A.N- I have no excuse so I wont even attempt to make one. This is the re-write hope you guys enjoy and please please review
Regrets collect like old friends. Here to relive your darkest moments. I can see no way, I can see no way. And all of the ghouls come out to play. And every demon wants his pound of flesh But I like to keep some things to myself I like to keep my issues drawn It's always darkest before the dawn
When Leah was nine years old she learned her very first life lesson courtesy of her slutty but sweet cousin Emily young. Emily was set to babysit Leah while her parents went out on date to some fine dining restaurant. Leah had been so excited to be spending the night with Emily and had prepared different activities and games to play with her favorite cousin. Emily being eight years older than Leah had other plan in mind on how to spend the evening with no supervision. After Harry and Sue Clearwater left the home Leah rushed to her room and collected the games to bring downstairs. When Leah returned she found Quill, a local boy, on the couch with his hand sliding up her skirt. A young Leah stood frozen on the stairs staring at the scene playing out in front of her. Emily's moans filled the room and when her head fell toward the back of the couch, Leah's gasp alerted Emily to her presence. After pulling down her skirt Emily forced Leah to her bedroom and demanded she go to sleep. Leah could not fathom why her normally sweet and loving cousin would behave so nasty to her. Leah cried herself asleep that night with only one thought in her mind. Boys ruin everything.
Leah awoke from her dream freezing and slightly confused. She hadn't thought of that particular memory of Emily in quite some time. Leah rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and looked around her surroundings. She did not quite remember falling asleep in this stairway but her short term memory as of late has not been ideal. The hallway clock read 3:23am meaning she would have to leave soon before anyone else woke up and found her here….again. Leah stretches her sore body before walking toward the exit. I won't make it much longer like this she think before stepping out into the cold
It is said that the lone wolf dies when winter come, separated from the pack the wolf grows weary and weak, slowing withering away to nothing. How long does a process like that take exactly, she wonders? To become nothing, to fade into oblivion. Leah is not exactly sure but she can feel its appending arrival, her day of reckoning is approaching quickly she can feel it in her bones. She once read somewhere that starvation, after the initial discomfort was actually painless. After the body started breaking down its own muscle and fat to provide itself with energy it would begin to release a chemical called endorphin. A feeling of being buzzed or high would take over, signaling the body's impending demise and then a feeling of complete peace as life slipped away….a quiet end. She idly wondered how long it would take her to reach that phase and praying that the article had been accurate and not greatly romanticizing a painful process.
It had been close to twelve days since her last morsel of food and two days since her last sip of water. The water had been questionable at best, having found a half full bottle near the overpass that she had been calling home for that last week. The food was slightly better, a care package from a Saint Mary's church. A kindly older gentleman by the name of Aro had found her sitting by the door hiding from the rain/snow mixture descending from the sky. Aro with his paper frail skin and kind eyes had been one of the few acts of kindness Leah had experienced since arriving here. Providing her with dry clothes to change into, a basket of food and a promise that the doors of the church would always be open for her Aro had momentarily silenced the demons battling within Leah. She had tried to make rations of the little she had but hunger and thirst drove her to stuff the contents down her throat like a rabid beast before even realizing it. After some wandering around the city for close to three hours she realized that she had forgotten the location of the church. Another failure, another example of her incompetence, she was not cut out for this life. She was no survivalist, of course. Not like her father, not like Seth. Shaking her head to rid such thoughts, Leah continued on her path because now was not the time for another breakdown.
Traveling the sidewalk, she passes an electronic store and takes notice of the TV screens displayed. The anchor woman is stunningly beautiful with pale almost translucent skin and blood red hair. Leah is monetarily hypnotized by the sight on the woman. She cannot hear exactly what is being said but the words "suspected terror attack" run below the anchor woman's desk. Clips of crying faces and press conferences with police officers pass in rapid succession. From what she can deduce there has been an attack on a major government offices in New York City. Leah stares at the television screen for a few more moments and despite the horrific events playing out she relishes the normalcy of watching the news.
The harsh wind picks up forcing her out of her stupor. She tightens her coat and rewrap her scarf stealing herself against the pain of the cold. "Must find food", she tells herself determined ,water, food, and shelter her father voice rings out clearly inside her mind "you can survive two minutes without air, two day without water and two weeks without food" Harry Clearwater had told her during the Clearwater annual camping trip. The last camping trip she would ever experience with her father. Once again not the time
It's late, sometime around four am if she was to guess and the streets are completely deserted. The snow that blankets the ground is up to her knees and makes walking near impossible. Leah was awake when the snow storm first hit but had no indication how bad it was going to get. What started as a slow flurry has turned into an ice age around her. The water fountain in the public park has frozen over taking away her last resource of survival. Leah gazes in front of her trying to make out her location, the only source of light is the flickering of the street post. She is close to her overpass but with the temperature slowly decreasing it obvious she will not make it through the night out here. There is a fire station a few blacks away if she remembers correctly that, always has attendants on duty. Leah decides then and there that it will be her last hope of getting out of this cold tonight. Continuing down the sidewalk for what seems like hours but is only a few minutes, the ache in her legs becomes unbearable and she cannot walk any further. She searches the empty sidewalk for anyone approaching, anything that can help but it's a waste of time. Leah legs give out suddenly and before she can do anything her body is plummeting toward the snow covered ground. Well fuck me, she thinks. She lays on her stomach for a few seconds to absorb how truly pathetic she truly is. After a few more seconds Leah pick herself up on all four. She wipes the snow, tear and snot mixture off her face. She can barely feel the fat tears rolling down her face, the only sound is the howling of the wind and the clattering of her teeth.
In one laws ditch effort Leah craws toward an alley a few feet away from her. The alley is empty and only contains a large dumper and a gate separating it from the other business around. She pulls herself to the dumpster and sets her back against it wanting for her pulse to stop racing. After a moment Leah laughs bitterly at the situation she's gotten herself into. Look at where she's ended up…in the trash like the garbage she was.
Exhaustion is crowding around her and she's slowing losing the fight to keep her eyes open. This is it, if she falls asleep out her like this she will not be waking up. The countless times she's fallen asleep under the stars in la push. It was almost poetic that now after living so long under the light of the stars she would now die under them.
As Leah Clearwater takes what she assumed to be her final breaths she has only one regret. When she was facing the hardest decision of her life she chose the wrong option. She may not have had much in term of money and family but she had Seth and despite everything she knew he would have never turned her away. Why did she ever doubt that, why did she run? Leah should have known that running was never a good choice. She couldn't run from this even if she tried this was permanent….at least for the next nine months it would seem. If she could go back there would be so many things she would change but she couldn't and now it was too late. Now she would pay the ultimate price, she would die and so would her unborn child. The darkness is surrounding her, making her mind feel fuzzy and unbalanced. Leah Clearwater wraps her arms around her stomach before she allows the darkness to take her.
A little intro before you meet the main cast.
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