A wonderful, crack-filled DC story, featuring the less-than-loveable BO.

Warning: CRACK, extreme OOCness, and some foul language.

Disclaimer: DC belongs to Gosho Aoyama, and this story was written by my good-friend Tez-Taylor. She requested that I post it for her, so I did.

Again, Silver Scarecrow does NOT own this marvoulous piece of writting! Don't like, that's your problem.

Gin, who had just finished one, pulled out a box of his favorite cigarettes out of the pocket of his large black overcoat and put one into his mouth. He then used the cigarette lighter in his prized Porsche 356A to light it and then commenced on adjusting the left side mirror. He then looked at his watch, which showed that it was eight o' clock in the morning.

He was waiting for Vodka to leave the motel room. It seemed that Gin's right hand man had over slept today and was running late. Gin got up early as usual but didn't bother to wake his fat friend up. Gin started to get bored of waiting for the late sleeper.

"Vodka! Hurry up already! Or I'm leaving you behind!" Gin shouted finally.

Then, finally, Vodka came rushing out of the motel room. It had seemed he had gotten dressed in a hurry, for his hat was on crooked, his sunglasses were half on, and while he was running, he was trying to pull up his pants.

"I'm here! I'm here!" Vodka shouted as he ran towards the vehicle in a hurry. Then suddenly Vodka managed to trip up on his pant leg and fell face first into the pavement. Vodka had let out a bit of a cry as he landed.

Gin wasn't bothered, nor was he surprised, by this sight. Vodka quickly jumped right back up and then pretended that it had never happened, even though he was clearly about to cry from both the fall and from the embarrassment.

Vodka, not wanting to repeat this act, stopped running and pulled up his pants. He then fixed his hat and sunglasses and dusted off his outfit, which had gotten dirty from the fall. He then trotted over to the right side of the Porsche and got in the passenger seat.

"You okay now?" asked Gin noticing that Vodka was still holding back his tears.

"Huh? Oh, yeah...I'm fine. Just fine..." Vodka responded hesitating a little, his voice was shaky, much like a person who had just stopped crying. "So...where are we going so early in the morning...?"

"Meh, that one chick, err...Vermouth, has come back from a 'secret mission' that she was assigned in Hawaii," Gin said as he started up his car and left the motel parking lot.

"I wish I could go to Hawaii..." Vodka moaned with a sigh.

"I do too," Gin added, "Anyway, we have to pick her up from the airport. Then we have to take her to Chianti's and Korn's apartment."

"Wait, why?" Vodka asked.

"What? You forgot already? We have a mission tomorrow with all of them. I'll explain the whole thing when Vermouth," Gin said while giving an evil smile just thinking of what he plans to do, "Anyway, we still have quite a bit until we make it to the airport. I'm turning on the radio."

"I want my station!" Vodka said turning the radio on for Gin and switching it to his station.

"Vodka," started Gin, "I hate your music..."

"If I don't get my music, I'll cry!" Vodka shouted crossing his arms much like a seven-year-old does when they don't get their way.

"Fine," Gin said fearing having to see Vodka cry for real, "But keep the volume down."

"Yeah!" Vodka shouted smiling. He then turned the music up a bit and his favorite music was blaring in the old vehicle. It was, to Gin's horror, Polka music.

Gin fell silent for the rest of the ride. Vodka, however, somehow managed to learn the lyrics to every single polka song that the station played and song along with them. Gin was beyond the definition of annoyed. He was about to strangle Vodka to death when they finally arrived at the airport.

Vermouth was standing in front of the airport with two suitcases. She had a bit of a pissed look on her face, and Gin knew she was going to start something.

"Finally!" she shouted as she approached the car, "The freaking plane landed at eight thirty! Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting out here?! I could have been mugged!"

"Vermouth..." Gin started, "I hope you realize that it's eight forty, right?"

Vermouth opened her mouth to say something, but hesitated. She was probably trying to think of something to make her not sound like an idiot, "Well... I had to wait a long time!" She then threw her luggage into the back seat of the Porsche and got in next to it. "Are we going, or what?"

"Yeah, whatever..." Gin said pulling out of the airport parking lot, "Vodka, I believe Vermouth gets to pick the radio station now"

"Aww..." Vodka sighed sadly.

"Yeah, that's right Fatty! Turn it to Country!" Vermouth said joyfully.

"I'm not fat..." Vodka mumbled as he turned the station.

'Thank God!' Gin silently thought to himself. He didn't mind Country music as much as polka, which made the ride a lot nicer for him. He began driving in the direction of Chianti's and Korn's apartment complex.

"So, Gin," started Vermouth, "What exactly is the plan for tomorrow? You've left me in the dark until now..."

Gin sighed and began telling his evil plan to them, "Okay, when we get to Chianti's and Korn's apartment, we will be spending the night there with a few other members, they should already be there..."

Vodka interrupted, "Will Kir be there?"

"Yeah...wait, why?" Gin asked a bit puzzled.

"I like Kir..." responded Vodka in a bit of a moronic tone of voice.

"...okay..." responded Gin after a few minutes of silence, "Anyway...then, tomorrow, the FBI nerds are going to be having a party of some sort. I believe it's for FBI James's birthday party, that guy must be ancient now. But, the reason we're going is because every FBI currently located in Japan will be attending."

Vermouth interrupted, "What does this have to do with us?"

"Let me finish!" Gin answered a little annoyed, "the plan is this: We shall disguise ourselves as random FBI members, infiltrate the party, and spy on them!"

The car fell silent for a few seconds. Then Vermouth broke the silence.

"Gin," she started. "I'd have to say one thing about the plan: BEST PLAN EVAH!!!"

Vodka, being the fat suck up he is, agreed with her. Vermouth continued, "Did you think up that plan? Or did the Boss?"

"I did!" Gin responded proudly, "So, do you think it will work?"

"Hell yeah!" shouted Vodka with enthusiasm.

Gin was proud of the idea that he had come up with the night before. He then noticed that they had arrived at Chianti's and Korn's apartment complex.

They all got out of Gin's Porsche after Gin parked it in the parking lot and Gin and Vodka began making their way towards the building. Then they heard Vermouth shouting very mean names at them from the car. She was struggling getting her luggage up to the building. Gin tried to ignore it, but he got tired of it and told Vodka to help her.

"Why do I have to help her?" Vodka asked not wanting to help.

"Because I'm your boss," Gin responded, "Besides, you could use the exercise..."

"I'm not fat!" Vodka said running over to help the screaming Vermouth. Gin waited patiently for the two of them to get to the entrance. Vodka was forced to hold all her bags for her. When they got to the entrance, they all went in and got into the elevator. On the way up, Vodka began humming the elevator music. Gin was about to punch him when the doors opened to Chianti's and Korn's floor.

After a few minutes of searching, a bathroom break, and Vodka getting lost, they finally found their apartment number. They pounded on the door until Chianti answered.

"What in God's fucking name do you want!?!" Chianti answered.

"Chianti..." Gin started, "Do you ever remember the plan...?"

She then stood there for a few seconds thinking about Gin's question. Then she responded, "Oh yeah...what was it again...?"

"Just let us in already..." Gin said as he pushed her out of the way letting the rest of them in.

Inside, Kir was already there and she was sitting on the couch watching TV. The show that she was watching, oddly enough, was Spongebob Squarepants.

"Kir..." Gin started, "What are you doing...?"

"What?!" Kir responded defensively, "Can't a 27 year old women watch Spongebob? Huh? HUH?!"

Gin only gave her a funny look in response. Then Vodka noticed what she was watching and pushed Gin out of the way.

"SPONGEBOB!" Vodka shouted as he jumped onto the couch next to Kir, "Which one is it?!"

As Kir told Vodka what was happening in the episode, Gin saw his chance to escape the stupidity and went into the kitchen. Oddly enough, Korn was cooking dinner there.

"You can cook?" Gin asked.

"...yeah..." Korn answered in hesitation as he always does.

"What are you cooking?" Gin asked as he lifted the top off one of the pots.

"Corn..." Korn answered as he lifted the tops off the dishes, "Corn chowder, corn on the cob, cornbread, and corn pudding..."

Gin gave him a face of disgust and horror. Gin has hated corn since ever since he was very young. His mother forced him to eat corn every day as she went on a drunken rampage in his house shouting about how much she didn't want to have him.

Korn, seeing the face, then forced Gin out of the kitchen with a soup ladle and back into the living room. He returned there only to see grown adults singing along to the theme song of Spongebob. And, for some reason, Vermouth had joined them in this sing along; she appeared to be severely drunk.

Gin was disgusted even further at the sight and decided to go to sleep without dinner. He found Chianti in her room and asked her where he was going to sleep that night.

"Oh," she started, "You're sleeping on the couch in the living room tonight. But with those idiots on it, that might be difficult. You're either gonna have to kindly ask them to move, or tell them to move their asses!"

Gin, even though he was in a bad mood, wanted to try asking nicely. Luckily, Spongebob was ending. He started asking them to move when another show he hated started, Chowder. He decided to try asking anyway.

"Umm...hey, guys..." Gin started, "Could you guys maybe move to another room?"

"Radda?" responded Kir, "Radda radda radda!" This caused a chain reaction among them; they all started speaking to each other saying only "radda."

Gin finally lost it. He pulled his gun out of his pocket and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Get off the fucking couch!" Gin shouted giving them all a death glare. The scare idea actually worked, as all three of them crawled off the couch in a hurry. Chianti, hearing the gun shot, came running out of her room in a hurry.

"Gin!" she started, "What the hell are you doing?! You can't fire a gun in here!"

"Why not?" responded Gin giving her a death glare also. Just as Gin asked this, a small piece of ceiling tile fell off the ceiling and hit Gin on the head. Gin, now having an even worse headache, began to shout every cuss word in the book. All the other members were now fleeing from the room; none of them wished to be singled out for more yelling.

After Gin's little shouting rant, Korn came out of the kitchen as if nothing happened and told them that dinner was ready. Everyone then piled into the kitchen except for Gin. He still didn't feel like eating and tried going to sleep on the couch.

Korn, noticing that Gin hadn't come into the kitchen, went over to the couch with an even sadder face then usual.

"Are you coming to eat?" asked Korn standing over Gin.

Gin wanted to say no, but Korn's face told him not to say it. It made Gin feel that if he said no, Korn was going to break into tears. And one thing Gin hates is when a grown adult male cries. He told him yes and got up. It seemed to make Korn a little happier.

He entered the kitchen with Korn to find the other members eating their corn meals and there was a plate set aside made specially for Gin. Gin walked over, retrieved it, and tried to eat some of it.

This tasked proofed to be quite difficult. Gin, who is easily disgusted, couldn't eat seeing the eating methods of the others. Vodka wasn't even using a spoon. Gin, realizing he wasn't going to be able to eat anything, spooned most of his food onto Vodka's plate when no one was looking. Vodka didn't even notice and continued eating.

He left his plate on the table and ran off to the living room. Before he left the kitchen, however, Chianti stopped him and asked him where his pajamas were.

"I don't have any stupid pajamas..." Gin responded annoyed.

"You can't go to sleep without them! Why not borrow some from someone?" Chianti responded.

"Fine..." Gin responded, "I'll go find some..."

Gin ran off to Korn's room hoping to find some pajamas there. He found plenty with little sniper gun prints on them, but none that Gin liked. Then he found a pair of simple black ones. He ran off quickly to the bathroom and threw them on quickly. He then rushed to the living room hoping to get some well-deserved sleep.

However, when he got out there, Vodka was already sleeping on the couch. He had even stolen Gin's sheepy-blanket! Gin, who had today watched grown adults singing along to Spongebob, had ceiling tile fall on his head, and was almost forced to eat a huge pile of corn, was in no mood to fight with an overweight lazy slob over a couch.

Gin quickly ran over, pulled his sheepy-blanket off Vodka, and kicked him off the couch.

"What the..." moaned Vodka while rubbing his head.

"What are you doing sleeping on my couch with my sheepy-blanket?!" shouted a very angry Gin.

"Your couch?" responded Vodka as he brushed off his Pokemon pajamas, "Chianti told me I was sleeping on the couch."

"Oh really?" responded Gin.

"Yeah really!" snorted Vodka, who only wanted to sleep.

"Chianti!" shouted Gin in annoyance, "What the hell is going on here?!"

Chianti came running out of her room wearing a pair of bull-eye print pajamas and asked what the problem was.

"What do you mean what's the problem?! You told Vodka to sleep on my couch!" Gin shouted even more annoyed.

"That is where he's sleeping...moron..." Chianti responded while yawning, "You guys are sharing. We have limited beds, I'm actually sharing Korn's bed with him and Vermouth and Kir have my bed for the night."

"But why do I have to share a little couch with Vodka?" Gin asked.

"Nah, it's okay. The couch has a fold out bed," she said as she pulled out the fold out mattress for them, "Okay? See? Now go to bed and stop yelling..."

"You'll pay for this, Chianti..." Gin said under his breath as Chianti returned to her room for the night. Gin then got onto the bed and covered himself up with his sheepy blanket. Vodka then also tried to get onto the bed along side Gin.

"Vodka," Gin started, "I don't care what Chianti said...you're not sleeping on this bed..."

"But...but..." Vodka whimpered, "Where will I be sleeping...?"

Gin, predicting his question, pointed at the ground to the right of the bed. Vodka moaned a bit and then lowered himself to the ground and curled up into a ball and attempted to fall asleep.

'Finally!' Gin thought to himself as he realized he could finally fall asleep. He moved himself into a more comfortable position and closed his eyes. He was just about to fall asleep when Vodka began snoring, and loudly.

'And this is why I should have killed Vodka when I had the chance...' Gin thought to himself as he drifted off to sleep...

To be continued...

RR, please! ^^

Note: I didn't do much editing, so any mistakes you find, feel free to point them out.

~SS