A/N: Okay. This is my first Twilight fic. I don't really know how good it'll be. And I don't really know where I'm going yet with it. I'm just writing w/e comes to me. Hope you like it. R&R.
I felt his eyes burn the back of my neck as I turned away. He'd said the three words before, but this time, it was different. This time, instead of it being a statment, it sounded more like a depsperate cry.. a plead even. It was so far away from how it normally sounded, I had no idea how to even begin to react.
But of course, I had to tell him I didn't feel the same way. I told him before, but this time just seemed so much harder. Slowly, I sighed, "Jacob.."
"Bella!" he cride before I could go on. "Please.."
My head fell down and I stared at the floor. I imagined being away from here, away from this moment, with Edward, his arms wrapped around me. If it was him saying 'I love you', this wouldn't have to be so hard. But it was Jacob, my best friend. Just best friend.
"I love Edward and there will never be anything between us." After I said it, it sounded a little more harsh then it was ment to be. Quickly, I turned to see Jacob's expression, to see if I really hurt him. And of course, I had. "Jacob," I sighed reaching for his arm.
"Don't," he groaned and pulled away from me. "I should go home. Call Edward. Tell him to pick you up at the boundry line. I'll make sure Quil gets you there safely." Jacob's voice didn't seem as demanding as it normally was. It was soft, almost so quiet I couldn't here. "Bye," he said, and and walked away.
"Jacob!" I called, not wanting to leave when neither of us were happy. "Can't we just hang out or something?"
"I can't hang out with you anymore Bella," he groaned not stopping.
He couldn't mean that.. Could he? I mean, he'd said stuff like that before, but still, this conversation seemed different than any we'd had before, even about the same subject. "Can we talk at least?" I questioned, still hoping this wasn't the end of our friendship.
"Bella!" he yelled. "Don't you understand? I can't be around you. I can't hang out with you. I can't talk to you. I can't have anything to do with you!" Jacob's steps got faster as he stomped away.
As fast as I could, I ran after him, even though it didn't matter much. Jacob would always be faster than me. "Why not?" I yelled back at him hoping he would stop.
Imediatley, he stopped making me almost run into him. "Are you seriously asking me that Bella?" he turned and stared into my eyes. Small tears began to flow from his dark eyes as I stared at him blankly not knowing what to do. "Bella, everytime I talk to you, everytime I hang out with you, everytime I even see you, I love you more than I already do. You don't understand what it feels like to love someone more than anything else in the world, and have them not love you back. I mean, all I do is smile when I'm around you and when I think about you, but when you leave, I know you're going to see him.. Because you love him.. And I don't think I can handle it anymore. I don't think I can handle anything anymore.."
I looked down at my feet ashamed and not being able to stare into his eyes any longer. They were so full of anger and sadness. "I'm sorry.." was all I could manage to say. If he wouldn't have stomped away again, I would've tried harder to think of something, but before I could, he was gone.
My eyes began to fill with water as I walked away, thinking that this time Jacob was serious. I found myself acually crying my eyes out when I heard my name being called. It was Quil. Jacob had told him to take me home, and I guess that's what he was doing. So, I got into his truck silently.
Quil tried, with no success to make me laugh, but all I could do was think about Jacob and wonder if it really was the end. I hoped more than anything it wasn't. I mean, Jacob really got me angry sometimes, but he was the only one that was there for me when I needed someone, the only one who really seemed to care. And I cared about him too. I loved him too.. But I loved Edward more.
"Bell, love," Edward whisperd in my ear as he held me tight. "It'll be okay," he promised. But I knew it wouldn't.
I layed there with his arms wraped around me thinking about Jacob. I knew it was wrong, I knew it was bad, and I knew nothing good could've came from it, but I didn't anyways. I couldn't help. After all, he was the one in my mind on those rare ocassions I wasn't thinking of Edward.
"Bella, I love you." Edward spoke soft, once again trying to comfort me and slow the sobbings. As much as I loved hearing those words coming from his mouth, this time it didn't help much. I mean, it was those words, and him saying them, that made me feel this way. Those words from him were true and when I said it back they were true. And that's what was so hard. If he didn't love me, and if I didn't love him, Jacob wouldn't be in so much pain.. But the words were true, and Jacob was in tons of pain.
"Um.. Bella. You have a visitor," Edward told me. And a second later the door bell rang.
"Who is it?" I asked, trying to stop the sniffles.
"The dog," Edward groaned in an attempt to make him sounds bad. But it wasn't bad. I was so happy he was here.
I shot up quickly, my face glowing with excitement and hope that he was here to apologize. Immediately, I saw Edward's reaction to my happieness before he could change his expression. He was hurt that I was so happy to have the person that just made me cry my eyes out here in my house. I felt guilty. "Edward.." I sighed. "I love you," and once again, the words were true, which made me feel even more guilt, but not for Edward, for Jacob.
"Bells!" I heard Charlie call from downstairs.
I looked into Edward's eyes to see if he was still hurt. He shot me smile. "I love you too." Then he softly kissed my lips and it made my butterflys flap in my stomach. But then, having that feeling, came with more guilt.
"Jacob!" I said with excitement when I reached him.
"Geez Bella. Are you okay?" Charlie asked. He must've noticed my tear stained face.
"I'm fine," I lied the best I could. Thankfully, Charlie wasn't much of a good judge on my lying, and he left the conversation at end and went back to watching some game on television.
"Bella, can I talk to you? ..Outside," he asked sniffing the air. Obviously he smelled Edward's scent.
I shook my head "yes". I didn't care where we talked, as long as we did talk, as long as we solved this problem.
"Okay, this is how it is," Jacob began. It sounded like the begining of more pain, instead of a resolution. "I know I said I didn't want to talk to you again, well, I lied."
I smiled came to my face at that moment. "I'm glad you decided not to end our realtionship, Jake. You know how much you mean to me."
"See Bella, that's the thing. I still don't want anything to do with you... After this." My smile shot away and I felt water building up in my eyes again. I tried my best to hold them back, but once he went on, they poured out. "I just want to make one thing clear, before I go. I want to let you know, that you still have a chance. Right now is your chance Bella."
"Chance for what?" I asked confused through my sobs.
"A chance to be with me. Don't you understand? I love you more than you can possibly imagine, and right now, you can be with me. Just be with me, Bella. That's all I'm asking for. Just you.."
"Jacob!" I scolded louder than I ment to. "Jacob," I began again, quieter. Having Charlie come out wouldn't make the situation any easier. "It's not that easy. You can just come here and make me pick between you and Edward."
"Well, I think you just did.." He sighed and turned to walk away.
"No! Jacob! You can't leave. You can't!" I pleaded. But he kept walking and each step hurt worse than the first. I couldn't let him just walk out of my life, not like this. "Fine Jacob," I said in almost a whisper, as if I didn't want him to hear.
But he stoped, and when he did, I winced thinking about the words that were going to come out of my mouth. "Jake," I said softly. "My choice... My choice is you."
Jacob turned and stared at me with his smile, the smile that I loved to see. And for a second, I was happy.
So, Like it? I hope so. Reveiw please!