They sat across from each other, arms crossed, death glaring at one another. They were placed in a county holding cell, and unfortunately, together.
"This is all your fault," She spat at him.
"Oh my fault is it? If you hadn't interfered then I wouldn't be here and neither would you," He spat back.
"Oh ho, interfered? No, no, no," She growled. "I was in Dominico's and you happened to decide to blow it up?"
"How was I supposed to know you were in there? You have a penthouse on East Whyters as your hideout, why the hell would you be there?" He retaliated.
"Why would you blow it up! You have the entire city, and you blow up Dominico's?" She was looking at him in angry disbelief.
"Ah ah! I asked first! Why were you even there?" He asked the woman sitting across from him, her arms crossed, and nose scrunched up in anger. She looked so god damn adorable. He smirked. Her black tank top strap had slid down her shoulder and her red leather jacket was thrown across the chair in the back of the cell. She crossed her skinny- jean clad legs that ended with high-top converse.
"Business," She spoke. "Now answer my question, why were you blowing it up?"
"Business? Hmmm, what kind of business?" He taunted. He wasn't answering the question on purpose. She looked too cute angry, and besides, he didn't want to give her the satisfaction of getting something out of him. He'd done that once, never again. The little devil.
He wasn't backing down. Whatever this peach had to throw at him, there was no way in hell he'd give in.
"Answer my question asshole, or so help me I will cut your-" Her sentence was stopped as the door burst open.
"Alright clowns, times up." It was Murphy, with two pairs of handcuffs. She had always liked Murphy, he was witty. Although, he had made the mistake of giving the phone to Mr. Asshole and let him blow up the MCU.
"Commissioner Gordon would like to speak to you about your…..weird….antics…." He looked puzzled and his brows furrowed as he finished reading the print out of the investigation. "Just what were you two doing?" Murphy whispered to himself.
"We? There was no we business! He was doing something! There was no two, this isn't plural, I was simply at a nice restaurant, enjoying my evening and somebody had a sudden urge to be fucking retarded!"
"Oh please! You happened to be at an abandoned restaurant? It's not even a restaurant! It's an old nightclub! That was the worst lie I have ever heard! So, tell me, what uhh, business did you have?" He asked her again.
"That is for me to know and you to not! Answer my question! What made you decide to blow up some random ass building? Hmm? Were you looking for somebody?" She looked at him with her eyebrows raised and her lips in a growl. Her hands were now placed on her hips and she had stood up.
Standing, he growled, "I dunno, were you with somebody that I was looking for?"
They were shouting at each other now. Murphy looked between the two, a shocked look on his face. They were arguing like an old married couple.
"Oh are you accusing me now? Hmm? Mr. I parade around Gotham blowing up random shit whenever I fucking feel like it-"
"Oh do not even go there! It's called creating chaos-"
"Creating chaos? More like being a pain in the ass-"
"What about you? Miss I lovveeeeee interfering with other people's business-"
"WHAT BUSINESS? WHAT DID I INTERFERE WITH? YOU BLEW MY ASS UP! WHO WERE YOU LOOKING FOR?"
"I WASN'T LOOKING FOR ANYBODY!"
"LYING SON OF A BITCH!"
They were at each other's throats now, spitting and shouting. Their noses were touching and they were, quite literally, snarling.
"Alright, alright! Knock it off!" Murphy shouted. "Jesus Christ."
They continued to glare at each other as Peterson and Wales hand-cuffed them.
"Okay boys, down here. Commissioner Gordon has a few questions for them." Murphy ordered.
They were led down a corridor into an interrogation room to the left. The two clowns passed a group of detectives standing in front of the two-way mirror, ready to turn on the intercom and listen to the conversation that would be held inside the room.
Wales opened the door and they were escorted inside. They both sat in the two chairs next to each other on the side of the table facing the wall, while Commissioner Gordon sat across from them, his back to the door.
"Evening Commissioner," He spoke.
The clown girl made no motion to speak. She sat there with her arms crossed, seething.
"Harley Quinn and the Joker. On the same night," Gordon said.
"You should feel so proud," the Joker said. He was grinning from ear to ear. Harley wanted to slap it off his scarred face.
"Oh boy," Gordon breathed. "This is going to be a long night." He ran his hands through his graying hair and acknowledged them.
She looked extremely pissed. Miss Harleen Quinzel looked as if she was ready to take one of her knives and destroy the man next to her. Gordon could tell that she was trying extremely hard not to strangle the grinning man next to her. Oh dear.
To her right he sat. Despite how rugged he looked, he was in an alarmingly good mood. It seemed like the woman's anger drove him on to become even more irritating. No wonder she was grating her teeth. He would glance at her periodically, with that same manic grin. It was only a matter of time before she snapped. Better keep them talking, He decided.
"Now if my understanding is correct, You, Miss Quinn, were in the building when he, The Joker, blew it up?" Gordon asked.
"Yupp," She affirmed. She said it tight lipped and quickly like she would burst if she said anything more than a 'yes or a 'no'.
"And you blew up the building, yes?" He turned his question to The Joker.
"Correctomundo Big G," He justified.
"Now what I don't get is why you were in the building Miss Quinn?" Gordon asked. "We looked everywhere and nothing of yours was there, in fact, we're positive that it wasn't your hideout; although, we did find dog food and raw meat. What were you feeding and why?"
She looked up and glared. "If I tell you, will it make this go faster? He smells like gasoline and dirt."
The Joker scoffed at her and was beginning to speak, but Gordon beat him to it.
"Possibly. Now, answer the question."
She sighed and said, "I was feeding my babies okay?"
"Babies? I don't remember us having children?" The Joker looked at her with a puzzled expression on his face.
She seethed at him and began to growl. Gordon attempted to get her attention.
"Miss Quinn, Miss Quinn, HARLEEN!"
Her head whipped to look at Gordon as she slid back into her seat. "Do not call me that, Gordy. Now, the question. My babies-" She stopped briefly to glare at the Joker. "-are two hyenas. I was feeding them there before I was to take them to my place. They were starving, my poor boys." She turned to the Joker. "And as for you…."
She leaned towards him menacingly and put her hands on the table. She clenched her fists and her knuckles turned white. The Joker leaned towards her as well while grinning, and making kissy faces.
Peterson came to stand behind Harley, and she leaned back into her seat, slouching. She sighed and crossed her arms.
"Now, Mr. Joker, you were demolishing the building because?" Gordon queried.
"Yah see Gordo, I was strolling along on my merry way when I heard through the criminal grapevine that a rat had been making plans to uhh…..now how did they put it? 'Take me out'? Now, I didn't like that. Nope, Nope, Nope. So, I found his location. Well, at least I thought I had. But alas, my fair lady in waiting was there feeding her so loved puppies."
Harley muttered, "Fair lady my ass."
The Joker continued, ignoring her comment. "However, I had not known that my dear Clown Princess was inside, so I blew it up." The Joker now wildly gestured with his hands toward Harley. "Next thing I know, my uhh dear over here is walking toward me, screaming and flailing about like a landed fish."
They struck another glaring contest up against each other. The tension between the two was unbearable and Gordon broke the silence.
"Miss Quinn you then started to 'beat him until he became delirious' correct?" Gordon quoted from the investigation print-out.
"Well he was already delirious," Harley muttered. "But yes, I did and it was quite invigorating. I'd love to do it again if you gave me the chance." She batted her eyelashes at him with a fake grin. She then crossed her arms again and frowned.
"Uh huh….and then you," Gordon gestured toward the Joker. "Preceded to flail and scream profanities, like 'Damn woman get off me, crazy bitch, what is this for?' and then blacked out, correct?"
The Joker glared at his object of affection and declared, "Yes, I did." He turned to Gordon and said dreamily, "She's so wild."
"Oh my god," Harley made a gagging motion with her index finger.
The Joker smirked and continued, "By the way, Commissioner, none of this was my fault." He leaned back and lifted his hands high into the air, in fake exasperation.
He looked at Harley, grinning and giggling under his breath.
"Oh you lying son of a bitch! How was any of this not your fault? For once I wasn't breaking the law and you came to annoy me anyways! Now I'm here, because of you and this isn't your fault?" Harley exclaimed, breathing heavily as she came to the end of her rant.
"Umm, nope." He popped his 'p' and shrugged casually. That did it.
Harley had finally had it with the Ace of Knaves and attacked him by clawing at his throat and shaking his head wildly, all in an attempt to choke the bastard.
"Now I don't know where my babies are and I'm stuck in county with the likes of you! This is most definitely all your fault!" She screamed at him as Wales attempted to pull her off the giggling man.
In the end, it took five police officers to haul Harley off the Joker. The Joker had purple, finger-shaped bruises on his neck, and had begun to seethe at the fairer sex.
They had been placed back into their old cell where they sat, once again, across from each other, legs stretched out, and arms crossed.
They were five minutes into their glaring contest when Harley spoke to him.
"Look asshole, I want to get out of here, find my babies, and go home, so I'm willing to forget that you blew me up for just a few moments why you get us out of here."
The Joker raised his eyebrows and gestured toward himself.
"Me? You want my help?" Sarcasm dripped from his words. "By George! And….I'd do that because…?"
She pinched her nose and snapped, "Jack, just please work your god damn escape magic and get me out of here." She looked up at him and he could see the exhaustion on her face.
Oh fine, he'd help his little bunny.
"Dooo…I get to come home with you?" He asked with a hopeful grin.
She responded by glaring at him.
"Ahh c'mon doll," He gave her a wolfish grin and waggled his eyebrows.
"Jack," She warned. She was seething again.
"Fine, fine," He agreed. Standing, he stretched and said, "You'll change your mind later."
"Fat chance you mother fucker," She mumbled as she rose from the ground. She grabbed her jacket from the chair that it lay across and put it on. "You blew it tonight."
"Oh ha-ha Harls," He commented. "Magnificent pun."
"Now what's this 'grand plan'?" She asked with a wide gesture. "Going to blow us out of this one?"
"Nahh, I have a less messy plan tonight," He muttered while he looked out through the bars. He was searching for something. More like someone.
"Oh this should be stunning-"
"Hold that thought love," He whispered to her. "Hey! Johnson, I require your assistance."
He had shouted at one of the cops at the desk. Gordon and the other detectives had left to go check out the rubble of Dominico's, so that left Johnson and another sleeping cop in the tiny one-celled room.
Johnson looked up, and waddled over to them.
"Yeah Boss?" Johnson said. He was overweight and Harley could smell the sweat on him. She gagged a bit and the Joker smiled.
"How about the keys mah dear boy? The lady-in-waiting and I need to go." The Joker demanded.
"Oh yeah, yeah Boss," Johnson fumbled in his pocket and handed them through the bars to the Joker.
"Johnson," The Joker sighed. "I would need the cell to be unlocked if I were to get out. Now, take them back and unlock the cell door, hmm?"
Harley face-palmed. "We're never going to get out of here," she muttered.
"Oh right, yeah sorry Boss, yeah, yeah," Johnson was sweating now, it dripped down his forehead. He was clearly nervous and afraid. Good.
He took the keys back and fumbling with them, unlocked the door of the cell. It creaked open and the Joker and Harley Quinn stepped out of it.
"Thank you Johnson, you've been a great help," The Joker exclaimed.
Johnson gulped. "Been?"
"Well I'm happy to know that you understand past tense," Without further ado, the Joker took Johnson's gun from the holster by his hip, and shot Johnson in the head.
Meanwhile, Harley had extracted a gun from the sleeping cop still seated at the desk.
The Joker looked at her questionably.
Knowing what he was thinking she spoke, "No shooting, I wantto get out of here and if you do that-" She indicated toward Johnson, now slumped on the floor, "-again, then someone will hear you."
The Joker grumbled unpleasantly and followed her out the door and down a corridor to the rear of the building where there was a door leading to a fire escape.
Joker and Harley trotted down the fire escape, and into the Gotham night.
"I can't believe it was that easy," the Joker commented.
"Well I like to make things easy," She said. "You, on the other hand, love to make things difficult. That's why I hate you."
He scoffed and continued their conversation with, "Oh you do not. You're just mad because I made a little mistake and caused you a few hours in county."
"A little mistake?" She exclaimed. "Hah!"
"Oh shhh shh shh shush." He said with a casual wave of his hand. "Besides, you were stuck with moi." He elbowed her playfully in the side.
"That was the problem," Harley mumbled.
He wrapped and arm around her that she shook off.
"So, I'm joining you tonight, correct?" He suggested.
"No," She spoke simply. She began to walk at a brisker pace. "You go to wherever you came from, and I'm going back to wherever I came from."
He caught up to her. "I know where you live."
She stopped and scoffed at him. "Hah, yeah that'll make me want to take you home with me. Stalkers always turn me on." She spoke sarcastically. She continued at her pace.
"Well see, that's my point. I'll be there whether you like it or not," He smirked at her, enjoying her denial.
She rolled her eyes. "You'll stop at nothing."
She sighed and turned to him, making him stop abruptly.
She poked his chest while saying, "Alright, but on three conditions. You're quiet, you let me sleep, and tomorrow your dumbass is helping me find Bud and Lou."
He grinned wide and nodded.
"Good, now keep up," She snapped and continued to walk.
"You know," He started. "You never said that I couldn't touch you…."
Down the alley, a slap and a "Hey, what was that for?" could be heard.