c
LESSONS IN HUMILITY
A Bleach Word of the Day Ficlet
By Kysra
He's no champion of self-analysis; but as they return home from Hueco Mundo he is struck by the realization that as long as he's known her she has become a constant source of guilt and shame.
This is through no fault of her own, and he would never, ever blame her; but the truth is there in her sad eyes and smiling, smiling face. He has been irresponsible with her, has ignored the signs and placed unrealistic expectations on her shoulders without her consent. And with each muttering of his name, each grin, every assurance from her lips, she kills a little piece of his pride.
Because her smiles are only genuine because she feels they need to be; because she never asks for help, always more than ready to put aside her own needs to take care of everyone else's; because her heart - abused and broken as it is - is always second to the mending of others, leaving only a bit of insubstantial gauze for her own; because every breath she takes is exhaled with a degree of humility that borders on self-mutilation, and all he has ever done is nothing despite all his promises to protect her.
He had thought protecting her body was enough; but he had been so wrong. It would never be enough because her body, her physical being - while important - was worthless if he kept contributing to the slow destruction of her heart, her very soul. He can already see the scars despite the usual cheerful lilt of her voice, the oddness of her taste and imagination, the ever-present smile.
He is no longer reassured, will probably never trust her again to tell him the truth of her feelings.
But he will make this right, will continue to protect her only more completely, until he is finally worthy of the love she gives to easily and freely. Until he can love her with the same purity.
Word: Tare