When a small soul, still shape to be, still yet to grow into something marvel, sees hell, the stain red of hate in humanity, a big part of this soul dies, loses his pureness and faith before it even had time to be something else.
You can know, you can imagine and feel the sadness the anger of it all. You can understand the evil of the world, the dark, you can know it's there, yet if you never felt it, see it, lived it, there is nothing that you truly understand. Only when you feel the big heavy gun in your hands, the one that kills, the objects that makes you see the life of a person drains through their eyes, the screams, the blood that never stops, a river of red blood, the horror… Only then you truly meet fear and madness. Because you can understand, yet you never do.
It was cold, too cold. The snow didn't stop even whit the empty prays of one frozen kid. His feet burned, numbed, losing their feelings long ago, the snow in his barefoot was making his feet bleed frozen blood.
His hands trembled whit the wind, snow were clues to his eyelashes, and even something has easy has blinking was a hard task do too. The kids' arms were shaking, trembling in ways he knew it shouldn't. He couldn't move, he needed to stay steady, one wrong move, only one was enough to lose everything
The little soldier was feeling his lungs burn inside whit every breath he took. His stomach had stopped making horrible noises long ago, it was empty since he no longer knew when, and now not a noise was coming from it, as it had given up, no point warning the young men to eat anymore, no point into surviving.
The cold metal was heavy in his hands, as it had a right to be there, his long skin finger seemed roots grabbing it whit so much strange.
A person would try to imagine what a kid in this situation would be thinking about, a person still too innocent. This soldier hadn't any thought running through is head, no 'whys' or 'what now?' no, this young soldier was running by feelings, sensations, the only word in head 'surviving' and maybe images of the ones he saw falling into a dirty ground, flying everywhere by the orange and yellow light. Maybe, if he had the privilege to.
He was feeling the knot in his throat, ignoring it, the tears no longer felt, they had dry after rivers and oceans had been made ages ago.
Not a noise could be heard, only the wind passing by was showing his present. The body next to our soldier was long gone, giving his last breath away. Little did it matter if the soldier had carried him all the way to save him, it had been too late. It felt wrong to feel envious of the dead body next to him, yet he couldn't help that small feeling of wanting, no pain, no hunger, no cold or guns, it was hard not to feel envy for just a thing.
Something move in his camp of vision. The shoot was made, no excitation. The man fell down in seconds. The little soldier didn't even blinked, smoking leaving the point of his gun.
When a noise was heard behind him, it only took seconds for him to use the force he didn't knew he had to turn around in a quick move, and shoot once more. Right in the middle of the eyes of an older man. The man stood there, eyes wide looking at the kid who had just killed him, just a kid. Blue skin and fire eyes, the eyes showed by dark smoke. The older man fell to the ground as many had fallen. Snow white was turning into red in seconds. The kid once more, just looked, took everything in. He took a big breath, to big felling his lungs, he was damn sure this was it for him as well. Just another body, another forgotten soul. He put himself in position once more, and when he final fall of to darkness, his body didn't even move from his position, standing , gun still in hand.
Jared waked up in a jump, alarmed. Took him seconds to see the sun up, the people passing by him, to realize it had only been a bad dream, one of many. He had stopped calling it memories long ago. He composed himself in seconds, closing his eyes to relax, to breathe freely, even if he could feel the cold air.
Jared stomach was empty; funny how some things never change. He looked up into the blue sky, not one clowned could be seen, he wondered why that dream, better than many for sure, he didn't wake up screaming this time. So many years had passed, a lifetime, yet it was all too vivid in his mind.
His skin was dirty, his hair too long hiding his eyes from view. The bonnet wasn't doing too well, his clothes whit some years on it, jeans and a T-shirt. Who would wear a shirt in the middle of winter? Except Jared of curse, he had to find a coat today if he wanted to survive it.
He had escaped hell, make it through, the irony of it all was that the meaning of life remained the same 'survival'.
Jared stood up from the little stair before someone from inside came to kick him out from bihing asleep in the front of their doorstep.
He walked as if he wasn't just a homeless, he walked whit a certain dignity that he sure didn't feel. Some people ignored him, other stared, only looking when they thought he wasn't seeing. He had learned not to care a long time ago. He made his routine walk, went to some place to beg, his pride forgotten, still there, only overlooked in situations Jared knew it wasn't called for, he was only trying to survive, there was nothing wrong with that.
Walking, and walking, it was tiresome for some people who didn't have the strength, didn't have a good sleep or meal, Jared got it under control. Trying to find a good place to sleep. At night sleeping, in the morning trying to find places, money, and meals, always the same routine.
He stopped to rest from away on an old bench turned into a small road, he settled there, and close his eyes briefly, he could smell the hamburgers and fries coming from the fast food restaurant across the road. He could imagine he was eating it if he put his mind to it.
He wasn't alone, he knew it, he felt more than saw the presence of others just as him, around, sitting against the big old wall full of graffiti, resting, trying to stand, trying to live, hiding In the shadows. As if this side was totally different from the other, two different life's.
Jared opened his eyes when he heard a crying girl, her face had big tears falling, her little fits rubbed her red eyes, trying to stop, not being able to. He could disting the cry's, this one wasn't one of losing someone, being hurt, or having a cold, no, this one was from hunger, from wanting desperately to fill the ache from your stomach, dangerous hunger for that age, for who never had it. Maybe it was the first time she was alone and not having someone to give her what she needed.
She was some feet away, sitting on the floor, hiding from view, afraid, trembling. Her big black hair ruined, her skin still too white to be here long enough. Was she lost from home or abandoned? A person never knew.
Jared was thinking about her, he should stand up and get her to a police station, or go to one to see if they were trying to find a girl. The problem with this plan was that they sure weren't to welcome him. If the girl was lost, they would blame him, if the girl wasn't, they would say he was a waste of time. If the girl went alone and hadn't a home, people looking for her, they would take her, putting her in a worse place than the street.
Well, he should talk to her first. He was about to stand up from his sit when he hears a deep young voice saying
"Hi… I"
Jared looked up, catching a beautiful young guy whit white skin, and the deepest green eyes that remembered him of a big forest with trees taller than building that reached the sky.
Jared stared at the kid, waiting calmly to see what he wanted.
The young man rubbed his neck with his hand and looked the other way, he stared at Jared once more, standing his other hand that hold a paper bag, he said
"Brought you this. I work in that place" the guy gesture to the fast food across the street
"Thought you would like to try it" He said trying to give a smile but not sure if he should
Jared stared at the bag and then back at the kid once more
"What's your name?" Jared asked, hearing his raspy low voice as if he hadn't spoken in days, maybe he hadn't.
The guy seemed a bit taken back, not waiting for the question, still whit the bag in hand
"Jensen" He answered
Jared smile, his lips going up in a way they hadn't in ages, he didn't even notice it, he just knew this what he needed
"Thanks Jensen" He reached for the bag, grabbing it gently, watching as Jensen let it go.
"Your welcome" The smile of the kid was more beautiful than anything else
"Well… I have to go, see you around" He said, turning his back from Jared and running through the street to the other side
Jared stood up, happy with the timing of this kid.
He walked some steps to be next to the girl that people didn't notice if they didn't look carefully
He got himself on his knees and said whit his sweet tone of voice
"Hey little one, " He whispered not to frighten her, she was more than frightened as it was
"Brought you some food"
The girl didn't say a word, sniffing, trying to stop from crying, smelling the food.
Jared opened the bag and took the hamburger out that was still wrapped in a plastic
"Here, you will feel better if you eat" It had been a while since he had talked so much.
The little girl study him, reaching for it slowly. Once she grabbed it she in a quick move pressed it to her chest, hiding it with her hands, almost hugging it.
"It's yours, no one is taking it from you" He said whit the same calm voice
She nodded, her tears not running through her face anymore. Opening the hamburger and eating it fast
"Slowly" Jared said, making the girl stop eating at all
"It will hurt more"
The girl nodded as if she understood, and took small bites, almost starting to cry again, Jared could see it was whit relive and happiness.
"Did you got lost?" He asked, taking the fries out to put it in front of her
The little girl nodded, still chewing
"You have parents"
Another small nod
"How long have you been lost?"
She stopped eating for a wail her almost gone breath, and said whit a tine and broken voice
"Don't know… 2, 3 days?"
It seemed more like a question, later; after she finished her meal he would try to find her home