Photographs and Diaries

"Mom, where's Dad at?" Jennie asked as she flew into the living room where her mother was trying to rest after a nine hour flight home from Germany.

"Jennifer Dorthea! Could you not tell I was trying to rest? Have you ever thought about looking first then asking?" Amanda unintentionally snapped out at her only daughter.

"Um, no, not really Mom you usually know." Her half crooked grin and hazel eyes were the spitting image of her father; so was her 'don't look, just ask' attitude.

"Try out in the garage; I think Matt and him are working on the car or something."

"Thanks, Mom; hey if you want sleep and to be left alone why are you down here and not in your bed?" She asked but never waited for the answer as she flew out the back door to find her father.

"Daddy, are you out here?"

"Yeah, in the garage, Princess; now Matt, you will want to pull that out, wipe it off, and then put it back in and then when you pull it out again you will have an accurate reading of how much oil you have in the car. There you go, Matt, now you're getting the hang of it." Jennie watched as her father explained how to check the oil in the car to her older brother, well he was only older by six minutes, but none the less she was the youngest.

"What are you two guys doing, Daddy?" Jennie asked.

"I am teaching your brother here about simple car maintenance. Did you need something?"

"Can you show me too?"

"Jennie, you don't have to worry about this." He said as he patted her on the shoulder.

"I still want to learn." She countered with a gleam of hope in her eyes.

"So, Dad, are we still going to the range today after this?" Matt asked as he finished what he was doing.

"Yeah, of course we are."

"The gun range; can I come too, Daddy?" Jennie asked as her eyes lit up in excitement.

"Jennie, no, you're not ready to be around the range yet." Lee answered very sternly.

"I'm not ready but Matt is? I don't understand; why is he ready but I 'm not?" She really didn't understand and the look and answer her father gave her didn't make her any happier.

Raising his eyebrow and giving her a look she had seen him give her mom over some of her assignments. Her and her brother found out three years ago what her mother, brother, and occasionally her father really did for a living and then found out she and her twin brother could never tell; they never have.

"What? Why can't I go?"

"You are not ready and I will not take you until you are. Now Jennifer I am not going to argue with you over this; you are not going to the shooting range and that is that. Do you understand me? Now why don't you just go help your mother in the house?"

Turning on her heels she headed toward the door and then turned and looked at her father and said, "Mom doesn't need help; she is sleeping."

"Then help her by doing the laundry for her." Lee wasn't too happy when he saw the look that crossed his daughter's face. He was pretty sure that if she had spoken the words out loud that he heard in his head just from her look she would have just told him to go to hell.

Jennie slammed the door as she came back in forgetting all about her mother trying to sleep until Amanda raised up from the couch and said, "That does it, young lady, that is the second time you have slammed that door and then the running all over the house shouting, you just earned some time in your room; which you better walk to and not slam your door. Is that clear?"

"Mom…"

"I don't want to hear it, go now."

Jennie stood for a minute tears brimming her eyes and then knowing it was never a good idea to cross her mother she walked up the stairs and went to her room and gently shut her door. Jennie sat on her bed reading for about twenty minutes and then thought it might not be such a bad idea to help her mom out with the laundry after all.

Jennie went into the laundry room and started to separate the clothes into the correct piles and started her first load when she moved Amanda's bag a small holder with photos fell out of it. She picked it up and inside she found pictures of her family.

She sat down at the table and began to look at the pictures. The first one was of her mother and grandparents when Amanda was about Jennie's age; it was taken at a beach. The second one was of her dad when he was four with his parents not too long before they were killed; her grandfather and dad were practically identical in looks. The next was one of her mother and Joe with her two older brothers. There was one of just her mother, grandmother, and her older brothers; it looked like a castle behind them. The next was a photo of her parents on their wedding day; another one was of her and Matt on one of their birthdays. The next few were from different family functions, and then as she reached the last of the pictures Jennie heard her mom coming toward her and she thought she was going to get in trouble again.

"Hey, Sweetheart, what are you doing here?" Amanda sat down and noticed Jennie looking at her travel photos.

"They fell out of your bag while I was starting on the laundry." She said as she handed the pictures to her mother.

"These are my pictures that I take when I go out of the country to keep you guys close to me. Jennie, I want to apologize for snapping at you a little while ago."

Stopping at a single picture of her dad she looked at her mom she began to cry then asked, "Why does Daddy love Matt more than me? Did he not want me because I was a girl and not a boy?"

Amanda's heart began to break when she saw Jennie crying and staring at Lee's picture. She knew more than anyone that Lee would die without Jennie in his life. Why didn't her daughter know that?

"Jennie, what are you talking about? Your Daddy loves you more than anybody I know."

"No, no he doesn't. The whole time you were in Germany the only thing I was allowed to do besides go to school and do homework was to help with dinner and laundry. Do you know what; Matt was allowed to do? He got to go to his friends and play and he was even allowed to go to a movie with Jamie."

"Did Jamie ask you if you wanted to go?"

"Daddy said that Matt and Jamie needed guy time. I guess Matt needs a lot of guy time because when I went out earlier Daddy and him were working on the car and when I asked to help Daddy patted me on the shoulder and said I didn't need to worry about it. Then Matt asked if they were still going to the range and I asked if I could go and do you know what he said?"

Before Amanda had a chance to answer Jennie continued on with her Stetson temper starting to take root and boil over, "He had the nerve to actually say that I wasn't ready. I asked how Matt could be ready but I'm not; do you know he didn't even give me an answer he just gave me that look he gives you when he doesn't want you to take an assignment."

Smiling behind her mug of tea Amanda knew all too well the look her daughter was talking about; she had seen it in her husband's face daily in those first few years and again only recently since she had a few more field assignments in the last few months.

"Your Daddy is just very protective of you is all; he does the same thing to me. It is because he loves us so much that he holds us in a different category."

"Mom, it is called a double standard. Philip, Jamie, and Matt can do whatever they want and Daddy treats me…"

"Wait a minute, Philip and Jamie are grown and out of this house, your Daddy has no control over their lives or what they do. He does have a say however in what you and Matt do, but you're absolutely right that does sound like a double standard. Unfortunately we can't talk to him right now; so why don't we play a game or something; because I know for a fact I missed my girl more than anything."

Hearing Amanda's words put a big smile on her face; it was the first time since her Mom was gone that she felt important to someone. "Can you tell me about these pictures instead and why you take them with you please."

"Sure, these pictures like I said help me to not miss you guys so much when I am gone. Each one reminds me of a story about what was going on in each picture. You are smart enough to know the general idea of most of them. That first one I was about your age and Mother and Daddy took me to the beach; it was the last time that we all got to go at the same time. I got the worst sunburn on the very last day; I started school that year red as a lobster and peeling."

Going to the photo of her, Joe and her brothers Jennie asked, "Why do you carry this one? Does it bother Daddy?"

"I think it used to but I think it had to do with more of his insecurities than me holding on to a picture. This was taken at one of those studios inside the stores as a promotion and we had it done, it took forever because Jamie was teething and it took a while to get him to stop crying."

"This one is here," Amanda pointed to the picture that was from her wedding day "we were still keeping things a secret and so Billy assigned us this case to work on when all we wanted to do was to wrap up some paperwork. Your Daddy ended up getting shot, nothing serious, and we were almost late for our ceremony."

"Has Daddy and you been shot a lot?"

"Shot a lot, no; shot at a lot, yes. Your Daddy has more scars than I do; I just have the one from our honeymoon and that has nothing to do with my job at all. We were just meeting a friend of your Daddy's and we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Lee thought I would be safer in the car when he heard the shots start but one went through the windshield and hit me and I almost died; glad I didn't."

"It wasn't like you had a choice if you did die Mom; is it?"

"I think I did have a choice; I think everyone has a choice to stay or go; I chose to stay."

"Who is this person with Daddy?"

"That my dear Jennifer is Lady Emily Farnsworth. She and your Daddy worked together on some of his very first cases; she worked with the British Intelligence Networks. I was lucky enough to meet her as well and get to work with her a little. She was an American who studied theatre and meet her husband Lord Farnsworth and then she got to play act the rest of her career in disguise while being a top agent."

"Why do you have a picture of Mandy in your family photos?"

"Her mother and I used to fight all the time about my working with the Agency; see she went through all the testing and training to work her way up in the ranks and I just went to the train station one morning and fell into it so to speak. Francine and I slowly worked more and more together and even though I liked working with your Daddy the most it was nice to work with Francine; we became friends and then when she had her daughter she named her after me and your Daddy."

"Where was this picture taken?"

Amanda looked at the fading photograph and felt her heart tug a little at the two men in the picture. "That was taken by Jamie I believe you and Matt were about six months old and your Uncle Robert came to visit; it was the first time he had to get away and come see you and your brother. We all went to the lake cabin and Lee and Bob had decided to go fishing. They got in the boat and went out for hours. I sat on the porch of the cabin with you two napping and the boys were out hiking. They got back as the sun was setting and Jamie had his camera and he looked out and those two were still on the water. Jamie took the picture and two days later Bob passed away in his sleep. Your Daddy told me after the funeral that neither one had even put a pole in the water; they had sat out on that boat all day just talking. You have no idea how much peace that gave me; they didn't always have a great relationship. You know your Grandmother is always telling me that it is never a good idea to hold your feelings in; that you just have to let them out or they will eat away at you. Those two held in so much I think that after they had that talk Bob was so much at peace that he felt Lee would be okay without him."

"This one is of Daddy and his parents; right?"

"Yes, I had a copy of that made so I would have one. Lee has the original. He was actually only four in that picture; they were killed about a year after it was taken. Gosh your Daddy is the spitting image if his father."

"Do you know anything about them?"

"I know the few things your Daddy remembers and what your Grandmother Jennifer has in a diary that was left for him. I have a few more pictures that I need to put in here with me so I will have them with me. I need to update some of you and your brother."

"Which brother are you talking about?"

"Matt of course; why don't you go and get my box of pictures from under my bed and you can help me pick some out."

"Okay." Jennie went upstairs to her parents' room to look for the box of photos. She found it where her mother said she would. She pulled the box out from under the bed when something on her father's side caught her eye; it was a book that looked as if it had fallen and she went to pick it up thinking it was one of his historical books he read all the time. It was actually a journal and even though she knew that she shouldn't read it, but she thought if she did it might give her a clue as to why her father didn't love her as much as the boys; no matter what her mother said.