Hiya, Some people have asked for me to write this after reading "A New Beginning" (read that first or this won't make ANY sense at all!), so here it is: the return of Holly!! :D
The gunshot was astonishingly loud. It reverberated along the alley and invaded my ears. I slammed my hands over them with a cry of shock. I saw a dark shape detach itself from the shadow of the wall and fall to the floor. Another shape appeared, outlined against the dim light at the end of the alley. The figure bent down and prodded the body on the floor before standing up again.
I let out a little fearful squeak and the figure turned towards the sound instantly. I could see the shape of the gun in one hand. Long buried training raised my arms and lowered my centre of gravity.
"Who are you?" the voice was male and somehow familiar. I didn't reply, but took a couple of steps back. The man walked towards me, moving gracefully over the uneven, filthy ground. "Well, who are you?" he asked again, stopping a few feet from me. There was a faint twist of Russian in his accent and his hair, cropped short, was so blonde it was almost white.
I still didn't reply and he sighed. I saw him raise his arm, the one holding the gun, and take aim at my head.
A car flashed past, casting a shaft of light right into my eyes. I thought I heard a gasp, but with the roar of the car's engine in my ears, I couldn't be sure. My eyes were squeezed tight shut, partly from fear, but mostly for protection against the sudden blinding brightness.
When I opened them again, the man in front of me was gone, halfway down the alley. He leapt gracefully over the body at the far end and I realised why he was so familiar. I knew him.
"Yassen?" I asked, peering at him through the gloom and lowering my arms. He stopped dead, bowed his head and glanced back at me.
"How do you know my name?" he asked, keeping his voice cold and level. I hesitated; he sounded so different.
"You don't recognise me, do you?" I said, hearing the words shake and cursing internally. Why did I have to lose it now, of all times?
"No," he retorted quickly. Too quickly. He must have realised that his response had been too quick because he sighed, turned slowly, looked at me. His eyes were hopeful, but the expression faded as his eyes roved over my face, to be replaced by resigned recognition.
"Yassen," I repeated, smiling. His lips tilted slightly, but his eyes remained cold and distant.
"Holly," he said formally. One of his hands rested lightly on the gun that he had tucked into the waistband of his jeans. My heart leapt as he said my name and my smile grew wider; I couldn't help it, his voice was too familiar.
"I didn't think I'd ever see you again," I said, stepping forward. He instantly tensed, lowering his body slightly, his eyes flashed dangerously and I stopped instantly, my breathing quickened fearfully; there was something dangerous about him that I had never seen before.
"You shouldn't have come here, Holly," He said quietly. His voice was apologetic. "You know what I'm going to have to do now."
"You don't have to," I said, my voice rose in fear and he stopped his hand, which was once again holding the gun. I could see the indecision in his eyes and smiled uncertainly, pleading silently for my life. He sighed and lowered the gun again.
"Thank you," I gasped. My legs felt suddenly weak and I staggered slightly. Yassen was at my side in an instant, one arm looped around my waist to keep me upright. His closeness stole my breath and didn't help the feeling that my legs had turned to water.
His eyes were almost scary, the look in them was so intense. We stood in silence for a few seconds; memories that I had suppressed for the last three years rose suddenly and painfully to the surface. Yassen's eyes were clear for once and they reflected the memories that he was suddenly reliving, too.
Impulsively, I took a small step towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder. He pulled back instantly, breaking my grip and sliding his face back into its usual blank mask.
"Sorry," I said slowly. He shook his head and stepped back again, avoiding my gaze. "I missed you, though," I explained, hearing the plea in my voice.
"Why? Why would you miss me?" he asked, one eyebrow raised. His voice, so familiar, sent my heart into a somersault.
"You know why I missed you. I told you before I left Sennen." I hesitated. "Nothing's changed. I still feel the same."
"After three years? That's impossible," Yassen said, shaking his head disbelievingly, but I noted that he still knew how long it had been since we had been in Cornwall together. I could pretty much recite to the hour how long it had been since I had last seen him.
"No, it's not," I affirmed, stepping forward. He didn't move away this time and I gave him another hesitant smile, which he returned.
"I really did miss you," I whispered before my throat constricted with tears. He nodded slowly.
"You too." The words were almost too quiet to hear. Yassen was smiling gently, but his eyes were darting around, looking everywhere but at me.
"Yassen…" I said softly, once the lump in my throat had cleared. His eyes settled on mine and his smile widened slightly, becoming genuine.
"Holly," he replied, took a couple of steps forward and stopped, his eyes searching my face. "Holly. I missed you."
I grinned and he took another step forward, closing the gap between us.
"You made it as an assassin, then?"
"Obviously," he replied, one eyebrow raised and a lopsided smile tugging at his lips. I rolled my eyes at the flash of his old arrogance and he grinned.
"You're different, though; you're somehow… colder."
"It's what the training does to you," he said, shrugging. For a moment I thought he was going to add something more, but he clamped his mouth shut and looked away. I searched for something to say, for a link that we would both be able to talk about.
"What about Hunter? John Rider, is he ok?" I asked eventually. I knew instantly that I had asked the wrong question; Yassen's eyes hardened and his shoulders shook slightly before he was able to regain control and face me again. It was as if a switch had been thrown; his eyes suddenly reflected his every emotion and his face was more expressive than it had been before.
"He was killed a couple of weeks ago," he said, voice shaking with suppressed emotion. I staggered, I felt like a piece of my heart had been torn out; John Rider had been my friend and teacher, and now he was dead. Gone. I'd never see him again.
"How did it happen?"
"MI6," Yassen spat furiously, his face was suddenly terrifying as he let the rage and pain show. "They double-crossed us and shot him halfway through an exchange." My hatred of MI6, which had been dwindling since I left SCORPIA, returned with a vengeance.
"Why did you leave?" Yassen asked suddenly, changing the subject. "Hmm? What?"
"Why did you leave SCORPIA? Why did you leave me?" the last word shook slightly.
"I had to. I explained it all when we were there."
"I know you did. I just wanted to know if would make more sense if you told me again." His words sent a pang of guilt through me; I had been the first friend he'd had since his parents died, and I'd just left him, like everyone else had. No wonder he was so cold towards me now.
I went through my reasons again and he listened quietly. When I'd finished, he sighed.
"Does that make any more sense?" I asked hesitantly.
"Yeah… it does, I suppose. But I don't understand why you left when it hurt you so much," he sounded genuinely puzzled and I understood the feeling. They had seemed so rock-solid at the time, but each time I'd gone over them since, my reasons for leaving Yassen in Cornwall seemed weaker and less convincing, so I told him as much. He didn't reply, but he didn't look away again.
We stood in silence for several long minutes before, with a long, graceful stride, Yassen crossed the short distance between us, and was at my side and had his arms wrapped around me, holding my body tight against his. I hesitated for a second, and then pushed myself closer to him.
"Yassen…" I said hesitantly, he looked down at me and I rose onto my toes and pressed my lips against his.
Memories of our previous kiss flooded back, filling my eyes with tears. He pulled away quickly, his gaze pointedly avoiding mine before he turned his eyes back onto my face. Seeing the tears in my eyes, he smiled gently and wiped them away with the tips of his fingers.
"You were thinking about when you left, weren't you?" he asked, his voice scarcely louder than a breath. I gave a tiny nod and tried to push closer, but he held me away.
"He-" I started to protest, but he smothered the word with his mouth. Only then did he pull me closer, deepening the kiss in the process. When he finally pulled back, his eyes were bright and a slight flush coloured his ivory skin.
"Holly," he breathed, holding me tighter against him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest; he was so much taller than he had been.
"Yassen…" I hesitated, but the chime of the clock in the church made up my mind for me and I pulled away, eased his hands out of their tight grip on my shoulders and stepped backwards. "I have to go."
"What? Why?" his voice was bewildered, it matched the expression on his face perfectly.
"I'm expecting a call in five minutes," I explained. From his expression, it was clear that he didn't think this was a good enough reason and I smiled.
"It's sort of important; it should get me about ten grand. You can come with me if you like, I'm not trying to get rid of you." Yassen smiled at that and moved closer again.
"Let's go then," he murmured. I grinned and linked my arm through his, just like I had done while we were in Cornwall together. He was smiling too, when I looked up at him. I couldn't believe how much he had grown and filled out. His chest and shoulders were slightly broader now, but his waist was still slim and he was just as graceful as he had ever been. He seemed to feel my eyes on him, because he glanced down at me as we walked along. He smiled when he met my gaze and I felt my heart start pounding faster; there was a glint in his eyes that made my legs feel like jelly. Jelly that hadn't even set.
I led the way back to my flat quickly and in silence. The phone was ringing when we came through the door and I hurried to answer it. The deal was sealed within minutes, while Yassen paced impatiently around the room, pausing every now and then to kiss me, on my cheek, my neck, anywhere he could reach.
"Yeah, that's fine. Yes, we'll have them ready for you in under a week. Ok, bye." I finally hung up the phone and turned to watch Yassen as he strode past the window.
"I'm finished," I said softly, grinning as he stopped dead on the far side of the chair, vaulted over the back and closed the distance between us in a matter of moments. His mouth was suddenly pressed against mine, his fingers twisted in my hair and his body pinned mine easily against the wall.
From then on, time took on a strange state; passing all too quickly and only allowing scattered details to filter through into my consciousness. Yassen's hands sliding over my skin, peeling my clothes off; his lips moving down my body with agonising slowness; him breathing my name over and over, becoming more and more urgent.
When time slowed to its normal speed, his body was twined with mine, one arm looped around my shoulders, holding me tightly against his smooth, muscular chest.
"Holly," he whispered softly. His finger traced a line from my ear to my lips. "Holly."
"Yassen," I murmured in reply. "What is it?"
"I really did miss you." I grinned and twisted around in his arms to place a kiss in the hollow at the base of his throat. I felt him tense under my hands and hesitated, unsure. But he relaxed after a few seconds.
"Sorry, being an assassin isn't just a job, it becomes your life." I nodded to show that I understood and pressed closer against him. He didn't tense this time and I relaxed into his arms. It was hard to believe that I was really here, lying in his arms.
I must have slept because the next thing I knew, Yassen was on the far side of the room, dressed in a pair of pale jeans and talking quietly into his mobile. He glanced round when I sat up, and flashed me a quick, fake smile before turning away again. I was instantly alert. He finished the call quickly and slid the phone into the pocket of his jacket, hung over the back of the chair in the corner.
"Holly." Yassen sat down beside me on the bed. His face was full of regret and pain.
"What is it? Yassen, what's wrong?" he flinched as I said his name.
"I have to leave you," he whispered. He met my gaze, silently pleading for me to understand, but nothing registered. I was in shock. He couldn't be serious?
"Why?" It was a pathetically inadequate response but it was all I could manage.
"I have another mission to do. I need to get back to SCORPIA as soon as I can. Holly, please." This last was as I flung my arms around him and pulled him down beside me.
"Please don't go." Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks and choke my voice, but I wiped them away and swallowed the lump in my throat.
"I can't not go." Yassen gently disengaged my arms from around his chest and sat up again. "Please, Holly, please don't make this any harder for me." I nodded and pulled away from him, face turned away so he wouldn't see the tears glittering on my face in the early morning sunlight.
"I love you, you know that, don't you?" I whispered.
"Yes, I know." He hesitated before leaning forward and resting his chin on my bare shoulder. His touch made me tremble. "You don't know that I love you too."
I'm still not sure whether my heart stopped beating for a few seconds then. They were the words I'd dreamt of hearing from him for years. I was tight against him again before I knew it, and all I was aware of was that he wasn't pushing me away, that he responded when I pressed my mouth to his. His hands slid over my shoulders and drew me closer still, until we were more one person that two.
But then he pulled away again and there was a sense of finality in the air as he put his jeans back on again, then followed with his tight-fitting t-shirt and the jacket that was still over the back of the chair. I dressed at the same time and our eyes never left each other, trying to make the most of the tiny amount of time we had left.
"Where do you need to go?" I asked. My voice shook, but I didn't bother trying to keep it under control.
"They said to call them when I was in the town centre, and they'd send someone to get me." Yassen's voice was steady and carefully cool. He reached out and took my hand, kissed it quickly and let it fall back to my waist. "Don't come with me, please, Holly, stay here so you're safe. I couldn't bear it if you got hurt." I shook my head.
"No way, I'm staying with you." I crossed my arms and raised my chin defiantly, daring him to disagree. He didn't, but his face hardened for a brief moment.
"Come on, then," he said, resigned. He took my hand as I stepped past him onto the landing, pulled the door shut behind him and led the way slowly down the stairs.
I gripped his hand tightly in mine; it seemed too cruel that, after three years apart, we could be reunited for one glorious night, and then torn away from each other yet again. A single tear rolled down my cheek before Yassen caught it on the tip of his finger.
"It'll be alright." He pulled me in closer against him and looped an arm around my shoulders. I tried to relax, but I couldn't. "Holly, it's ok."
Yassen stopped and turned me round so I was facing him. He bent down and kissed my forehead gently, then pulled me into his arms in a crushing hug. I buried my face in his shoulder. This couldn't be happening again, not now.
"This sucks," I muttered, drying my eyes. Yassen gave a soft laugh and slipped his arm back round my shoulders.
"Come on."
It was almost ten minutes to the town centre, walking slowly. I didn't cry again. It didn't change anything, and I could see the anguish it caused Yassen to hurt me.
When we got to the wide main street, we stopped dead. There were suddenly all too many memories in my mind and I clasped Yassen's hand even tighter. He responded with a light squeeze, and then slipped his hand from mine and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He pressed a number on speed-dial and held it to his ear.
"It's Yassen. I'm at the town centre." There was a sentence of reply, and then the dial tone as the other person hung up. Yassen sighed and slid the phone back into his jacket.
"How long before they arrive?"
"Ten minutes, maybe fifteen." His voice was sullen and his eyes, when he met my gaze, were damp with tears. That surprised me. Sure, he had cried when I'd left him in Cornwall, but I hadn't expected that he would do the same now. He smiled weakly and rubbed a hand over his face.
"You ok?" I asked softly. He shrugged and tilted his head to one side while he considered it.
"Yes. Actually, I am ok." He smiled encouragingly. "I'm with you, Holly. How could I not be ok?" he pressed his lips to my forehead again and drew me closer. I couldn't help but smile as his hands settled on my back, one between my shoulder blades, and the other in the small of my back, so his little finger rested lightly on the waistband of my jeans.
"I'm going to miss you," I whispered. He nodded silently against my cheek and pulled me closer against him. I had to fight back tears again, but I won; they stopped at my eyelashes and I brushed them away quickly before Yassen could notice them.
"Where do you have to meet whoever's coming to get you?" I asked hesitantly. Yassen pulled back instantly, his concentration broken.
"In the car park next to the lake, apparently." He grinned guiltily at me. "How do I get there? I've never been here before, remember?" he added quickly, seeing me roll my eyes.
"Come on, follow me." I started to walk away, but Yassen wasn't following and I stopped. "What's wrong?"
"You can't come with me." He came over to me and took my hands in his, bringing them up to his chest. "It's too dangerous."
"I don't care. I'm not going to spend a second away from you if I don't absolutely have to." A flicker of annoyance crossed Yassen's face and he pulled me closer.
"Holly, I'm not going to risk your life," he said. His voice was low and almost threatening. Combined with the fiercely protective look in his eyes, he was almost scary. Almost.
"And I'm not going to leave you until I have to. Come on, this way." I slipped one of my hands out of his grasp and, holding the other, led the way up the gentle slope of the high street.
A few minutes later we stopped at the edge of the park next to the car park and less than a hundred yards from the waters edge. Yassen put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close against him. I leant my head against his chest, breathing in the delicious scent of his skin. He stroked my cheek gently with one hand. Those last few minutes with him passed with almost terrifying swiftness. I wanted it to last forever, but all too soon he stiffened against me, his head snapping round as some animal instinct told him that the other SCORPIA agents had arrived.
I stepped back and he spun around, lowering himself slightly as he tried to find them.
"On the road up there," he said after a moment, jerking his head in their direction. I caught a glimpse of a black car rounding a corner.
"They've gone the long way round. We've got a couple of minutes." I stepped closer to him but he swerved away from me.
"You should go; they'll be back soon."
"Yassen…" I wasn't sure what I was going to say, but I didn't get the opportunity. Yassen's lips pressed against mine with a sort of desperate passion as he tried to push me away and hold on to me at the same time.
"They're back," he said suddenly, pulling away. I retained my grip on his fingertips, but barely. "Holly, you need to go."
"Yassen…" I repeated. He pushed me backwards, out of sight of the road, and then drew me in against him. He kissed me again, rushed and clumsy. His lips pressed against mine and I pushed closer against him for a second.
Tears filled my eyes again, but I didn't brush them away this time. He pushed me slowly away from him, kissed me once more on the forehead and then turned away.
"I love you," I whispered, hardly able to see him.
"I love you too," he replied softly. There was a quick flash of white as he gave me a small smile, and then he was gone.
I think I died then. The next few days… weeks… months were more difficult than I could have ever imagined. I felt like my heart had been torn out. It was like the last time I had left him, but worse. Much worse, because now I knew exactly what I was missing.
It was only months later, sitting on the edge of the bath and holding the slender wand of the pregnancy test, that I began to come alive again. I had to be normal. For our baby. It felt good to say that. Our baby: a part of me and a part of Yassen. I smiled grimly and ran my hands over the small bulge that showed where my baby- our baby- was. My heart still hurt, but I had someone to live for now, and I wasn't going to let our child down.