NEEDING FAMILY

SUMMARY: Tony is miserable and decides to drink his sorrows away. What's the problem with that? He ends up on his boss's doorstep. After owning up to some truths it's time for Tony to 'pay the piper'.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything affiliated with NCIS or CBS!

A/N: Please let me know what you think!

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Tony knelt by the fireplace trying to warm up. He looked forward and saw the parents reunited with a baby they'd given everything for…a family he wanted but wasn't sure he'd ever get. He looked to his left and saw his team…the first family he ever felt part of. He took out the card that had been left by Jeanne at her apartment, right before she left. "I'm not coming back. You have to choose." Looking back and forth between the present (his team) and the possible future (new family) he choose…

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Later that night Tony went home and got drunk. No, he was more then drunk…he was wasted. Even if he'd been drunk he would never have done what he was doing.

KNOCK, KNOCK

Gibbs tensed hearing the knock; who ever it was, it couldn't be good. With his gun at his side he opened the door. "DiNozzo?" he asked incredulously.

"Gibbs…it's nice to see you man." Tony replied; his words slurred by the liquor.

Gibbs was temped to tell Tony to go home and sleep it off but he could sense something in the younger man that wouldn't let him.

"Come in Tony." Gibbs said firmly.

Tony giggled and threw an arm around his boss. "That's nice of you."

Gibbs had to restrain himself from slapping the younger man upside the head. Knowing it would be no use trying to talk to his senior agent just yet Gibbs instead ushered him to the guest room.

As he helped the man under the covers Tony started to talk and tears started to fall.

"I choose Gibbs…I didn't choose her though. She hates me. I love her. Shouldn't have fallen in love huh?" Tony's words were slurred by the liquor and by the tears.

Gibbs looked his agent over knowing what he was going through. "Go to sleep DiNozzo; we'll talk in the morning." Gibbs ordered gently yet firmly.

Tony didn't need to be told twice; in fact he was asleep before Gibbs could pull the covers up over his shoulders. With a shake of his head, Gibbs first took Tony's shoes and socks off and then preceded to take Tony's suit jacket, tie, and button down off; leaving Tony in his slacks and white under shirt. With another shake of his head Gibbs covered the snoring agent and went to bed himself.

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Tony cracked one eye open and looked around the room. 'Please have let it be a nightmare…please,' Tony pleaded silently to himself. He would have talked himself into the nightmare idea had Gibbs not chosen that moment to walk into his room.

"Get up," Gibbs ordered sternly.

Tony sat upright and held his head in his hands.

"Got a headache DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked sarcastically. "Get up and showered; there are extra towels by the sink. I'll grab you some sweats and a shirt you can borrow."

Tony said nothing but as soon as Gibbs had left he did as he was told not wanting to further irritate his boss. When he came out of the bathroom there was fresh clothes on the bed and the clothes he had been wearing were no where to be found.

Tony slowly made his way downstairs not sure if it was the smartest move he'd ever made but knew he couldn't hide upstairs forever. He made his way to the kitchen and found Gibbs standing at the sink.

"Sorry about last night boss; I'll just be leaving now…" Tony started but was cut off.

"You're not going anywhere Tony. Sit down and eat some toast; I put some aspirin on the table for you." Gibbs finished.

Tony again did as he was told wondering what was going on in his boss's mind. When he was done eating he felt tons better then he had when he'd first woken up. Gibbs looked at him then.

"Go on back upstairs and take a nap DiNozzo. We can talk later." Gibbs voice left no room for argument.

Tony walked up the stairs feeling alone…when he got to his room he cried himself to sleep. Outside the door Gibbs had heard everything.

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Three hours later Tony opened his eyes and stared at the aspirin and sandwich on the night stand beside him. He slowly sat up and ate and took the meds. After a pit stop at the bathroom he took down the plate and went in search of his boss; who he found in the basement.

"Hi," Tony said, a blush creeping up on his face. "Thanks for…you know."

Gibbs nodded his head and led the way back upstairs and into the living room. He sat down and motioned for Tony to do the same.

"What happened?" He asked his senior agent.

"It was nothing boss; it won't happen again." Tony answered.

"You talked a little last night. Talk to me Tony." Gibbs's voice held genuine concern.

Tony didn't want to talk about it but he couldn't seem to stop himself. "Jeanne left me a card, telling me I had to choose. I couldn't choose her Gibbs. I love her…but I couldn't choose her." Gibbs said nothing, waiting for the younger man to continue. "I choose the team but…I'm not even sure I'm still part of the team."

"What do you mean?" Gibbs asked trying not to sound harsh.

"You're mad at me; Probie thinks I could never fall in love; Ziva wants me to open up but I can't. I know I messed up Gibbs; I do. Please, please don't hate me…don't make me go away. I don't know what I'd do if…"

It took Gibbs only a split second before he was at his agent's side; holding him. "Tony, I don't hate you. I was upset that you didn't tell me but I understand that you couldn't."

Gibbs' words seemed to make Tony cry harder; a fact that scared Gibbs.

"What is it Tony?" Gibbs asked; his words strangely soft.

"I feel so guilty…I lied to you…to everyone. I hurt Jeanne…I love her so much and I lied to her. I lied to you too. YOU Gibbs; I lied to you…" The rest of Tony's words were said in such a rush Gibbs didn't understand them though he did catch the words, 'like a dad', 'love you too', and 'guilty'.

It was in the instant when Tony said 'love you too' that Gibbs knew what he had to do. Gripping the younger agent's chin in his hands Gibbs spoke sternly, "You admit you lied to me and for that I'm proud of you son. I also understand that you did as you were ordered and for that you should not be punished. However, you did have an opportunity to explain things to me when we first learned about La Grenouille and you didn't. You feel guilty; well I have a way to help you there."

Gibbs stood and pulled Tony up with him. He walked to the couch and sat down, depositing Tony face down over his lap; he wasted no time pulling Tony's sweats and boxers down to his knees. For his part Tony did no more then gasp at the action.

SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "You don't lie to me." SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "You tell who ever tells you to 'no'." SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "I didn't make this rule," SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "because I didn't trust you." SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "I made the rule," SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "to help protect you." SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "With that said," SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "you did what you had to." SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "No one can fault you for that." SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "Let go of the guilt Tony." SWAT, SWAT, SWAT

Tony hadn't made much of a fuss until after Gibbs had told him to let go of his guilt. Gibbs knew that Tony was almost there. To help him along Gibbs raised one knee and dropped the other and started to spank the sensitive under curve.

SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "I'm sorry!" SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "No!" SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "St-stop, please…" SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "OW!" SWAT, SWAT, SWAT

Tony hung his head and sobbed. Gibbs stopped and began to rub circles over Tony's back trying to comfort the younger man. When Tony's sobs had quieted a bit Gibbs gently pulled the sweats and boxer back up. Tony, with Gibbs' help, stood. Gibbs guided Tony to sit next to him and then held him, allowing Tony to cry.

When those tears stopped Gibbs gripped the younger man's chin in his hand. "I am proud of you DiNozzo. I am sorry that you had to go through that alone. You are not alone anymore though. I'm here…for as long as you need me."

Tony clung to the older man. "I'm sorry; I'm so, so sorry." He cried.

"Shh son; it's ok…I've got you Tony." Gibbs said.

Tony sat content to be held in his boss's arms. For the first time in a week Tony didn't feel alone…he felt safe and he knew…he had made the right decision to stay.

THE END