Rated M for mature content.
Set just after ME2, Kaidan set on a mission. Shenko Fluff
In Captain Anderson's office, on the citadel, Kaidan Alenko stood and looked out over the balcony observing the lake, thinking to himself how peaceful it is here.
He was awaiting the arrival of the captain, who had summoned him to his office to discuss his newest mission.
The door opened and Anderson strode in, gesturing to Kaidan to sit down in front of his desk.
"Commander Alenko, I want to discuss your next mission, now I understand your reluctance, but you are the only one who would be able to pull it off." Anderson explained to Kaidan.
"I know, Captain, but she was my former Commander I don't feel comfortable going behind her back."
"Commander, you're not going behind Shepard's back, but Cerberus', now you cannot disclose the mission fully to her, as you need to find out where her loyalties actually lie and you must find out as much information about what Cerberus is up too-" Anderson deduced in a sympathetic tone.
"With all due respect Captain, I just don't think this is the right way to go about it" Kaidan resistantly replied.
"Listen Commander, for the good of the Alliance, and the council we need this information, if Shepard is going to be accepted back into the Alliance we need to know she has no loyalty towards Cerberus."
Kaidan raised his brow at Anderson, and then bowed his head at the shameful thought of having to lie to Shepard to gain information.
He thought about seeing Shepard alive and in front of him on Horizon, the reunion didn't go smoothly to say the least, but the more and more time he had to mull it over, he knew deep down Shepard was no traitor, he thought how sincere she was about was not working for Cerberus and merely just working together to stop the collectors. He knew deep down that he did know her and how she would only work with Cerberus if there was no other choice, but the doubts the Alliance and council had around her clouded in his mind.
He whispered, "O-okay Captain for the good of the Alliance, I accept. So what's the next step?"
Anderson smirked "You made the right decision Commander; I am meeting Shepard later and will tell her you will be joining her squad as an advocate for the Alliance as they contemplate her return to the Alliance. Dismissed Commander"
Kaidan got up, his heart sunk as he felt distressed as to what he has just agreed to do, thinking to himself,
Is it really for the good of the Alliance lying to Shepard after all she has done, saving the citadel from Sovereign and stopping the collectors.
He wandered out of Anderson's office with his head slumped, how could be betray Shepard, if it wasn't for Cerberus he was certain their meeting on Horizon would have been different.
As the Normandy docked onto the platform of the Citadel, the docking pads attached to the Normandy and held it in place, a few minutes later Shepard appeared from the airlock greeted on the dock by Captain Anderson.
Formally shaking Shepard's hand he got straight to business;
"Commander I will keep this short, at the request of the Alliance Commander Kaidan Alenko, a former squad member of yours, is being put forward as advocate whilst the decision over accepting you back into the Alliance is being examined, he will report back his findings to the Alliance, where they can make a fully informed decision."
"So you're sending one of my former squad members to spy on me? I can see the Alliance really trusts me!" Shepard quickly snapped back.
"It's not like that Commander, the Alliance just wants to be sure in their final decision, you have to understand that, that is why Commander Alenko was thought to be the best choice, someone you knew who would fit in and wouldn't disrupt anything." Anderson replied.
Shepard rubbing the bridge of her nose, thought for a second,
If Kaidan had already agreed to do this, that maybe it was just as Anderson said, the Alliance were just making sure, Shepard revelled in the opportunity of seeing Kaidan again, especially after that awkward reunion on Horizon.
Reluctantly Shepard agreed, still with doubts in her mind.
Is my mind so clouded over feelings towards Kaidan that I can't or won't see what the Alliance and Council are really up too?
"Right, if everything is order I shall head to my office, if there is anything else Commander you know where to find me. Commander Alenko will join you and your crew shortly."
"Aye Aye Captain" She replies shaking his hand, as they go their separate ways, a smile comes over her face as she renters the Normandy's airlock, thinking about seeing Kaidan made her smile, especially after the email he sent her after Horizon, so apologetic- so sweet- so Kaidan.
Entering the Normandy brought back fond memories for Kaidan, as he stepped out of the airlock decontamination unit onto the ship's bridge.
Swivelling round in the pilot chair, Joker warmly greeted Kaidan,
"Good to see you again Alenko, if you're looking for the Commander she's in her quarters, top deck" He smirked.
Rubbing the back head, Kaidan lightly laughed the comment off, as he headed towards the elevator. For a moment in the elevator he contemplated going straight to the captains deck, but knew it wasn't the right time, he felt so confused and conflicted over what Anderson had asked, and what he would even say to Shepard after Horizon and his email, he knew if he saw her now he would say the wrong thing. He shook the feeling off and headed to the crew deck in the elevator.
Looking at the floor still thinking of Shepard, the doors to the elevator opened, and immediately he saw long curved legs, as he followed the thin shapely legs upwards to a small waist and rounded chest with dark brown hair covering the shoulders, he thought this can't be Shepard, I know Shepard's well defined legs and beautiful body, these were definitely not hers, he didn't recognise this woman as his eyes continued to her face.
"Hi" The unknown woman said,
"You must be Kaidan Alenko?" She enquired.
Raising an eyebrow Kaidan replied sheepishly
"Umm, yes I am"
As she reached out her hand to shake his she added "I'm Miranda, I used to work for Cerberus, but now fully under Shepard's command now."
Kaidan didn't know what to make of her as he nodded and smiled politely at her.
"Have you been given the tour yet?" Miranda asked
"I haven't, but it's very similar to the old Normandy, I think I can find my way around"
"Oh yes, I forgot about that, well if there anything you need, my office is just behind the kitchen area, feel free to drop by anytime" She stroked her hand across his shoulder and give him a wink as she walked away, leaving Kaidan feeling slightly uncomfortable, and yet intrigued.
Could I get the intel I need from Miranda about Cerberus, it just doesn't feel right. According to the reports she was the illusive man's right hand girl, and now under the full command of Shepard, seems strange to me.
"Commander, Kaidan Alenko has arrived on the Normandy and has proceeded to the crew's quarters" EDI announced over the speaker system in Shepard's quarters.
Shepard, sitting at her desk working at her terminal, looked up at the speaker with a wide smile across her face,
"Thanks for letting me know EDI."
She thought letting him get settled in would be for the best for now, as she continued working at her terminal, finishing off a report for Miranda.
As the doors opened to Miranda's office, she greeted her visitor with a wide smile,
"I'm glad you decided to stop by" She beamed.
"Now that I'm properly settled, I thought I would stop by for a chat" the brown eyed man shyly whispered.
"It's alright I won't bite" Miranda said with a glint in her eye, she gestured him over to the chairs behind her desk.
Kaidan walked over towards the chairs but decided to stand against the wall, opposite the chairs.
He was still feeling quite uncomfortable around this woman, he had read the reports of how her father had genetically designed her to be perfect in every way, he didn't like women who were cosmetically enhanced and used their looks to get what they wanted, she was quite the opposite to Shepard, who had natural beauty and only used subtle amounts of make-up to enhance her already wonderful features.
He had always loved that about Shepard, how she didn't even realise how beautiful she was, at least to him that is.
"This ship is nothing like the alliance ships, and much bigger than the original Normandy, too much space in fact, and the windows are nice to look out of but are a structural weakness especially if under attack" Kaidan said glancing out of the window.
"Wow-" Miranda chuckled, "- You alliance types all think the same, don't you?"
He looked at her with a puzzled look upon his face,
"You know Shepard said the same thing about this ship as you." Miranda added.
Kaidan looked the floor, secretly pleased that he shared the same as opinion as Shepard, he knew deep down at least part of the old Shepard was still there.
Miranda got up and stood in front of him, and with a gentle tone said
"Look I know you didn't come here to talk about the differences between alliance ships and Cerberus ships. What do you want to know about Cerberus?"
Startled at Miranda's remark, he turned suddenly to look at her in the face, fumbling his words,
"I-i d-don't know w-wh-what you're talking about?"
"Come on" She pushed.
"Alright then, after our brief conversation earlier, it got me thinking about something you had said."
"Oh-" She politely enquired whilst smiling at him. "What was that then?"
"You said you used to work for Cerberus, well what has changed?" Kaidan murmurs whilst scratching the back of his head.
Miranda charmed by his politeness and his lack of confidence stepped closer to Kaidan, his back against the wall, as she leans her hand against the wall just above his shoulder, a silence ensues, he felt trapped, he didn't like the feeling, he always liked having a way out,
Is she coming onto me? Or is she trying to use her looks to get information from me? It won't work, but if I just stand here for a while she may tell me more about Cerberus and Shepard...
It was awkward and unnerving for him, he stared at the ground, he started to imagine it was actually Shepard standing in front of him instead of Miranda, how content and relaxed he felt at the thought, his cheeks redden as Miranda's voice snaps him back to reality,
"Well Shepard has helped me out with my sister and some of Cerberus' choices I disagreed with-"
Before Miranda could finish her sentence, the doors to her office open, and in walks Shepard carrying a datapad,
"Miranda, I have that report you-" Shepard stops, looking up from the datapad, to see Miranda with her hand leaning against the wall just over Kaidan.
They were so close, Kaidan's cheeks were red, had he been blushing at Miranda leering over him like that, making obvious advances towards him, which weren't denied from the way it looked.
Miranda steps back, as Kaidan moves away from Miranda, unable to take his eyes off Shepard, she is even more beautiful than the last time he had seen her, truly taking his breath away, he tries desperately to make eye contact with Shepard, trying to figure out how she feels. She immediately looked away from them, and stared at the datapad she was holding, her hair had fallen over her face covering up the anguish that had come over her.
She felt the pain deep in her chest, feeling like her heart had broken in two, seeing Kaidan so close to someone else like that was unbearable. She began to tremble, the datapad in her hand beginning to shake, trying to hold it back, she dropped the datapad on the edge of Miranda's desk and swiftly turning around without saying a word, before Miranda could even say thanks, Shepard was already out of the door.
Kaidan staring at the datapad moves towards the door, shocked at what had just happened.
Did she not care how close Miranda was, she didn't even say a word, just left, no emotion, so cold, so distant. I never meant her to see me like this, I would never want to hurt Shepard like that, I lov-.
Miranda interrupts his thoughts,
"The Commander doesn't seem to be in a good mood, I better look at this report now."
Shepard quickened her pace to the elevator, trying to hold the tears back before anyone could see her, jabbing the elevator button doors to open, thinking to herself just get inside the elevator, the doors parted and she raced inside, hitting the button inside to take her back up to her quarters.
As she reached her quarters she glanced over at her picture of Kaidan residing on the desk. She diverted her eyes and decided to run a shower. As she got undressed all she could see in her mind was the mental image of Kaidan against the wall with Miranda so close to him, burned into her brain. She got in the shower but immediately broke down, sliding down the wet tiles that surrounded the shower cubicle, she held her legs up close as she sat on the shower floor, and wept. The water, from the shower, streaming all over her face, the image still in her mind, unable to think of anything else, the great Shepard saviour of the Citadel and destroyer of the collectors curled up on the floor crying.
After the interruption from Shepard, Kaidan hurried out of Miranda's office, desperately hoping to see Shepard before she got into the elevator. He had missed her.
He wondered about Miranda's remark about the commander's mood, maybe he didn't notice it, but Miranda seemed to pick something up. He desperately wanted to see Shepard and speak to her, but where would he begin to explain.
Facing the doors to the elevator, he played the scene over and over in his mind, as soon as the elevator arrived, he took a long deep breath before standing inside. The journey up to the captain's deck he found himself pacing back and forth in the lift, wondering what he was going to say. The doors opened and he found himself faced with a large steel door, he paced back and forth further before knocking.
He waited.
No answer.
He waited further, still no answer. He entered hearing the shower going.
Should I be in here, wait for her to come out, would she even want me in here after what just happened.
He contemplated waiting, before taking in the surroundings of Shepard's quarters, much bigger than the alliance ships he noted. A fish tank and separate seating area, very nice. Turning his attentions to the desk his eyes were suddenly fixated on the photo frame, he couldn't believe it, his picture inside the frame!
He walked over, picking up the frame he smiled.
All this time, she never even said anything, playing it cool on Horizon, no reply to my e-mail and no emotion when she saw Miranda and I. Just like the old Shepard, always playing her cards close to her chest.
Unbeknown to Kaidan, Shepard had pulled herself together and gotten out of the shower, wrapping herself in a towel and tying her wet hair back, she headed out of the bathroom. To her surprise she saw Kaidan, with his back to her, looking at the picture of him at her desk, her eyes dropped to floor as she hesitated at the bathroom doorway, folding her arms she leant against the doorway taking a long deep inhale she startled Kaidan
"What are you doing in here?"
Turning around abruptly, still holding on to the picture of himself, he saw Shepard in just a towel, he was speechless unable to find the words, she looked stunning even in a towel and with wet hair. Still unable to find the words as he was mesmerised by her beauty, standing and just staring at her, she was getting impatient with him beginning to frown at him, she repeated herself in angry tone.
"Kaidan, what are you doing in here? I think its best you leave"
Picking up on the angry tone in her voice, he mumbled together some words in the hopes it making a sentence, as his attention was still fixed on Shepard standing right in front in just a towel.
"mm taakl-"
Hearing what he had just said aloud, he corrects himself, shaking his head slightly brushing off his thoughts.
"I mean, I came here to talk." Looking at Shepard with puppy dog eyes, praying she wouldn't turn him away.
She snapped back, "What do you want to talk about exactly?"
Taking a long deep breath, giving her a longing look,
"Shepard, earlier with Miranda, we were just talking."
Giving him a sceptical look, she snorted "It seemed I interrupted the two of you when I walked in."
Still unable to take his eyes off her, he raised his eyebrow and looked at her in the eyes, to show her how serious he was,
"Shepard I have no interest in Miranda whatsoever, she's not my typ-" Running his hand across the back of his head, he gently added "she's not you, Shepard, I hope I'm not out of line by saying that."
Her heart warmed at the sentiment, but still puzzled over what had happened she quizzed him further
"I don't understand Kaidan, what is going on then?"
Shepard always knew when there was something else going on, when something wasn't right, but this! I can't tell her what Anderson had asked of me, she seemed so upset over Miranda, and had a picture of me on her desk, she must still care.
Kaidan slumped his head staring at the ground, Shepard walks over to him grabbing his hands,
"Kaidan you can tell me anything." She adds.
He looked up at her, staring into her deep blue eyes, he loved her so much, he never stopped as he soon realised when all the feelings he tried to suppress came rushing back. He couldn't lie to Shepard, he didn't want too!
"I'm so sorry Shepard, I was trying to talking to Miranda to gain information about Cerberus, and well you, Captain Anderson had asked me to come onboard the Normandy to gain intelligence about Cerberus and to see if you were still working with him, I didn't want to do it, but Anderson assured me it was for the good of the alliance."
She steps back, releasing his hands, startled at what he had just said, raising her voice she hastily screamed at Kaidan,
"You lied to me Kaidan, you could have just come to me from the beginning. Anderson shouldn't be sending people to spy on me, especially after all the information I have given him about Cerberus!"
"I'm so sorry Shepard." Looking into her eyes and showing her how much he was sorry.
She paced towards the fish tank and back towards the desk as she calmed herself down lowering her voice she began reasoning with herself,
"I suppose I let my feelings for you cloud my judgement, deep down I guess I knew there was something more to what Anderson said about you being just an advocate for the alliance, I didn't want to believe it, I just thought about seeing you again and -"
Stunned at her words he impulsively interrupted wanting to know more,
"Feelings?" A small grin developing on his face.
"Isn't it obvious Kaidan, I've never stopped loving you, not even for one moment! I kept a picture of you at my desk this whole time, but when I saw Miranda all over I just couldn't handle it-" Hearing her voice go all wobbly she paused, as she composed herself, fighting back the tears that had built up in her eyes. Clearing her throat she continued,
"It cut me deep inside Kaidan, that's why i had to get out of there as fast as possible. I just didn't know what to do."
His developing smile vanished as soon as he realised how much the situation had hurt Shepard,
"B-but after what happened on Horizon, and after getting no to reply to my e-mail, I didn't think you were interested, I didn't even think Miranda coming on to me even affected you in anyway. I'm so sorry Shepard I would never want to hurt you like that."
She blinked taking in what he said, realising they had both made errors, she blurted out with a little aggression on her voice, without a second thought.
"I love you Kaidan!"
Taken back by what she had just said he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him, she rested her head against his chest, as he whispered in her ear
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear those words come out of your mouth Shepard, it makes me feel alive inside again, I love you too, I think I always will!"
He flashed a massive smile as he lifted Shepard's chin up to his face, her eyes darting between gazing in his eyes and at his tender lips, he leaned in pressing his lips against hers, their eyes closed as their lips locked, her arms draping over his shoulders as she moves closer into the contours of his body, his hands running through her hair as he holds the back of her head still.
Her body quivering in delight as she lets out a moan, his tongue slipping into her mouth, as they massage each other's tongues, as their lips secure together once more.
Kaidan slides his hand down her back, giving her bum a cheeky squeeze as she giggles in pleasure.
He pulls back from the kiss to take in the image of his lost love in his arms again. A bright beam appears across his face
"It feels so good to have you back in my-"
She cuts him off, placing a finger to his lips,
"I know what you wanted to say Kaidan, there is no need, I feel the same."
Moving her finger away from his lips he compels his lips to hers once more, as they passionately kiss he tugs on her towel, as it falls to the floor, his lips moving down to her neck, he scoops her up in his arms as carries her to the bed. She groans with glee, as he lays her down carefully on the bed. She swiftly pulls his shirt from over his head, chucking it on to the floor.
Running her hands across his chest as their tongues continue to entwine, her hands move slowly down his abdomen across his rock hard abs down to his belt, he bears a large grin, as his hands begin sweeping across her smooth body, feeling every inch of her soft skin, he starts delicately kissing each part.
Awakening to a sleeping Kaidan, Shepard placed her head on his bare chest, nibbling on his ear, as he comes around, opening his bright brown eyes, he runs his fingers through her hair, closing his arms around her, cuddling up to her tightly.
"Good morning beautiful" He said giving her a peck on the forehead.