Title: The Day After
Chapter 1 - The First Step
Summary: I took off the ring, that was the first step, I think I'm ready for the second. Now all I need is for her to say yes. Based on the eppy What you see is what you get, at end of season 1 SMACKED fluffy/romantic one-shot
Disclaimer: I don't own Mac Taylor but I wish I did (course then I'd get nothing done! Grin) This is a piece of fan fiction. It is written for pleasure and not for profit. The characters of CSI New York and any other regular cast and supporting cast members all belong to CBS, Paramount & Jerry Bruckheimer and Anthony Zuiker. All other characters are my own. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.
A/N: Okay so this eppy was on late Sunday night and I just had to write when this idea popped into my head. Hope you all like it and it makes sense; and blame insomnia if it doesn't (grin).
~Dedicated to all us ladies and fellow forum buddies who drool every time Mac/Gary is on the screen~
"Thanks," I tell Danny as I take the file and lean back in my leather office chair, staring at the case that just wrapped up.
This morning didn't start out as I had expected. My morning swim and then breakfast at the diner was just routine, something I do without even thinking. As I had pushed my way into the diner, my eyes had taken in the few patrons already there, but one set of eyes as they do every day for past few weeks, was watching me intently. I offer a nervous sideways glace and she offers me a timid smile. However, her gaze is a little more penetrating that I would have liked. I passed it off because I wasn't interested. Even before the shooting her attempts at making small talk were something I didn't read anything more into; I wasn't interested in that way. I just thought she was being friendly; I didn't think it would be the catalyst to a new chapter in my life.
Am I ready, I remember asking myself as that woman's eyes continued to stare at me. Ready to even contemplate another woman in my heart? Rose, that is her name and she approached me this morning after the shooting, telling me she had been working up the nerve to ask me out and this provided her the opportunity to finally ask; a thank you for saving her life and she acted on it.
'Want to meet me for a drink after work? A sort of thank you...for saving my life,' she had asked in a sheepish tone.
I was taken back by her question as I had never had a woman outside of Claire insist on spending some personal time with me outside of the forensic arena. I remembered looking at her but really didn't know what to say; especially in this setting; Stella a few feet away. I was a bit surprised she would ask me at the scene but also somewhat flattered that she even wanted to do so in the first place.
I had remembered watching her talking to Stella and then Stella pointing in my direction before she offered me an uneasy smile and then looked away; a few minutes later Rose approached me and asked me out. However, I was more interested in the strained expression on my partner's face then that of the rather exuberant one on the woman before me. Did Rose tell Stella she was going to ask me out? Was Stella concerned? Or something more, jealous? Mac, give your head a shake, I command myself as I sit in my chair at the end of the day; reflecting. Why would Stella be jealous? For a person to exhibit feelings of jealousy means they care for you in more than a friendly way. And while I would be more than flattered if Stella cared for me more than a friend, I'll chalk it up to surprise on her part and leave it at that.
However as much as my mind should have been focusing on Rose's after work drink invitation, I was too focused on wondering what Stella was thinking as she didn't mention a word or even ask what Rose wanted all day. Maybe she just doesn't care, I had tried to reason. Maybe she was jealous, another little voice tries to argue. I offer myself a small smirk as I close the file and lean back in my chair; my eyes fixed on the small hand written drink invitation on the desk before me.
My first foray into the dating world since Claire was taken. Am I ready? I asked myself again as I close my eyes for a brief moment. I had finally settled in my mind that in order for me to finally move on, especially emotionally, I needed tonight to happen. However, when Stella walked into my office in that dress...that body hugging, little black dress, I swear my heart literally stopped.
'You like?' She has the nerve to ask.
Like? I am speechless. How the hell do I tell her that I felt myself go instantly hard which is why I had to remain seated until I forced my mind think about work; dead bodies are always the best solution to any rising male urges.
But before I can offer myself as a sacrificial lamb, she quickly mentions, 'I hope my date will too,' as if reading the answer I didn't offer and my brain is quickly shifted back to work where I think it belongs. My date, those two words were like a bucket of cold water in the face and it forced me to realize that now when I am finally ready to contemplate the next step, Stella isn't waiting for me as I at one time had so foolishly surmised. Will she ever be waiting?
I force my eyes to look at the file on the desk, as they want to feast on the glint of thigh that is now at eye level. Get a grip, I command myself once more, but know the longer she stands before me looking like that, her scent forcing the guy part of my brain to react, the quicker I'll be in an embarrassing bodily situation. My eyes dart nervously between her thigh and my desk and I pray my heart won't explode the longer she lingers before me. I once again try to concentrate on the case or even Sheldon's application for field investigator but all my eyes want to do is stare at the amazing woman before me; a woman that makes my heart race.
Telling her I have someplace else to be wasn't what I think I wanted it to mean. I wanted to tell her that this was the first step in offering myself to the world of dating; hoping she'd be the next person to step up to the plate and offer me the second chance at something I think I am ready for; a second chance I know I want. It was time, time to get myself off my emotional throne of self pity and take a chance on something new; but the longer I stare at my amazing partner I know I want that something new with her. Damn it! Why didn't I ask sooner! Now I've lost out.
Tonight she's taken and so am I, but tomorrow? Is praying that her date tonight doesn't work out make me a bad friend? I'm a guy; I can't be faulted for my natural desires and inborn tendencies to see a beautiful woman that drives me crazy and not want more fail with another man? I finally pull on my suit jacket and get ready to leave. But she stops me, placing her body in front and all I can do is meekly stand before her with a nervous smile; feeling like a teenager that just got his first birthday wish fulfilled. My face flushed and heart racing. And yet she's in control, watching me with a skepical eyebrow and I want to beg her to tell me what she's thinking.
Her fingers on my body, her nearness, her scent as she loosens my tie, have my brain completely distracted and my body starting to harden once again. Stella's fingers have touched me before, but not in this way; this was intimate, personal, desirable. Something I think I have been begging for and something I certainly want to experience again; cursing my lameness when she stepped back, once again not finding the words to tell her that I want something more from her or even offering a simple thank you. I had an urge to pull her close and kiss her right there, but of course I was also held back by propriety and didn't act on that impulse. I force myself to think about work once again so that I am able to in that instant calm my rising desire or else I wouldn't be walking out after her, I'd have to wait; she has that affect on me.
Her tender words, her soft voice, her delicate fingers as they loosen the buttons of my dress shirt; actions that my brain replayed over and over in the cab ride to meet Rose. And by the time I got to the bar, the band of gold was off but my mind was wishing it was Stella I was walking into that place to meet. The right side of my face is still warm from where she touched it and I know that if Rose does offer a good night kiss, It'll have to be for the other side, I want to keep Stella on me as long as I can. However, I doubt I'll let it get that far with Rose and I for one will be very happy for that. Stella's soft laughter dances around in my brain and by the time I am leaving the lab, I am praying her date ends in disaster. I know it's childish, but I'm human and don't care; I'm also human. It's a good thing I keep all this locked away from the team, my emotional insecurity is no one else's business.
She told me to have a good time and when she turned back, my smile was still where it belonged; however as I watched her leave, it disappeared. I didn't want her to leave, I wanted her to stay, stay with me. For an instant I selfishly wished the phone would ring and an important call would come in so she would have to cancel her date and spend the time with me. But I had to swallow my disappointment and let her go; at least for now. Would she even say yes if I asked her out? Would it be a wise idea? Would it ruin our amazing friendship? But a strong friendship can only lead to something better right? Am I ready for something better?
But Rose did put herself out on a limb to ask and the least I could do was offer her the dignity of showing up and giving her a few hours of my day. However, as soon as I step into that bar and look around at the happy couples my anxiety starts to build and I have to leave; a lump in my throat and my eyes about to water; I don't think I'm ready, I tell myself, what am I doing here? I take a deep swallow and turn to leave, telling myself that I'll probably never see her again and it won't matter as I haven't invested anything in her besides a few minutes of mental time. Leave right now, I command myself.
But as fate would have it, as soon as I turn around Rose walks up to me with a timid smile; dressed up and obviously expecting something more than for me to give her a quick brush-off and disappear. Now I'm stuck, I can't just leave as I hate being rude and she did take the trouble to get dressed up for me and come here as she had promised.
We exchange a small pleasantries and I finally offer my name before we take our seats at the bar. Her eyes are constantly fixed on my every facial expression but mine dart nervously around, as if expecting someone else to walk into the bar. Someone? My brain chides. You mean Stella. We make small talk for a few hours about work and living in New York; mindless chatter, and I have to admit that I did loosen up a little more than I expected as the evening progressed but I just couldn't help but wonder what Stella was doing. Rose looked nice and I did offer a small compliment, but my partners tempting body was already burned into my brain, refusing to leave, her playful smile daring me to focus on the woman before me and then laughing as she knew she was the only woman my mind and heart wanted to focus my mental energy on for the rest of the night. There is a reason people put so much hype around first impressions.
Finally it was time to call it a night and I found myself breathing a small sigh of relief and I knew I would not be seeing Rose Whitley again and I for one wasn't bothered by that. I offer her a small smile as I finally take my leave, not giving her false hope by saying something like I'll see you again, or I'll call you. I told her I had a nice time but just wasn't ready for what she might be wanting for us. She offered me a nod of understanding and I could tell she was holding back her disappointment.
However, as I push myself back into the cab I realize that I am more mentally exhausted than I might have thought and have to wonder if I really am ready for the next step. But by the time I reach home, I am now filled with an odd sense of enlightenment. I was now forced to admit, that tonight with Rose was a turning point in my life; one that has now forced me to open a new chapter into the future. I want so much to call Stella and tell her about it but tell myself that regrettably she might not be alone and to drop it. However, that is almost worse as my brain now forces images of another man enjoying Stella's intimate embrace and I'll be denied even a simple first kiss.
"Mac..." I chide myself as I slowly wander into my bedroom, pulling my wedding band out of my suit pocket as I near a small wooden box. I open the lid and stare at the picture of Claire and a small smile tugs at my lips.
"I did it Claire, I um...went on a first date...after four years," I mention with a small laugh as I place the band of gold in the small keepsake box that my mother had given to me after 9/11; a special place to keep mementos of my life with my deceased wife. "It was okay," I continue my mumbling as I slowly move around my bedroom getting undressed. "Her name was Rose and she asked me for a drink for saving her life. Not really my type, she um...she was nice but...well she just wasn't my type," I pause as slowly unbutton my dress shirt and then hang it my closet before starting on my dress pants. "But I think I'd like to try again. I was um...thinking about asking Stella; my partner. What do you think?"
But my mind is not interested in replaying the few hours with Rose, it wants to keep replaying the few minutes I shared with Stella before we both parted for the night. And I know when I close my eyes tonight, it'll be her hand touching my face, her smile catching my eye and her laughter filling my head with thoughts and images that will carry me through to the next morning. No other woman; just Stella, as it always has been and I know always will be.
Sticking true to my earlier word, I have no interest in washing Stella's faint scent off the right side of my face and so when I finally get dressed for whatever sleep time will allow me tonight as soon as my head hits the pillow I close my eyes and picture us in my office, sharing that sweet moment all over again.
As suspected about a half hour later, my eyes are open and my mind is trying to ponder what course of action I will take when I see her in the lab. I want to ask about her date. If she says it was very good, can I live with the fact that I might never have the privilege of holding my arm for her to take? Of having her amazing body in that amazing dress pressed up against me for even a few minutes? Of possibly losing my best friend to another man? One I know doesn't deserve her.
"I don't either," I moan as I roll onto my side and curse the time the small bedside clock is displaying. I close my eyes but sleep is the furthest thing from my mind right now.
But what if her date was bad and she's available once again? Would I be supportive or take advantage of that situation once again and be the next man to ask her out? What if she doesn't think it's a good idea? What if she said no? Do I even have that nerve? Probably not. I'll probably die from heart failure as soon as think about asking her in person. But she did agree when I asked her to go to the Dog Show with me, so there is a chance she'd say yes again right? Possibly.
With that hopeful thought now at the forefront of my brain, I finally delve into mental exhaustion and allow sleep to consume me for a few hours. However as per my usual, I am up before sunrise, in the shower, my day already started. Dressed in only a towel I head back into my bedroom and stare into my closet.
For the past number of years I have worn a tie, time to go without? Would she notice? Would she care if I said that she was the influence behind it? I pick out a dark navy suit and finally start to get dressed, my mind now trying to anticipate her reaction to something this small.
As the cab stops in front of our building for some reason my nervousness is starting to grow; oh not about work but about seeing Stella and trying to work up the nerve to ask for even a drink after work. I head into our favorite coffee shop, get our two usual caffeinated drinks of choice and then head into the lab. I offer a nod a to a few staff members before I reach my partner's office and hover outside as she finishes up a phone call.
That same dazzling smile that always makes my heart skip a beat, beckons me to enter and as I finally push my way inside her phone call ends and I'm up to bat now as it were.
"Morning," I greet warmly as I offer her the steaming liquid.
"Special occasion?" Stella arches her brows in wonder.
"No, just wanted to," I answer in truth and she gestures for me to sit; to which I happily comply. "What's going on?"
"New case, but why do I get the feeling that something other than work is on your mind?" She queries.
I stare at her in surprise, once again in awe at how she can so easily pick the thoughts right out of my head. "How was your date?" I ask, my mind dying to know what course of action it'll ponder next.
"Disappointing, yours? Did you actually go?" She asks with a gentle smile. Am I allowed to be happy now? Now you can ask!
"I did and then had some doubts and nearly escaped."
"What happened?"
"She showed up and blocked my path," I answer with slight frown.
"Ah. So first date, how did you fare?"
"Okay I guess," I reply with a sight exhale of tension. "I was nervous at first," I admit and she smiles warmly at me. "But I think it was the gentle nudge I needed."
"For what?"
"For trying it again."
"Another date?" Stella wonders and I nod my head in agreement. "Brave man."
"You told me to loosen up right?"
"Right. So I take it you will be seeing her again?" Stella asks with a slight swallow and my brain wants me to hope she's jealous, but I'm sure she's just tired after her late night. But if she was jealous there would be hope, my brain reminds me and I have to quickly qualify my response.
"It was a one time thing," I tell her firmly. "With Rose."
"Was it that bad?"
"No it was just...disappointing," I mumble in a nearly inaudible tone, my heart racing in anticipation. "Why was yours disappointing?"
"He um...I have a different kind of man in mind," Stella informs me and I look up and lock blue with green.
"What about him didn't you like?" I dare to ask, praying for an answer I can actually work with. Then much to my elation she tells me what I want to hear.
"He wasn't you," she finishes in a whisper.
What? My facial expression turns to one of complete and utter shock and surprise. Did she just say she was disappointed in her date last night because he wasn't me? No, my brain scolds you only wish you heard that.
"Stella?" I have to ask, unsure that I heard her correctly.
"Why was yours disappointing?" She counters; not telling me again what I so desperately want to hear from her. I take a deep breath and ready myself for my answer. Will she laugh? Only one way to find out, my brain reminds me. Just tell her!
"Mac..." she urges.
"You know yesterday when I took that band of gold off I...I wasn't thinking about Rose at all. And I guess that's why the date was disappointing for me. I was thinking of someone else."
"Who were you thinking of?" Stella inquires in a quiet tone, I dare say there was a quiver in her voice.
"You," I admit in truth as I look up once more, allowing sapphire to collide with emerald in a showdown of quiet and reserved passion. She looks at me in surprise before her lips curls into a warm smile.
"Really?"
"When I saw you in that dress for a moment I wished it was the two of us leaving together," I tell her, wanting to get out my confession before I have a heart attack right here in her office and never get a chance to tell her what's inside my heart.
"Mac, I'm sorry I didn't know you wanted that," she starts and I quickly shake my head to counter her apology.
"Nothing to apologize for," I tell her in haste, taking another intake of air. "You looked beautiful," I confess and she leans forward in her chair, only a few feet of wood now separating us. "I forgot to tell you that last night. I guess I was distracted."
"Do you distract easily?" She asks me in a playful tone.
"Only around you," I admit in a soft whisper, the words almost choked on the way out. "And especially in that dress."
"Hmmm you distracted might be kinda nice to see up close and personal," she urges and I know this is the break I have been looking for.
"Care to distract me tonight?" I chance to ask, my heart rate nearing critical. Thankfully she doesn't call me on my lame attempt at asking her out but readily agrees, putting my mind and nervous anxiety instantly at ease.
"I would love to," she replies with a warm smile.
"Really?" I ask in surprise.
"Yes really," she confirms as she reaches out and gently squeezes my hand. "I would love to go out with you tonight."
"Great, I'll swing by your of..."
"You can pick me up at home Mac," she informs me. "You have been there before."
"You don't mind?"
"Kinda makes it official," she smiles and my mind is at ease.
"Okay," I nod. "I'll see you tonight."
"I'll be looking forward to it all day," she answers warmly and my heart nearly melts.
I am about to say something else when I see Flack waving to me. "Duty calls."
"I'll be right there. There is just one other question I have."
"What is it?"
"Were you also distracted this morning while you were getting dressed?" She nods to the fact that I am not wearing a tie as I normally would.
"No, this was on purpose. Thank you for the suggestion."
"I like it," she compliments and my smirk turns into a warm smile.
"Then it was worth it."
As I take my leave, my brain now wonders what I'll be like for our first official date tonight. Will I survive? What will she wear? Where will we go? How do we end it? And while my brain ponders all these questions, trying to figure out any kind of answer, I know one thing is for sure, the day after yesterday never looked so bright and the future so promising.
A/N: Okay so yes us smacked fans all wish Mac had acted on impulse and asked out Stella when he saw her in that dress but *alas* it remains in fanfic land! thanks again!! If you'd like to see a follow up one shot with Stella's thoughts and the date then please leave that in your review and if enough want it I will post, if not then please enjoy this as a one shot.
PS: All I Need, updated tomorrow