Regrets
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This is a one – shot. Probably. This is 'bout my 6 ff. I hope you like. Guess whose viewpoint it's from, and also, please, please review and tell me if you like it.
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I am a true coward. Really.
I was always considered the model son. The son that was going to bring them glory from the Dark Lord. The obedient son.
But even then, if I put a toe, no a quarter of a toe past any line, I would be beaten. Beaten as my horrible, mudblood loving, Gryffindorkbrother never was. And more.
Because whenever I did anything, they would look at me. That one look would say: Why aren't you brave like your brother? Why aren't you smart like your brother? Where's your backbone? Where's your pride
After all, no matter how well – behaved I was, no matter how hard I tried, following the rules left no room for – for originality. Being a Slytherin also meant no showing off, no being brave, no backbone, etc, etc, all of those qualities that my dear, dearly hated brother had, and often displayed.
Somehow, for some extraordinarily odd, and obscure reason, I always looked up to him. Figuratively and literally. Because no matter how much my parents and most of my other relatives hated him, we had all been fond of him once, and I just never let go of that affection. It helped, I think, that when we were young, I practically hero – worshipped him.
But my worst quality is really my want, no, my need, to please as many people as I could possibly please. That need was what made me become a Slytherin, I think. Otherwise, I would have probably ended up in Hufflepuff. That same need forced me to be nasty to so many people. People who would have become my friends otherwise. I truly regret it now.
I regret being a clone, just to please my parents, and then being hurt, because I wasn't enough for them. I regret becoming a Death Eater. Actually, what I really regret is being who I was.
I could have been so much more. I could have been happy, instead of hurt and desperate. I could have been an actual person, instead of someone everyone trod over because no one liked me.
I think that now, my last wish, is that my brother would know. Know how much I wanted him to like me. How much I 'm sorry for disappointing and hurting him during all of these years.
But it's too late.
After all, I simply had to panic. I simply had to run off and make the Dark Lord notice me more.
Oh well. At least I've done something. It's probably the best thing that I've ever done, destroying that stinkin' Horcrux.
But no one will ever know, and I'll be just another of those forgotten heroes, I s'ppose. Ack! I'm getting all melodramatic!
Anyways, I do suppose that no one will ever know. Or suspect for that matter. After all, I've never been showy, or noticed, or even particularly bad or good at anything. I've always been average. And a loner.
I think that I do wish that I were a bit, just a bit, better, with just a bit more magic. Maybe then I wouldn't be dying and on the list of To Be Murdered of dear ol' Very Old Mold.
Maybe if someone found me, and healed me, I might survive. Might.
But it's so unlikely.
I suppose I should have apparated when I still could. But now I'm so tired. I think that I would welcome death when it came.
I do wish that I could have done more. More to be good. To be liked, and happy. But it is too late now, and I really wish that I could have died with less regrets. But, I probably won't ever do anything about that.
After all, I am a coward.