Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Sometimes
By: ChoCedric
Sometimes, in the days following Sirius's fall through the veil, Remus wants to blame Harry. If the boy hadn't been so impulsive, so rash, hurrying off to the Department of Mysteries, maybe his best friend, his only remaining friend, would still be alive. But the sane, logical part of his mind can't blame Harry, for he knows the boy is just that: a boy. And he thought someone he loved was in danger.
Sometimes, in the nights following that awful day, he can't sleep. The wolf inside him wants to be let out, to howl and bay at the moon, to yell out its misery now that it's lost its final companion. It's so unfair, that he finally got his best friend back, and then he was ripped away from him again. He feels lost, alone, vulnerable – he hasn't felt this way since Halloween 1981.
Sometimes, in the weeks following Sirius's death, he wants to blame James. For if he hadn't trusted Peter so much, this whole chhain of events wouldn't have happened in the first place. But the sane, logical part of his mind knows he can't blame James. For the messy-haired young man, it was the height of dishonor for him to mistrust his friends. The werewolf knows that James's trust was something he cherished above anything else.
Sometimes, in the months following Sirius's fall, he curses Harry and James's similarities. Both acted rashly when people they loved were hurt, both had impulsive attitudes, and both wore their hearts on their sleeves. Sirius was the same exact way, and Remus reckons that that was what drew the friends to each other in the first place. But why, oh why, did James, Harry, and Sirius all have to be so alike? \
Sometimes, in the years following Sirius's death, Remus buries his head in his hands and cries. It's true that he has a loving woman, Tonks, by his side, but no one can replace what his old friends meant to him. They were his first taste of happiness in a cruel, bitter world, and he feels so grateful to them for all they have done for him. Even though he is terribly sad that they are all gone, he has to remember that they loved him. And that is the thing that gets him through.
Finally, on the day of his own death, a flash of green light rips his soul away from the beaten, battered body he resided in. He sees a wonderful white light, and suddenly, he is surrounded by a group of smiling, carefree faces and wrapped up in a tight hug. Tonks is there, but what fills his heart to bursting is the sight of his old friends. Remus feels tears stream down his face for what seems like the thousandth time in his life, but this time, they are tears of joy. Finally, after so long, there is no more lycanthropy, no more hardship, no more pain. Finally, after all those millions of days, weeks, months, and years, he is happy. And now, the word "sometimes' in his vocabulary is replaced with the word "always", for he is now always complete.