A/N: I've noticed there's only like 25 Noughts and Crosses stories on here…a serious lake if you ask me.. So here's one more. If it seems OOC or whatever the truth is atm I couldn't care less, because I had to write this. I was scared about a friend, like Meggie was scared for Sephy…
Thoughts and Fears:
Meggie:
I wish Sephy would tell me where she was living. I hate to feel I need to check up on her, but I cant deny I'm scared for her. If I knew where she lived, then I could check she was ok. No, I know she's not ok, she hasn't been ok since Callum died. I don't know if she will be again. But I knew where she was I could at least check she was alive. She's been so low and depressed since Callum's death, I hate the idea of her being there all alone.
Not even her baby to look after. As soon as Callie Rose (I'll always thinking of her as Callie Rose because that's the name Sephy and Callum gave her together) was born Sephy had her adopted. She said she couldn't love Callie. Sephy couldn't even look at her. She wouldn't even hold her. Her own baby. Callum's baby.
So Sephy's in some flat all alone. Thinking of ending her life. And there is no way I can stop her if she tries to. I wish there was some way I could convince her that life is worth living. That Callum wouldn't have wanted her to die because he died. He would've wanted her to live her life to the full. Give their daughter the best life possible. The life he never had the chance to live. If only she could realised that. Callum loved her as much as she loves him. He wouldn't want her to feel like this.
If only she'd let in me. Tell me what was going through her mind. What was making her want to die. What it was that made her give their baby up. What was it? If I knew what it was keeping her so low, then maybe I could help her. If I knew what it was it would be a start to helping her out of it.
But there's nothing I can do because she wont let me in and I don't know where she is.
It was only a few hours ago that I last saw her, but the way she was terrified me. She looked so young and so fragile. She was so small, like she hadn't been eating properly. She was wearing a long sleeved t-shirt but I saw the marks up her arm. Little cut marks working their way up her arm. Some looked quite deep. She didn't say much while she was here, when she did speak her voice was quiet and worn our. She'd had enough. Of life.
That's why I hate to think of her alone. No one to stop her if she did…
No one to convince her that her life is worth living.
What if she's already done it?
The thought I'd be trying to block out since Sephy walked out finally pushed it's way though. It could be too late to try and convince her life's worth loving. She could already be dead. She could've already killed herself.
I dialled her number once again, as I had done ever few minutes since she'd walked out. I was almost in tears with worry as the phone rang. Sephy didn't answer. After 6 rings it went to voicemail.
'Sephy, as soon as you get this message, please, please call me back' I said desperately. 'I'm worried about you, please call me' I hung up again. I had left similar messages a number of times. She hadn't answered. Wasn't going to answer? Couldn't answer?
The worry tears finally broke through. Sephy wouldn't leave me mind and I didn't want her to. Not until I knew she was alive. If only she would answer her phone.
If she can, a little voice inside of me added. If she can. Why didn't she tell me where she lives? I felt so useless sat here, but there was nothing I could do that I hadn't already done.
I had phoned Sephy's Mum; Jasmine Hadley, but she didn't know where Sephy was living either. She hadn't heard from Sephy for a number of weeks now.
Now there was nothing I could do apart from keep ringing her and keep prayer that she could still answer, and would answer.
Please God, don't let Sephy be dead.
Callum, if you're listening, let her be ok