I yelled back, that the only reason he lashed out at me was because he couldn't handle the pain he was going through! That he had no right to call me anything of sorts.

I hated that mask, I told him if I could I would rip it right from his face if I could and burn it. Then of course he ignored me and turned his back.

Now it's like the mask is part of him that the only real part of him only shines through because the mask cracked and that's the only reason he still has some of the real him.

He's not the same. He is not out to be himself, he is only out to try to get acceptance from everyone. He used to not care. He didn't give a damn what other people thought.

I used to tell him: 'Live like nothing will ever kill you' he used to listen he used to be Bill Kaulitz.

Never would he care if anyone called him gay. He liked his long hair, he loved his eyeliner, he loved me.

I didn't think so anymore. If he did he didn't show it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to marry this man. I wanted to marry the creative boy who didn't give a damn, and wrote beautiful music. Not a cruel former shell of a man that left him years ago!

Could I love him still? It felt so far away that he would still be there. Under everything. I wanted to see him as more, not just that mask.

I knew he had to be there somewhere, somewhere deep down. He just had to!

I lay on my bed, waiting. Waiting for the doorbell to ring, for him to be here.

I waited-nothing- another thirty minutes-nothing. Had he stood me up? He would never do that would he? I never thought it would come to this, now I was for almost sure he didn't love me, I was almost sure he hated me.

I guess there were signs of this coming

-He never wears his engagement ring.

-He hasn't told anyone about me besides the band.

-He doesn't even sing to me anymore.

-Truly I can't even remember the last time he told me he loved me.

The last song he wrote and sang to me was Zoom Into Me, I loved it! Then it was just, blah, blah, blah.

Why did he use me, why did he, now I'm in pieces, a wreck, just like him! I was just his little toy. I didn't even think he could be that cruel.

I cried. That's all I seemed to do, I did it till my eyes burned, I did it till I fell asleep.

Okay well I hope you guys do like it! I hope you all know that I do love Bill! In every way shape and form. Now I do sometimes feel like he is starting to hide behind his own little masquerade, but I will love him forever. Now please now flames because of this. This is just a story, and I love Bill till sweet death.

Okay I'm Going To Start Something "Team Gordon "( Their AWESOME stepfather)

(Hope to update soon, but it depends on how much u guys like it)

So please Review and Have a Very Merry Christmas, A Jolly Holly Hanukkah, and All in all happy holidays

Love

-GG