Disclaimer: Harry Potter happens to be owned by a Scottish woman living in England as well as many different book companies and not to mention AOL/Time Warner (which, may I add, is trying to take over the world!! Think about it…the company is everywhere!). They own the characters, I own what they say. Not a bad deal, eh? Well, not for them, since they made billions of dollars from Harry Potter and I'm not getting a dime. ;) Also, the style, once again is Cassandra Claire's Secret Diaries (I forgot to mention that earlier – thanks to Ariana Deralte for pointing out that omission).
A/N: Wow! I got 14 reviews for The Duke's Secret Diary. I didn't think anyone other than me and my friends would think these were funny! Thanks!
Okay, yes, I do skip around. I've decided that I won't do two Secret Diaries from the same source (aka, I won't have another Midsummer's Night Dream character's Secret Diary…though I may do another Bard one. Better example, I won't do another one from Moulin Rouge). Since I love Harry Potter, this was the next thing to fall victim to my evil schemes. Warning: this was done during an all-nighter I pulled; therefore much silliness will be abounded. Also, if you have any ideas of what I could tackle next (books, movies, hell, I'll try just about anything), feel free to suggest. Please R&R
The Secret Diary of Severus Snape
Day 1
Hogwarts started today. Am still teacher of damnable potions. Damp dungeons not good for sleek black robes.
Quirrel now Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Purple turban v. ugly and v. bad for his complexion. Must be minion of evil.
Day 4
Harry Potter in Potions class. Silly brat can't even comb his hair. Some hero. Harry Potter – The-Boy-Who-Lived-But-Who-Couldn't-Comb-His-Hair-To-Save-His-Life. Wonder if it's legal to deduct House Points for looking messy.
Will do it any ways.
Day 8
Pretending to be v. evil on a lark. Oh no!
Few minutes later.
Sorry. My lasagna was burning. Just saved it from burning. Go me!
Day 13
Think Potter and company think I really am a servant of darkness. Am a bit hurt. Never was a minion of darkness. Except back when I was a Death Eater.
Day 29
How does no one else know that Quirrel is evil? Come on people! You'd think that since Dumbledore's supposedly the greatest wizard in the world, he'd realize it by now. But somehow, the lowly Potions Professor is the only one that realizes it.
Note to self: ask for raise.
Day 33
4 apples, diced
3 cups of flour
2 tablespoons of sugar
Oops...wrong parchment. That's for my cookbook: Double, Double, Boil and Trouble. Skimpy teacher's salary not enough to pay for oriental rug I want for dungeon.
Day 46
Quidditch match today. Quirrel tried to kill Potter with spell on broom. Managed to save silly twit. Will tell no one so that I may continue to seem v. evil.
Day 68
Threatened Quirrel tonight about 'where his loyalties lie' instead of going to Dumbledore. Thought I heard a sound behind me. Potter must have an invisibility cloak.
Day 87
Revealed today that Quirrel was hiding Voldemort behind his turban. Knew that tacky purple turban too ugly to be true. Looks like raise will be out of the question, since Potter boy managed to get through all the traps meant for wizards five times his age. Dumbledore wouldn't let other professors' test outdo his own 'Mirror of Eirsed' trick. Therefore, was left with limited means. Oh well, am still best cook in Hogwarts.