I was minding my own business one day, but a rabid plot bunny came out of nowhere and bit me! Gosh darn it. But then I realized how cliched some Dramione Head Girl/Boy fics were, and decided to write that down.
I hope this doesn't offend anyone who do write these cliches (I do!), because I have come across very good stories time to time. Here I am merely exaggeratedly emphasizing the point that these ideas are used frequently.
I'm planning to write more of these cliches, but I will label the status as 'Complete' because each chapter will show a new story, and the fic will technically be 'finished' as there is no real end to it.
Hope you enjoy!
The Story Of Dramione Cliches
Head Boy/Girl
On September first, Hermione Granger, with her best friends Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Ginny Weasley, boards the scarlet Hogwarts Express.
Hermione has had a major makeover over the summer. Hermione's American cousin that was never mentioned (like, ever,) gave her a wonder conditioner that magically tames her bushy hair. Voila.
Whoever said magic worked, anyway?
So… Hermione is Head Girl, and guess who's Head Boy? Draco, of course! I mean, Draco's obviously the ideal choice of Head Boy, him being a Death Eater, and all. And the fact he practically killed their previous Headmaster - we could definitely trust Draco with Head duties! Oh joy!
"Oh my gosh! You're Head Boy?" Hermione says to Draco when she sees him in the Heads compartment.
"Yes, with that big brain of yours you should have guessed that," Draco drawls.
xxx
Malfoys always drawl. They don't speak in any other way, for some reason.
xxx
"Humph. Why don't we randomly pull a truce out of nowhere and become friendly over time and be lovers at one point?" Hermione huffs.
"Sure, why not," Draco answers, because if he disagreed, the plot wouldn't move on. Duh.
"Oh my gosh! Malfoy's Head Boy?" everyone screams after Hermione tells them who is Head Boy.
"Yes," Hermione replies.
"I'ma kill the bastard," Harry and Ron growl, like Draco did something to offend them. Well, he probably did, by existing.
"Now, now," Hermione consols them. "It's okay, I can defend myself,"
Harry and Ron look reluctant, but they calm down. Somewhat. In their minds, they vow to kill Draco, but in the end, they aren't an important part of the story. Pity.
xxx
There are always over exaggerated over reactions to this bit of news. I mean, if Draco's going to be such an intelligent person, wouldn't it be obvious that Malfoy would be a choice? Or maybe Harry and Ron took a brick to the head?
On second thought, of course Draco had to be Head Boy, or how else would the author be able to lock them conveniently in a shared space (did I mention they will share common room and a bathroom? Bad idea, bad idea,) without it being painfully awkward and obvious such as shoving them in a broom closet? So, moving on.
xxx
"I expect you to behave, set an example for the younger kids about inter house unity. You will share a common room and a bathroom in a Head tower that popped out of nowhere, and the password to your portrait will be Unity, for obvious reasons, like, inter house unity," says Professor McGonagall as Hermione and Draco leave their compartment on the train.
"Sure," Hermione says, and leaves to explore the Heads dormitory, leaving a whiff of her strawberry scented shampoo behind, which Draco is instantly intoxicated by, for some reason *wink, wink*. Draco follows her to the dormitories.
xxx
Why is it always strawberry? Why not… horseradish or something?
xxx
"Wow," Hermione breaths as they entered the heads dormitory. "It's beautiful,"
Like you, Draco thinks, but he scowls.
xxx
Ah. Total cliche of Draco battling with himself inside of his feelings for the brunette. Draco likes Hermione. Hmm, strange that he notices Hermione after she gets a makeover…
And here also, the author launches int description of the dormitory, which in the end just looks like Christmas exploded in there. (Honestly, red, green, gold, silver - what color isn't there that would make the room look more like Santa's workshop?) And the description is not necessary, really, because no one reads it anyway. Elegant, large, beautiful, whatever. 'Tis all the same. We appreciate the effort the author puts in the story to promote some kind of unity affair between Gryffindor and Slytherin, don't we? Let's clap.
xxx
The days randomly skips over and it's next morning.
Draco is up earlier than Hermione, and Hermione oh-so-conveniently just happens to walk in when Draco's done showering, with only a towel around his waist. Hermione gaped at the fine toned muscles because years of experiences of Quidditch... which in reality has no physical activity at all.
And Draco says smirking, "Like what you see?"
xxx
Malfoys smirk. And scowl. And drawl. What else is there?
xxx
Hermione blushes furiously and says, "Of course not, ferret," which is a pretty cute nickname, if you think about it.
Or… there's another scenario is Hermione accidentally bumps into Draco that morning (slightly more realistic, here), and:
"Watch where you're going, Mudblood!" Draco spat - he always spits; he seems to have a little saliva problem here - and because there really isn't anything more clever than to call her a Mudblood after all these years, after all.
Hermione says, "Oh, fuck off, go shag Pansy or something," because Hermione suddenly now curses...
And THEN he always replies, "OMG, that pug face; I never liked her, ew, it's gross that you even think that,"
Hermione is pleasantly surprised and has to berate herself for feeling some butterflies in her tummy when she hear that.
xxx
Something always happens during the small amount of time between waking up and breakfast. It's usually a shower, or the small conversation after the shower because we need them to build up the sexual tension, eh?
xxx
Breakfast table: there's always a scene where Ron greets Hermione through mouthfuls of food, Harry looks amused, and Hermione scolds Ron to have better table manners. What is this, an attempt to show camaraderie?
Professor McGonagall is going around handing out time table, something she does all the time, despite her being Headmistress and being… no offense, old.
Ron looks at the timetable and says,
"Shit, we've got Potions first thing with the Slytherins!" because hey, it's totally normal to have Potions with the Slytherins consecutively in the seven years they're here!
They scamper to the dungeons to the Potions classroom, and they're even a couple minutes early -
"Late, Potter, ten points from Gryffindor, detention tonight,"
This happens: No. Matter. What.
And then Snape randomly decides that it'd be great to pair people from other houses together as partners which he never did in the past, and he goes,
"Potter and Bulstrode, Weasley and Parkinson, Zabini and Finnigan, and," - wait for it - "Malfoy and Granger,"
xxx
And the list ends there, never goes on. Either Hermione ignores the rest, or Snape just decides to stop listing there because, ta da, the main pairing is out, so who the hell cares about the rest!
We never know exactly what they do in Potions, probably some random potion. And of course, we need a moment when Draco and Hermione touch, or brush hands and BOOM - electricity!
Fast forward to a prefect meeting.
"This year, there will be a Yule Ball for fourth years and up," McGonagall announces. "Head Boy and Girl will have to arranged every damn detail of it - oh, and did I mention that Heads have to go together as well? Anyway, that's all, shoo!"
xxx
There's really no point calling the prefects to a meeting… all they ever do is patrol.
But the funny thing is that McGonagall finally decides to have a ball - a ball that never happened since 4th year, but this year it happens… Merlin knows why.
xxx
Hermione and Draco move on with their lives after complaining a couple minutes about their arrangement. And insert another one of Harry and Ron's over exaggerated over reactions about Hermione going to the ball with Draco.
xxx
Now here, author makes poor attempt at making the two people trying to come up with ball plan. Warning: horribly messy, includes long lists of references to songs, foods, drinks, and what not.
xxx
Hermione goes to Ginny for dress advice, who probably knows nothing about this stuff (Ginny grew up with, what, 6 brothers, and is a tomboy). Ginny squeals in excitement, and says, "Oh, ma gosh - yas, I am helping you get a dress at Hogsmeade and I'll do your makeup- "
xxx
Since when is there a dress shop in Hogsmeade? And Ginny? Skilled with makeup?
xxx
Anyway, they go to Hogsmeade, and author enters a long description of what the dresses look like - again, skip. Bo-oring. They're just ruffly pretty pieces of cloth that either clung or hugged Hermione's curves, and Ginny just squeals again saying how pretty it was. It's green, like Slytherin green, because Hermione suddenly loses all her house spirit and decides to go green. XD
Hermione and Draco get closer. Reasons may vary, such as being partners for a class project, or they accidentally learn each other's secrets - Merlin, Morgana, and Circe, really! (Like, Draco is abused - bah!)
They are on first name basis now.
And there are more awkward bathroom confrontations, and banter in the common rooms. They sometimes even do homework together! They're friends.
One day, they magically fall into bed and there's an explicit sex scene that is totally unrelated to the plot, but there to satisfy some dirty minded people…
"Wow," Hermione whispered breathlessly.
"Wow, indeed," Draco said.
xxx
*Snort* Cliche.
xxx
And the two grow closer. Maybe progress to love?
Then there's a fight scene with Harry and Ron about Draco, and Hermione insists that Draco had changed. Hermione likes Draco, and the feelings are reciprocated, but Harry and Ron are overprotective.
"How could you do this to us?" Harry asks, horrified.
"Yeah, how could you do this to us?" Ron echoes.
"I thought you loved us! Not that ferret!" Harry whines.
"Grow up, guys, I can like whoever I want!" Hermione says.
"He'll hurt you," Ron says darkly.
"He won't! He's changed!" Hermione insists.
"Oh my gosh, Hermione, if you're gonna be with the ferret, then we can't be friends," Harry says.
Hermione gasps. "What? Wait, you can't do that!"
Ron held up his hand. "Talk to ze hand, 'cause the face ain't listening!"
They fly away in rage.
xxx
Some friends they are!
xxx
Ball scene. Hermione and Draco arrive arm in arm at the Great Hall, which is lavishly decorated. Everyone gasps although they should've known the Head Boy and Girl would've come together. Anyway, they look gorgeous together.
Some people are jealous, others are incredulous, and Harry and Ron forgive Hermione, and vice versa for… whatever they were mad at each other about? Eh, doesn't matter, because all that matters is that they're friends again. Woot!
Slow, romantic song plays. Hermione and Draco dance. Then, as if nobody was in the Great Hall - though in truth there is technically the entire school, but whatever, because hell, why not - Draco leans in for a kiss, and explores Hermione's mouth with his skillful tongue.
Then finally Voldemort and his Death eaters storm into Hogwarts and they all die.
The end.