They Need Help
Harry was so sick of Ron and Hermione. He couldn't stand them anymore. They were unbearable! All they cared about were each other and he couldn't get them to concentrate on what they were going to do about Voldemort. He, unlike them always worried about him. He never let his guard down. He never thought of anything else.
"Want some gillyweed, Harry?" Neville asked with his weird ugly voice. Harry winced at the sound.
"Wait! What kind of weed?" Harry asked excitedly.
"Gillyweed," Neville said again. Harry frowned.
"Why?" Neville continued in his horrible voice.
"What! No reason! None at all! I'm ok I tell you! I'm ok!" Harry yelled quickly and ran off.
"Hello, Harry," Ginny said as she saw him coming toward her.
"Get away from me you freak!" he yelled and ran the other way.
"Harry what was up with that?" Neville asked.
"AH! I'm surrounded! I'm ok!" he shouted as he ran away (again). Neville watched curiously, "Stop checking me out!" Harry yelled over his shoulder.
"What?" Neville asked.
"It's ok Neville, he's just paranoid," Ginny said as she came up to Neville.
"Ah! A girl! You scare me!" Neville screeched as he ran away.
"Oh my gosh! What are these boys' problems?" she asked herself.
"I don't know," said Fred who mysteriously came out of no where.
"Where'd you come from?" Ginny said all slutty like.
"You'll never know. In fact, I don't even know," Fred said mysteriously.
"Oh really, well as long as all of you is here," she said looking him up and down.
"Ew! Whore! Stay away from me you slutty little..." he struggled to find the right words and finally gave up and skipped away.
Ginny watched him with interest.
That night...
Everyone was in the Great Hall eating dinner.
"Everyone, can I have your attention?" Dumbledore shouted over the clattering of dishes and silverware... and talking.
Everyone finally settled down.
"This year," Dumbledore started, "well...I don't' remember nor do I care. So I guess, just don't die on my hands because there's too much paper work for my alzheimer brain to take care of."
"I need a wine cooler!" Ron shouted jumping on the table. A cupcake flew through the air and hit him in the face.
"Shut your pie -hole!" yelled Malfoy from across the room, "I mock you with my spirit fingers!"
"Who throws a cupcake, honestly?" Ron shouted at him.
"Well, obviously Malfoy does," Hermione said in a smart-ass way.
"You're so hot. Do you want to come back with me to my dorm...with...no one else...around?" Ron asked.
"Ron! How could you! I love you!" Ginny screamed pathetically.
"Step back bitch! He's mine," Hermione replied snapping her fingers and taking Ron by the hand and leading him up to what was unmistakably her dorm.
Later that night...
Harry stormed to his dorm. Ron and Hermione are getting busy when they were supposed to be helping me with my Voldemort problems, he angrily thought. Harry walked in and amazingly saw Ron sitting on his bed, alone.
"So did you huh hun huh?" Harry asked.
"What?" Ron asked stupidly.
"You know, the you know," he grinned stupidly.
"What?" Ron asked stupidly (again).
"You know, did you give some reeses?" Harry asked with a dumb smile on his face.
"Oh! No. She didn't like my cologne," Ron sighed.
"What cologne were you wearing?" Harry asked.
"This kind," Ron said holding up a bottle of vodka.
"Sorry mate, but this isn't a cologne bottle," Harry said reaching for the bottle.
"NO! You can't have any!" Ron yelled shielding it from view. Harry gave him a skeptical look.
"Ok...right, that's ok because "gillyweed" is more my thing," Harry explained.
Ron glared at him and suddenly took a gulp from the bottle.
"You know what, we all sound like Londoners," Lockhart said.
"Where did you come from peach?" Ron asked.
Oh no, they know my secret! I must figure out a way to stop them. (Looks around and spots a knife laying on the bed-side table) Wait a minute, why is there a knife there? Oh well, that's not potentially dangerous anyway. There's only one thing to do.
He drew his wand. Harry backed up. Ron stood stupidly facing him, holding the bottle away where he couldn't see it. Lockhart held up his wand with a look of seriousness. He turned sharply and muttered a spell. The wall blew up. Lockhart quietly put his wand back in his robes. He stood straight, then sprinted out through the hole in the wall screaming, "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! MURDER!" Ron looked around and didn't see any dead body.
"What is he talking about?" ron asked. His eyes grew wide and said, "Wait, I'm not dead am I?"
Harry rolled his eyes and told him no.
"Oh, good," Ron answered and chugged down his vodka.
"Ron you have a serious problem! You need help! Now, let's go track down Malfoy," Harry said.
"Why? He threw a cupcake at me," Ron whined.
"Grow up! One little cupcake can't turn your whole life around. You must be trippin' on that vodka or something," Harry said, "Now let's go find him."
"What for?" Ron asked annoyed.
"Because, he sells me gillyweed," Harry replied anxiously.
"What does 'gillyweed' mean, Harry? Are you talking about skittles and coke!" Ron asked scared.
"NO NO NO! EW! That's sick and wrong Ron!" Harry shouted, "no, it's gillyweed."
"We're not going underwater again, are we?" Ron asked with a sign.
"No, it's well... you'll see. I'll let you try some," Harry answered. They left their dorm and went down to the common room. Hermione was sitting in a chair reading a book. She turned and saw Ron staring at her as he walked back. Ginny watched them both and jumped up to meet them.
"Hey boys, lookin for a good time?" she asked with a sickening grin.
"DEMON!" Harry yelled holding up his fingers in a cross symbol and ran from the room. Ron gave her a disgusted look and followed. She took a deep sigh and headed back to Neville.
"How about you?" she asked.
"Well.." Neville hesitated. Ginny clasped her hands to her ears and shouted, "Bloody hell! Never mind unsexy voice freaky person!" Neville bowed his head in shame.
Harry desperately searched for Malfoy and finally found him in the courtyard.
"Malfoy! I need some more gillyweed," Harry said out of breath.
"That depends, do you have the goods?" Malfoy asked.
"I knew it! It does mean skittles and coke!" Ron yelled and started to freak out, "I can't believe it! My best friend is a peach! And he's with this fruitcake!" he shouted as he pointed to Malfoy.
"Ron!" Harry said as he punched him in the face so he'd stop spassing out, "He means money you bloody idiot!"
"Oh, carry on then," Ron said and walked over to smell the daisies.
Harry rolled his eyes, "Look, I don't have the money right now so how about I-"
"Harry don't! Don't become a peach just so you can get gillyweed!" Ron shouted.
"Ron!" Harry yelled irritably, "Not like that! I meant something else."
"Oh, ok then," Ron said happily and went back to his daisies.
"Alright, how about I send Ginny over?" Harry asked.
"Ew no! Who knows what kind of diseases she has!" Malfoy said looking insulted.
"Alright then, how about an I.O.U?" Harry asked.
"Fine, I suppose so," Draco gave in.
"Are you sure you don't want Ginny? She's free," Harry insisted.
"No," Malfoy said sternly. Harry shrugged his shoulders.
"Hey Harry! This one smells like vodka!" Ron shouted pointing at a yellow daisy. Harry ran over and grabbed the daisy from his hand.
"Ron! No! Bad! You need help!" Harry said, "Now when can I get that gillyweed?"