*Slide*
Jessica Dobrzykowski * © 2002
Disclaimer: The song belongs to Dido. All SPR related things belong to DreamWorks. All feelings and thoughts belong to me.
This songfic is also set in the church right after Caparzo dies. These are the feelings that I think existed in Mellish's, Upham's, and Miller's minds. (Bold italics= the person who is thinking; *= separators for the song)
*Don't Slide
Even at a time like this when the morning seems so far
Think that pain belongs to you but it's happened to us all*
Upham
I can't believe this. I used to think that we would all be at piece one day. Who was I kidding? Peace is a non-existent word when we are at war. It makes everything an oxymoron. Still, Caparzo was taken away from us. And did he deserve it? No. I think he was a caring person. A wonderful person. A potential brother. I knew Caparzo stood for a lot even though he acted hostile around me. I thought that eventually he would let me in. Let me into his world. Let me be a friend. All hopes are erased now. Destiny isn't kind. Not when we all depend on each other. I am scared. Scared for my life. Scared for everyone else's lives. I wanted to fight for what was right. Now I know, war isn't right. If killing people's loved ones is a way of getting peace, I don't want anything to do with it. For now I will just seek my solitude in the voids of my mind. It's the only place peaceful right now.
*It's all right to make mistakes, you're only human
Inside everybody's hiding something*
Miller
Another day, another man, another friend. It's like a vicious cycle. Everyday, you go out, shoot someone. Maybe even get shot in return. Then you lose a man. Or even two, or three. Sometimes I wish that I could get shot myself. Lay there and die, just so I wouldn't have to go through the pain of witnessing the death of a comrade. I search for fond memories in the back of my mind, just to ease the pain a little. It gives me the strength to be less sensitive on the outside, though I am bawling on the inside. Veccio. A fine kid, did what he was told, never disobeyed. He always walked around on his hands, and making everyone laugh. Most of the time I act like I can't feel. Like I can't feel the pain that everyone else is going through. But I can. I feel it so bad that I just want to leave. I know someday I will break. So I always tell myself that for every one of my men, of my friends, that have died under my leadership, another one, or maybe more, were saved in the process. I always think of the families we are sparing the sorrow of, of losing their son, or husband. For now, I will be strong. I will lead my team safely and successfully.
*Take time to catch your breath and choose your moment
Don't slide
You brought this on yourself and it's high time you left it there*
Mellish
I never thought anything of friendship. I didn't see the point in the values of it. Then I met Carpy. He was like the brother I never had. Now he is my brother. In my mind, but mostly in my heart. I will always remember him. We had our memories. Like when he told Upham that Fubar was German. It was funny as hell. He still believes it's German. Since Carpy's death, I've been thinking a lot. About how much each troop member means to me. How I shouldn't take them for granted. Maybe I shouldn't care at all. I could get everything over with and be done. But the pain of his absence will be noticed in my heart. I guess you could say that a part of me died when he did. I don't blame him for what happened. I blamed the only person worth blaming. The sniper that shot him down. Being a Jew, I believe I more to fight for. This war has tremendous significance in my life, and we are wasting time and bullets for one. I hope this 'private ryan' will go home. I hope I can go home. For now, I will fight honorably. I will not take my friendships for granted.
*Lie here and rest your head and dream of something else instead
Don't slide*