It has already been a long day and the day just started, spent the morning fighting with Mike over what school to send Brandon to. I am really interested in checking out Anchor Beach Charter School where as Mike thinks we should send him to some random school. Something about this school intrigued me so I set off for my first initial meeting with the Assistant Vice Principle Lena Adams to get a tour of the school. I asked Mike to come along even though we have been separated for months now, I felt it was important for him to come see the school but he was having no part in it. As I sit in my car in the parking lot of the school my mind wanders to my earlier argument with Mike.
Stef: Mike I really think you should come and check out this school with me. They have so much to offer and I think Brandon will do well there.
Mike: Stef I don't understand what the big deal is about this school. Why does it matter anyways your going to send him wherever you want anyways.
I could smell the alcohol on his breath I knew that he had been drinking and it was only 12 in the afternoon. I really hope that he can get some help with his drinking for Brandon's sake not to mention his job.
Stef: Mike have you been drinking?
Mike: Why do you care Stef? You left me remember so really does it matter what I do?
Stef: Yes Mike it matters what you do. Your Brandon's father and it is only 12
Mike: Well it is happy hour somewhere
Stef: Mike please I really think you should get some help
Mike: I don't need help Stef what I need is my wife back.
Sighing I turned and walked out of his apartment slamming the door behind me. That man can make me so angry sometimes but today wasn't about him today was about Brandon. I get in to my car looking back up at the apartment before sighing and driving off. And now here I am sitting in front of this school I have heard such amazing things about and know I wipe the few tears that fall from my face, fix my hair and get out of the car. Taking one more deep breath I head into the school.
(Come on eh yeah!)
Got caught in a dream world,
Where you are my dream girl
Since you first came around and talked to me.
But my words got choked up, wish I would've spoke up
But now you and me are only make believe.
Walking into the school I introduce myself to the secretary who kindly informed me that the vice principle was held up in a meeting and would be a few minutes longer, handing me a visitor pass she recommended I take a walk outside and she would send Miss Adams to find me. Now here I am sitting on the bench looking around at these amazing school grounds thinking how lucky Brandon would be to go to a school like this. My thoughts are interrupted by a woman walking towards me.
Finally finished my meeting and heading back to my office when I am reminded I have a meeting with a potential new parent. I turn and head outside when I see her sitting there on the bench. She is one of the most beautiful women that I have ever seen and I stand here for a few minutes just staring at her, before I remind myself she is married and a potential parent. Get yourself together Lena and do your job, this woman is not a lesbian and isn't here for you. I shake the feeling I have stirring inside of me and walk towards her. Walking towards her I put out my hand and introduce myself to her.
Because I'm tongue tied.
I can't find the words to say that I-I need you by my side.
But I'm terrified just to talk to you.
I won't be satisfied 'til I'm tongue tied with you.
Lena: Hi I'm Lena Adams The assistant Vice Principle
Shaking this woman's hand my heart starts beating faster as if I never want to let go. Hearing her voice nearly sent me over the edge. Holding onto her hand a little longer then I should sent shivers down my spine. This is going to be one long tour. Get it together Lena just get it together.
Stef: Hi I am Stef Foster
Shaking hands I feel this shot of electricity flow through me and I am at a loss for words. Staring at this woman before me I am caught off guard by her beauty and my heart pounding so fast I feel like it is about to jump out of my chest. Stef get it together this is the Assistant Vice Principle of the school your wanting to send your son to. Brandon Stef you are here for Brandon. Finally I let go of her hand and instantly feel a sense of sadness I didn't want to let go of her hand but I knew I had to. She smiled and let out an akward laugh. Way to go Stef just great.
Lena: So your son
Stef: Brandon... is Brandon (laughing slightly and hearing her laugh my god this woman is driving me crazy I can't think straight)
Lena: Brandon he will be starting kindergarten this fall.
Stef: yes he's 5
Lena: Great well I would be glad to give you a tour tell you about our school. Are we waiting for your husband to join?
Stef: Oh no he's not..he ah he couldn't make it
Why was that so hard to get out, why can't I seem to form a complete sentence around this woman. We both laugh slightly and all I want to do is get through this tour without making a complete fool out of myself. Lena was the first to break the awkwardness.
Lena: Ok well uhm...follow me
Stef: Ok
I start walking and see her follow me. This is going to be one long tour just put yourself together Lena you do several tours a week this should be no different. Of course it is different as I have never been attracted to another parent before, but there is something about Stef Foster, maybe it is her eyes or the sound of her voice I can't get the sound of her voice out of my head. I want to get through this tour as quickly as possible but at the same time I don't want it to end as I feel this strong pull to this woman. I shake my head and start the tour.
So now it's a new day, better get outta my way
Gotta make you understand my master plan.
I'm gonna practice my words, all my nouns and verbs
Anything I could do to get through to you.
After following Lena around for an hour our tour came to an end and I felt my heart sink. I really didn't want this tour to end, in fact I really didn't want to leave Lena. But eventually it was time to say goodbye, I grabbed the application forms and thanked Lena for the tour as she walked me out to my car. Again we shook hands and I felt my hand grip tighter to hers not wanting to let go.
Stef: uhm thanks... a... you know for the tour. I... uhm will talk to my husband... well ex... uhm I will talk to Mike as we are SEPARATED and let you know our decision (Emphasizing the word Separated probably more then I should have but feeling I needed to let Lena know that I am not with my husband)
I stood staring at this woman in front of me flustered with her words, feeling my heart race a mile a minute everytime she smiles at me and listening to the sound of her voice makes me smile. As we shake hand I can feel her hand gripping tighter as I listen to her talk about her husband and then I heard it. SEPARATED she is separated from her husband and I can't help but feel my stomach start doing flips. Was she trying to tell me something. No she couldn't be Lena she isn't gay she is not a lesbian and there is no way that she is interested in you that way. All this while I still notice that we are still holding hands, I finally release my hand from hers regrettably feeling a sense of loss upon doing so. Her hand fit perfect in mine it made me feel something I have never felt before and now I was scared how could I feel this for someone I don't even know, someone who would never look at me in that way. I feel my chest getting heavier I know I need to get out of here as quickly as possible and hopefully avoid anymore contact with Stef Foster again.
I'm gonna make you mine,
No matter rain or shine
I just need some time.
Lena: Great I look forward to hearing from you guys. Thanks I should go.
Quickly I turn on my heels and try to control myself from sprinting away from this woman. I finally make it back to my office and I shut the door and feel the tears start welling up in my eyes. I look at the clock and see it is only 2 and I still have hours left of my day. I wipe away the single tear that fell from my face reminding myself that I can't let myself fall for a straight married woman. From now on I will let the principle deal with Stef Foster.
Because I'm tongue tied.
I can't find the words to say that I-I need you by my side.
But I'm terrified just to talk to you
I won't be satisfied 'til I'm tongue tied with you.
I get in my car and sit there for what seems like an eternity. All I keep thinking of is Lena Adams and her black hair and amazing brown eyes and how touching her hand made me feel something I haven't felt in since Tess back in high school. My heart finally returns to normal as I notice I am still touching my hand and swear I can still feel her hand in mine, I can't believe how perfect it felt having her hand in mine. I can't help but smile at the thought of Lena but I then remind myself. Dammit Stef you can't do this you have a husband and a son and for Brandon's sake you need to try and work things out with Mike. Your not gay Stef and I am pretty sure that Lena isn't as well. I turn on the car and start driving home to my son and my mom who is with Brandon. Trying to shake Lena Adams from my mind.
Knees weak, can't speak
I'm just stu-stu-stuck on repeat.
I'm thinking 'bout her 8 days a weeks it's not enough for me.
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh
Because I'm tongue tied.
I can't find the words to say that I-I need you by my side.
But I'm terrified just to talk to you
I won't be satisfied 'til I'm tongue tied with you.
Song Credit: Tongue Tied by Stereo Skyline