Lost In Silence
by Bethany
Chapter One
She looked down at the small piece of paper in her hands -- 303A. Yup, this was the room, she thought as she glanced down at her watch -- 9:29. Nervously, clutching her small, black purse, she opened the door, not knowing what lie ahead on the other side.
"Dr. Sternin?" Her childlike voice perked up, as she peaked her head into the room. The woman behind the desk raised her eyes. As she stood up to make her way over to the girl, Madison noted she had a remarkably professional aura about her. The doctor extended a hand to the young woman. "Madison, I presume?" The girl just nodded her head, silently. "Very punctual," Lilith glanced at the clock. "9:30 on the dot."
Madison swallowed nervously, her palms sweaty and hands shaking slightly at her sides. She didn't know what to expect from this session, and to put it bluntly -- she was scared to death. It was terrifying enough knowing she'd have to confess her emotional state to a complete stranger, but from the moment she walked into the room, she felt a chill, which made her all the more uneasy.
"Why don't you seat yourself, and we'll get to work." She made her way over to the desk. From the looks of this woman, she obviously meant business. Her hair was pulled back into a tight, low-set bun and she wore a black, sleeveless dress, which would be cute, Madison thought to herself, if she would have just loosened up her hair a bit. She couldn't help but smile lightly as the thought of Dr. Sternin resembling Druscilla, the maniac vampiress on Buffy. "Let's just hope her fangs only come out at night, and not at 9:30 in the morning." She whispered to herself, under her breath.
"What was that?" Lilith questioned the young patient.
"I'm sorry, I was just... thinking to myself." She felt panicky, realizing she spoke aloud.
"It's quite all right. Why don't we get started?" Madison nodded. She had always been a people-pleaser, ready to move at everyone's beckon call. She never knew how to speak up. Appeasing everyone was her way of keeping harmony -- well, everyone but her mother, whom she had no control with.
"First -- do you prefer being called Madison or do you have a nickname?"
"Well, you can call me Madison if you'd like. My friends call me Maddi, but Madison's fine."
"I'd like you to think of me as a friend. I'll call you Maddi, if you don't mind." Lilith cracked a small smile, for the first time since Madison entered the room. And for the first time, Madison felt at ease -- she was human after all! Maddi's mind drifted off... the smile seemed as though it were dying to come out, yet at the same time it seemed as though it almost pained the doctor to do so. She wondered why that was, but pushed the thought back. 'Come on, Maddi... you're here to get help... not to analyze your psychiatrist!' She smiled back at Dr. Sternin.
"Why don't you start by telling me about yourself?"
Madison moved in her chair, uncomfortably. "Well, there's not much to tell."
"Of course there is. What do you enjoy? What career goals do you hope to obtain? You'll be entering college this fall, will you not?" Dr. Sternin glanced down at her notebook, to make sure she had the correct information.
"Oh, yes. I'll be attending the Boston Conservatory." Maddi watched as she made notes... it was unnerving, knowing that every little thing she said would be analyzed by the good doctor.
"Your major?" She didn't look up from the paper, and Madison wondered what was going on through her head. Madison tossed her long, blonde locks off her shoulder.
"Musical Theatre."
"Oh, really?" Lilith looked up impressed. "So, you're a woman of the stage?"
"I am."
"Has this been a life-long dream?"
Madison's face brightened. When she was lost in thoughts of the world of musical theatre, not even her worst fears could bother her -- she was in heaven. "Oh, ever since I can remember!" She moved to the edge of her seat, enthusiastically. "I started dancing when I was a little girl, as well as singing. The thrill of a story coming to life on a stage has just enthralled me since I can remember. People bursting into song and dance... the energy is incredible... it's what I live for!"
Lilith cracked a small grin. "Well, you certainly are passionate about your chosen profession." Lilith smiled to herself, pleased with what she saw. If she could get the child comfortable with her, she was bound to open up by the next session and they could get right down to the root of the problem. Strategy proved to be her best friend in these situations.
"Yeah," Madison paled a little, remembering where she was. "Too bad I'm the only one who feels that way..."
"What do you mean?"
"My mother... well... she... well." Maddi stumbled over her words. It obviously wasn't an easy topic for her.
"Go on..."
"My mother is against it... she's a novelist, you see... it's a similar business. She wants me to lead a more stable life -- basically, she fears me pushing beers in a local pub the rest of my life."
Lilith couldn't help but laugh. "I see."
"Oh, don't get me wrong! She completely supports me as a performer, she just wants me to have something to fall back on."
"Well, that is reasonable."
"I suppose..."
"Have any back-ups in mind?"
"Well, my mother's boyfriend said they'll always be an opening for me at his pub, so..." She giggled a little, trying to lighten the mood. Lilith could see beyond her facade, however. She knew Maddi was hiding something.
"Why are you here, Maddi?" Lilith looked at her concerned, her maternal instinct kicking in.
"I just moved to Boston..." Madison looked down at her milk-white hands, willing back tears. "My mother and I moved here three weeks ago -- the day after my dad's funeral."
Lilith handed her a box of tissues. "I'm so sorry." Maddi couldn't look up at the doctor, as she removed a tissue and dabbed her eyes.
"She's not my mother." Her voice was barely audible.
"Excuse me?" Lilith wasn't quite sure if she heard her correctly.
Raising her big, blue eyes to meet Lilith's, she spoke softly. "I was adopted..."
"Well, Maddi, in the eyes of the law she is..."
"No, not by her." Lilith looked on confused. "My adoptive mother died in 1991, from ovarian cancer, when I was barely eight years old." Her voice caught, as she recalled the traumatizing event. "My dad... we moved out to LA, where he was to produce a movie. That's where he met her -- Diane." Lilith looked at the young girl, skeptically. "They married in 1994 and we moved back to New York City. Then, two months ago my dad went off on a business trip... on the way home... he... the plane..." She broke off, near tears.
"It's all right, you don't have to go on if you don't want to."
"He died when the jet crashed."
"May I asked why you moved to Boston?"
"This is my mother's home town... she reunited with this old flame last week... she just seems so at home here. I don't know... I feel so lost. I just, needed someone to talk to... to sort out my feelings... the thing is--" She paused, mid-sentence.
"Yes?"
"I want to find my biological parents, but I don't know where to begin."
"And you want me to help you?"
Madison looked at her shyly. "Well, help me figure out how to go about doing so."
Lilith smiled sadly. "I can't make you any promises, but we'll see what we can do. Meanwhile, I'd like you to attend my adoption support group this Wednesday night. I think you'll find much needed support there."
"Okay." Madison rose from the chair, picking up her purse. "I'll see you Wednesday, then." She headed for the door.
"Oh, Madison... if you don't mind my asking -- what is your mother's last name?"
"Chambers. Have a nice afternoon, Dr. Sternin..." With a smile she exited the office, as Lilith just stared off at the door in utter amazement.
by Bethany
Chapter One
She looked down at the small piece of paper in her hands -- 303A. Yup, this was the room, she thought as she glanced down at her watch -- 9:29. Nervously, clutching her small, black purse, she opened the door, not knowing what lie ahead on the other side.
"Dr. Sternin?" Her childlike voice perked up, as she peaked her head into the room. The woman behind the desk raised her eyes. As she stood up to make her way over to the girl, Madison noted she had a remarkably professional aura about her. The doctor extended a hand to the young woman. "Madison, I presume?" The girl just nodded her head, silently. "Very punctual," Lilith glanced at the clock. "9:30 on the dot."
Madison swallowed nervously, her palms sweaty and hands shaking slightly at her sides. She didn't know what to expect from this session, and to put it bluntly -- she was scared to death. It was terrifying enough knowing she'd have to confess her emotional state to a complete stranger, but from the moment she walked into the room, she felt a chill, which made her all the more uneasy.
"Why don't you seat yourself, and we'll get to work." She made her way over to the desk. From the looks of this woman, she obviously meant business. Her hair was pulled back into a tight, low-set bun and she wore a black, sleeveless dress, which would be cute, Madison thought to herself, if she would have just loosened up her hair a bit. She couldn't help but smile lightly as the thought of Dr. Sternin resembling Druscilla, the maniac vampiress on Buffy. "Let's just hope her fangs only come out at night, and not at 9:30 in the morning." She whispered to herself, under her breath.
"What was that?" Lilith questioned the young patient.
"I'm sorry, I was just... thinking to myself." She felt panicky, realizing she spoke aloud.
"It's quite all right. Why don't we get started?" Madison nodded. She had always been a people-pleaser, ready to move at everyone's beckon call. She never knew how to speak up. Appeasing everyone was her way of keeping harmony -- well, everyone but her mother, whom she had no control with.
"First -- do you prefer being called Madison or do you have a nickname?"
"Well, you can call me Madison if you'd like. My friends call me Maddi, but Madison's fine."
"I'd like you to think of me as a friend. I'll call you Maddi, if you don't mind." Lilith cracked a small smile, for the first time since Madison entered the room. And for the first time, Madison felt at ease -- she was human after all! Maddi's mind drifted off... the smile seemed as though it were dying to come out, yet at the same time it seemed as though it almost pained the doctor to do so. She wondered why that was, but pushed the thought back. 'Come on, Maddi... you're here to get help... not to analyze your psychiatrist!' She smiled back at Dr. Sternin.
"Why don't you start by telling me about yourself?"
Madison moved in her chair, uncomfortably. "Well, there's not much to tell."
"Of course there is. What do you enjoy? What career goals do you hope to obtain? You'll be entering college this fall, will you not?" Dr. Sternin glanced down at her notebook, to make sure she had the correct information.
"Oh, yes. I'll be attending the Boston Conservatory." Maddi watched as she made notes... it was unnerving, knowing that every little thing she said would be analyzed by the good doctor.
"Your major?" She didn't look up from the paper, and Madison wondered what was going on through her head. Madison tossed her long, blonde locks off her shoulder.
"Musical Theatre."
"Oh, really?" Lilith looked up impressed. "So, you're a woman of the stage?"
"I am."
"Has this been a life-long dream?"
Madison's face brightened. When she was lost in thoughts of the world of musical theatre, not even her worst fears could bother her -- she was in heaven. "Oh, ever since I can remember!" She moved to the edge of her seat, enthusiastically. "I started dancing when I was a little girl, as well as singing. The thrill of a story coming to life on a stage has just enthralled me since I can remember. People bursting into song and dance... the energy is incredible... it's what I live for!"
Lilith cracked a small grin. "Well, you certainly are passionate about your chosen profession." Lilith smiled to herself, pleased with what she saw. If she could get the child comfortable with her, she was bound to open up by the next session and they could get right down to the root of the problem. Strategy proved to be her best friend in these situations.
"Yeah," Madison paled a little, remembering where she was. "Too bad I'm the only one who feels that way..."
"What do you mean?"
"My mother... well... she... well." Maddi stumbled over her words. It obviously wasn't an easy topic for her.
"Go on..."
"My mother is against it... she's a novelist, you see... it's a similar business. She wants me to lead a more stable life -- basically, she fears me pushing beers in a local pub the rest of my life."
Lilith couldn't help but laugh. "I see."
"Oh, don't get me wrong! She completely supports me as a performer, she just wants me to have something to fall back on."
"Well, that is reasonable."
"I suppose..."
"Have any back-ups in mind?"
"Well, my mother's boyfriend said they'll always be an opening for me at his pub, so..." She giggled a little, trying to lighten the mood. Lilith could see beyond her facade, however. She knew Maddi was hiding something.
"Why are you here, Maddi?" Lilith looked at her concerned, her maternal instinct kicking in.
"I just moved to Boston..." Madison looked down at her milk-white hands, willing back tears. "My mother and I moved here three weeks ago -- the day after my dad's funeral."
Lilith handed her a box of tissues. "I'm so sorry." Maddi couldn't look up at the doctor, as she removed a tissue and dabbed her eyes.
"She's not my mother." Her voice was barely audible.
"Excuse me?" Lilith wasn't quite sure if she heard her correctly.
Raising her big, blue eyes to meet Lilith's, she spoke softly. "I was adopted..."
"Well, Maddi, in the eyes of the law she is..."
"No, not by her." Lilith looked on confused. "My adoptive mother died in 1991, from ovarian cancer, when I was barely eight years old." Her voice caught, as she recalled the traumatizing event. "My dad... we moved out to LA, where he was to produce a movie. That's where he met her -- Diane." Lilith looked at the young girl, skeptically. "They married in 1994 and we moved back to New York City. Then, two months ago my dad went off on a business trip... on the way home... he... the plane..." She broke off, near tears.
"It's all right, you don't have to go on if you don't want to."
"He died when the jet crashed."
"May I asked why you moved to Boston?"
"This is my mother's home town... she reunited with this old flame last week... she just seems so at home here. I don't know... I feel so lost. I just, needed someone to talk to... to sort out my feelings... the thing is--" She paused, mid-sentence.
"Yes?"
"I want to find my biological parents, but I don't know where to begin."
"And you want me to help you?"
Madison looked at her shyly. "Well, help me figure out how to go about doing so."
Lilith smiled sadly. "I can't make you any promises, but we'll see what we can do. Meanwhile, I'd like you to attend my adoption support group this Wednesday night. I think you'll find much needed support there."
"Okay." Madison rose from the chair, picking up her purse. "I'll see you Wednesday, then." She headed for the door.
"Oh, Madison... if you don't mind my asking -- what is your mother's last name?"
"Chambers. Have a nice afternoon, Dr. Sternin..." With a smile she exited the office, as Lilith just stared off at the door in utter amazement.