Hi! So this is my first post here! Hope to find a lot of enthusiastic readers!
Context of the story: This fic is about the UST between Sam and Jack after the episode "Beneath the surface" (season 4). I love to play with angst and UST and I've been a sam/jack shipper from the time I started to watch the show! I also love to write fanfics that plays with the characters but that keeps them real and give a good portrayal of the characters and the show. Hopefully you'll see that in my work!
Summary: Jack loses his memory and recovers it…or does he?
Disclaimer: This story was written for fun, not money. Therefore, i don't own these characters, but only the story.
Author's note: I always appreciate constructive comments on the story and on my writing. Since English is not my first language, I would appreciate if you'd tell me about my mistakes or some points I should work on. Finally, if you want to put my story on your site, please e-mail me! Thank you!
PS. As you read the story, please notice and keep in mind the changes in names. You'll understand better this way.
Amnesia
By musical-Aven
"Jonas, dial the gate, now!" Carter shouted.
She was running and pulling her CO by grabbing his arm. O'neill seemed confused and disoriented. Teal'c and Jonas stepped through the gate first. An army of villagers appeared on the top of the hill behind them and fired their primitive weapons towards Carter and O'neill. Once they arrived at the gate, Jack stopped, frightened. Sam looked at him and was surprised to see fear and confusion on his pale face. She knew he would pass out - again - soon and she had to get him through the gate before. The villagers were becoming dangerously close. Through the noise of the battle, she shouted:
"Sir, we have to go! We have to step through the Stargate, now!"
Jack looked even more confused, as if he didn't understand a word she was saying. Sam opted for another tactic.
"Sir, do you trust me?" Sam asked.
O'neill didn't hesitate to nod his head.
"Then follow me!"
She grabbed his arm and pulled him with her through the gate.
"Close the Iris!" Sam shouted once on the ramp.
"What happened, Major? Teal'c and Jonas told us you were right behind them!" asked the General.
"We ran into a little problem, sir." Sam said, out of breath.
"It's all my fault, sir." O'neill said suddenly.
He hadn't said a word since he stepped through that strange circle thing, trying to understand what was going on. He didn't know why he had said it was his fault, but felt like it was the right thing to say. He then felt the familiar pain in his head come back and his vision went black. He grabbed the blonde woman's arm before falling to the floor.
"- Colonel!" was the last thing he heard before he passed out.
"…so we knew something wasn't right when he passed out." Sam recalled. "We think the villagers changed his drink for something stronger in the evening. He went to bed early, saying he wasn't feeling well. The next morning, he seemed to suffer from-"
"Amnesia." Janet interrupted as she entered the briefing room.
"How is he, Doctor?" Hammond asked.
"Physically, he's fine. Mentally, I'm not so sure. He seems to have lost any memory of his life on Earth, the SGC, the Stargate, his name. All he remembers is this tall, blonde, blue-eyed woman that apparently saved his life. " Janet finished, looking at Sam.
Carter felt a little uncomfortable and tried to explain.
"I helped him go trough the gate before the villagers came to us."
"Well, he wants to speak to you, Sam, and only to you." Janet said.
"You can go see him after the briefing, Major." the general replied.
"Actually, sir, the colonel is very agitated since he doesn't know where he is. The sooner Major Carter goes to see him, the sooner he'll calm down." Janet interrupted.
Hammond finally decided to send Carter to the infirmary with the sample of the Colonel's drink they brought back. Sam entered the infirmary and went to see the Colonel. She found him lying on his back, trying to get rid of the nurses around him.
"Let me go!"
When the nurses saw Carter, they left O'neill alone and asked Sam to calm him so they could do their job. Sam said she would do her best and came closer to his bed. When Jack saw her, he sat straight and looked at her.
"Hi." she said, feeling uncomfortable under his intense gaze.
"It's you."
It was more of an affirmation than a question.
"It's me what?" she asked, curious.
"You made me go through that thing. You saved my life."
Sam smiled.
"Well, you would have done the same for me."
"Really?" he asked quietly.
Sam was surprised by his question. She had forgotten he had amnesia and therefore didn't remember who he was. Hiding her surprise, she answered.
"Yes. You're a very generous and protective man. You don't leave your friends behind."
Jack nodded for a moment, taking the information. A shy expression crossed his face when he asked:
"You know me pretty well, huh?"
Sam was saddened by his comment but smiled and tried to explain calmly:
"Yes. We work together and we're friends."
"Ah." Was all he said for a few seconds. "Do you want to sit down?" he asked shyly.
He sat straighter to make room for her on the bed. Sam hesitated but decided to accept his offer to make him feel more at ease. As she sat down, the alarm went off.
"Unscheduled offworld activation!"
Jack seemed startled but Sam put a hand on his arm and said:
"It's okay, you're safe. I just have to go and see what's going on."
"Will you com back?" he asked, hope in his eyes.
"Yes, soon. Be good with the nurses and I'll come back with some cake."
Jack promised and Sam left.
SG-12 was coming back earlier from their mission. Sam went to the commissary to get some cake and came back to the infirmary to finally find a sleepy colonel.
"He relaxed enough for the sedative to kick in." Janet said quietly.
"He went through a lot."
"So have you Sam. You should get some sleep. Everything will be fine. I'll give him some more medication and he'll sleep through the night. Come back tomorrow." Janet insisted.
Carter finally went to her quarters to get a few hours of sleep.
flashback
"I remember something else."
"What?"
"Feelings."
"For me?"
"No, for Thor."
Her laugh was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.
end of flashback
"Hi Jonas." Sam greeted as she walked in the briefing room.
After a couple of hours of sleep, she had gone to the infirmary to check on the Colonel and to bring the results of the wine samples to the general. The colonel was still asleep so she had opted for her lab before going to the briefing.
"Hey, Sam. Good news?"
"Actually, yeah."
She didn't have the chance to say more before Hammond and Teal'c walked into the room. The general said to begin the briefing and that Doctor Frasier was going to be late.
"Well, the drink analysis came back. Apparently, the drink the villagers gave to Colonel O'neill was some kind of poison that gravely disorients. Although it's not life-threatening, it's as if you drank a bottle of vodka and woke up in the morning, not knowing where you are. Except for this drink, the amnesia is more severe." Sam said.
"Is it permanent?"
"I don't think so, sir. I think that once the poison will be out of his system, he'll recover his memory."
"And how long will it take for that to happen?" Jonas asked.
"I'd say two days." Sam said.
"Maybe less." Janet said, entering the room. "Sorry sir, I had an incident with Colonel O'neill."
"What is it, Doctor?"
"The colonel seems to remember his life and who he is." She said, sitting down.
"That's great!" Jonas exclaimed.
"The problem is, he remembers events from a life…but not his."
"What do you mean?" Sam asked.
"I'm not sure what happened but he claims to be someone else…like a split personality."
"That doesn't make sense. The poison wasn't supposed to create new memories." Carter said.
"I know." A confused doctor replied.
"Do you know who the Colonel claims to be?" Jonas asked.
"Uh, yeah…I wrote it somewhere in here…" Janet searched through her files while continued talking. "He told me he worked to save his people from the ice. That he worked with a woman-"
"Do you have the woman's name too Doctor?" Asked Hammond.
"Yes. Ah! There it is. The woman's name is Thera."
Sam heart stopped.
"And the name of the man Colonel O'Neill claims to be is-"
"Jonah." Sam said quietly.
Everyone looked at her, surprised. At that moment, an airman came in to tell the General he had an important phone call from the White House.
"How did you know?" Janet asked Sam.
"Uh, I met him…a couple years ago…"
Teal'c began to speak.
"I believe Jonah and Thera were the names of Major-"
But the General dismissed the airman and finished the briefing, interrupting Teal'c in the process.
"Doctor, do you think that if we send someone to remind him of his life on Earth, Colonel O'neill would remember his real personality?" he asked, standing up.
"I honestly don't know, sir. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try."
"Alright, Major you go down there and talk to the colonel. Dismissed."
Sam stood up with an expression of fear on her face.
"Sir, with all due respect-"
"Major?"
All eyes turned on her and Sam found courage to say:
"I…I can't!" she exhaled, panicked.
"How's that, Major?" the general didn't sound too happy with her intervention.
But before Carter could answer, an airman came in and said that Colonel O'neill was making trouble in the infirmary. Hammond dismissed everyone and went to take his call while Carter, Jonas, Teal'c and Janet went down to the infirmary. Sam tried to stay behind but Jack immediately saw her blond hair.
"Thank god, there you are!" he said, taking Carter in his arms.
Sam's heart skipped a beat. His gentle hands running in her back and holding her, his breath in her neck, there was no doubt, this man was definitely Jonah. Releasing her, Jonah begged:
"Please, tell them i'm not crazy! I don't know any Jack O'neill!"
"I know you don't." Sam nodded.
She went to Janet and asked quietly:
"You think this is permanent?"
"-I don't know, Sam. Who is he?"
"Jonah and Thera were the names given to Colonel O'neill and Major Carter when our memories were tampered on P3R-118." Teal'c explained.
It took a few seconds for Janet to understand the situation.
"Oh." she said, glancing at Sam.
"I take it "oh" isn't good?" Jonas asked but Sam continued without answer his question.
"Not only was our memory affected, but our personalities too. Somehow, the colonel's brain revived the wrong memory after his amnesia."
Jonas was unsuccessfully trying to follow the conversation and couldn't say a word since the doctor spoke before him.
"I think that for now, we can help by telling him about the Stargate and his life here on Earth. Sam, take him to his quarters, you'll be more comfortable to talk. I'll inform the General of the situation." Janet said.
"Janet, I can't do this!" Sam grabbed the doctor's arm and spoke quietly but sounded desperate.
"Why? Sam, he knows you-"
"You don't understand, he thinks i'm her!"
"Major, is there a problem?" the general said, approaching the group.
"Sir! I was just on my way to brief you." Janet said.
"We'll go into my office then Doctor. Major?"
Sam looked at Janet and sighed.
"I'll stay here, sir. Dr Fraiser thinks i should talk with Colonel O'neill."
"Very well."
They left but Teal'c stayed behind, offering her his unspoken support. Carter smiled, thanking him and letting him know that she would be alright. Teal'c then bowed his head and left. Before she joined O'neill, Sam took a couple of breaths. She had to remain Major Carter and forget about Thera. But the hardest part was going to explain the difference between the two to Jack…Jonah…whatever. She approached the bed and saw her CO uncharacteristically pensive. When he saw her, he smiled and Sam had to get herself under control and not to jump into his arms.
"Sorry it took so long."
"No problem. So, what's going on, Thera?" he asked.
Sam took a moment before speaking:
"Why don't we go and talk in some place more private?" she suggested.
"Sure." he stepped on the floor.
Sam silently led him through the corridors of the SGC. Jonah wanted to touch her, but she seemed uncomfortable when he stepped too close or when he reached for her. They finally arrived to a room. She opened the door and let him in.
"This is your quarters. We sleep on base sometimes when we don't have a lot of time."
Jonah sat on the bed. After a moment, he went straight to the point and asked:
"What happened to our base? And to our people?"
Carter walked to face him and stood in the middle of the room. She decided to tell him everything.
"Uh, there was never an ice age, Jonah, nor another base."
"I don't understand."
"It was all a lie."
A silence followed. Jonah tried to understand. He looked at the woman in front of him. She looked like Thera, but she acted a little bit differently. Changing the subject, he quietly said:
"You've changed, Thera."
Sam closed her eyes when she heard him say her name…well Thera's. She tried to play dumb a little so she wouldn't hurt him.
"My hair is a little different, I admit, but-"
"I was talking about your posture, your behavior. You look tense, uncomfortable…did I do something wrong?"
Sam sighed.
"No, I'm sorry. It's my fault."
"What's wrong then?" he asked gently.
"It's…it's nothing really." she said, her voice suddenly shaking.
"Talk to me." Jonah stood up and stepped closer to her, but she stepped back, almost afraid. "Thera?"
Jonah tried again and reached for her hand. Sam pulled back with tears in her eyes. She didn't want to hurt him, but she couldn't let anything happen between them. Jonah and Thera didn't exist but it was so hard to believe it. When a single tear rolled down her cheek, Jonah didn't hesitate to take her in his arms. He didn't understand why she was pulling back. His face in her neck, he murmured:
"I missed you."
Sam choked back a sob. This was so hard. Stepping gently out of his embrace, she wiped her tears and went straight to their initial subject. She had to find out what he remembered so she could help getting his real memories back.
"Tell me what happened."
"I was going to ask you the same thing." Jonah said, unwilling to put an end to their moment.
He raised his hand to wipe some tears on her cheek, but Sam gently stopped his hand in mid-air with hers.
"Tell me what you remember, please. " she said, looking into his eyes.
Jonah didn't push the issue further and sat down on his bed before answering her question.
"I remember working underground with you and Orlin to help our people survive the ice age. But we had doubts about what we were doing…are those the lies you talked about?"
Sam nodded and sat down on a chair, facing him. She then explained.
"We're on a base on a planet called Earth."
"We're on another planet!"
"Yes. We are explorers and we go to other planets through a round device called the Stargate."
Jonah looked at her for a moment before he exclaimed:
"Cool!"
Sam smiled and continued.
"On one planet, our memories were tempered and new identities were given to us."
Jonah thought about what she said before realizing what she meant.
"Jonah and Thera." He concluded.
Sam nodded.
"Yes. Your real name is Jack O'neill. You're a colonel in the Air Force."
"Why don't I remember?"
Jonah looked confused and frustrated.
"Yesterday, we went to another planet and you were drugged."
"I was drugged!"
"Yes. The villagers gave you a drink that had something in it that resulted in amnesia. But somehow, your brain recovered the memory of Jonah instead of Jack O'Neill's."
"Why did they do that?"
"We don't think it was meant to hurt you. They just wanted you to have fun at the party."
"Well, I'm having a blast now, believe me!" he said, sarcastically, almost angry.
Sam gave him time to calm down. She understood what it felt like to be told that what you thought you were was all a lie. She felt the same when Brenna told them in her office that neither Thera nor Jonah existed. Jonah took a breath and looked at Sam.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I know it's not easy."
"Am I gonna stay Jonah all my life?" he said, suddenly looking nervous.
"- I don't think so. I think that when the poison will be completely out of your system, your real memories will come back."
"Yeah, well, right now, my memories feel real to me." He said, frustrated.
"I know." She replied quietly.
A silence followed while Jonah accepted the information. A frown appeared on his face. He looked up and asked:
"What's your name?"
Sam froze. He still thought of her as "Thera".
"Samantha Carter."
Jonah nodded and paused. Uncomfortable, he asked quietly:
"You…you said that everything on the planet was fake…"
Sam understood the meaning of his unspoken question. Touching his forearm, she said seriously:
"Not everything. Some of it was very real, Jonah, believe me."
Flashback
Jonah was holding Thera in his arms. Her head was resting on his chest while her arm laid across him. This was the fifth night they met secretly and talked, laughed and laid down together, just enjoying each other's company. In the silence of the night, surrounded by dirt and machines, Thera asked quietly:
"Do you think this will always be like this, Jonah?"
Jonah stroke her back and replied:
"No, I don't think so."
Thera looked at him with sadness in her eyes. Jonah looked at her with a serious expression.
"I think it'll be even better."
She then smiled. She had fallen hard for this man and kept falling each moment she spent with him. Looking in his deep brown eyes, she raised her head and kissed him lightly. Their first kiss. Jonah was surprised at first but oh so happy. Raising her chin even more, he kissed her passionately. They broke apart when they needed air. Jonah then looked at her and said:
"I love you."
Thera felt her heart skip a beat. She loved this man more than she thought possible. Looking back at him, their faces reflecting the dimming light, she whispered back:
"I love you too."
Those words seemed to have a meaning of a whole bigger level…and they did.
end of flashback
Jonah tried to read Sam's mind. He knew she meant what she said, but she was still holding back.
"If that part wasn't a lie, then why are you so distant with me?"
Sam was having a hard time keeping an emotional distance in their conversation.
"It's…complicated."
"Then explain it to me! I know I'm not the smartest guy here, but it can't be this complicated. We were close Thera, we were lovers! And I come back and you can't let me reach for you!"
Jonah wasn't mad, but he was only trying to understand her behavior. Sam felt tears in her eyes as she tried to explain the situation to Jonah without getting caught in her emotions.
"I told you before…we're not them!"
"But we were once, why can't we go back?"
"Please, it's so much more complicated than that…"
"No, it's not! Do you still love me or not?"
Sam was fighting with herself. She couldn't answer that question, but at the same time, she didn't want to deny her feelings and lie to him. Sam closed her eyes and wiped some tears. As Jonah waited for her answer, he took her silence for a negative. Disappointed and hurt, he turned away.
"I guess that answers my question."
"Jonah-"
"It's okay. I wonder why I even asked. I'd be surprised if you're not married. I mean, a woman like you doesn't stay single for long."
"You don't understand-"
"I said it was okay, Thera."
She then had enough. Sam got up, went to him, held his gaze and spoke.
"Thera loved Jonah, with all her heart! And she always will! But we're not them! We're Jack and Sam, Colonel and Major not them…" she finished, tears rolling down her cheeks.
Jonah was still confused as to why being the same persons but with other names was changing something.
"And Jack and Sam don't love each other?"
Sam looked up at him surprised and speechless. More tears rolled down her cheeks. She sighed.
"God…this is so hard…"
Jonah couldn't let her cry like this. He pulled her into his embrace. Soothing her, he whispered:
"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"
"We can't…we just can't…" she whispered.
Sam was emotionally drained. Jonah held her but didn't understand what she was saying. All he could do was holding her and telling her that everything would be alright. Neither of them knew how long they stayed like this. When Sam calmed down, she got out of his embrace.
"I should go…I'm sorry I broke down like this…"
Jonah didn't want to let her go just yet.
"Stay." He simply said.
Sam's breath caught as she heard his plea. She took all her power that was left in her and said:
"I can't…"
"Please, sleep with me tonight."
Jonah saw she was still hesitating.
"I'm already him…you just have to be Thera for one more night…please." He quietly begged.
Looking into his eyes – Jonah's eyes -, Sam couldn't help but feel the memories of Thera take over her. She then knew she was going to spend the night with him.
"Yes." She finally whispered.
Jonah smiled, relieved. He took her hand and gently pulled her toward the bed. They lay down together. Right then, they both realized there was no Sam, nor Jack in the room anymore, only Jonah and Thera. Her head went to his shoulder, her arm on his chest while his arm held her by the waist with their legs intertwined. A silence followed as they relaxed and enjoyed each other's company. After a moment, Jonah whispered:
"Let's just sleep…we'll deal with our problems tomorrow."
Thera agreed and they fell asleep.
Thera woke up slowly and realized that she and Jonah were in the same position they fell asleep in. Keeping her eyes shut, she buried her face in Jonah's chest and smiled. It wasn't a dream, he was still there, with her. Feeling him tense, she figured he was awake too. In the darkness of the room, she turned her head to look up at him and smiled.
"Hey." She said tiredly.
"Hey." He replied, distantly.
Thera frowned. He usually was happier to wake up with her. He would hug her or kiss her good morning. Today, he just looked thoughtful, distant and a little bit uncomfortable. She then decided to be the one to reach for the kiss this time. As their lips met, Thera felt him tense even more. Pulling back, she looked into his eyes and realized they were different…more guarded. At that moment, reality hit her hard as she stepped out of sleep's confusion. A look of fear and embarrassment crossed Sam's face as she sat straight in the bed…his bed….crap!
"Colonel." She stated, trying to hide the fear in her voice.
"Yeah…" Jack said, trying not to move and aggravate the situation.
Sam was thankful for the darkness in the room as her face burned with shame. «oh my god, what have I done? You kissed him thinking he was jonah, you idiot!» her mind screamed. She got out of the bed before Jack could do anything.
"The amnesia is gone…that's…that's good…" she babbled.
"Carter-" he tried to stop her from panicking and also got up from the bed.
"The drug must have completely left your system…"
"Carter!"
"I should go and tell Janet. She might want to test-"
"Sam!" he spoke louder and took her hand before she reached for the door.
Sam didn't turn to face him, but didn't move away either.
"I'm sorry." He said, sincerely.
Sam turned around but didn't look into his eyes. Jack released her hand but stayed close to her.
"You have nothing to apologize for, sir."
"Well then, I apologize for Jonah. I'm sorry he put you through this."
Sam then looked up at him, surprised. He remembered everything, even when he pushed the conversation about their fellings while he was Jonah. Looking into his eyes, Sam knew he was feeling guilty for his – Jonah's – behavior. Nodding, she answered:
"It's okay. I think I understand why you…he…reacted as he did."
Jack waited a little before asking:
"Are we okay?"
Sam took a moment to think about it.
"Yeah…"
Jack released a nervous breath.
"I guess this is another room we'll have to seal, huh?" Jack stated.
Sam looked sad but knew it was for the best.
"Yes, sir."
Neither of them moved for a long time. Finally, Sam spoke:
"I should go now."
Jack nodded and took a step back from the door, letting her go. He had to let her go right now, or he never would. Sam turned and walked the short distance to the door. When her hand reached the doorknob, she paused. She then turned her head to look at him lonely in the center of the dark room. Jack had to listen carefully when she spoke:
"You remember what you asked about Jack and Sam being in-"
"yeah?" he interrupted.
Somehow, not the saying the word was making it less wrong.
She hesitated before continuing:
"Well…the answer is yes…always."
Looking in each other's eyes, they saw the love they had for each other. No words needed to be said. Sam finally opened the door, but risked another last glance at Jack. She stepped in the corridor and closed the door behind her, shutting at the same time her feelings for Jack O'Neill in that special place in her heart.
The End
Hope you liked it!
musical-Aven, 2006