Never
Disclaimer: I do not own Chihayafuru.
I love her.
I have loved her since forever. We grew up together, so, naturally, I was drawn to her. I didn't know how to deal with love then, so I teased her at times and treated her like a boy at times. She never complained; she never asked me to stop nor did she ever ask me to treat her like a girl. Maybe that was my first sign that this will never be.
We grew up, we grew apart. But the feeling never really left me. I dated a lot of girls, girls who easily loved me more than she ever did. But it was never serious, it was never… real. She got her fair share of admirers but she never entertained them either. She wasn't one to dwell on appearances and the like. That gave me some hope, pathetically speaking. That she was so oblivious to her own charm made me confident that she will always be around. Years have passed, but I still didn't know how to deal with this love.
Then came the inevitable. She, too, fell in love. Of course, it is not with me. I was never anyone to her, just her childhood friend who is always around. As luck would have it, he loved her to. And it was a bond I was never to break.
Naturally, I assumed it was a passing thing. I've seen her grow, I know how she is. Love isn't really her field. But, too late did I realize, she was always moving on. She was always going forward. She was always changing. While I remained stuck in a feeling of love I wasn't quite contented with but wasn't quite ready to risk, she bloomed into a flower I could already never reach. I lost my chance. Not that I had a strong one to begin with, but I cannot know that now.
I thought, if I stayed beside her long enough, help her long enough, let my presence be felt long enough, her head will naturally turn towards me, sooner or later. But she never did. She found someone else. And I was left alone, loving her still, unable to move on.
A couple of months back, I decided to tell her how I felt all the years we've been together. I didn't care that she was in love with someone else. I needed to be heard.
How fitting it was. Chasing after her in the rain, the water hiding the tears forming in my eyes as I realize, I may never have the chance ever again. I poured my heart out, I told her everything.
"Taichi," she said. "I love you. I have loved you since the day I met you, and I will love you until the day I die. But... I will always love someone more than I love you."
You want to believe that every story has a happy ending. You want to believe that all your pain has a worthy justification. But some stories just aren't meant to be.