So what was once just an AU oneshot is now going to be a few multichapters of unrelated AU one shots. Hopefully I'll get some reviews this time.

Army Days

Signing up for army training probably wasn't the best idea for rebellious Natsu. And when the only person separating Natsu and Gray is sick, Lucy is late, and Erza is their higher up, things are bound to go wrong.

"Rock!"

"Eh, it's Rocko, not Rock – I mean, present!" A lanky young man replied.

"Redfox!"

"Tch – here." Instead of a skinny man, this one was a buff, scary looking dude with hair so long it was pulled into a small, girly ponytail in order to meet regulations.

"Strauss!"

"Reporting for duty, Colonel Scarlet!" A tall, white haired woman said as she took a step forward. Behind her, seventeen or so other men and women in uniform were standing, waiting for their names to be called out as a redhead called out their names.

"Why does Erza insist on shouting our names in reverse alphabetical order?" Gray whispered as Lissana and Elfman Strauss, the first woman's sister and brother, came forward to Erza's call.

"I dunno, why are you asking me?" Natsu hissed. As their last names were Dragneel and Fullbuster they were placed together in almost all activities.

"And where's Laxus? Isn't he supposed to be in between us, stopping our fights or whatever shit he usually says?"

"I heard he caught the flu again, along with the rest of his 'Thunder – ass' troops. Probably just skipping 'cause they can and all that crap," Gray replied as McGarden was next. "But seriously, is your head full of wax or somethin'? Mira mentioned that yesterday."

Natsu shrugged, pink hair swaying and voice raising. "Eh, I don't listen much." Marvell was called out as a petite blue haired woman stepped to Erza.

Gray, at that point, hand apparently decided it was time for an insult. "You don't listen to anyone, Major Di – "

"Sergeant Loxar!" The two men were reminded where they were when Major Erza Scarlet called out a pale woman's name. "Juvia is here, Colonel."

"Good, good... Major Heartfilia!"

"Hey – feel – may – ah?" Natsu whispered. "What a weird last name. She must be a big time weirdo. How come I haven't met her before?"

"Major Heartfilia?" Erza repeated. "Are you here today? Or did you catch the – ahem, flu – like Dreyar?" That's when Natsu realized that the Hey-tree-ee-a girl wasn't there. You see, when the people were called to attention this morning by Erza Scary Scarlet, only around eighteen had come. Number nineteen, Laxus Dreyar, had the flu (or so he said). The twentieth was currently on her way.

"I'm sorry I'm late – um, Colonel Scarlet!" A blonde woman suddenly ran out from a building not too far away from where the people were gathered. "Eh – present!"

"As this is your first time being tardy, Heartfilia, I will excuse it just this one time – " Erza suddenly whipped around to face Natsu. "Dragneel. Why are you laughing?"

Natsu cussed – he thought he was hiding his snickers well – and tried to stand up straighter. He only succeeded in tripping. Gray had to hide his own chuckles as Natsu got back to his feet and spoke. "Uh – well, um – Colonel Erza Scary – let, Scarlet, yeah, Scarlet, I was just thinking that Heart-fill-bee-a needs to change her last name," Natsu squeaked.

"And what do you think she should change her last name to, Dragneel?" Erza demanded, her glare deepening. Behind her, Natsu saw the blonde woman's face a cherry red.

"Er, she should be Major Weirdo, Colonel Scarlet, 'cause she's so weird, I think," Natsu said, regaining his confidence as he took a step forward. "What's her first name? I wanna know if it goes well with Weirdo."

"Get back in line, Drag – " Erza was cut off by a timid reply from Hearth-fill-gee-a.

"Lucy," The blonde woman muttered. "It's Lucy." She seemed as surprised as everyone else did for speaking to Natsu. "Eh? Your first name is Lucy?"

Everyone held their breath as Natsu scratched his head, ignoring Erza's angry trembling hands reaching for his neck and Gray's sooooo annoying stifled laughter. "Sooo... Lucy Weirdo... eh..." Natsu muttered. The young man failed to realize that Lucy's face had pushed past the borders of the possible and now seemed to be some sort of a deep pink – purple and was that a flush of mortification or a blush?

"Nah, I guess I don't see it," Natsu finally said after a lengthy pause. "I guess she'll just have to stay as a Mart-kill-i-la or whatever her last name is."

"That's not even close to her name, you idiot!" Gray finally burst out before realizing what he had just said. "I mean – oh, shit – "

"Please refrain yourself from saying such profane words, Fullbuster," Erza growled before shoving Natsu back into place. "As for you... don't speak out again, Dragneel, or I'll make sure you don't step foot on base ever again. Or walk anywhere ever again."

"Yes ma'am!" Both men shouted as they clapped each other on the back for being so brave in front of the demon, their rivalry temporarily forgotten.

Meanwhile, sixteen soldiers were watching the scene with some sort of awe on their face. Did Natsu and Gray really just go up against Erza – and live?! Only the higher ups could do that, for Erza was a monster on and off the battlefield.

She must be in a good mood... everyone except the redhead herself thought.

Lucy's blush finally started to subside after Natsu continued his whispering conversation with Gray and Erza continued to call out people's names.

"Fullbuster... he's here... Dreyar has the flu... Dragneel is also here. Connell?"

"Present!"

"Conbolt?"

"Here...ish...I'm still at last night's bar fight..."

"Please stop talking. Chickentiger?"

"Here."

"Alors?"

"Present."

After Cana Alberona's name was called out (to which she had stumbled backwards yelling "Here!" in Max Alors' ear), Erza started their day with drills and training. That night, however, was spent at the local bar with everyone talking about Natsu taking on Erza–demon without dying. Natsu stretched the truth: "I actually had a fistfight with her and won!" while Gray corrected him: "You weren't even close to hitting her, Natsu..."

Near the back of the room, Lucy gave a small smile when Natsu grinned at her and waved. Joining the circle, she sided with Gray and shot down Natsu's far fetched story.

"Heart-fill-bee-a? Really, Natsu?"

Review Maybe? I don't really want to have to beg for reviews, but I'd like someone to leave an opinion. Even if it's just a "good", "bad", "awesome", or even if you're a guest.