The first few rays of sun broke over the Idaho hills, washing everything in early morning light. Tina the llama brayed in her private pen below the windows of the house, loud enough to be the official alarm clock for the whole state of Idaho. Napoleon awoke at the sound of Tina's tortured crying and shouted in his raspy voice, "Shut up, you fat tub of lard!" And the llama's alarm immediately stopped, snapped on snooze.
Napoleon squinted through his window to see Uncle Rico's van already idling in the yard. Uncle Rico was throwing his football around with the support of his invisible team, shouting out his own calls and hissing applause for himself as he ran a victory lap around the yard. Lately Uncle Rico could always be found in front of his trusty camera, always propped up and ready for the moment when his dream of making a life-changing spiral over the mountains would become a reality. The home videos were pretty much the worst videos ever made, but Napoleon never said so as much as he wished to. Uncle Rico was such a freakin' idiot. He just wasn't worth the time.
Napoleon decided that he was bored. He got up and raced to his brother's room before the light of day could reach it, beating the morning star by barely-there decimals. Kip was still sleeping.
"Kip," Napoleon said in his nerd lisp.
Kip didn't move from his slumbering knot beneath the covers.
"Kip." Napoleon said again a bit more forcefully. "Kip, get your butt up and play with me."
Kip grumbled, "Go play by yourself, Napoleon,"
"Ugggghghh," Napoleon grumbled, and turned to leave when he thought of an idea, and turned back, this time walking over to the side of the bed and staring down at his brother's sleeping form. Kip looked up with one weary eye.
"Do you want to see some hot babes?"
It wasn't much but it was enough to convince Kip.
The two brothers raced downstairs to the computer, which gurgled and sputtered as its shook itself awake.
"Alrright," Kip said as he typed in his favorite website, . They gawked over hot babes from all over the world, drips of drop falling from their chins as they stared at the screen in disbelief and mild hunger.
"This," Napoleon started, his eyes squinted as his glasses began to fog up. "Is freakin amazing. It's...incredible."
"Oh," Kip said in his passive voice, and a slight knowing smile. "This is nothing my friend. Wait until you see this." And with an expertly knowing hand he typed in the words into the search bar- 2 girls, 1 cup.
Napoleon stared as the swirling beach ball of death dissipated and the video began to roll. He squinted in confusion, and then his eyes widened.
Kip only smiled, aroused by the video and amused by his brother's reaction. "It gets better."
It "got better" at the thirty second mark. "Ugh!" Napoleon cried. "What the scrap is this! It's freakin disgusting!"
"Wait."
Napoleon couldn't. His mind was numb by the sight of the video and his stomach lurched like a boat on angry waves. "Ugh!" He cried once again, and passed out on the floor.
Kip didn't notice until the video ended. "Napoleon?" He said and turned to find him on the floor. He gasped and fell to the floor, cradling his brother's head in his lap. "Oh Napoleon, I'm so sorry..."
Suddenly Grandma burst in, her motorbike helmet still on her head. He took it of and stared at the brother's on the floor. "What happened?" She cried, just as Uncle Rico ran in, sweaty from his morning workout.
Kip looked up sadly, "We were looking up hot babes...I only showed him the one video, I didn't know he couldn't handle it," he said in his soft voice.
Uncle Rico ran to look at the screen. "Ugh." He grimaced and turned to Kip. "This is only for strong stomachs, Kip. You know Napoleon couldn't handle anything like this."
Kip hung his head.
"Lucky for you, he didn't watch the end of the video. The first thirty seconds can be easily forgotten. We just have to make sure he can't het involved with anything like this ever again." He commenced to delete the browser history of the computer with an experienced hand. He turned to Kip and looked down at Napoleon. After a quick look over of the teenager's traumatized face, he decided, "He'll be okay. But he will not remember any of this."
Kip looked startled. "So, he won't remember any of the hot babes?"
Rico sighed. "Kip, listen to me. Your love for hot babes will only grow. You can control it, but it can mean great danger for your brother. He's been traumatized by your love for hot babes. One more terrible encounter on the internet and he may become a vegetable."
Kip nodded, understanding.
"So, from now on, no more hot babes. At least not in front of Napoleon. Not until you can get yourself under control, and Napoleon is mature enough
Life changed in the Dynamite house after that.