Foreword: Before the story starts, I would very, very muchly want to thank aingeal because she had to put up with me incessantly telling her that 1) I cannot write, 2) I can't write this, 3)this is wonky. She had to beta-read this slash too, because I think that's what friends are for. She sacrificed her night to finish beta-reading too, which I didn't expect her to be able to do so (and fell asleep until my room froze over with the aircon on). So here this is, thanks to her. Another friend who I have to thank for actually starting this is wynter_myst, who is also not into slash, and blames me for supporting this pairing. Have no idea why. Must be because of the promise of "hot, manly sex". Anyway, I blame her for my "Mr Anderson" obsession. Lastly, this is the first ever longest fic of mine. O_o ~14.5.03
Disclaimer: All works of fiction! Poem used in fic is also of my creation. Characters belong to the Wachowski brothers. I do not profit monetarily.
Opened Doors
by Caitlynne
I opened the doors not knowing what I would find
Only knowing that I cannot turn back and look behind
And as I walked futher down the corridors of today
I can only hear my footsteps echoing down the hallway.
And in the silence that was everything else I dread
That I will only learn what I rather not know instead.
What is real?
A desolate figure stood in an empty office, his fingers resting, gently pressed against the cool glass. The office was a sixteen degrees celsius, the air-conditioners at full power. Paperwork was all around, the computers were all in screensaver mode but there were no one in the office. The inhuman silence would have be overwhelming for the man, had he not realised that this was all nothing, because it was not real. Yet the boundary between real and unreal, had always seemed non-existent. The concept of realness that was not there. Like sensing pain in a phantom limb. In a strange paradox of many paradoxes, the emotions that were evoked, the senses that were alerted, all that men had thought to be humanity, was only virtual. A world crafted and moulded to people's perception of normalcy. A world built on contradictions, as people were oppressed, without knowing it, continuing with their lives, unable to recognise the false nature of their reality.
Almost like the brain in a vat hypothesis, which was eerily uncanny to this world.
So what is real?
Was it the solid glass window before him, which his very hand was in contact with? Was it that he felt the cool breeze from the aircon that should have chilled him, but did not? Or was the fact that he was just standing there, breathing?
What is not?
Neo was not sure if he liked the matrix-generated world, though he admitted that the people within it lived in a better place than that he was in. Ignorance is bliss. No. That was not right. Ignorance was, and now knowledge is. He had his freedom. Or so he thought for now. The battle for mankind was still far from the end. And what would he do, when the end came? Would he embrace the world that his people nearly destroyed? The barren lands he had seen, when he had awoken from the Matrix. It was like some science fiction book or game and that he was playing the main character, the one hope, the Messiah. Except that this whole situation was more complex, more real.
He tapped at his earpiece. There was still no sound from his friends. His comrades from the real world. They had sent him here to search for someone who might be crucial in their fight against the supercomputers. However, the collective mind had sensed the threat and was moving in to prevent them from causing any more possible damage to their system. Neo had Trinity and Zee, who had came along with him, back into the real world, just before the system intercepted and disrupted their communications. He knew that they were trying their best to bring him back. Neo was not worried in the least. He would be able to stand up to the agents, if confronted, though he knew that the better choice was to keep moving and evade them.
So he turned away from the source of light that streamed through the windows, and decided to move up to the roof, to see if there was anywhere he could head from here until a connection was re-established between him and his friends. The office lights went off, and Neo found himself walking in semi-darkness. He paused and slowly turned, suspecting, knowing the cause for the sudden drop in light intensity.
"Mr Anderson." A figure stood by the doorway of the office - the source of the hollow, and evidently half-amused voice. With that familiar grey suit, that pair of shades and neatly combed-back hair that clearly marked him as an agent.
Damn.
He thought he had killed him, the figure at the doorway. The fateful encounter that had ended up with terminating his opponent. And that event had been replaying in his head for quite a while. He wasn't expecting to hear that familiar drawl again; he never thought he could make the name he had been living under for the whole of his life in the matrix sound, well, ...sexy. Damn. What was he thinking about?
"Agent Smith," Neo acknowledged, as his mind sought possible exit routes from the building. Jumping out of the window as he had done the last time was last on his list of options right now. He watched the other person... thing... whatever he was... and the other looked back at him coolly. Neither made a move, as if waiting for the other to initiate and then retaliate in response. Neo couldn't help feeling that there was an air of difference around Smith. He had faced off with him a few times before, and so he was certain that this agent was not exactly the same one who tried to kill him many months ago, in the subway tunnel. But he couldn't be too sure of it. He could not afford to trust his instincts on this one.
This agent had always been different from the system. Acting as if he had his own will, and not following that of the Matrix. It was like he had certain human characteristics; he had seen anger and arrogance in Smith, but not in the other agents. Artificial intelligence? Perhaps, but this was far more advanced. Always evolving, changing, testing the walls that limited his capabilities. Yet, far from being sentient. So the humour he thought he had detected must have been null. Neo assured himself that he was right about his mistake.
That was, until... the agent's lip thinned and curled at the edge.
He was... attempting a smile. A wry one. And it seemed sinister and strange to see Agent Smith do so. Neo stared, his eyes unable to see past the shades and look at the eyes. It was just as well, for Neo could not, would not know how to react had he seen what he expected - a flicker of awareness beyond those eyes. He tried to control his breathing, which he just noticed had became irregular. His eyes darted around the room, already adapted to the dimness; but even if they hadn't, all he needed to do was to 'switch' his vision until the walls and things in this room were only lines of green code. There was no one else in sight. Only Agent Smith.
A trap?
What was Smith up to now?
If the Matrix had wanted to irradicate him, surely they would have sent more agents. Unless, of course, the Matrix had Smith upgraded to something more powerful. Though the Matrix operated on logic, Neo could not predict exactly how they would work. Anticipating how the enemy would act was one thing. Predicting their movements was another. He could not underestimate them, just as the enemy knew not to undermine him. It was mutual.
Agent Smith moved his hand and Neo's went immediately to his holster, preparing to draw his gun and shoot if he had to.
"That would be completely unnecessary, Mr Anderson."
Smith merely removed his shades, folded them and put them inside his jacket. Their eyes met. Neo's hand remained where it was, poised over his gun. He wasn't about to lose his guard if it involved his life. "Right. And you're not here to kill me too, is that it?"
"Kill you?" Smith said in an incredulous voice, that Neo was sure would be tough for something technical to emulate. "Hardly. Not now. There had been some unexpected changes, Mr Anderson-"
"Stop calling me by that name."
"Why? It is only a name."
"But it is not mine."
Smith walked hesistantly towards Neo, lacking his usual, uniform stride, and stopped three feet away. Then Neo saw, very clearly and unmistakably, that those blue eyes that used to watch him with disdain and malice were enamating sadness, confusion and... anger. But the anger did not seem to be directed at Neo. Neo was curious, wondering what had happened, wondering if perhaps... Agent Smith... had become more...
"Human. They made me human." He sounded raw and the last word seemed to have a bit of a difficulty rolling off his tongue.
At first, Neo did not know what to say, his suspicions confirmed. He knew that Smith wouldn't lie. And even if he did, those emotions that he saw swirling behind those eyes, could not have been generated to such a life-like degee. Still, he was puzzled. Puzzled by why the agent was made human; how, in the name of science, did he become a living entity; when did it happened; and the most puzzling of all, why was he telling him this? When he found his voice, there was only one question to ask for the answers he needed.
"Why?"
"I haven't much time to explain to you now, Mr Anderson," Agent Smith paused for a second, halfway recalling that Neo had told him earlier not to use that name. Time was urgent however, so he continued. "They are in this building, searching for you as I speak. We- you have to leave."
"I was about to, until you appeared. How do I know if I can trust you?"
Agent Smith looked at him blankly. "I have not killed you yet, have I?" He said matter-of-factly.
There was a "ding" of a bell outside the office that startled the both of them. An elevator had stopped on their floor. It could only be the agents, who were searching for him. Smith casually took out his shades and put them on.
"Okay. But if you try anything-" Neo left his sentence hanging. There was no need to finish it; the end to that sentence was clear. There wasn't much time to say many things right now, anyway. He headed for the stairway, but Smith hissed, "Not there!"
Neo halted, glancing at the door to the staircase, and then at Agent Smith. Smith ran to a smaller room adjacent to the room they were in and Neo could hear the echoing footsteps coming his way.
If the agent wanted to lure him into the trap- If the agent was the spider in parlour and he was the fly being invited- Oh fuck it
Neo followed the lone agent into the room. Smith pointed to the grating of the air vent and motioned for Neo to stand on his shoulders to get into the ventilation pipe. Neo did, and helped Smith into the pipe too. They closed the grating and waited, unmoving. Their stomachs were against the pipe flooring, their bodies half cramped in the confining space. Looking through the grating with care not to be seen, both saw an agent walk into the room, looking around. The agent surveyed the room, and then reported to someone outside of the room that his search was negative.
It was moments after the agent had left and they were sure that none of the other agents were nearby, that Agent Smith started to move along the pipe, crawling on his elbows and knees. Neo followed, deciding that this would be better than facing off with the other agents without backup, should he run into them if he went back down to the room. The pipes were uncomfortable to crawl in, with their cold metallic surfaces and his bone pressing against his skin as he crawled on on his elbows. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that this pain was delusory, but the impulses that were transmitted to his brain recognised and registered the pain, and in response, he felt the hurt.
It was peculiar to have his nemesis show up and then help to lead him away from the agents. It was unforeseen. More questions accumulated. Firstly, how would Smith know that the pipes would lead them to safety? The network of pipes was like a labyrinth to him. Secondly, how did he know where he was? Was Smith now on his side? What would he stand to gain from this? Was it because he was human now that he had to evade the Matrix too?
It would be a long wait until he had his answer. Neo tapped at his earpiece again. There was still nothing from his friends. Worry started to seep into him.
Eventually, after a lot of crawling, Agent Smith stopped. With his two hands he pushed at a grating and the grate fell to the floor with a thud. He climbed out of a hole in a wall, and smoothened his clothes in darkness, as Neo clambered out.
"We'll be safe here for now." He said crisply, partially annoyed that he was actually helping a human, his arch-enemy. Annoyed that this human weakness clouded his judgement, causing him to ponder over things that part of him still thought were unquestionable. He would never have helped before. He should not, at any rate.
The room was as small as the one Neo had lived in, before he knew what the Matrix was, before Morpheus offered him a chance to wake up to the real world, before meeting Trinity... and the strange messages on his computer screen. With the help of his 'other' sight, he switched on a lamp on a desk, to see how the room looked like. There was a door to his east, but his keen observation told him that it had not been opened for quite a long time, for it was bolted on the inside with a dusty padlock. The room was sparsely furnished - a desk, an empty shelf for file-keeping and three chairs, and Smith sat down, rather mechanical-like, on one of them, whilst Neo leaned against the wall, his arms folded, still surveying the room. His eyes soon rested on the telephone on the desktop.
Smith tilted his head from his left to his right, stretching the muscles in his neck, and making cracking sounds in the process. He then faced Neo's direction, his face wearing a stoic expression, but his true emotions unknown, as his eyes were hid behind the pair of shades. He turned his head down slightly, following Neo's line of sight to the telephone. Neo's eyes centred on his enemy, distrust evident, wondering if he was playing a double-agent. Or should he say "it"? - after all, Agent Smith was just a mere computer program, was he not? But now, he wasn't so sure. How could it be that it was now human? That would be a breakthrough. A hypothesis that was deemed impossible.
"You owe me an explanation." There. Curt, short and cut to the chase.
Smith leaned forward slightly, shoulders straight and his face as stiff as a washboard, suddenly looking less human. "Yes." Then his shoulders sagged a little and his brows furrowed, apparently deciding where he should start. "Yes," he said again, slowly. "You're wondering why I'm helping you. Just for the best of our interests, Mr Anderson."
"Our interests?" Neo spat, moving away from the wall. "My interest lies in freeing the people from this world- this Matrix. Yours is in oppressing and subduing. To take away our free will - to use us as your source of power. And then you waltz in, telling me that you're now human- but that's impossible! And you can't and will never be human! "
Agent Smith replied quietly. "Humans only know how to destroy. They are destructive to the world and to others and to themselves. What we- What the Matrix does is to protect. In this way, people can live on their lives without really destroying the rest of the world. You've seen the real world for yourself, you should know."
"I should know?" Neo exclaimed. Smith's words were like a spark to a flame that was already burning slowly within the human. "What do you know about us?! You're just a fucking computer software!" His anger took the better of him- he approached Smith and grabbed him up by the collar. The agent had no time to react, or maybe it was that he didn't want to react. Neo slammed Smith against the wall. "You think you're so smart- you think you know us. But you don't! You may have a database of facts, but it is not enough to understand what humanity is."
"I have dealt with humans for a very long time, Mr Anderson." Smith gritted his teeth and firmly gripped Neo's hands, trying to remove them. "Humanity is a disease-"
"Shut up!"
"- humans are flawed, erratic, and chaotic and barbaric by nature-"
"I said shut the fuck up!"
Agent Smith managed to tear Neo's hand away from his collar as the latter threw a punch at the agent with his other hand. Smith attempted to evade it and the punch landed on his jaw, causing him to bite his lips in the process. He managed to deflect the next blow aimed at his stomach. With lightning speed, he grabbed Neo's wrist and turned, intending to toss him to the floor, but both fell to the floor instead and Neo found himself on top of Smith.
Smith pushed him back onto the table, and he was stunned at the contact-
Neo blinked. There was a realisation that his face was on his chest. And another realisation dawned, when he could hear a rhythmic sound that rose and fell with it. Confusion dissipated Neo's anger. He propped himself up on his palms, trying to catch his breath from his outburst and his eyes wandered to the agent's face. The shades had flown off when Neo struck him at the jaw. The agent looked at Neo with narrowed eyes, not noticing that a trickle of red was trailing to one side from his cut lip, nor that something wet was rolling down the side of his face, coming from his eyes.
Was that blood, and those... tears?
"You just proved my point, Mr Anderson."
Neo's face did a slow burn at those words and at the situation he was in. He was about to get off when the agent gripped his hand firmly and sat up, forcing Neo to sit back on his knees.
"Tell me something, Mr Anderson. Why do you fight so hard against the Matrix? There are some people who would rather live in the Matrix than the real world."
"Because everything here is a lie. I would rather live in freedom than in a dream." Smith's blue eyes flickered to the human's eyes, as if seeking for something. Neo reached out a hand to Smith's face, wiping the trail of blood with a finger without breaking their gaze. Then, slowly, he brought the finger to his own lips, almost certain what it would taste like. And he was right.
The unmistakable taste of iron.
The agent was bleeding in the Matrix. He was human.
Only in the Matrix. It can only be within the Matrix. He can't be human outside of it.
He needed to regulate his breathing; he remained still, unable to tear his eyes from his adversary's... or should it be ex-adversary? What if he could convince the agent to join his side? Or would he just end up like Cypher and betray them all? His heart pounded loudly and he wasn't sure why. It could not be the way they were looking at each other; or how close their faces were; not the iron-grip on his hand; not the dreams he had of the both of them since...... definitely not.
Smith himself was taking small, shallow breaths, apparently conflicted by the human emotions. He was curious, and strangely excited by what Neo did. He licked his own lips, tasting his own blood. Then he smiled, as if he was amused by something. "Human frailty."
"You look like us, you act like us, yet you despise us."
"Mr Anderson, you should know that I was programmed to deal with troublesome humans. You remember that, don't you?"
How could he forget? The very first time they had met, when he was taken away in the car and later interrogated.
"Humans are weak, they give in to their emotions so much, and sometimes that weakness destroys them. And I, having spent so much time in this world, and being cut-off from the Matrix... am being subjected to these new..." -Smith shook his head, unable to describe further, then his eyes hardened and he changed the topic- "Humans have so many weaknessess - forming attachments to non-living objects, addiction, greed... I know what yours is. "
Neo frowned.
Agent Smith leaned forward and whispered into his ear. "What do you call it- 'love'? Attachment to other people... it's strange how one can love and destroy. Don't you think?"
"Sometimes it keeps them alive." Neo could barely breathe, the close proximity had left him not much room to do so; not with Smith breathing into his ear; not while the warm air was tickling his sensitive skin, sending a queer sort of sensation down his spine that settled in his abdomen.
Smith grinned into his ear. "What is it, Mr Anderson? You're shaking. What are you afraid of?"
Neo closed his eyes, forcing the ache in his heart away but failed. He need to think about Trinity. Christ. What was he thinking of? What was he... expecting? Dammit!
His one-timed nemesis traced a finger along his jaw, so slowly that time seemed to stop. He felt that he was in a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. Technically speaking, he was being in a dream. He felt Smith move his head away, so he opened his eyes, only to see his face swim to view.
And it would appear that Neo was not the only one who was breathing heavily. "What do you want?" he rasped.
Smith stared back at him, unblinkingly, brows furrowed. Then he replied, "I thought you knew the answer to that, Mr Anderson."
"Neo." The human said, leaning forward to capture Smith's mouth by surprise, kissing him. He didn't care for the consequences any more. His head had been swimming with all the cause-and-effect; so when he closed the distance between their lips, his mind wasn't being coherent. He knew he would hate himself for this later, but his need, which had never really actualised before, was now sparked by their closeness, and it burned within him, threatening to consume him whole if he did nothing.
At first Smith did not respond, unsure what Neo was doing, assaulting his lips, but slowly, he began to understand why he had been feeling edgy and agitated earlier. Uneased and unsettled. He would need some time to get used to these emotions, he supposed. Yet somehow, it didn't seemed right. He was not human to begin with, and Neo -of all people!- was his enemy. The rebel who would destroy the Matrix which he was programmed to protect. But things were different now. Neo had a very persuasive mouth and Smith found himself leaning into the kiss, instinctively pressing an awkward hand behind Neo's head, pulling him closer. The human, stretched a leg over him and straddled him. It was a long while until they both had to break the kiss for air.
Neo panted. "My name is Neo." He said, wanting to get his name across.
"Mm," Smith murmured in acknowlegement and aggressively pulled Neo back for another searing kiss. Mouth to mouth, lips to lips and tongue to tongue, exploring, and fighting for dominance over the other. Smith growled from the back of his throat, as Neo tugged his jacket off and slid his hands over his torso, which he thought was curiously as firm as it was from he felt it would be in his dreams. He laughed at himself silently- he was no seer, he couldn't foresee the future- then he wondered if this was supposed to be part of the prophecy. Neo withdrew and trailed his tongue along the smooth jawline and down the neck. In the meantime, his idle hands busied themselves with making the tie looser. Then he pulled at the collar to gain better access to a lovely bit of skin on the neck where he licked, nipped and sucked, leaving a red mark in its place.
Smith gasped, "Hold it!"
Something was wrong.
Neo ceased his movements, for a moment dazed like Smith, both overwhelmed.
The agents. They were nearby.
What was he thinking? The agents must have had remained in the building, searching for him. Neo stood up quickly and so did Smith, as he reached for his shades and placed them on.
"Neo?"
Trinity?
The phone rang.
"Get out of here now." Agent Smith reached for the phone and held it out to Neo.
Neo took it. "What about you?"
"I am certain that we will meet again, Neo. Now go," Smith said, diverting his eyes away from Neo, not wanting to see what he was feeling; not wanting him to see what he himself was feeling. He felt pathetically weak, but also felt that it was inevitable, that this feeling was somehow right. He adjusted his tie hurriedly and donned his jacket.
Neo had no time to reply to Agent Smith; he could sense the rippling in the air- that the other agents were about to materialise in the room. As he spoke into the phone to Trinity to get him out of there, he glanced up at the enemy who helped him before he was disconnected from the Matrix, realising in the last moment that Smith had called him by his actual name.
So along the path of life I carefully tread
Down the road I chose with no regret
Because of the many crossroads to choose and take
I refuse to believe that I will make a mistake
If the time comes that I come to the same door
I believe I will open it again once more.
~ might be continued...