I was alone – I'm always alone
The natural light coming through my bedroom
Could never masque the extreme darkness
Covering me like a shroud of misery
My thoughts are torturous
A constant replay of horrible events
That continue to rob me of peace
Disturbing the last shred of sanity
I desperately held on to
10 Months
People's lives moved on and progressed
While I remained stagnant
Incapable of forward movement
Perfunctory existence based on familiarity
I worked constantly to escape myself
I swam religiously to cleanse myself
I changed outwardly; I kept up appearances
But inside, I was dying
Living with regret is like an anchor
Weighing you down; hemming you in
And though you struggle against it
You cannot come up for air
"We are done."
Profound sadness creates weariness, exhaustion
My body aches with need of him
While my mind replays a single harsh reality
He no longer wanted to be with me
His eyes were cold, menacing
He steeled himself against any compassion for me
And with cutting words I was dismissed again
I had betrayed his trust; invalidated our love
He was not open to any discussion
He cared little for any apology
In disgust at his own lack of self control
He lashed out and it hit the mark
To sin against a forbidden love is unforgivable