Chessboard, My Chessboard: The Journal of Aizen Sousuke
A/N: Bleach is not mine. This story is for mature audiences only.
Yes, I'm aware the journal format has been done. However, I was looking for a more-or-less serious journal that wasn't cracky-by-design and couldn't find what I was looking for. So I rolled up my sleeves and decided to try my hand at writing one. This is spur of the moment writing to break up the monotony of work, so I haven't sat it on my beta's desk (we work together for a living, and he's already stressed as it is. I will run it by him of course, like I always do. Go easy on me. :) )
This journal has the same warnings as the rest of the Moonbathing universe: yaoi, BDSM, sexual overtones, D/s relationships, slight magic nods, mind games, sadism/cruelty...you know how it goes down, don't you? M for a reason, baby. The lemons here will either be thoughts or flashbacks - it's a journal, and it's Aizen's journal. Smexiness is a must! :)
This first entry is set more or less after the events in Chapter One of Moonbathing, just for the record. Story time!
Some would call this a confession. I do not. The act of confession is perceived as an admittance of guilt, and guilt is not something that is allowed to exist in my world. My purpose for placing pen to paper is quite selfish: I simply enjoy going back and reading over the mental plays I have executed in the past, the ones I am currently executing now, and the future manipulations I will pursue in the future. These strings were in place long before I stared at the vast desert of Hueco Mundo and realized that the desert could bloom again.
A chessboard is an interesting thing, you see. Most people sit down at before it and see it merely as a one-shot ordeal, divided into three parts: the opening, the midgame, and the surprisingly complicated endgame. However, a chessboard holds far more than that. The deceivingly flat surface should truly be three-dimensional in nature -- with each plane showing life for what it really is: the ultimate game. As a child, I stood before a chessboard that was not my known and saw it played with the finesse and elegance of a cellist. Each string being delicately caressed and made to feel like the most special thing in the world. However, all strings must be replaced eventually.
Outsiders looking in on my chessboard may believe that none of my pieces are valuable to me and will be discarded on a whim - this is not so. Take for example, my lovely bishop, Ichimaru Gin. When I need him close to me, all I need to do is look to the square next to me. There he is, in all of his cunning, manipulative glory. As we walk the decades together I am realizing more and more that his tongue is just as silver as his hair is. He has become my left hand, slithering out diagonally when I need to gain more perspective on a situation without actually being in the situation.
My heir, and the more I think on it, my true lover as well. I have fought love for decades, without much progress. I have craved an empire nearly as long as I've craved true companionship, and thankfully, Gin is receptive to both of my deep desires.
The mirror princess, my lovely sword who has dazzled and confused my enemies all this time, tells me continuously that I am a man without fear. Ironically, this is the same reason why these Hollow have decided to follow me down this road.
I wonder why Gin is still walking down this road with me.
I wonder if Kaname knows why he is really walking down this road with me. For a man with such high intelligence, I am certain he realizes that "justice" is only part of the picture.
Ah, well. Onward...
Just separating my thoughts in an attempt to stay organized. I am left baffled at the events of last night. I really shouldn't spoil that little silver fox of mine; he is already spoiled and I think I have ruined a fine, fine instrument. A small part of me is pleased that he is so receptive to my approaches and even looks forward to them. In the beginning, the young boy I admired for his murderous tendencies was too afraid I would cross a line that really wouldn't have led me anywhere worth visiting. I waited a hundred and ten years for that beautiful, world-changing orb, I could easily wait for Gin to mature to my liking.
He certainly has matured into a man who sees so much, despite squinting his way through life.
I can still taste him on my lips, mingled with the mint cream he lathered his body with during that moonbathing ritual of his. He is not yet comfortable with changing our roles, and to be perfectly honest...I do enjoy his submission far too much to graciously take a power vacation. When he submits, Gin completely goes to another world where I don't think anything else exists except him, me, and the spell I have over him.
I have considered pressing the issue -- I'm fond of switching things up every now and then, if only behind closed doors. I have complete and absolute control over everything I see, everything I touch -- there's no harm in letting Gin experience an ounce of that control every now and then.
I wonder what he would do if he were controlling the scene. Not like last night where I had to force the paintbrush into his hands and guide his strokes on the canvas to the point where it might as well have been my creation in the first place. No, the next time I decide to put the reins in Gin's slender, elegant hands he will be able to create everything from start to finish. I will not have it any other way.
I noticed that we had an audience during our moonbathing escapade, which shocked me -- since when does my dear Ulquiorra have an appetite for the sensual? He leans away from every touch, every caress I place on that cool, pale skin. I am well aware I did not have his full attention during the eavesdropping, but instead had to split his attention with my lovely ivory fox as well.
This does not bother me -- the list of those that do not covet my most prized possession is a very short one; even that crude Decima of mine has made eyes at Gin. I assume that Gin doesn't make many moves out of respect for me, but he really ought to have learned by now I enjoy it when he plays his own chessboard games.
Why should I have all the fun?
The wheels are in motion now: Ulquiorra has decided to seek out Gin, and I am sure that my perceptive little fox is well are of this new development. I'm filled with anticipation of having both of my beautiful creations in my bed sooner than later. Now that will be a chessboard worthy of further study, to be sure.
For now, some much needed rest before I lead another meeting with my dear Espada...I will write here again soon.
A/N: Not too much else to say down here that hasn't been said at the beginning. :) Reviews are welcome as always, but no pressure! :D