A/N: Heya! Here is a new story that just came to me during the day today. Hope you like it!!
May contain minor references to various episodes.
Anything in italics is Lindsay's blog, and bold type displays songs.
Disclaimer: If a dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep, then does that mean I own them in my dreams? Cos that's as close as I will get to owning the CSI corporation!!!
Lindsay's Blog.
Danny Messer was looking for his partner, Lindsay 'Montana' Monroe, when he found it. It was completely unintentional, but he found it. He went over to Lindsay's computer in their joint office, and he saw the screen for 'Free Online Blogs'. By the looks of things, Lindsay was already logged on. Danny was curious, but couldn't help but chuckle at her user name. "WheatfieldsBeatSkyscrapers".
He knew that he shouldn't do it, but he was desperate to find out what was going on in Lindsay's head, as she was never willing to show her emotions to anyone, believing it made her weak, so he clicked on the link to view her blog, and began to read.
January 17th 2007
Well, what a day. I'm furious with Cowboy. Absolutely furious. He thought that it would be a great idea to attack me with water guns as I came into work.
Danny laughed. He remembered that! "I must be Cowboy," he thought to himself.
But I got him back. Lets just say my top may have been a tiny bit see through when wet! His face was a picture!
But it did make me feel a bit nervous. It reminded me of the time when I got caught out in the rain, so my top was kinda see through, and my supervisor in Montana made a move on me. It really scared me, as he became obsessed. But shh! Don't tell anyone, OK?
Danny frowned. She never told him any of this. Why not? He decided not to dwell on it too much, and instead moved on to read the next entry.
February 14th 2007
I can't stand Valentines Day. It just reminds me of how lonely I am. Cowboy came in gloating about how great his knew girlfriend is, LondonGal was going out with BossMan, TieGuy was going on a date with Wings, and Star had a date with some artist guy.
Danny had to stop reading for a minute to interpret all the coded names, and reached the following conclusions:
LondonGal: Peyton
Bossman: Mac
TieGuy: Flack
Wings: Detective Angell
It took Danny a while to figure out who Star was, but then remembered Lindsay mentioning that she knew a bit of Spanish. She said that in Spanish, Star was 'Estrella'. Estrella was a bit like Stella, so Star must be Stella's code name.
"I'm getting good at this," he thought, "It's a good job that I'm a detective!"
But I haven't been on a proper date in ages. I don't know why, but I feel so down at the moment.
I've written a song about my emotions at the moment. I've called it 'Sadder Than Is Me'.
Sometimes you feel so depressed and down,
Like no-one is ever there.
They're never around to pull you up,
And when you want to cry, who cares?
I never wanted to be so down,
Only ever to be happy,
Now I know it's never gonna be like that,
I'm either deadly quiet, or snappy.
If life means happy, and friends mean joy,
Then what does my life mean?
Is it anger or sadness?
Or simply one bad dream?
They only ever see happiness in my eyes,
Never the real me,
But I know if they knew how unhappy I was,
They'd be sadder than I want them to be.
Many people have asked before,
What they'd be likely to see,
If I could sum me up in just one phrase,
I'd be sadder than is me.
If life means happy, and friends mean joy,
Then what does my life mean?
Is it anger or sadness?
Or simply one bad dream?
Bam!
And my world crumbles down.
Bam!
I see no-one around.
Bam!
I am now all alone.
Bam!
I don't want to be on my own.
If life means happy, and friends mean joy,
Then what does my life mean?
Is it anger or sadness?
Or simply one bad dream?
For I'm sadder than is me.
What do you think? Sometimes I wish I could talk about my emotions like I can on my blog. I can't talk freely to people at work, because I've painted the picture that I'm always happy and I don't let anyone or anything get to me. But it isn't true.
Danny frowned. He never knew Lindsay felt that she couldn't talk to her colleagues and friends, but especially him.
His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet, but furious voice at the door.
"Danny, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
Danny swallowed. He looked up, ready to try and offer a half decent explanation as to why he was reading her blog without her permission.
"Umm, Montana, listen…"
"No, Danny, I don't want to hear it."
And with that Lindsay turned on her heel and ran, leaving Danny standing in the middle of their office. Well, for about 3 seconds anyway. Because then he came to his senses, running after her, knocking down numerous people on his journey.
As he approached the locker room, he heard her on the phone.
"Hi, Bexx? It's Lin. Danny was reading my blog. I didn't think he would invade my privacy like that. It really hurts. Not the intensity that it normally is, where I can just keep it all inside, but where I feel like I need to scream to let it all out. I've never felt like this Bexx. I'm scared."
This conversation continued for a few minutes until she hung up, sniffling a bit. She turned around, and her face turned cold.
"What's the matter Danny? Got bored of my blog and decided to listen in on my phone calls instead? You jerk. How could you? I need some place to put down all my emotions, and my blog was the only place I could do that. And now you've corrupted it. So thanks."
"I'm sorry Lindsay," Danny said sadly, "I didn't mean to, I promise. I just wanted to understand how you feel, because you never tell any of us."
Lindsay nodded. "I understand. Ever since I was a kid, I've hidden my emotions, because whenever I've told anyone before, they've ended up using it against me. In the end I just stopped telling them. At least with blogs you can use code names, so nobody can recognise you."
Danny took a tentative step forward, and when he realised that she wasn't going anywhere, swiftly walked over to her and wrapped her up in his arms, where he let her sob freely for the first time in her life.
"Promise you'll try to tell me what's bothering you in the future Montana?" asked Danny, to which Lindsay nodded.
"Are we still friends?" she asked.
"Of course we are Montana", he replied with a tiny smile on his face, and pulled her close again.
A/N: Well, that's all folks! Please review! I don't own CSI: NY, but I did write the song 'Sadder Than Is Me', so I guess I own that.